Saudade

[gxngster-ish]

Get Choo

Bless You

06/24/18

I can almost feel it girl. It’s almost happening. I’m (hopefully) on the last few steps to moving on from you. You see, for a long time, I was convinced that I would never ever find a girl like you in my life for a looong while. Frustratingly, I wasn’t wrong. There I was, for a loooong while, and I have not met a girl as cool as you, as cute as you, as funny as you or as weird as you during my whole time at college though, there were a few that came sort of close. You were the standard that I set in my search for girls and there were plenty of times where I regretted having such high standards for myself. Until a week ago that is.

I started volunteering for a Filipino organization called Filipino Cultural School (FCS), which is an organization dedicated to teaching the culture of the Philippines via dance, language, and  to anyone interested, regardless of ethnicity. For the summer program, there is a K-12 age range and each age group is separated into their own classes. An orientation was scheduled at about 2 in the afternoon and was meant to teach us volunteers about our responsibilities. I arrive at the orientation about 15 minutes later and catch a group of people about to play an icebreaker sort of game. I sign in, do some bullshit, and join the people playing the game. The game required that you know the name of the person that is next to you, and there were people at either side of you. I already knew the guy to my left, but I did not know who the girl to my left was. “My name is Allen by the way, what’s your name?” We shake hands. “Hey my name is K*******” “Oh wow! Like the singer!” Obviously, she shared a name with a famous singer and this was pretty cool to me. I did not push this further at the moment, but during the breaks we had during this orientation, I talked with her a little bit further about her music tastes, if she likes the singer with whom she shares a name, etc. She’s not a huge fan of her music, but she’s cool to K******. Other miscellaneous information that I learned was that her EX-boyfriend was a skater, she only mentions this because I asked if she skates (because her shoes had some marks resembling a skaters shoes). The only thing that was in my mind though was ‘EX’. I did not learn anything eye-opening about her at the moment, and so I talked to my other friends afterwards and didn’t talk with her the rest of the day.

Fast forward to 2 weeks from that orientation. It is now the first day of Filipino Cultural School (06/16). The summer program takes place at a middle school that is booked by FCS in advance. Very good times at this volunteer position. The kids are all a blast to be around and their energy is pretty contagious. During lunch, I saw K****** sort of by herself at the base of operations that is set up in one of the rooms. Being myself, I go over to chat with her, I talk with her about her jacket and teased her about it when she told me it was from the thrift store. We shared a common interest in thrift stores in that moment, which is pretty cool. I proposed that we go eat with the kids and she was down. We sit down with some of the kids that were in my class (I got grouped with the 3rd/4th graders) when I realized I forgot napkins for my burrito, so I ran to go get some. I come back and K****** was seeing how I interacted with the kids (they love me btw). Lunch was over, and pretty soon, the day was over. Afterwards, the volunteers and administration likes to go out and eat at a nearby place. K******, my friend Phil, and I decide to carpool in her car. A small little detail I noticed with her is that she prioritizes playing music from her phone in her car before she drives off.

I do this too.

The music she’s playing in the car wasn’t no chump music either, she was bringing out the hits baby. She played a little bit of Daniel Caesar, SZA, Jhene Aiko, and others. This made me realize that her taste in music is already god-tier compared to pretty much every girl I met in college. I was pretty impressed at the moment. Sooner or later, we got to our destination and we get ourselves settled in, order our food, and now “The Wait” begins.

For the uninitiated, The Wait is the period of time between ordering your food and getting your food. The conversations that supplement this time period can either be amazing or trash. Or you end up in limbo where one or both of you are on your phones. 

At any rate, The Wait began for us and so now I got to talking with K****** about music because of the fire that I heard in the car. The more I talked with her, the more I realized how knowledgeable about music she actually is. Not just any music, but music that I’m into. We bond over our shared music interests and we gradually transitioned to the subject of movies, of which she is equally knowledgeable of. I'm now talking about movies that I appreciate, she’s talking about movies that she appreciates, I chime in on the conversation, she chimes in on the conversation. I point out certain things in movies and she is either interested enough to allow me to keep talking about it, or she knows exactly what I’m talking about and we continue the conversation with two opinions, which is always welcomed (depending on the person, this can be challenged). In general, there were many times where she would say something and I would enthusiastically agree with it because I think the exact same way “oh my gosh yes!” “Girl yes!” “oh my gosh same!” “SAME” “S A M E *faints” I kept the conversation alive by proposing questions about anything and it works. Even she is keeping the conversation alive by asking me questions, showing me memes, dog pictures, and then I do the same, and the whole cycle just repeats. I was really enjoying my time talking with this girl. She likes the same music as I do, she likes the same [types of] movies as I do, she has the same sense of humor as I do (pretty dark), is kind of weird; aka ‘quirky,’ which is a term I am not a fan of; and is pretty cute. Everything felt natural with her and it was so refreshing, I wanted to hang out with her more. By the way, I was simply too bewildered by the fact that she is also a fan of most of the things I am a fan of, that catching feelings was in the back of my mind. “There’s no way this girl is real right?” I say to myself the whole time I’m hanging out with her. Every clue pointed to this girl being genuinely real and I wanted to hang out with her some more. 

My wish was granted. After we were done eating, we accompany K****** to a boba joint where we talked more and more about the same things as well as other topics such as musicals, which I am not a huge fan of. However, Phil saved the day since he is also a fan of musicals. We also tried some of the pastries that the place had to offer and we were having ourselves a merry little time. I took this opportunity to ask for her instagram and snapchat, which she provided without question. I even asked for her permission to send her memes, she accepted. We chill for a little while longer at the boba place before we decide to leave. While sitting in the car, we were now deliberating on what to do next. I ask if they are doing anything today or tomorrow to which they collectively replied “I got time.” K****** wanted to go to the mall, which was nearby. She takes me back to my car, which was left back at the school where we were volunteering and it didn’t seem to have a ticket :) From there, she follows me and Phil to the mall. We park and are now walking thru the mall. Halfway through our little mall escapade, Phil notifies us that his mom believes K****** to be my girlfriend. She’s obviously not. K****** then says “why does that keep happening” I’m confused. This is the first I heard of this mistaken identity. I inquire and K****** tells me that when I left to go get napkins earlier,  some of the kids in my class were grilling K****** “are you Kuya [Bubba’s] girlfriend?!” “What? No, he’s just a friend” she replied, “But you’re his friend right?” he replies back, “Yeah” she answered, “And you’re a girl, so [therefore] you’re his G I R L F R I E N D hahahahahahahhha” Interesting. Interesting. Foreshadowing? 

