I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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@nebet-ren
I love asking friends, without context, "what are you really into this week?" I'll go first. this week I'm really into mouthwash and sudoku. Last week I was into peaches.
we used to be a society on here!! reblog, don't like! I want to hear what you're into!!! I'm literally looking into the nyt game Pips!!!
If you just got a follow from @ren-roelanberry, that's me! I'm separating out fandom stuff from my personal dashboard.
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I don't know how to explain this to you but, uh, ...uhm. You see, it's, uh. Yeah.
Pouch-packed tuna is such a fantastic invention. So much less fiddly than the cans!
the original makes the same point, but it’s funnier
(As a heads up, this addition is talking seriously about trauma responses, so it may be a departure from the haha funny joke tone of the above.)
All I can think about with this is how "people pleasing" is often a manifestation of the "fawn" strategy of responding to danger — one of the four F's along with fight, flight, and freeze. (Some articles also add "flop" and "friend" to the list, but I don't know much about those yet.)
Ideally, we can access all of the strategies, but if we grew up in danger, neglect, or under threat of abandonment (and I use those terms a bit loosely), or even spent prolonged periods in that state as an adult, it's common to end up "stuck" in one or two possible responses* (such as fawn, as above, instead of setting boundaries/willingly engaging in conflict, which is more in line with "fight") and to reach for that response more readily and in situations where others might not perceive danger.
This is, when acutely in the situation causing the pattern, a smart strategy. It's reaching for the thing that works best in the particular circumstances you find yourself in, even if it only works partially. It's doing the absolute best you can with the tools you have to hand. And if that self-protection strategy lingers once out of the situation (and, let's be real, if you're still in it to any degree) then that makes perfect sense, too, doesn't it? Because it's what worked before.
So, my response to the meme above is to ask: Where is this self-disgust (to the point of vomiting) coming from? What would be different if the "I" in the meme could be gentle with themselves for what may very well be a lingering trauma response? (A response that they are clearly on the way to untangling, since they know they HAVE the option to set boundaries/fight back — though knowing an option is acceptable and being able to exercise it consistently are two different steps in the process.)
If you're the "I" in the picture (and here I am also addressing myself): you were doing your best. You're still doing your best. I firmly believe that. You don't deserve that derision, and neither does your past self.
*I don't subscribe to everything said in this article, especially the pathologizing and gendered language used, but it's a good for an overview of the four types, which is why I link it.
I am here!
...starting a new sideblog!
I fell face-first over the back pasture fence of Boku no Hero Academia fandom by complete accident about a year and a half ago — on Twitter. And, well.
Hello, folks! 👋
This URL is subject to change, by the way! I'm trying it out for now to see how I like it. Ideally, I would have wanted to preserve my n-r naming scheme, but I am not so much with the braining currently, and time seemed of the essence.
(If you see follows/likes coming from @nebet-ren, that's me!)
Follow the sideblog, fandom folks! This one is all personal stuff and Tumblr flotsam.
👉@ren-shonen
Anyway if you see this you have to reblog and tag with a delight from ur day -- even the littlest thing counts
Which is the worse unending horror
Dishes
Laundry
The results of this are surprising to me.
Dishes can clean themselves in the dishwasher. Laundry still needs to be sorted, put through two different machines, folded, and put away.
🚨 Dishwasher privilege alert! 🚨 Dishwasher privilege alert! 🚨
Dishes are every day. Laundry is not every day unless you’ve made some very specific life choices.
Yeah I’ve lived places without a dishwasher, it’s agony, as annoying as hauling your clothes to a laundromat can be it’s not the same. Plus the amount of shit like pots that you can’t put in a dishwasher in the modern world is much higher than the amount of clothes you can’t either put in the washing machine or get dry cleaned. Dishes always win as the worst
I am sorry but i am on the laundry side. Why do you think almost every house has a washing machine or why laundromat still exist ? Bc making the laundry without it is the biggest chore and so is very much needed compared to the other…even if you do it every two weeks or so.
I have lived in houses where both dishes and laundry have been done by hand in sinks. I still hate dishes more.
And when my household grew, and I was 'hand' washing laundry for five, it goes in the bath of warm water and I get to play and stamp and have fun (and the kids enjoy it). I have never succeeded in making dishes fun.
Y’all voting for dishes are all weird. Especially those of you going “laundromats exist!” like packing up laundry, dragging it somewhere else, PAYING MONEY EVERY TIME, in coins, and then having to haul it all back to the house isn’t Executive Function Madness. And you either pay for the dryer for everything OR your home Is festooned with drying laundry which I assure you where I live is a multi day process.
Also everyone saying “You don’t do laundry every day” has no small children, for example. And doesn’t work a dirty job. If we’re yelling at people for dishwasher privilege then that also gets to be called out.
I have literally bought new underwear (on credit bc I was broke) bc laundry was beyond me and hand washing would take two days to dry. Dishes do not compare.
it is dishes, and it has nothing to do with the time or inconvenience of either task. it is entirely down to: The Textures.
clothes are clothes. they feels like clothes. i got them to wear on my body bc i don't mind the textures of them. even when they're dirty they feel Correct unless something has gone VERY wrong with the clothes.
dishes... have food on them... that i have to touch to make them clean. then they have water on them that i have to touch to make them dry. then they aren't dry enough. this continues. and then there is another dish. each dish is an individual ordeal of Things I Don't Want To Touch But Must Touch So I Can Have Dishes.
even if i have to handwash the clothes, it's only Water and Soap. i can cope with Water and Soap. there are ways.
there is no coping with wet food. it is just the devil on a dish.
