โโ EAST OF EDEN ๊ โฑ intro: cast from paradise
oops looks like iโm a little late to the game but hiya itโs eden ( she/her, nineteen, aedt ) !! and iโm back at it again with a slightly new and improved jeon gwyneira. sheโs practically the same eira as we all knew before but with a properly spelt name this time ๐, some spicy family drama and a bigger trust fund (infirmary skeleton from the richest of the rich clique!!). this gwyneira is hannamโs resident mentally-unstable, former drug-addicted prima ballerina who would be quite a wholesome sweetheart if not for the fact that sheโs a bit self-interested & oblivious, unknowingly flaunts her rich-privilege and naively unaware of many things such as the meaning of self-sufficiency or the fact that sheโs not the only one whose struggling in life. if youโd like to plot feel free to reach out to me in dms though i generally prefer plotting on discord so if thats more comfortable for you too just lmkย ! otherwise, give this post a like and i can come your way instead. iโve put some links for eira below and under the cut is a brief-ish rundown of her character (which is kind of long but iโd recommend over reading her bio which is much much longer),ย followed by an important psa. แฅซแญก
jeon gwyneira was born on christmas eve 1998, the day before her mother passes away due to her birth complications. eira was born with some medical issues that severely effected her heart, having been born severely premature, and was to undergo a surgery until she seemed miraculously cured. it caused a bit of a stir to her incredibly religious family and her grandparents believe it was a prodigious act of god whilst her father puts his faith in it being her motherโs sacrifice. eira, over the years, has begun to believe that she just has a very attentive guardian angel watching over her.
she was born eunha, a name she used for most of her life until she was around 16 when she made a name for herself in the ballet industry, having sky-rocketed to her fame when she was first accepted into the korean national ballet. sheโs been dancing since she was a child, taking after her deceased motherโs legacy rather than having anything to do with her family name.
as a jeon, she the youngest of one of seoulโs most influential families. her fatherโs side of family has, for many generations, held a stake in south koreaโs medical industry and many private hospitals are under their name. her father is the current figurehead of this family and her mother, on the other hand, was a former prima ballerina and at time of death, was the leading artistic director of koreaโs national ballet company who had no hand in the family business. this is the same career path that eira ultimately decided to lead too.
theyโre family is quite small considering eira doesnโt have any aunts, uncles or cousins and so her family have always relied on her brothers to take over the business (eiraโs exemption lay in the fact that she was just like her mother in her passion for dance as well as being her fatherโs favourite so she was allowed to live life the way she wanted).ย it was a plan that went by splendidly until her second brother estranged himself from the family and cut ties with the jeon name entirely (heโs a wc which i have yet to submit but i will soon,,, hopefully).
the jeons are notorious for using their wealth to cut corners and stay out of legal troubles despite the many rumours circulating about their malpractice. one rather nasty piece of news involving a drug trial gone wrong escalated when eira first joined hannam high, causing a bit of a stir when she was posted about before she even stepped foot through hannamโs doors. sheโs been protected from anything about her family for as long as she was alive, her older brother and father being incredibly protective over what news hits her ears and so she remains oblivious to the situation and is left unscathed by rumours and generally out of sync with whatโs going on around her.ย
by this time sheโs fallen into her obsession with dance as an escape, trapping herself in a bubble that consisted only of ballet and not much else. this was to the point that she didnโt even notice that people would avoid her in hallways or stare at her as she walks past. even if she did notice, she wouldnโt even realise its because of her family and so the whole fear for theย love, lily blog went right over he head during high school and now sheโs very much stressed and unprepared upon its return because sheโs no longer living in her own fantasy world anymore.ย ย
eiraโs high school life after the first moments of sudden infamy from the rumours was quite quickly replaced with some level of adoration when she was accepted into the korean national ballet only a few months after starting at hannam, rising the ranks of the company incredibly fast and becoming a soloist before she even graduates and a principal dancer right after. in high school she made her good acquaintances and clique of friends very early on before her career shot off because once it did, she barely had any time for anyone new (until after she graduates that is). if you didnโt becomeย friends with eira in the first semester of her being at hannam, there is a slim chance she even noticed your existence there at all, regardless of whether you were in the same class or not.
now outside of hannam was where her struggle with mental health was fostered. because of how rewarded she became for her talents and dedication to dance, she gained much attention to the point were it was her sole driving force. ballet began to consume her days and then her nights which led to growing paranoia, insomnia and hallucinations from lack of sleep and she became detached from both reality and the people around her.
she had accumulated a considerable fanbase at this point, with her reputation as being one of the most talented dancers korea had ever seen and the youngest to hold her principal dancer title. to cope with the pressure of that and her mental decline, gwyneira turned to substance abuse, allowing her to forget and forgo her issues if only for small amounts of time. she traded all that was left of her self-control and sanity for small amounts of happiness, resulting in large amounts of consequence.
during the last act of her swan lake performance two years prior, her drug use went too far out of hand. she completed a brilliant dance at the end of the show, one that would go down in history as possibly her greatest performance but when the curtain was drawn, she immediately collapsed, losing consciousness and was taken to private hospital owned by her father.
she was comatose for two days before waking up and her father later used his connections to push everything that happened under the rug (which was easy considering he made it appear as if she never even entered the hospital) which keep her name clean whilstย the ballet company set an ultimatum for her to complete a full year of rehabilitation and an additional eight months minimum of psychotherapy to allow her to continue dancing and to retain her acclaim and place within the company as a prima ballerina and principal dancer.
eira returned from rehab in the beginning of this year and to save face she fabricated the story of spending a year studying abroad at the bolshoi academy rather than actually being in a rehabilitation institution in london.