We come across the movie theatre that is at the mall and we deliberate upon which movie we would like to see. Strangely, we decided on Hereditary; which I had seen about a week earlier, but was completely down to watch it again with K******. I buy us popcorn and an Icee (which we shared a straw). She’s the type to hide during the suspenseful bits leading to a scare in horror movies and I thought she looked so  innocent and cute during those times. She also talked shit the entire time about the characters in the movie, which I loved a lot. I do enjoy a propensity to talk shit about things, and she was emodying this so eloquently that it simply made me smile during the whole film. Since I saw the movie already, I knew when the scary parts were coming up. So every time I would be prepared to watch her be scared and she didn’t disappoint. She even talks to me (whispers in my ear) directly during the movie and I talk (whisper in her hear) during the movie as well. We talked equal amounts of shit the whole time and I loved it. Simply put. 

I remember feeling the wisdom of the superego telling me to not catch feelings during the movie. Which part, I don’t know unfortunately. 

Inevitably, the movie came to a close and we now had to leave. I didn’t want to go home. I wish that we could have walked in that parking lot for 10 more minutes just so I could talk to her some more. But alas, we must go home. We say our goodbyes and the night would be over after I drop off Phil at home. I drove home smiling that night. I have to catch myself though. Can’t be catching feelings this early mane. Gon’ get myself killed out here in these streets. 

The fact of the matter is that this girl is a very entertaining prospect for me. I need to better myself still. This girl could make me forget about you. This could finalize everything baby. Just as sure as I am that you’ve graduated from me, I’m very close to graduating from you. Just wait and see. Whatever happens, I want to thank you for the times we had in our lives. See you when I see you LG. 

[gxngster-ish]

Pagkagraduate

5/21/2018

I am about to graduate from college. It is quite a surreal thing to experience. Years of my life committed to my education. It all culminates to this. Most of that time was me fucking around and I regret it from the bottom of my booty. I wish I had done more around campus. I wish I got more involved. I wish I had made more of an impact than I did; if I even made one at all. I wish I talked to my professors about anything. Literally anything. I wish I didn’t take my time at school for granted. I am about to graduate from college with nothing to my name. No relevant job experience. No internship experience. Nothing, really. Am I really the sum of my achievements? My life has to mean more than this. 

That’s not to say I did not have good experiences at school. In fact, some of my fondest memories was made at school. Making lifelong friends under the mutiny of a difficult class, smoking weed underneath the canopy of the blah blah blah center on campus, grinding at the gym, playing pool with the boys, having beers at the Nugget, seeing all the hot girls around campus and not having the courage to talk to any of them, good times. And there are still many things I have not done on campus yet. Such as watching a free movie at the union, going to the poet’s lounge that happens like once a month or something, going to an art show on campus, going to one of the fashion shows, explored all the buildings, the list goes on and on. In the end, I feel as my experience at school was lackluster and could be improved upon. If only I realized this sooner. 

Speaking of that topic, I still have not found love. Or has love not found me just yet? Who the fuck knows. All I know is that I feel as if I could be ready for anything right now. Just give me a one night stand bruh. I truly believe that meaningless pussy can do wonders for me right about now until forever. Even better if it’s meaningful pussy though. Jokes aside though, I’ve known for quite some time that I can be the only one to blame about this certain aspect of my life, but there comes a point where you just have to question the world. Like, cmon, I’m not the best looking dude out there, but I’m definitely not ugly. So that’s basically why I made a Tinder® about a month ago, to validate my existence. Synths then, I’ve learned that I have 0 game when talking through text and that starting the conversation is fucking hard sometimes. 

In summary, college was fun, despite not experiencing love’s embrace at any point during that time. 

[gxngster-ish]

Waterfall Dreaming

2/17/18

The homie asks if I want to kick it. I’m down to kick it I say. We meet up at his place and from there we make our way toward a certain dispensary in Santa Ana. At the dispensary, I was helped out by a very attractive white girl. I primarily asked her questions about edibles, specifically about which cookie would be best. She asks if the edibles were for a ‘lady friend;’ which, later, on, my friend interpreted as that was her way of asking if I was single. This, of course, blew my mind. After she rang me up for the cookies, she starts a little small talk over the Hawaiian shirt that I was wearing by complimenting it and also asking if I have seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I admit to her that it’s been a while since I last saw the movie and instead bring up another movie which prominently features Hawaiian shirts, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. She rejoices that I bring up the movie and starts excitedly talking about the movie, regarding it as a classic in some circles. Let’s just say that if I see this girl again at this dispensary, I’m about to spit some game. 

After the dispensary trip, we smoke a couple bowls and make our way to Cerritos Mall. There, I basically went on a shopping spree. Very good retail therapy. One particularly funny instance from this trip is when me and the homie went into Macy’s and went all the way [up] to the third floor. We were feeling on the pillows when, all of a sudden, a worker comes up from behind us and greets us. She say’s hello, welcome, blah blah blah. The homie responds with ‘yes, welcome.’ As soon as I realized this mistake, my soul left my body. I roasted him for this soon after this happened as well. That was pretty funny. After shopping, we ate at Pinoy Pinay, a Filipino fast food joint that gave an UNGODLY amount of [tasty] food and also watched the NBA dunk contest on the tv in the restaurant. 

The homie went to chill with a girl, and I contemplated going straight home, but I figured, where was the fun in that. I tried to call up some other homies to see if they wanted to smoke, but, unfortunately, they were all busy. So I made my way to Fantastic Burger(s), which, pro-tip,  has a 7-11 right across from it. I purchased some eyedrops, bought a horchata, and rolled up a joint in the car. From there, I made my way to a beach I know of and smoked the joint there. Smoking on the beach at night is an underrated, but peaceful pass time that I like to indulge in when I can. After I finished the join, I decide to take a little stroll on the beach, just for the heck of it. I walk for about 5 minutes before walking back to my car. 

I then went to a 24 hour donut shop and got myself a glazed donut. 

Sidenote: I got in touch with Codename: Vajeen and suggested we catch up over some coffee. She was very open to the idea and now I’m seeing her on Wednesday. Better show her how much of a boss I am. No skipping weight training this week. 

[gxngster-ish]

It

2/15/18

Pretty chill day today. I can honestly say that cooking is one of my hobbies. I love putting ingredients together and it comes out tasting good. 

School was pretty chill as well. The Russian girl in my class is pretty funny. Specifically, her responses to the professor’s strange remarks in class (we, as a class, have generally accepted that the professor is a weird dude, a cool weird though. He’s also a pretty funny guy). Lecture today just confirmed that the German language is rather redundant at times and truly highlights the importance of grammar and sentence structure. As it turns out, the famous American author by the name of Mark Twain, perhaps you’ve heard of him, wrote a short essay explaining the frustration of a native English speaker trying to learn German. 