I am fascinated by how many people are touching wet food when they wash dishes. I can confidently say I do not. Water and soap is all the gets on my hands when washing dishes either, and the water is warm thru hot so that’s not a problem.
I, alas, am not nor do I share my household with the kind of person who always remembers to rinse dishes before leaving them in the sink. Or indeed brings them to the sink. Or to the kitchen. So I do sometimes end up touching wet food, or at least what happens when you put three-day-old crusty dishes in to soak. If nothing else because I have to clean it out of the sink *after* I do the dishes...
I'm guessing a lot of the people who agree that dishes are The Worst are in a similar situation there. And, no, probably not really comparing it to a similar worst-case laundry situation where what you're washing is cloth diapers or some such...
Yeah I…have literally had to clean out sinks full of dishes after I’ve had a six week severe depressive episode. There was green shit growing. I both promise that I don’t say this out of either perfect dish etiquette, and also promise that I still don’t TOUCH the gross food with my hands.
Ever.
EVER.
Have I sometimes looked like Pterry’s proverbial “well bred girl picking up a dead vole” bc I was holding onto the edge of the dish while I scape enough clean with a spoon to get a better grip on the stuff I loosened with an hour’s soak in hot water so that I can then scrape the rest into the waste receptacle? Yes of course. My mother has asked “Why are you doing that?” and I have grimly answered “So I don’t get the coleslaw on my FINGERS” And she’s pointed out I don’t have to do the dishes and I’ve said IT’S FINE, I’M JUST NOT GOING TO TOUCH IT.
But I do not touch gross wet food. That doesn’t happen. I am a tool using mammal. I touch hot water, soap, the scrubbing brush/etc and the material of the actual dish.
I worked cafe life for five years and I am an “if I touch something my brain thinks is gross with my fingers* I will cry” autistic. I leaned how not to touch food etc when I was dishes.
(*outside of an emergency or when I’m primary childcare, both of which are different. No I don’t know how my brain manages that.)
Laundry is pain in short bursts now and then and the folding and putting away is completely optional. Dishes are wet and gross and back pain with or without a dishwasher, for much longer, much more often.
That said, my life has aligned now such that neither are my responsibility, but the tradeoff is it's because I no longer am able to do them without damage.
Dishes worst forever, for me.
I have a dishwasher, a clothes washer and dryer, and do not work dirty jobs or have small children. I have the best possible setup for both chores (other than the unavoidable-in-my-household dried-on food problem, for reasons) and dishes are still worst for me.
doesn't smell nice no matter how carefully I choose the detergent scent not to clash with food smells (grapefruit-scented Ajax, my beloved, where did you go?)
time blindness plays havoc with soaking things (BIOFILM 🙃)
CLANGING (pots and pans and utensils in sink and the bwORNg noise of water in metal make it stop)
water! down! front! of! shirt! OR wear a rubber apron (heeeegghh)
rubber gloves? 😖 squea ky
hot water suddenly too hot! ow ow ow ow
I keep dropping things because hands no worky
h u m i d i t y (a problem also with laundry, but less protracted)
knives are sharp. forks are stabby. dishes are breakable. (we don't buy breakable cups anymore)
bending to put dishes in dishwasher. Ow.
additionally: Dishwasher Tetris
why is does it feel like there is a fork stabbing between my shoulderblades and twirling it like a plate of pasta
actually scratch that everything hurts GOTTA SIT DOWN
...we use paper plates.
I just wrote 8 pages when I haven't written in months and was beginning to think I'd never be able to again. Idk what it is, but I am sharing and manifesting this energy for every writer who sees this. May you write 8 quality pages effortlessly and find joy writing once more
it’s psychological horror to YOU. to me it’s a romcom
it's a romcom to YOU. to me it's psychological horror
worst textures battle
velvet
suede
corduroy
satin
denim
those 3D holographic things that were everywhere in the early 2000s
felt
fleece
other (explain in tags)
Not aro as in "I'm still normal because I love my friends" but aro as in "I'm going to burn down the relationship hierarchy and the idea that 'love' or experiening any form of attraction is what makes us human". Aro as in "fuck you, I'm queer"
Click here & whatever Pokemon you get is now your new favorite no matter what!
No rerolling unless you get a pkmn you're already obsessed with! Do you like your new favorite? 😌
Neurodivergent need to sit like a disaster vs. joint problems: FIGHT!
I feel like throwing my hat in the ring for the weirdly specific polls ig?
Never had a cavity in my life
Got my license at an age other than 16
Have lived in both USA and at least one other country
Am allergic to strawberries
Own fun socks (fuzzy, fun patterns, etc.)
Have tried growing plants
Played in a ball pit at any age
Own over 100 physical books
More than one applies to me (specify in tags)
None of these apply to me
(reblog for larger sample size? I'm curious to see who all this might reach)
@flickeringflame216 guess which one I picked >=)
ok i’m interested. what non-necessity do you buy whenever you get the chance? like what’s something you love that you always feel you need more of? mine are phone cases and stuffed animals.
