A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

[grownupperson]

Pure joy

[grownupperson]

Last week, I decided that I was going to cook a real meal for myself. Lately I’ve had a lot going on and have also been an extreme social butterfly so I haven’t done much in the way of cooking for myself more than just quick and easy recipes and things where I only have to push buttons on a microwave.

But Friday, I decided to make these cornmeal-fried pork chops and goat cheese smashed potatoes (and honey-glazed oven carrots).

THEY WERE LEGIT.

The pork chops turned out PERFECTLY. Juicy on the inside, crispy as hell on the outside. The potatoes were positively orgasmic. I ate my dinner with tears of joy glistening in my eyes. 

Anyway, I’m telling you guys that you need to make this ASAP. Bye.

*Side note: I did not follow the ridiculous instructions on the pork chops. I used one giant skillet and put all the pork chops in at once (which was easy because I only did 4 pork chops instead of 6 because I was only making enough food to serve me and my friend and to send her home with leftovers. But I did not cut the potato recipe in half because why would I, potatoes are fucking delicious), and didn’t put them in the oven at 200 degrees because that seemed dumb and because I already had carrots in there. SO. You can fuck with the recipe and still have it turn out amazingly.

[grownupperson]

Last night my friend just said "How is it?!" and I thought she was asking about my beer, which was a Bud Light, so I went ahead and tried to describe the notes and complexity of a Bud Light to her before she stopped me and was like, "Um...I meant your new job. But please continue, this is really something."

[grownupperson]

Day 6 at my new place of business. Wishing I hadn't referred to children crossing the street in school zones as "great hood ornaments" in a conversation with my new boss.

[grownupperson]

I'm hosting a bridal shower. #forbetterorforworse

[grownupperson]

Thanks for the advice, wise toilet.

[grownupperson]

Might want to rethink that event title.

[grownupperson]

Do you ever just want to quit what you're doing, drop everything, and just move to a new state for a way to just start fresh?

[grownupperson]

#byob day at the office (bring your own blanket, because it's 90 outside but Volstok Station temps inside and you're wearing a dress)

[grownupperson]

Every day starts with opening my eyes to my dog staring at me

[grownupperson]

My bridezilla friend asked us to send her pictures of what we wanted to do for hair (our required updo) and choice of silver shoes for the wedding for HER APPROVAL.

Naturally, these were my responses.

[grownupperson]

Last night, I was looking at some items on Amazon on my phone. Just cruising the household items section. Eventually, I closed out the app without purchasing anything and went on with my life.

This morning, I checked my e-mail to see that I had received a confirmation e-mail on the CASE of Febreze Allergen Reducer I had ordered.

Apparently I accidentally hit the “Buy it now with 1-Click” button at some point during my browsing session. That thing must be very sensitive.

No regrets, though - I could use the Febreze.

[grownupperson]

Have you ever caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror with like, dry shampoo which has turned your hair white and pimple cream dabbed on in a few places and just laughed to yourself and felt like it is prob for the best that you are single because you’d really have to find someone verrrry special to appreciate all that you bring to the table

[grownupperson]

Just a little note to myself

Just because you know you’re having salad for dinner does NOT mean that you can eat candy for lunch.

[grownupperson]

I have never before been in a wedding where it ended up costing me a few grand (flights, out-of-town bachelorette party, required updo and professional makeup, hotels, being invoiced for a bridal shower out-of-town which I cannot go to, bridal shower IN town which I have been requested/instructed to throw), and I never will again. 

[grownupperson]

Hey.

[grownupperson]

-_____________________-

having to spend two days breaking up with someone you were never even dating