!!ย before you read any further, this is just an important note i wanted to add.
eiraโs character is one who has suffered from various mental health disorders such as drug-induced psychosis and obsessive compulsive disorder whilst currently showing signs of anxiety and insomnia. iโve tried my best to research these topics as thoroughly as i can ( though i am not an expert on any of these disorders ), in order to portray her character correctly and in a way that reflects how a victim of these disorders may act ( please remember that not all patients with mental health disorders share the same experiences, thoughts and behaviours so whilst i try to emulate plausible actions, her situation will not be an exact point-by-point portrayal of the lives of anyone else suffering similar conditions ). this being said if anyone does pick up on anything that you think may have been sorely misrepresented by me ( though i hope such a situation wonโt come up ), please do reach out to me about it and let me know! i would appreciate learning from any mistakes i make and educate myself rather than unknowingly fuel any social stigmas. thank uu ! ๐
in addition to the halloween event, here is a spooky season meme! these are a mix of word prompts and dialogue prompts, and while the prompts are halloween-themed, responses do not necessarily have to be centered around halloween nor linked to the event.ย let your creative juices flow!ย we hope this will be a good opportunity for everyone to have fun developing their muses and building relationships with other muses.
please reblog this post to participate, and do note thatย if you choose to do so, you must send at least one ask to everyone else that has reblogged the post. you may, of course, send out multiple. in fact, you are encouraged to! this meme will run for three weeks, meaning that you are allowed to reblog this and send out asks from today, 31 octoberย until 21 november. afterwards, while you are no longer allowed to reblog this or send out new asks, you can still continue to answer if youโd like.
he bites the inside of his mouth. thereโs the literal gap between them and then thereโs the figurative gap, as though theyโre both chasing at shadows of the people they used to be. at the relationship they used to have.ย โyou look โ โ better than the last time i had seen you? step one of fixing a cracked relationship is ignoring the past like it had never happened to begin with. heโs doing a shit job.ย โyou look like you cut your hair. did you? it suits you, you look pretty.โ
compliments are a metaphorical step forwards. to him, anyways, because he doesnโt know what else to say that wouldnโt leave an acidic aftertaste on both of their tongues. his mouth is running miles ahead of his brain, as though heโs trying to fill up every second of silence that passes with something. anything.
โi knew iโd have to pick you up,โ he laughs, pushing the hood of his jacket down, fixing her with an entertained look. he wonders whether sheโd loop her arm around his like she always did when theyโd walk together, bumping into him every few seconds and grinning at him sheepishly, mouthing sorry. he wonders if sheโd even remember that at all. โyouโve always been like that. how many times have you been to mine, hm?โ
there is an invisible chain wrapped around her hands and her legs and her body, shackled to her with the permanence of a tattoo with itโs burden lying heaviest on her shoulders as if she were atlas holding up the sky. nothing with any connection or importance to the fateful incident could ever not bring her great pain, the past digging into her skin like the guilt of a ghostโฆ all with the exception perhaps, of one thing, or rather one person. the one who stood before her now, looking at her with just the right amount of nostalgia that she canโt help but reciprocate and so she smiles up at him like a day hasnโt passed since they were children. eira doesnโt know if he too has forced himself to push away the memories like she had, forced himself to move on from it like he deserved to because her pain was not his.
she laughs when he speaks and though its genuine, it is slightly awkward as if it came miraculously to fill the silence. it was nothing of the sort she used to sound like. โshorter?!โ, eira asks as if she were scandalised, feigning hurt at his remark. โiโm eight whole centimetres smaller than you now, how short did you think i was before?โ she rolls her eyes at his teasing, trying not to focus on the fact that this was the first time sheโd heard him call her eunha aloud in over a year. that name truly spoken into existence could have been capable of making her cry if not for the fact that the two of them were very much in public and despite hansol witnessing at least one of her breakdowns before, eiraโs trying her hardest now to be stronger, to be less dependent on his comfort than she once was.
she watches his movement curiously, noticing the slight tense feeling wavering in the air between them and though she continues to show a happier facade, thereโs sadness in her eyes. because despite the fact that heโs ingrained in all of her childhood, she can barely bring herself to hold his hand or look him in the eyes for any longer than a few seconds before she wishes to draw back. heโs an older brother to her but it took one mistake and one year of silence to cause a chasm to shift into place, dividing them on either side and neither one dares to make the jump.