After class was over, I hit up the homie so we can smoke. It took forever getting out of the parking lot because of the game that was going on. I really have to go to a game some time soon considering this is my last semester. In hindsight, I should have gone tonight. Oh well. 

I pick up the homie and make our way to the park after we buy some blunt wraps. We roll up in the car and smoke outside. We then notice that there are some people in our vicinity who were also smoking. Since I happened to have a lot of weed that would take forever to smoke by myself, we had the idea to possibly match with the people nearby. Enter Codname: Hudson and Codename: Lawton. Hudson was a slim, black woman (with a rather big forehead) who was wearing a black shirt, blue jeans, and thigh high boots. Lawton was a black man who was wearing a yellow poncho, blue pants, and grey vans. We offered to smoke them out and thus rolled a blunt. It was a cool time. That is, until we see a figure walking towards us. Keep in mind, we were at a park in the dark with the only lights being the streetlights and random lamp posts in the park. Hudson and Lawton grimace to themselves. Unbeknownst to us, we were gonna be in for a hell of a surprise. The figure had semi long blonde hair, pretty big boobs, and was more on the thicker side. My friend asked who is that. Lawton says Who is IT. Based on that remark, we knew, possibly transgender. Either way, the figure is walking right towards us and before we know it, is right in front of us on the other side of the park table we were chilling at. I am now taking a very good look at the person in question was a man who transitioned into a woman. Hudson and the person obviously had history due to the way they were talking to each other. Things escalated when she was feenin asking for a cigarette. Things escalated even further when she starts grabbing things. The first thing she goes for is my bag with all my weed paraphernalia. We, as a group, then collectively said hell nah and drove her out of there. She leaves, but then we notice that Hudson’s phone was missing. The unknown girl took it. Hudson was ready to square up and hit a bitch. She hit her ass and lo and behold, her phone drops onto the floor. Another thing to keep in mind, we were high the whole time, so having her back never once crossed our minds unfortunately. After that, we finished the blunt and a black car rolls up on us all slowly in the dark, very ominous like. I was glad I wasn’t alone in that situation let me tell ya. We left without exchanging social media since Lawton wasn’t on social media and Hudson was heated and ready to fight the unknown girl we ran into. We then said a bittersweet goodbye. 

After that whole ordeal, we went to McDonalds and I’m not sure the girl at the register was feelin on me or not. Either way, I tested the ‘so how’s your day going so far’ strat and it went off without a hitch. We started a low key conversation that ended as quickly as it began. Btw, the food was fuego, straight flames. Word to the dollar menu.

[gxngster-ish]

Big L

02/14/18: Allentines Day

1. Something that the homies and I like to do is add the letter ‘L’ to random words and things that we encounter. For example, ‘chicken tenders’ would become ‘chicken t[L]enders’ or ‘ch[L]icken tenders.’ Depending on the situation, either one can be used. Similarly, ‘trash can’ would become ‘trash c[L]an.’ Basically, the stupider it sounds, the funnier it gets. It’s a silly and stupid thing, but it can be quite hilarious at times. The origins of adding L to words can be traced back to a certain public blowjob story. I’ll probably have to make a separate post about that. Needless to say, potential eavesdroppers will likely be confused. 

2. I actually like Modelo’s. Pretty much all of 2017 was practice for building my tolerance towards weed and beer. Beer really is the weed of alcohol. However, I disturbed my repertoire of getting Modelos at ‘(The) Nugget;’ the bar on my campus; and tried out a Blue Moon. I wasn’t impressed and immediately regretted not getting a Modelo. 

3. Been getting closer to some of the people in my Filipino class. There are definitely some Flunnies in that class let me tell ya. My experience tells me that corny jokes (have to have more than one), memes, and dogs (bonus points if you own a dog) are a great conversation starter when meeting people (especially girls). Also, a simple ‘how is your day going?’ is enough to start a fire of a conversation in some circumstances. Also, I remember one time  I complimented a guy’s shirt, and we ended up talking about metal/death metal/hardcore/anythinginbetween music for a while. Should’ve asked Codename Kennedy if she wanted to do have some ramen over the weekend. I should try to see what’s up w/ Christ(mas) and/or TDCC also. 

4. CSULB Esports. It’s a blast to come to this club weekly since I get to test my skills against actual human opponents in Tekken. Been getting better with Lee, but only since the dudes at the club seem unfamiliar with Lee. That, or I mixed up Hitman options very well and read my opponents accordingly. I also had a 4 game win streak against two different people with Lee! Also been putting in work with Gigas. I am now known as the resident Gigas expert. My weakness is still throws however, so I have to practice breaking them. Though I’m at a fairly equal skill level with the guys who play Tekken at the club, I’m recognized as one of the better players in the club and have cemented myself in a community that I don’t feel out of place in. These guys are slowly becoming my friends and that’s sick in my opinion! It’s cool meeting new people in the club every time as well. Even better, the homies were there with me, so it was an all around good time. At one point in the evening, I became the impromptu DJ and played music on the big speakers. Those speakers were really good btw. Also, I took a little time to appreciate some of the more unseen parts of my campus today and I realized that I have not explored A LOT of the campus, especially the Hall of Science, which, despite my limited exploration, was awesome. 

5. After Esports, we smoked joint of Gorilla Glue in my car right in the blah blah blah. After that, we made our way to the 24-hour donut shop that’s near campus. Too many shenanigans happened here. If there’s one underrated thing I will miss about college, it is definitely the late night hangouts with the homies. 

[gxngster-ish]

Puwede, Dapat, Bawal, Huwag

TLDR: You deserve all the happiness in the world; I’m utter garbage and I know/accept it. 

I still think of you every so often. I still regret everything that happened between us. Despite all of that, I still cling onto the hope that we’ll just fuck the bullshit and start over at some point in the future. Even though I know that the probability of this happening is next to zero, I still hope because, in a way, it keeps me going. It sort of keeps me looking forward to something. A false hope. A pipe dream. A mirage in the desert. I’m currently entertaining the idea that this is a curse that people (me) who have wronged someone (you) has to face and hopefully overcome. 

That being said, I hope you DON’T feel the same way. 

For your sake, I hope you don’t think about me anymore. 

I hope you have eradicated every reminder that you have of me so you can make room for better people in your life. 

I sincerely hope that you have put me in your rear view and haven’t looked back since. 

I hope that whenever you think of me, FDB by Young Dro is blasting in your head. 

