Lizzy's Blog

Female, sexual orientation is best to just say I'm not straight. Call me Liz or Lizzy. Cosplayer, writer, fangirl dork :) questions? Just ask.

[cursedcatimages]

[gsmagirl2]

No one but my best friend knows this but I made a pact with myself that if I’m still where I’m at by 30 I’m going to kill myself. It’s the only way I can go day by day living the same shitty life I live.

[gsmagirl2]

I am not girly. Growing up I was a Tom boy. I hated dresses and makeup and being cute. Part of it was because it wasn’t me. I was supposed to be a lady yet fix roofs and mow lawns. And I just never felt pretty. Dolling up made me feel fake.

As I got older I tried to look nice and when I did I would be teased by my family so I stopped.

Flash forward to now. I have a bf that wants me to paint my nails...have long hair...be girly. Because he is dating a girl. and I feel like he is trying to change me. I like dressing as guys when I go to conventions. Being a girl isn’t spending money on nails. It’s looking nice, feeling nice. If we went out somewhere nice I would dress like a girl. I don’t hate it. I just. I don’t want to spend all the time and energy dressing up for nothing, to be teased....just so he feels more like a man.

I am lost on what to do. On who I am.

[gsmagirl2]

I’m not mentally okay right now and I want to cry, cut, and die.

I can’t even ask for help cause no one will listen.

[gsmagirl2]

No one gets I hate my job so much I can’t mentally do it anymore. I really want to fucking kill myself but since I am not allowed to say that I have to pretend I don’t hate every waking moment.

[gsmagirl2]

I have this amazing boyfriend and all I want to do right now is die. I keep pretending my depression isn’t an issue but it is and I can’t tell him. And right now I just want to die.

[gsmagirl2]

Yuri on Ice

I don't say this often. Or at all but I really love the Yuri on Ice Fandom. So far it seems everyone loves each other. There is little drama. The cosplayers are really excepting and friendly. Yea. I love it. I love being a part of it and I'm so proud to be apart of it. Anyone looking for a friend come hit me up!

[gsmagirl2]

That kiss

Made me really happy.

[gsmagirl2]

Babies no!

[gsmagirl2]

I have spend the last pretty much in Mystic Messenger hell and I love it so much!

[gsmagirl2]

I am alive after weeks of a lot work and new fandom pain :)

This Loot Crate anime is called Food and it’s actually really cute.

[gsmagirl2]

I'm really torn

Should I skip my first class and see if I can't talk to a school therapist because right now I feel so empty and I still really miss my blade. I don't even know if they do that though so I can be excused from class.

[gsmagirl2]

I can't find my blade and I need it right now. Even if I don't use it just having it near helps and I can't find it I have no idea where it is and I'm freaking out more than I should. I don't need any of this right now.

[gsmagirl2]

Loot Crate Anime September

[gsmagirl2]

I really want to cut. I feel like I'm shaking from wanting to so badly.

[gsmagirl2]

Mystic messenger Acen 2017

I am interested in hanging out and meeting people at Acen and I kinda want to cosplay Jaehee for a day or at least part of it because well...she is the only one I could kinda pull off. I don't have the features for any of the boys. I would love for her to have a Jumin to boss her around and a Zen she can "totally not have a crush on." Really I just want to hang out, have a good time, and joke with people like are in a fandom of mine for a change.

[malecfandom]

Yep.

[magnusandalec]

Damn right!