eira notices that something is running her friendโs mind, she can see it in the way his expressions shift every now and then. no matter how unattuned she was to other people, sheโs always been able to see him. she doesnโt know what he thinking and some part of her understands that its best that she probably doesnโt pry and so she merely looks up at him briefly and though her eyes arenโt as bright as they could have been, she hopes sheโs comforting nonetheless. time heals all wounds, sheโs been told and she knows it true. maybe its just time that they need and maybe a year isnโt enough but eira can tell that heโs trying, so she should do her part to try too. โmy hair? if anything i think its grown a bit longer sinceโฆโ she chuckles, catching herself in the same way he had done. โ...i last had it. you know, when it used to be blue? i think i wore a lot of extensions then though so i guess it does look a little shorter nowโ she rambles on a bit, knowing heโd be the least interested in hair extensions but sheโd do anything to fill in the crack between them. pushing forward meaningless small talk was better than standing in silence. though its unspoken, the last time sheโd dyed her hair that midnight colour was a few weeks before leaving seoul. heโd visited her often during that time before their contact seemed to cease and thereโs no doubt her remembered her like that if he chose to block out the events of swan lake. she doesnโt really remember why sheโd dyed it in the first place so impulsively but it did remind her of their first year of high-school when it had been that same colour. โbutโฆ are you saying i donโt always look pretty?โ a pout settles on her face as she glares at him. โtsk oppa youโre so mean.โ eiraโs teasing wasnโt a rare occurrence back in the time before so she hopes now that its somehow enough to make him feel more comfortable.ย ย ย
eiraโs hands wish to hold onto him, cling to the sleeve of his jacket like she used to do but she wonders if sheโd make him feel even worse about their awkward situation if she did. heโd tensed at her hug and she doesnโt want to think of what would happen if she did it again, or even if she forced him to piggy back her all the way to his apartment like she used to make him do from the entrance to the carpark every time he picked her up from the dance studio. they were kids back then, a lot more carefree and happy. no matter how much she wants it back, they couldnโt exactly revert what has happened. and so all she does is grab a hold of one of his fingers briefly, tugging it forward so he would walk beside her but slightly ahead as she sighs, โyouโre just exaggerating. you know iโve only been to your apartment a handful of time,โ and its true. sheโs only ever visited him there enough times to count on both hands and its been almost two years since the last time. the chances of her remembering were slim enough that she knows heโd probably always planned to meet her here instead of waiting for her to figure it out on her own. the fact that he remembers how awful sheโd always been at directions makes her heart feel a little warmer and so her steps seem a little lighter as she follows him. โbut i am thankful that you came because who knows if iโd make it over there alive if you didnโt. you know, i was three minutes away from deserting this mission entirely and its your fault for living so close to the aquarium because that's probably the only place i actually know how to get to. i could have quit looking for your place to hang out with the sting rays instead! at least they wouldnโt make fun of my height,โ she teases him again, an amused expression on her face as she sticks her tongue out at him briefly like she was six again and it should make her slightly embarrassed despite being unsure if heโd even seen it from where he walks right next to her.
she supposes the only silver lining to all of this was that aera already knew who are the few people she trusts and has no need to corral more into her little circle. with gweneira being at the top of that salient list, her fears of being exposed when sheโs around the younger girl was nonexistent.ย โoh god,โ she chokes on her laughter shaking her head as she sits up.ย โthey would really try to find a way to pin it back to me being pregnant. had i known this will blow over like this, i wouldnโt have thrown that negative test.โ sighing, she lets her brown eyes settle over the vast expanse of the blue sea. leaning back on her arms, she smiles softly at her friend.ย โiโd love to stay here and live a sort of nomadic lifestyle just jumping from one island to another. wouldnโt that be fun? the winters might be horrible, though.โ
the taste of the champagne they just threw back left a sour taste on her mouth and a soft buzz inside her head. still, it was a welcomed sensation as it unfurled a set of happy emotions; each one better at chasing away the remnants of frustration that lived within her. besides, she missed the feeling of being able to hold her alcohol. the last couple of days had made her tolerance seem so despondently weak she was almost embarrassed to be seen drinking again. aera laughs as she welcomes the refreshing splash of water from gweneira, more than willing to take a dip into their massive playground.ย โhang on a sec!โ scrambling up, she quickly connects her phone to the device and picks a playlist filled with her favorite summer tunes. as tame impalaโs borderline fills the air, she dives headfirst into the water.ย
gwyneira tilts her head, listening intently to her best-friend speak but finding her mind plagued with too much thought to fully absorb the weight of her words. choosing instead to nod along, smile pressed upon her lips nonetheless, as she slips in and out of the waterโs surface. she laughs only when she hears aera complain, choosing to focus rather on her friendโs lighter words than the ones that held more weight of their situation because she knows the more its spoken into existence, the more real its going to seem. being in aeraโs company offered her the sense of escape she desperately needed and sheโd rather they not fall back into the reality of their circumstances. โoh but of course the first thing youโd think of is the weather, aera,โ she teases with a little roll of her eyes even though she herself would probably agree. the winters in seoul were beautiful but she hasnโt experienced one since before she left, and its safe to say londonโs sombre, icy and rainy weather seemed to miss the mark for her. eiraโs glad if anything, to be able to soak in the summer sun for the first time in a long while and to her, it seems like the warmth is rejuvenating her, healing her better than the words of any therapist whoโd forced a swift recovery upon her.ย
โbut actually, the more iโm thinking about it the more i realise island hopping sounds a lot like those weekend trips we used to take back in high school,โ eira reminisces as she leans back into the water as her friend joins her in it. โgod, as socially awkward and misplaced as i was back then, sometimes i really wish time didnโt slip by us that quickly. think about it, just wait three or four more years and those aunties back in seoul wonโt just be nagging us about just finding a husband but about having kids too,โ eira laughs, splashing around a little ungracefullyย as the rhythm of the soft-rock song, blaring in her ears rather pleasantly, filtered through the air and carrying itself across the wind until its all she can really hear or really feel. itโs psychedelic beat does something enough to calm her racing mind, bringing her right to the present and reminding her that this time is for and aera and for nothing but relaxation. sheโs left all her stresses back on the island and itโs best she keep it that way.ย
โah, i shouldnโt think that far ahead should i? weโre at the prime of our lives, aera. the world is in the palm of our hands and all that nonsense. this right here is exactly where we should be, just floating out in the ocean,โ she grins as she dives under the surface to do a little flip. in all honesty, finding herself back in the water brings her a sense of tranquility she doesnโt know if she could find anywhere else. sheโs always had an affinity for it, not in the way she did for the stage and for ballet, but in a different sense in that sheโd always felt it connected to her. there were times when sheโd be far too poetic about her life, a little too metaphorical, and find herself thinking if she werenโt human and just anything inanimate sheโd be the water. eiraโs lived her life slipping through cracks, drifting in liminal places and drowning in herself. sheโs the swan queen after all and so second to the stage, the water is her home.