I hope that if you find yourself listening to Chance The Rapper’s verse on Baby Blue, you’re thinking of me. 

I realize now that I simply wasn’t good enough for you. Not saying I’m good enough for you now, but I’m still not good enough for you. I’ll probably never be good enough for you. The point is that I gave you a star when you deserved a whole galaxy. I gave you a handful of sand when you deserved a whole beach. I gave you cup of water when you deserved the ocean. You get the picture. 

I realize the mistakes I have made. Unfortunately, by then, it was too late. I had to lose you in order to learn just how important you were to me. I hope you’re happy and feeling well. You deserve it. 

PS; learning Tagalog is kind of hard 

[gxngster-ish]

Dream: Gloom

Slept at approximately 3 AM on 7/7/17, recording at 10:09 AM on 7/7/17.

I remember being in my neighborhood. It was a dark, gloomy day with no clouds in sight and was quite windy. It was about 6PM, the sun was going down. I remember being outside my house talking to the people in the house on the corner two houses down from my house. 

The weird thing is, the occupants of the house were different from the real life counterparts. In reality, the people who lived in the corner house are a black family. In my dream, the family was switched out with my neighbors from across the street. 

I only remember talking to one specific person. I don’t remember his name in real life or in the dream, but I talked to him like I knew him. Let’s call him Edward. I was walking outside the corner house, which was painted a dark yellow, when I saw Edward walking in and out of his house, to and from his car which was parked behind a tree, outside of my view. While he was walking in and out, he was talking to me about how depressing his house looks. A fitting conversation for the weather. “Can you imagine if my house was a nursing home,” he asked. “Man, if your house was a nursing home, I would probably...” I said. I don’t quite remember what I said at that moment, but he laughed, probably in agreement. I then remember a white man, approximately in his 30s, that shares a striking resemblance to John Luschek in the show ‘Orange is the New Black’ appears seemingly out of nowhere and is obviously displeased with what he sees. He tells us to stop talking and get back to work. Suddenly more people appear around us. I remember a black man, an Asian girl, and one more person that I can’t quite put my finger on; possibly a white guy; all were about 18 years old or older. We were standing in the same spot when suddenly, it was 7AM. Luschek then tells us that work needs to be done by 5:30. “In order for shit to be done, I better not hear any talking.” He gave us more anecdotes on what would happen if we talked and then we walked in the direction toward my house to work. There were 5 of us workers, each were paired. I remember thinking that if each worker was paired, then someone would be left alone. I looked around and realized that I was the one that was by myself. The sun was now shining prevalently, but was now really windy. I happened to be walking quite fast because, apparently, the wind was lifting my feet with each subsequent step. What was previously a fast walk, was now leaps through the air with insane amounts of hang time. I remember taking one huge leap, but had more hang time than I anticipated, which botched my landing. I landed with my hands and feet on the floor, looking in disbelief at my coworkers. They were just as surprised at what I had done and went to talk to me. 

Not long after this, I remember I was paired with the Asian girl and we were now on a slow moving train with an open ceiling. Our job was to look for something. What we were looking for, I was unsure of for a while. I remember talking with her about certain things, but otherwise, we stayed silent for most of the time. We didn’t quite know each other that well, so we needed to build everything from the ground up. I didn’t even make any jokes for some reason. We went through urban areas and suburban areas; both of which had nothing of interest; as well as industrial areas; which, oddly enough, had the most interesting things. We saw an old building that was probably a restaurant. This is when I remembered that my cousin Jonathan was with us and said that the restaurant might have had spicy food. This was also when I realized that we were tasked with finding spicy foods. We travel more through the industrial area when we come across dirt mounds accompanied by dirt terrain. Among the dirt was an old, colorful, wall that stretched for a mile or so. On one part of the wall was a phrase ‘Kitty Poison.’ This is when I see that the wall, in addition to the colors, was patterned with cats as well. This piqued the Asian girl’s interest very hard. “What is that?!,” she exclaimed. We both wondered, what is Kitty Poison? And what did they do? We researched it on my phone and saw that Kitty Poison was a theme park that shut down quite some time ago. 

After some more time on the train, we stop at some stairs and descend. I can’t remember if Jonathan or the Asian girl was telling me about squares and this is where I would find them. We looked to be under a massive freeway underpass. No natural light was coming into the underpass, not even from the stairs that we descended. Very bright lights were set up at key locations, so it looked like night time with the lights on all the time. It was then I noticed that the walls were covered in graffiti and that there were people walking around with armored vests and assault rifles. I was genuinely confused and scared. Why were we here? Why are they packing so much heat? I then remember Jonathan and the Asian girl calmly walking around the corner that we were hiding behind. I was scared beyond disbelief, but nevertheless, I followed them. To my surprise, as soon as I turn the corner, there is a full cafe with all you can eat food and bottomless coffee and drinks. Despite this awesome deal, only 3 tables out of the 10 tables or so were taken. There were a lot of single chairs that were taken however. I get my food and get some drinks and sit down to eat when I notice that my uncle and my dad were sitting at a table, engaged in conversation. My dad was talking while my uncle was listening. This weirded me out, but not as much as I though apparently because I forgot about this immediately. This is when I learn from Jonathan and the Asian girl that this is an Army base. I then look around to see people who really don’t look like they are in the army eating at the cafe. I remember talking about this one guy’s duffle bag which has pixelated anime characters on it. 

The scene then cut to a bunch of army personnel running away from something while shooting back. The commanding officer of the unit then runs toward the camera and talks into his comms. “Command, is drain 2 still operational?” More gunfire and men frantically shouting is heard just behind the commanding officer. Before command could answer, the commanding officer of the unit jumped into the drain and commanded his men to do so as well. Despite being only big enough to fit one person at first, the deeper you went into the drain, it got bigger. After sliding along the drain for about about 5 seconds, the commanding officer then found himself hitting something hard. Weird, because this is supposed to be a drain. He shined his light on what he landed on and looked in horror. Bones, some new, some old. Shortly after this, his men land in the same spot with him. Instead of successfully running away from what they running from, they went straight to it’s lair. The walls around them were not a metal drain anymore, but dirt. They could hear the monster shrieking around them. If anyone tried to dig, the shrieking got closer, as if the monster was right on the other side of them. One of the commanding officer’s  men couldn’t take it anymore and killed himself by putting a gun to his head and fired a shot. The shot caused the monster to shriek loudly and more prolonged than usual. The men mourned their dead comrade and started to plan a way out. One of the men starts climbing out. For some reason, the monster did not shriek at the movement. It was then that the man started to feel a rumbling. Suddenly, water starts rushing down the drain that was thought to be inoperable. This causes the man to be pushed back down to the bottom with the rest of his comrades. He tries to climb back up and his hit with another stream of liquid, though with not nearly the same amount of force. Upon closer inspection, the liquid appeared to be yellow in color. He realized what this was and the terror in his head almost reached to the amount of terror he felt in the monster’s presence (or lack thereof). He climbed more and more until he saw the light at the entrance of the drain. The euphoria he felt was inconceivable. He made it. 

