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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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Sweet Seals For You, Always
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@growingtheblue
anyway i love people who love to cook! i love people who love good food! it brings me so much joy that you and i enjoy preparing our meals!!! like the craft and effort and process of it all!!! how much our hands do, we chop, we stir, etc… and how in the end it’s this one big meal and then we share it w a friend or with a lot of people or maybe sometimes just w ourselves and it’s all LOVE AND EFFORT!???? it makes me cry i love food and cooking
sometimes it takes years before you fully understand the reality of a situation you were in, for you to look back and see it for what it truly was
my new roommate said that her last roommate had an eating disorder and then talked to me about her clean eating and weight loss goals and how she buys clothes that are a little snug to motivate her to lose more
and like honestly? i have anorexia but this is why i constantly talk about the dangers of the “health and fitness” industry and diet culture bc we have essentially normalized certain symptoms of disordered eating but it’s ok if it’s under the guise of health i guess???
like how is calling it “clean” eating NOT a way to moralize food
how is intermittent fasting NOT the same thing as skipping meals
how come when i buy clothes that don’t fit, it’s something i have to tell my therapist about because it means i am putting pressure on myself to fit into them, but if a “normal” person does it then it’s just motivation for them?
where is the fucking line???
and more importantly when are we going to start acknowledging that the entire world is pro-ana but that’s too harsh of a description so we slap some health buzzwords on it to make it palatable
when are we going to take responsibility for encouraging disordered behavior instead of labeling those of us with EDs as the crazy/imbalanced ones
your fucking Whole30 or keto or whatever “clean” diet you’re on is just as restrictive as the diets we create for ourselves due to our disorders. but we are the crazy ones, right
Fucking repost.
mic drop.
i will never not repost when i see this
This is how I was able to hide (and still am) my ed for 16 years. Because everyone just thought I liked “healthy” food
words by trista mateer from her book ‘honeybee’
Andrés Cerpa, “The Vault”
The Courier-Journal, Louisville, Kentucky, August 31, 1952
may sarton, journal of a solitude
sometimes i read a phrase in a poem or a story or i see the clouds amble in the sky traced by sunlight or i hear a specific combination of notes on a piano and i just get so overwhelmed with a really specific feeling that i can't really name but i know that this feeling is so human and so tender at its core and that i am a tiny little part of a world so delightfully rich with sensations and i exist to experience this very feeling because it stems from the pure human love for coexistence with the world
it kinda feels like the only thing we're meant to be doing this year is internal healing and letting things go. there is so much pain this year so let's not feel bad if we don't do anything 'productive'. just being alive is enough
when the sky is a certain color and you’re outside and your entire being aches
sometimes you say or do bad things while you’re in an awful mental place. sometimes you say things that are rude or uncalled for or manipulative. and i’m not going to hold that against you. mental illness is hard, and no one is perfect. but once you’re through that episode, you need to take steps to make amends. you need to apologize.
“i couldn’t help it, i was having a bad episode” is a justification, not an apology.
“i’m so fucking sorry, i fucked up, i don’t deserve to live, i should stop talking to anyone ever, i should die” is a second breakdown and a guilt trip. it is not an apology.
when you apologize, the focus should be on the person you hurt. “i’m sorry. i did something that was hurtful to you. even if i was having a rough time, you didn’t deserve to hear that,” is a better apology. if it was a small thing, you can leave it at that.
if you caused significant distress to the other person, this is a good time to talk about how you can minimize damage in the future. and again, even if it is tempting to say you should self-isolate and/or die, that is not a helpful suggestion. it will result in the person you’re talking to trying to talk you out of doing that, which makes your guilt the focus of the conversation instead of their hurt.
you deserve friendship, and you deserve support. but a supportive friend is not an emotional punching bag, and mental illness does not absolve you of responsibility for your actions. what you say during a mental breakdown doesn’t define you. how you deal with the aftermath though, says a lot.
This is the most carefully-nuanced discussion of this I think I have ever seen. Thank you for writing this.