eira looks up at her friend beside her now, both of them sifting through the waves so carelessly that she doesnโt think she ever wants to leave this memory behind even before it hasnโt fully developed yet. sheโs made an effort so far, now that sheโs back and sheโs better, to focus on the lives of those she loves more than forcing them to deal with her problems like she used to. sheโs always taken her selfishness too far but she knows aeraโs never minded before or she would have told her if she did. aeraโs honesty was one of the things she admired most. but nonetheless sheโs completely set on tuning in to the other girlโs life rather than her own, at least for the present moment.ย โso, how have been since the last time weโve actuallyย had time to ourselves. i know you visited me not long ago but i want to know whatโs been going on since then,โ she omits the fact that the last time theyโve truly been in each otherโs presence was around the time sheโd been discharged from the rehab centre and aera had gone to visit her there.ย โanyone in particular whoโs caught your eye lately?โ eira adds, raising her brow teasingly as if she were catching onto something scandalous.ย โwe are on a private island with hannamโs finest at the moment and though iโve already set my sights on a certain someone, iโm not blind,โ she accentuates her words with a delicate sigh as she sinks herself back into the water until it touches her chin. though its not something sheโll need to say out loud, sheโs missed the times before, when things were a bit easier and when all sheโd talk with aera about where things like celebrity gossip and boys and movies and music and fashion. its not to say she didnโt appreciate aera being there for her through all the times when her world was falling apart, she just wishes things hadnโt reached that point at all. gwyneira canโt help herself but to wonder if she hadnโt chosen her path, ultimately the wrong one, would she still be in this same position now except without the intrusive thoughts and ghosts of her past threatening to take over her. and so eira reverts back to when everything was more pure, lighter and simpler, and sheโll ask aera all about celebrities and boys and movies and music and fashion, and she tells herself internally that everything will be okay again. because as long as sheโs with aera, even if the world was ending, sheโdย be okay.
A delicate figure, carved out of glass and brittle clay, stands atop an ivory platform. Her stage, painted with pale flowers and encrusted by rings of pastel tourmaline, remains dustless despite neglect. The tiny dancer is fragile in her carefully crafted features, as she twirls to the effortlessly haunting rendition of Tchaikovskyโs Swan Theme that floats through the air like an eerie lullaby. Her porcelain-edged grace remains unwavering as she is forced by some higher powerโthe winding of a clockwork keyโto spin in the perpetual motions of a music box ballerina. Nothing is of her own volition but she doesn't mind it because she has no mind at all, at least not one filled by anything but the desire to dance. She embodies perfection in its purest form, like a living angel or a symmetrical snowflake, spiralling in the wind ,and she dances as if she were free; but she is a slave to her destiny.
And she cannot dance forever. There is hesitation in perfection, in living the life of a doll pulled by invisible strings and turned by rusting cogs as the world looks on in pity. She pursues the stars but she cannot move and she longs to open doors that she cannot reach because the world is pulling her down like a weight. She holds the Earthโs sins and prejudices upon her shoulders like Atlas held the heavens but she continues to dance, pirouette after perfect pirouette. And this ballerina lives behind rose-painted eyes and must be content with the world she sees, despite growing ambitions and desires, because her life is not her own. As a marionette and a pretty puppet, the world forges a path for her to walk and she cannot deviate or else she will break her little ceramic limbs and fissures will form upon every surface of her body, until there is no redemption left for her.ย
She remembers the night like it was a long-lost fever dream, vividly in flashes but never with much certainty. It is there, somewhere nestled in the back of her mind, with each event of that night unravelling in perfect clarity but before it is something akin to a veil or a shield of smoke from a dying fire. And she cannot fully see past it no matter how hard she tries. Sometimes she has a glimmer of a memory, a little sliver of remembrance that she catches like it was a shooting star and pins it down in her mind, but those moments are far and few. Whatever information she knows of that night, the night that her life fell apart by her own hands, had either been recounted to her by close friends and family or came with tangible evidence of her quite literal fall. The latter was rare, for it wasnโt like she kept the hospital bed she had slept in whilst comatose and the general costumes for the ballet had of course been returned to the company, however, one thing remained in her possession. Or rather, two things.