This is all I remember... 

[coolmusicquotes]

Chance The Rapper - Same Drugs

[gxngster-ish]

Busters Brownce

This technically a dream. Slept 3/31, recorded 4/2. I remember being at church. As far as I know, I was by myself attending the Sunday mass. I was on the ground floor and I remember listening to the sermon, totally engrossed in what the pastor was saying. Mass ended and everyone was making their way out, but for some reason, I was still standing there. Suddenly, a pair of arms wraps around my waist in a warm embrace. I remember her saying something to me while doing this, but I don't quite recall what she said due to the feeling of a girl hugging me from behind, which felt nice by the way. I turn around to see Ladennifer, who was wearing a navy blue, scoop neck t shirt with her hair tied in a ponytail with a white ribbon. Her outfit was completed with blue jeans and flip flops. Sure it (FUCKING) surprised me to know that Ladennifer was the one who hugged me, but what surprised me the most is how happy she was and the smile that was on her face made me question everything that went wrong between us. She was so happy to see me. It was almost as if I had never acted like an ass and left things in a weird spot like I did. All the bullshit I caused was forgiven, but not forgotten. I remember thinking this in my head in addition to all the other tumultuous thoughts running through my mind. I bring her closer to me and hug her as if she was going to die tomorrow. In this universe, I remember all the bad shit between us, but she didn't, so she was a little weirded out by the power hug. Nevertheless, she hugged me back and tried to get me to stop, but I just wanted to keep hugging her in that spot forever. I honestly wouldn't have minded if we did. 

 Realistically, she has moved the fuck on though 

 The next part of the dream, I find...

[gxngster-ish]

Dream: Wolves

Slept 3/1, Recorded 3/2

I remember driving in my car down a stretch of road; which looked like Lakewood Boulevard by the mall; that seemed to have lasted for forever. I remember driving for about 10 minutes straight with virtually zero stops. It was a cold, windy, California December night. The sky was blackened though no stars were shining because of the light pollution. Remnants of clouds during the day were still in the sky and complimented the night sky beautifully. Despite all the driving however, I do remember a slight traffic jam happening in the street due to a black family setting up Christmas decorations as well as numerous Christmas themed statues and inflatables right in the middle of the street. My driving came to a halt when I stopped right in front of what seemed like a black mother who was setting up a nutcracker doll that was about 2 feet taller than her. She was about 5’7. My headlights were shining on her, but she seemed to pay no mind to my car at all. In fact, none of the black family in the street setting up the decorations payed any mind to the traffic at all. Strangely enough, oncoming traffic did not seem to care either. People just went around with such efficiency, that it didn’t seem weird that a family was setting up Christmas decorations in the middle of the street. I was the only one who seemed to follow conventional driving laws. Nevertheless, I went around the family and made my way down Lakewood Boulevard again.

I’m still driving down Lakewood, when suddenly I find myself driving in a pitch black environment with only three feet of visibility from my headlights. Despite this, I could still navigate the street because of the dashed lines in the street. I followed those for a while when suddenly, the darkness splits and it is revealed that it was actually thick, black cloud coverage. Moonlight started to shine through the seams. The clouds part like smoke clearing and reveals where I am driving. I am now traveling on a two-way street surrounded by trees and mountains. The moon is full and bright, being the only light in the darkness. The stars accompany the moon and complements the scenery nicely. The night was beautiful. I drive for a while in this setting when I decide to take a ramp onto the freeway. For some reason, the ramp was a dirt road. I turn the corner into the ramp when I realize I’m not driving a car anymore, but a dirt bike instead. As I turn, I see three black wolves blocking my path. Since I had to slow down to turn into the ramp, they pounced on me and got me off of my bike. Two of the wolves were biting both of my arms; one on one arm, one on the other; while the last wolf was in the middle looking directly at me. The two wolves on my arms were biting pretty viciously, so I knock the wolf on my right arm away and try to kill the wolf on my left arm by trying to force it’s jaw open all the way, but I wasn’t strong enough and I failed. This is when the wolf that I knocked away started biting my right arm again. I felt absolutely helpless. Since there was no way out of this, I stared at the wolf while gritting my teeth, hoping he would finish the job already. I sensed my end. I let out one last scream directly to the wolf in the middle, then he went in for the kill. Or so I thought…

Just before the wolf in the middle killed me, a pause menu; like from a video game; showed up. The cursor in the menu quickly went to the ‘load previous save’ option. The option was selected and the screen faded to black. I then remembered my vision fading in to when I was driving in my car down the mountain road earlier. Needless to say, I relished in my opportunity to do things over again. I avoided the freeway ramp, and just kept driving.

[gxngster-ish]

Dream: Alice

Slept 2/26, Recorded 2/27

Her name was Alice. I only know this because when I called her Ashley one time, she let out a mixed gasp that was simultaneously sad, surprised, and slightly angered. She was perfect in my eyes. Admittedly, she was not a girl that everyone would agree is the most beautiful girl in the world, but it simply did not matter to me. She was perfect. She had the same sense of humor as I did, liked the same things as I did, and was good to me. Did I mention she was perfect? I enjoyed her so much that I simply did not want it to end. So imagine my surprise; and genuine; disappointment; when I woke up. She was, for all intents and purposes, the girl of my dreams. ;)

I’ll start from where I can remember.