The moment it was announced that Gwyneira had been cast in the dual leading roles of Odile and Odette in the Korean National Balletโs rendition of Swan Lake, the media had gone wild. She was born to dance this part because there is fire and emotion in her eyes that makes her magical, the critics had acclaimed.ย Not even a day after the news had fluttered out into the crowdsโwhether it be through the internet, the papers that nobody reads anymore, the ballet companyโs official flyers or even the front page of random magazinesโEira was dubbed the Nationโs Beloved Swan Queen.ย And with this uncharacteristically large amount of attention she received for a part she had yet to actually dance, the prima ballerina drew in some rather interesting benefactors.ย
First came the bouquets of flowers, coloured in pastel pink and shades of red and purple, that arrived at the doorstep of her apartment or the ballet companyโs studio. Then a trickle of gifts followed thereafter, though Eira knew half of them were addressed to her from her father and her brother rather than her fans. One gift in particular, though, caught her undivided attention. It came in a box, the high-end and incredibly elusive jewellerโs name detailed on top, but the card that came with it was written in anonymity. Inside the box, had been a necklace, surely of a custom design with its small white pearls beside glittering diamonds and fragile crystals that formed the swan-shaped pendant. Gwyneira wasnโt usually someone who easily gets distracted by shiny things, having been raised amongst the glitz and the glamour of high society all her life that it now seemed mundane, however, this piece had found a way to captivate her.
So then, with the name of the jeweller in her hands and with her seemingly endless bank account, Eira commissioned something for herself, entirely inspired by the anonymous gift sheโd received. Both the Swan Queenโs headpiece and the Black Swanโs diadem were a work of art in and of themselves. Usually it wasnโt customary for a ballerina to provide pieces of a costume herself, but the design department of the Korean National Ballet, who held both a soft spot for this dedicated dancer and an eye for the aesthetic, couldnโt help but revel in the jewelleryโs design too. And so the two pieces been completed, and a week before her opening night performance had been collected by Eira. Immediately as sheโd seen them, the ballerina had fallen in love. Now this was not a hard feat, she was a girl who loved many things easily and couldnโt help it but have her heart feel full looking at the crowns. Materialism is a flaw, just as much as vanity is, but for Eira the pieces symbolised less of her wealth but rather her achievement. Sheโd reached the pinnacle of her career and she knew it before the press could even report it, that these coming performances would be the greatest of her life.ย
The crowns in question where evidently gorgeous. The first was customised with white and gold south sea pearls and swarovski crystals flanked by beautiful swan feathers and the second was a crown in the baroque style, set with dark gemstones and diamonds and tahitian pearls, with the attention being drawn to a clean cut 6 carat sapphire embedded in the centre. They were unparalleled by anything else she owned and for a short moment in time, they may have been the only tangible things Eira loved more than the pills sheโd buried in her bags and her cabinets and her drawers. But with this being said, the love for these items was short-lived, like many other things Eira held dear to her.
She remembers this exact detail in one form or another, from the night of her fall from grace. Eira had stumbled past the parted curtains of the theatre stage whilst a storm went rampant in her mind. Her costume was still on her, constricting her ability to breathe normally and her hair pinned so tightly in place did nothing to soothe her mental pains. That much she can recall, the pain of it all in that moment before she actually fell, when she no longer felt anything at all. Her eyes had gone blurry and her graceful steps became clumsy and drowsy and people had been shouting in her ears if she was alright but she never responded to them. She remembers making her way to her dressing room, unable to meet the eyes of those waiting for her there as she instead concentrated on a bottle of white pills peaking out of her bag. Eira doesnโt remember her eyes rolling into the back of her head as she collapses but she has been told that they did. When sheโd fell, she had hit her head harshly against something that she canโt recall but she believes it to be a table leg or a chair. She does remember, however, the fate of her prized little crown. Just before sheโd lost consciousness, sheโd heard it snap. It had been that crack, she thinks, that signified the first time sheโd felt fully shattered and broken, the first time she realised the detriment of her actions.
As she drifts off, in her mind, an interesting sequence plays out and this is perhaps the clearest thought she remembers having before waking up in the hospital two days later. For those around her, sheโs sure theyโd remember the lights of an ambulance, or the blare of a siren or the shouting and the screaming and the distress that surrounded her, but for Eira this tale became her mindโs only thought.
It was a quick, sharp snapping of china clay somewhere in her figure that draws the tormenting melody to a gradual halt. The ballerinaโs movements slow, becoming as rigid and still as the day and the music draws out until thereโs only a staggering silence. The cracks, fine dark ridges, crawl up the side of her perfect porcelain face and run down her mid-pirouette figure, reaching the tips of her sculpted pointe shoes, and she shatters. Her kaolin body bursts because she is in such desperate disarray and can no longer hold the broken pieces of herself together. Little porcelain shards sprinkle around her ornate music-box in a slowed down motion that resembles feathers raining from heaven and when they fall they fall harshly, splintering into a million pieces. The air fills with the scent of silk and wilted rose-petals and the burning aftertaste of sulphur as she breaks away. As her cracked skin meets harsh painted ridges and the metal spikes of a key that was her masterโnot her freedomโher beloved prison crumbles and buries her, digging deep into her fragmented soulโฆ
But the beautiful music box ballerina can no longer feel the pain.