My friend Andy and I were walking around a place with buildings that were old looking which were mostly built with brick accompanied by brick and cement floors. The trees looked as if they were overgrown roots next to these buildings. The sky was clear as well with the sun radiantly shining, it was a beautiful day. Andy and I come across a long staircase descending to what looked like a dense forest. Despite this clear vantage point, I still did not know where I was, I assumed it was a college. My friend Andy and I descend a few steps when Andy decides to go back up for whatever reason. He let out a deafening scream that somehow was not feminine-sounding. I turn around to see what he was screaming about. I knew right away what he was screaming about. I saw a web that was about my size covering the doorway to the stairs with an oversize crustacean/spider hybrid looking creature that was the size of a backpack crawling on the edge of the web. It actually looked like a giant, scary looking shrimp. I back up in horror down the stairs when I hit a protruding tree branch. I turn around to see another one of these creatures crawling along the branch. Despite this terrifying picture, I couldn’t help but notice that Andy was on the other side of the web somehow. Right before I know it, I was now on the other side of the web and I remember wanting to complain to the student council right away. This is when I knew this was a college. I walk into the student council room and I notice a dark, empty room illuminated only by the projector that was in the room, which only seemed to project a white screen. A girl walks out of the other door; which looked too much like a closet; that was in the room. Although it was dark, I could make out that she was about 5’2, a mixture of what seemed to be Asian and Mexican with an emphasis on Asian. Her dark brown hair was at a modest length; not long nor short; and was worn down. She looked as if she did not style her hair at all and just simply combed it. Despite this, her hair seemed flowy. She was wearing a navy blue (or white), classic t-shirt that was tucked into her light blue jeans and was rolled up at the sleeves. To complete the outfit, she was wearing black old skool vans. Her style was deceptively simple. I liked it. We’ll call her Vans Girl for now. I frantically tell her about the large crustacean creatures that are by the long staircase with actual fear in my voice. While I’m yelling, she calmly tells me with a pleasant, laid back voice that the crustaceans were just props to scare people and that she put them there. This made my heart drop. All at once, I was relieved, saddened, angered, and most of all, for whatever reason, intrigued.

About 30 unaccounted minutes later, Vans Girl tells me to tag along with her on some errands. At this point, I absolutely did not know what for, I just played along and went with her. She grabbed a gorilla mask in the closet and turned off the projector in the room where we were in. I follow her outside of the room and we walk for about 5 minutes before we reached our destination. Despite not knowing her, I remember that we were not walking in silence. She actually did all the talking for the whole duration of the 5 minutes that we were walking. I was just politely listening. Strangely, I do not remember what she talked about all. All I remember is that I was enticed by her persona. I was more curious if anything. We walked into a building and made our way to the first door to the right. She said ‘watch this’ as she put the gorilla mask on her head and slowly propped the door open to check if the coast was clear. Once she was certain, she made her move. She opened the door suddenly and scared the rest of the student council, who seemed to be in a meeting in a dark room, much like the projector room. I took a quick glimpse at the student council members’ reactions, which ranged from genuinely surprised, to curious shift of the gaze, all the way to blatant disregard, almost as if she has done this before. After the stunt that Vans Girl pulled, she takes my hand and runs away. She probably didn’t need to take my hand because I would have ran anyway. Nevertheless, it felt nice. We ran all the way to what looked like a theme park and/or carnival. There were colored tents that had games, food, rides, and even a big ferris wheel in the distance. We were still running through the carnival with her in the lead, still holding on to my hand. This goes on until I notice the band playing a familiar song. The band was rather large and had pretty much every single brass instrument as well as several string instruments and, strangely, only one guy playing drums on a huge drum set. I look toward the band and subtitles pop into the bottom part of my vision which read [******* by Stevie Wonder starts playing]. I don’t remember exactly which Stevie Wonder song it was, all I know is that it was fast. I start vibing to the song and nodding my head to the beat when I notice Vans Girl is snapchatting the band playing and she pans over to me. I smile at her and she smiles back. I’m having the time of my life. I then look around me and I notice that my friends Brian (Gazo) and Jeffrey (Galang) are with me, also dancing to the music. Everyone around me is dancing to the music, just having a good time, together. This along with the colors of the carnival in the background made the whole experience that much more euphoric.

After the song was over, the band, along with the whole carnival, started packing up. A little while later, the whole area where the carnival used to be was now empty. Some time in the evening, I realized that I completely forgot to ask Vans Girl what her name was. She said her name is Alice. I don’t remember her telling me this, I just got this information along the way I suppose. What remained in front of us was a large reflecting pool surrounded by some trees. Despite this, it was still in the middle of a city. It was around midnight, so Jeffrey, Brian, Alice, and I were some of the only people in the streets. The streetlights were illuminated by gas lamps and reflected off the water of the reflecting pool nicely. I remember congregating right by the water of the reflecting pool with my friends and Alice, talking about whatever was around us. I remember Alice hugging me in a warm embrace. I have found that being hugged by a girl is one of the nicest feelings ever, dream world or otherwise. I get out of her embrace for a second to look for something that I saw underneath a rock by the water with Jeffrey. I then turn around to see her holding Brian the same way. I begin to question myself. ‘This always happens to me,’ I say. ‘Am I not good enough?’ I ask myself. ‘Will I ever find love?’ All these rhetorical questions, never an answer. One of the reasons life is hard to live is because of all the unanswered questions. However, life itself is an unanswered question. So where do we go from there? I digress. What just happened was undone by the rest of the evening. We never left each other’s side for the remainder of our time together. Alice and I found ourselves in a store that looked like a Circuit City and Costco hybrid. It was like a Best Buy, but the size of a Costco and also sold groceries. The floors were hardwood as well. We didn’t even have to hold hands or embrace each other. Her presence was enough for me, and my presence was enough for her. I remember smiling practically the whole time I was with her in the store because of how funny she was. I then notice that she wasn’t wearing the outfit from when I first met her. Instead, she was wearing a short, white, floral sundress and her hair was worn in a bun. She was absolutely beautiful. I remember walking around the whole store and simply looking at stuff and talking about it. She saw a cleaning product and made a joke about it. I saw a facial cleansing product and made a commentary about it. After walking through the whole store doing this, I realized that we missed one crucial section. The movies. I told her this and her eyes widened in agreement. Oh yeahhhh the moviesss! She said in her cute manner. She may or may not have had some food in her mouth at the time. Despite this, I don’t remember going to the movies section and we the next thing I remember was us paying at the cash register. This was about the time I accidentally called her Ashley. She gasped but smiled again right after I corrected myself. She had a lovely smile. Our cashier; an elderly lady with short grey hair who was wearing a baby blue short sleeve shirt; was the sweetest thing and was very nice to us. We’ll call her Gladys to make things easier. I then found out that the reason was because Alice worked at this store. Alice and Gladys were talking to each other with polite smiles that didn’t seem fake at all and next thing I know, Gladys is talking to me saying good things about Alice. It made me more attracted to her to hear these things from Gladys. I remember looking at her intently, she was the only person in the whole store as far as I knew. She was perfect.

And then I woke up.

Part of me wanted to, needed to, get up for school, while a part of me wanted to go back to sleep and see if I could return to Alice. I switched my alarm last night from ‘The Right Time’ by Tuxedo to ‘F.Y.R.A.’ by Trash Talk. F.Y.R.A. played three times before I stopped it and went back to sleep.

I returned to dreamland, but it wasn’t with Alice.

[rossdraws]

Painted my version of Sombra from the video! She’s such a great character. Hope you enjoyed it! :)

[gxngster-ish]

Dream(s): Reveal

The first part of this dream was at a party, a huge party. The attendants were people from my family. This includes all the aunties and uncles from my mom’s side and dad’s side. And, strangely, it included everyone from the spouse’s side as well. Literally everyone was at this party. There was enough food to feed a village, enough chairs to seat a college auditorium class. But, surprisingly, the house that this party was at (it wasn’t my house or any of the other family member’s houses) was average size. The party was going on as usual, family members talking, children playing, older cousins hanging out, uncles having a conversation over beer, aunties laughing up a storm. Then my uncle Caesar walked in and greeted everyone, including me. It was then I realized that this house was on top of a massive cliff with no kind of railing to protect the fall whatsoever. Despite this, my sister was messing with me by scaring me by the edge. You know that thing that happens when you scare someone on top of a summit, you feel like you just fell. I kept begging my sister to stop doing this because it was dangerous as fuck, but she just mocked my begging. ‘Ohhhh it’s dangerous’, she said in her exaggerated posh British accent. My other cousin and my brother were also laughing with my sister, mocking me. It never occurred to me to get up and move to a different spot. My sister keeps doing this until the inevitable happens. I fall off the cliff while yelling something akin to ‘I told you so’ at the top of my lungs to my sister. I’m falling, which takes longer than expected, and finally hit the perilous rocks on the bottom. Miraculously, I survive with practically no injuries. It is then I remember something, I don’t know that I remembered, and I start to run. I run across the rocks until I get to this natural road leading up back the hill when an internal monologue starts playing. At the same time, everything is in bullet time from Max Payne. So I’m running through the neighborhood in bullet time looking for the house. It was then a car engine turns on behind me and noticeably starts following me, making revving sounds when I move up. So I decide to maneuver around the neighborhood trying to lose the car, which was a golden yellow ‘64 Impala. It felt like a video game in a way. I couldn’t get into any of the houses, so I assume I could only get into the house where the party was at. So now I was in a race against the menacing car to find the party. I came across this little stretch of houses that felt right. I was walking in the middle of the street like an idiot when the Impala came out of nowhere behind me at full speed. Needless to say, I started running. For some reason, it didn’t catch up to me even though I was running at a relatively slow speed. I came up to this one house through the garage door and lo and behold, it was the party. I knew because of all the Filipino’s as well as recognizing family members. I let out a sigh of relief as that part of the dream ends

Despite the last part of the previous dream, there was no smooth transition. I found my self in a car with 2 other passengers. The driver was pro Overwatch player Kephrii but I didn’t know the other 2 passengers because they were Kephrii’s friends. We were driving for about 3 minutes while everyone was talking to each other. I was in the front seat for some reason while all the friends were in the backseat, the arrangement did not fit at all. They were all badminton players and Kephrii had his racket in the front. He hit a bump and it fell on my feet, so I picked it up by the strings and he angrily, and at the same time worriedly, tells me not to pick it up by the strings. He was somehow caressing the racket and assessing the damage while still driving. I told him it fell and I just picked it up. He didn’t trip about it after that. After the 3 minutes of driving, we arrive to a rundown gated community with cars piled up all around the reception booth. I joked with Kephrii saying that I thought the cars were in line, he scoffed. The community was small with many twists and turns and was in ruins. All the buildings were rundown and seemed like they haven’t been maintained in about 50 years. Not a soul in sight, only ruined cars. We made many turns in the maze like community until we came up on this building with cars, new cars. In the cars were people smoking some substance that probably wasn’t weed and people having sex. We all got out of the car and Kephrii and his friends acted friendly with each other and acted like we didn’t just roll up on what seemed like a trap house. It was confusing because I assumed that they wanted to go to the gym, which this place looked nothing like. They brought their badminton gear and went toward the building but we were greeted by some Asian women who had some revealing clothing and didn’t speak English. Kephrii and friends were excitedly talking to some of the women and taking pictures. One of the women came up to me wearing gold shorts and a gold crop top. She came up to me very seductively and, without saying a word, lowers her shorts to revel her vagina but only to me. I was speechless. I saw Kephrii and friends taking pictures of the women doing similar things, and I took out my phone to do the same. But my phone was acting stupid and was very slow. Also, the lighting was a little dark so I tried turning on the flash. I thought I turned on the flash, but it turns out I didn’t, so I had to go back and turn on the flash and I took a picture. However it turns out the flash picture didn’t save into my phone so the only picture I had was a dark picture of something vaguely resembling a Asian women revealing her vagina by lowering her shorts. She giggled at this but not in a condescending way, but rather in a ‘it’s okay’ way. Funny how even though we didn’t speak the same language, we still understood each other, although in a vulgar way. 

After that fiasco we went inside. There is a little room that resembled an apartment living room that served as the lobby. It turns out that the place we wanted was right past this man who we had to pay $5 to enter. I didn’t think we had to pay money so I was digging in my wallet and eventually paid the fee. When we went to the other side, we were now in a really lively Asian restaurant with many waiters walking around. Pretty much every table was taken and I was simply dumbfounded because I did not expect this at all. I was now with some friends that I knew, although I do not remember who the friends were. It turns out that we were still looking for the gym and I recommended that we look around for it because we had to pay to get in here anyway. So we come across a corridor with several doors that employees kept walking through. I walk through one of them and I was in the same corridor except now I was in a really loud gym with tons of people working out in random corners as well as machines. There were huge screens above us showing advertisements and random things. There were also huge marble fountains where people were working out from inside them. What’s strange is that they acted like it was normal. There was also this one fountain where it could only fit one person and there was still someone working out inside it with normal clothes on. For some reason, the lighting in the room was very intimate, like it was illuminated by gas lamps. I walk down the original corridor where I was at and it served as the area between the female and male locker rooms. I saw one of my friends there and I suggested we still around for our friends. I walk into one of the rooms and barely catch a glimpse of a taking off her towel and revealing her ass (which was really nice) before immediately backing off with haste. I tell my friend that I just walked into the ladies locker room on accident, which was strange because there was no sign that suggested it was the ladies locker room when I entered, but when I got out, the sign was clear as day. It was then that I noticed people in the nude were everywhere and people were having sex in the open like it wasn’t taboo. If that wasn’t ridiculous enough, the places in which these people were having sex were even weirder. There were people having sex in impossible places such as a ledge really high up. There were even beds where there were naked women who accepted any man who came into the bed with them. I saw a man take his clothes off right in front of me and climbed into a bed with a woman on it. I would be lying if I wasn’t tempted, but I didn’t go for it for some reason. The door about 10 meters opposite was the mens locker room. We decided not to look in there for some reason. From here we decided to split up. For some reason, my initial clothes were missing and I was equipped with only a white towel to cover my whole body. I looked around the whole gym trying to find Kephrii and the badminton area with no success. For some reason I started to run back and forth along this wall in the corner of the gym. Other people had this idea as well, including this muscle bound guy who had bigger muscles than me and was taller than me. We were running side by side, he was trying to pass me but I was running a little faster. What started as competition turned into hostility when he laid a hand on me and tried to beat me through bastard tactics. So I try to pass him but he wouldn’t let me. So then I did an Allen Iverson crossover maneuver and made him fall. I ran away from him while he yelled out to me that I was dead. I kept running until I came across this huge gate that was labeled God’s Camp. Which was near the original corridor that lead me to the mega gym. Then all of my friends, two attractive girls and two guys, came out of nowhere and we were happy to see each other. We were telling snippets of stories of the weird things we saw. In the middle of this, another one of our friends, who looked exactly like Jared Padalecki came out of the gate that was labeld God’s Camp. We were excited to see him and asked him where he was. He was speaking like Sam Winchester and said that there was a strange power coming from God’s Camp. 