It has been a year now since sheโs touched those pieces of jewellery, leaving them sitting behind the glass of a half-empty trophy cabinet in her Hannam apartment, locked in a room she barely ventures into anymore. Eira had not even seen them properly since before she left for rehabilitation, her oldest brother having held both the broken and intact one in each of his hands, promising her heโd have it fixed by the time sheโs discharged. In that moment, Eira had only wanted to retort how if only it were so simple to fix a fractured soul as it was to mend a broken tiara and sheโd been tempted to tell him to be gone with them, to throw them out into the Han river to drown for all she cared. In the end, however, sheโd let him go, telling him to do as he wanted because she longer wanted them in her sight. But heโd returned them to her, placed them in the cabinet himself, both in perfect condition as she day sheโd first had them in her possession.ย
It was easier, whilst in rehabilitation, to forget about those meaningless crowns, which soon enough became but a far off memory to her. However, now that sheโd returned home, the energy of her apartment felt much heavier and more daunting with the knowledge that they haunted her with every moment. When sheโd received news of the reunion, most particularly the auction, however, sheโd found it the perfect excuse to rid herself of those pieces that plagued her. Something her therapist had once told her was to remove anything that tied itself to her accident, whether it be people or objects. The people part was another matter in itself, because sheโd made her decision long ago not to listen to that, because the people in her life would be the hardest things to ever let go of and sheโs sure her heart wouldnโt take it. But, Eira knew the least she could do was let finally let these go and to a good cause as well.
Little does she know, however, that the past has an uncanny way of catching up to you one way or another. It was a mistake to not throw them into the river a year ago, but for the Nationโs Swan Queen, it was a far greater one to show her face at Hannamโs reunion. Because as they say, secrets can never stay secrets forever.
โi try not to have too many regrets even if it feels a bit inescapable sometimes. i really donโt like to dwell on the past because nothing can change now and whatโs done is done. i do it a lot though... the dwelling and regretting and all that,โ a sigh escapes eiraโs lips at the thought, knowing sheโs dug herself into far too many mental traps like that before.
โitโs always either very painful or an unwanted burden anyways so thereโs really no regret that can be worse than another but if i had to choose something though... iโd say my biggest regret is losing contact with a lot of the people i love when i went away,โ she knows sheโs been quiet for so long, forcing a distance between herself and others that was an unnecessary measure even in a situation like her own. back then, sheโd not let many people speak to her whilst she hid away in the rehabilitation centre overseas, only being visited by family and a handful of friends who knew her situation but were tight-lipped enough to keep her secret safe. โi was only gone for a year but i didnโt really make an effort to reach out to anyone in korea unless they knew about the incident and i hate that i didnโt because now iโm feeling disconnected, like thereโs a canyon or a ravine just blocking me from interacting the way i used to. i donโt know what i need to do to bridge that gap but at least iโm making an effort, right?โ she laughs half-heartedly, as if trying to trick her brain into thinking sheโs not as cut up about the situation as she really is.
โyeah, i just wish i hadnโt lost touch... both with my friends and colleagues but also with my reality here in seoul. i think i tried too hard to disassociate with this place and i shouldnโt have because now its coming back to bite me and i donโt even know whatโs going on anymore,โ head tilted up to the sky, she releases a held breath as if this was something that had been sitting heavily on her chest for so long up until this very moment.
โhaving regrets is tough... if you can avoid it, i recommend you do.โ
Except for the one who stole the show, of course. โThat was a stellar show tonight! How do they say it? Bravo? Brava?โ His voice is laced with excitement upon greeting her, paired with an equally excited smile. Heโs never one to greet someone emptyhanded, hence, he carries with him a gorgeous bouquet of flowers, which he figured was a common thing to give to performers after a show. โOh, the nameโs Changmin, by the way.โ He stretches his arms out to offer her his little token. โI hope itโs not too much trouble, coming out to greet you like this? Iโm a recent but a very huge fan, nonetheless.โ
The stage lights are bright, almost blinding to the ballerina whose feet sweep across it with beautiful, practiced precision. Her movements are fluid and gentle, filled with the grace of a water nymph but she seems so purposeful in her steps that it was like a war was raging somewhere in her head. A silent battle was hiding in the corners of her mind as she spins and she twirls, whispering to the prima ballerina the words of perfection. The show had to be perfect tonight like any other night, absolutely faultless and flawless or else all her troubles would have been for nothing. It had been a while since sheโs found her place on this stage and Eiraโs usual confidence seems stunted, a feeling of nervousness sitting at the pit of her stomach that sheโs never had before. The feeling was as odd as it was euphoric as she spins to the sound of the music, her movements delicate yet as deliberate as theyโd always been. But something was missing. Something had always been missing ever since she came back, even in the past few runs of the same ballet she was performing now and it wasnโt something she could pinpoint on her own. There was a gaping hole in her performance but the principal dancer just hoped that it wasnโt something the crowds could easily see and criticise, pleading to whatever God her parents swore existed, that it was only a figment of her imagination.
The crowd... the wide-eyed glorious audience that seemed to stare right at her as she danced the part of a grieving maiden. The third night of โGiselleโ had called upon an entirely different breed of society to fill the theatreโs seats; both the snobbish and elite alongside the ones she loved most, the idealistic fans who stared in awe from the red rows onto the platform where she danced. But she didnโt have much time to look out into the audience tonight and there wasnโt anyone in particular she was searching for. All her loved ones had come on the first two nights if they couldnโt make the opening so she was not to know that anyone would be watching her with any sort of familiarity beyond the fact that she was Jeon Gweneira,ย a name spelt out in lights and the perfectly poised ballerina who belonged to the company more than she belonged to the world.
The applause is deafening as it tears through the theatre and she manages to take her bow before slipping backstage with ease. Eira no longer loves the feeling of stepping off the stage into the wings, knowing it's where sheโd fallen a little too fast and a little too hard, so it's no surprise that she rips towards her dressing room the minute the curtain falls. Her private room was nestled a little further away than the ones in which the corps and coryphees bustled in and out of. It sat at the end of a narrower corridor with her signature black door with a star and her name painted upon it. As she crashes rather ungracefully into the small room, feeling suffocated in her corseted costume, she leans against the wall to catch a breath she didnโt even know she was holding. Thinking she could faint in that moment Gweneira takes her seat by the vanity, attempting to calm the rapid beating in her chest that sheโs been feeling too often now for it to be of no concern. She can hear the commotion coming from the other rooms as the dancers all rush up to leave and greet their loved ones and their fans in the foyer but Eira couldnโt bring herself to stand up or even change out of her flowing tulled tutu. A feeling of sickness settles in her stomach that she tries to push down, drowning out as much noise as she can as her eyes squeez shut in concentration, forcing the hammering in her head to subside if only for a moment. She doesnโt open them again until she hears a voice by her open door. Her eyes blink open at the unfamiliar tone but she doesnโt yet turn her head to greet him, not before pulling her usual bright smile upon her face and forcing her features to settle. She hadnโt expected any fans to greet her at her dressing room, even though its happened many times before. Heโs the first one to reach her here after her hiatus and she supposes that everyone else must be lingering outside like the other nights. She wonders how heโd managed to get here despite the amount of backstage personnel that had been hired to block off the fans from entering, lest something like last year happened again.ย It makes sense that Gweneira is mildly shocked but when she hears the compliments spill from his lips, her eyes truly light up regardless.
โOh really? Thank you so much, Iโm glad you enjoyed the show,โ she responds, attempting to match his excitement with her own sweet gaze and tone, drowning the anxiety in her head with a saccharine smile. Her hands reach out to accept the flowers from him and she acknowledges that theyโre beautiful, undoubtedly so but they catch her off guard too, as if she hadnโt ever received flowers before. Maybe it's because she feels out of place now, like an imposter who doesnโt deserve them. They feels like a dead weight in her palms now and sheโd have dropped them instantly if it wouldnโt have made her look bad. โItโs lovely to meet you Changmin! Iโm Gweneira, though you probably already know that,โ she chuckles lightly, albeit in a slightly shaky tone. โBut donโt worry about it at all, itโs no trouble, Iโm always happy to greet a fan after a show,โ she smiles brightly, her eyes filling with innocent sincerity because it isnโt even close to a lie, she really does like to meet with her fans and had found it a pity that they didnโt let so many backstage anymore, even though she knows the reason why had been her own fault. She feels slightly comforted and relieved by Changminโs presence, hating to drown in her own loneliness at moments like these even if it meant seeking company in a stranger and so she motions a hand into the room. โDid you want to come in for a bit? I can sign an autograph for you if youโd like one?โ
Before he can properly respond sheโs already dipping back into the dressing room, expecting him to follow her as she places the flowers on the table with shaking hands, going to rummage in one of the vanityโs drawers for a loose pen. โYou said you were a new fan, didnโt you? What got you so interested in ballet?โ her tone is kind despite being a bit detached as she searches the drawer with her back turned to Changmin, allowing simple small talk to fill in the gaps of silence now that her breathing has stabilised completely. โI love asking all the fans I meet this question because I never get the same answer! Iโve been in the world of ballet since I was a baby so itโs always been open to me but itโs really fascinating to see how other people become enthralled by it too.โ
truth / what are your three favorite colors and why?
โoh iโve never really thought about this before.โ eira is ever the indecisive and sheโs never given much thought to such a thing because she knows sheโll never come to an absolute conclusion, at least not one that would last for very long. โi like all colours and my favourites change with the seasons but right now... maybe iโd say blue, ivory and pink? the shade of blue in particular would be a greyish-blue, the cool and faded kind thatโs like aqua or teal but really washed out and a lot lighter. i like it because itโs a calming tone and though i donโt usually have a favourite for very long, this one pops up often enough that i actually have an accent wall in my apartment painted this colour. as for ivory, i think itโs just really pretty colour because itโs similar to white, which apparently is not a colour,โ eiraโs sure sheโs had this argument before with some artist friend of hers or something, about how white and black are apparently shades rather than actual colours and its why she canโt say theyโre her favourite colours even if they are.
โivory is nice, it isnโt too stark and obnoxious or anything and maybe thatโs why i like it. itโs very classical too, a lot of my pointe shoes and ballet costumes come in that colour... you know the sort of ivory that borders upon a blush pink but not quite? and on that note, pink is a current favourite too! i love all shades of it but at the moment i think that theย pale purple-pink shade, is quite gorgeous. i recently bought myself a pair of heels in that colour and i think itโs really really pretty,โ the ballerina muses excitedly, thinking back on the shoes sitting in a box somewhere in her room. theyโre a pair sheโs never worn out before but its because sheโd been saving them for a special occasion, one sheโs not even sure sheโd be attending yet, having slipped the invitation for a certain school reunion inside the boxโs lid and out of her mind until that very moment.
โwho am i without ballet? thatโs like asking a bird what it is without wings! you want to know who i am without the one thing i need the most in this entire world?โ eira brushes off the question with a delicate, disbelieving laugh because she truly doesnโtย want to think of her life without it. being a ballerina had always been her sole purpose, her sole passion and the very thing she lived and breathed for. without it, it would be like living a life without oxygen. it wouldnโt be living at all. the question of who she is without ballet can only be answered with the fact that sheโd be aย nobody. sheโd be irrelevant, non-existent in the world and condemned to the rather inglorious fate of a business manโs silent trophy wife if she didnโt have her ability to dance. no matter how much her family loves her and tells her theyโd never let that happen, eira knows that if she didnโt have her career to keep her afloat in the social sphere, sheโd of had no other choice. โto be honest balletโs the only thing that makes me interesting in the very least,โ that and the fact that sheโs a mentally unstable former addict but that isnโt something sheโd ever dare to say out loud.ย โbut i really donโt know what other answer youโd expect me to give with that sort of question. do you think that without my lifeโs purpose,ย the only thing iโm actually good at... thatย iโm meant to still be something?...ย that just isnโt how it works.โย
hiya everyone! iโm officially off hiatusย now and ready to get back into the swing of things ( just in time for the reunion event too ๐ ). i have replies to threads and asks queued to be posted slowly throughout the next few weeks as iโve been trying to catch up on everything i owe. since i know iโve been gone for a while and before that iโve left some things a little late, iโll actually be dropping in to chat with some of you to straighten out plot-lines a bit in the coming days, just to get a better understanding of where our characters are at in terms of their connections. iโll also be posting a thread tracker a little later in the week to be a bit more organised but for now just know iโm very diligently working through my drafts ๐
on the topic of the reunion though, iโm very excited to start working on some drama for that too, so please like this post if youโre okay with me hitting you up in dms for some events plots as wellย !!
hey everyone! i just wanted to make this quick psa to let you all know that iโll be going on hiatus for two weeks (until 19/09). iโll be a bit busy during this period of time so i apologise if i might not be able to stay on top of any dms (iโll try to though so feel free to add me on discord at loveyou#3000 if youโre wishing to plot, iโll get back to you by the time/before i return). i know iโve not been super active lately so iโm a bit behind on things i owe but if i find any spare time in my schedule over the next two weeks iโll try to make my way through as many of the threads, starters, messages and asks that i have so that i can spam the dash once i return. ๐
thank you all so much for your patience with me, i love uu!!
time spent with others is something that mimi had come to value overtime (although she seldom admitted to such). sleepovers with eira always filled the loneliness of her apartment, even if it was only for a short period of time. mimi never got tired of sharing treats with her close friend as they marathoned the same films as they always did, over and over again. as clichรฉ as it was, she never grew tired of these moments, as repetitive as some may consider them to be. quite frankly, mimi considered their sleepovers to be a tradition of sorts, quietly hoping to herself that these moments would always stay the same.ย
โi know i say this every timeโ and will continue to do soโ rose is ridiculous and jack deserved so much better.โ mimi huffed, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth. titanic was globally known as a classic film (and frequently watched by the pair during these sleepovers).ย โi really want to like her, truly. but she makes it so damn hard to.โ another sigh left her lips before spoiling herself to another mouthful of ice cream.ย
โanyway, itโs been quite a while, huh? whatโs been going on in your life? have i missed anything huge?โ
its been so so long since eira had been given the chance to let herself be free, even just for a moment. her days recently had been devoured either by public appearances or endless hours of practicing until it felt like her feet could snap in two and the invitation of a sleepover at mimiโs apartment came to her like a saving grace. it had been an excuse for her to give herself the break she deserved but was so reluctant to allow herself to have. sheโd been hesitant to leave behind her schedule before but now as she lay beside mimi she knew sheโd made the right choice not wanting to give up their traditional sleepovers for anything else.ย eira smiles as she groans teasingly, stretching her limbs across the bed, rolling herself onto her back to hang her head off of the end as she watched the screen upside down. a light chuckle escapes her lips as she flicks a piece of popcorn in her friendโs direction. โoh i totally agree with you on that one. you and i both know that jack could very well have fit on that door with her, or at least taken turns so he doesnโt end up... you know,โย she lets out a sigh at the thought, knowing the scene would be coming up soon and sheโd have a valid reason to let out all those suppressed tears she has inside of her.ย โand your right, he did deserve so much better than her. if that had been me iโd have sacrifice myself for him in a heartbeat and it doesnโt even matter that i canโt even swim that well because iโd drown for him any day,โ gweneira jokes with a laugh, still staring at the screen in her upside down state.
she only sits herself upright again when she hears mimiโs question for her.ย โoh god i know its been forever and itโs probably my fault isnโt it. iโve been busy lately, having to prepare for the next ballet season so soon after only getting back from russia a few months ago,โ she sighs, lying straight through her teeth about her whereabouts. whilst she was very close with mimi, a girl whoโd witnessed many of her previous panic attacks pre-rehab, she had still been left out on the little secret that weighed heavy on eiraโs conscience. she leans against the pillows that sheโs propped herself on, her hands occupying themselves with crushing popcorn kernels beneath her fingertips.ย โi donโt think thereโs much youโveย missed out on about my life, it really wasnโt as interesting as it seems. all i did each day was train anyway so i doubt youโd like to hear about any of that,โ she quickly tries to deflect the question away from herself, knowing the more she spoke, the deeper the hole sheโd be digging for herself.ย โbut you on the other hand, have been here in seoul all without me for an entire year and there is no way that nothingโs happened with you lately, so please indulge meโ eira lets out a bit of stiff giggle, nonetheless forcing her shoulders to relax as she nudges mimi lightly, giving her the chance to talk instead whilst offering the popcorn bowl out to her as well.