This is all I remember clearly...

[gxngster-ish]

Thin Moon

The concept of soulmates is a wonderful one indeed. There is a person out there in the world that is, essentially, perfect for you. They like the same music as you, they use the same language as you when you text each other, they like the same movies as you, they like, hell, love, being around you. You compliment each other like peanut butter and jelly, like Guru and Dj Premier. But I’ve been thinking about the circumstances that this concept can likely bring up lately. As one certain Twitter user said, “If your soulmate dies before you meet them, do you get like a backup soulmate?” This is an interesting question in it’s own right and I will likely answer this at a later date, but I was thinking along the lines of something else. What if you already met your soulmate? Not like you met them in 5th grade and you will end up together in the future, but you have already met each other and ‘loved’ each other. 

You meet a person, their personality compliments yours very well, you’re both on the same vibe, everything is nice and dandy. For all intents and purposes, they were perfect for you. But you’re not boyfriend and girlfriend for whatever reason. You try so desperately to move on to other prospects, nothing works. You can argue that they’re just not your soulmate is all, but ‘all who dare will be compared’ to them. Which leads me to my question. Is it possible to have met your soulmate, but not be in a relationship with them? Is it really only one per customer? Can you have multiple soulmates in your life if one of them fails? 

I just can’t seem to move on no matter how hard I try. Is it because I’ve already met my soulmate and I foolishly let them go? Who knows. 

[gxngster-ish]

Dream: Move Closer

Slept ~9/18, recorded on phone 9/19-9/20. Recorded on tumblr 9/20

You know the drill. I don’t know exactly how the dream began but I’ll just start from where I remember. Note: my dreams play like movies and I try to emulate this with stories

I seemed to be in a high school just walking around and doing nothing in particular. I might have jumped back in time and was a high school student again. I then find myself wanting to walk through a door when the ‘dream camera’ cuts to the other side of the door as I walk into it. The room inside was very comfortable looking, as if students and faculty alike congregate and simply talk or gossip about today’s happenings and/or problems. There are three brown (?) colored floral couches on the left, right, and in front of you when you walk in. A presumably Armenian carpet accompanies the room, essentially tying everything together. I thought that it must have been a band room. The windows as well as the blinds were closed, leaving only the light from the sun shining through the seams as the only source of light. The dust swims in the sun rays and a sense of calm is achieved in the room. There was no one else in the room. Or so I thought.

For whatever reason, I didn’t think to look down and, to my surprise, I saw a girl, presumably high school age just sitting on the floor in front of a powered off tv that I swear just appeared in that moment. She looked like Penny, a real girl I knew from high school. I don’t know how we started talking or what we talked about exactly, but we did and somewhere along the way I find that she is, in fact, not in high school, but in college. And my misconceptions about my age were then debunked, I was 20 years old. I remember vaguely thinking to myself ‘what was she even doing here in this dark room in the first place?’ I just remember the conversation being quite substantial and interesting. There was this one moment I remember where she asks me to harmonize with her and she starts humming a little tune. It sounded like the beginning of Benjie by Valerie Simpson. I then hum along with her enthusiastically because I knew that song She then starts smiling very excitedly and giggles while looking at me. She then says ‘I can’t believe someone likes/wants (?) to be my friend.’ It was at this moment that I began to ‘fall under her spell’ if you will. I remember my dream self thinking to himself, “hey, read the situation and go in for a kiss dude.” I listen to myself and tilt my head slightly and slowly move in, a tell tale sign of a kiss. Almost instantly as I do this, a nerdy looking black guy walks in and a flood of light fills the room for a split second. Penny says hi to him and he says hi back to her as he lays down on one of the couches while using his phone. I suddenly realize that I’ve been barefoot this whole time and so I look to my right and see a conveniently placed bed sheet to cover my cold feet. I say to her “dang my feet are cold” and proceed to cover my feet very snugly. As if the universe was talking to me, she says that her feet are cold too and covers her feet with the same sheet and moves closer to me. “Oh shit” I think to myself. All of a sudden, either the black dude or Jeffrey (current classmate), who appears seemingly out of nowhere wrapped up in a sleeping bag laying down next to us, says “Just go for it man, move closer to her.” I look back to Penny and suddenly Alexis (current classmate), wearing her usual skirts and dresses apparel, is sitting in front of me instead of Penny. “Oh shit” I think to myself. I remembered my dream self just remembering the thicc volleyball shorts version of Alexis without her glasses. It didn’t help that dream Jeffery’s words came into fruition and we did in fact move closer to one another. This was not without it’s consequences. We ended up moving closer until we were body to body in a warm embrace just covered in the sheet we found. We then move our faces close to each other, poising for a kiss, but lips never touching, as if teasing each other was the next best thing. Nothing else happened after that and the next part of the dream happened.

There are a bunch of blind spots in the next part of the dream.

For the next part, I remember being in a shopping center that was a fusion of Ikea and Target. The size of the place was inherited from Ikea, while the colors was inherited from Target. Just imagine a red and white Ikea instead of the traditional blue and yellow. I don’t recall what I did inside this hybrid store, but I remembered that if you wanted to go into the other part of the store, which was in the building adjacent to it, you had to go through this room. This room was a suspended chamber that was between the buildings and the purpose, I think, was to depressurize or decontaminate, most likely the latter. There were two employees; who adopted Target’s uniforms of red shirt and khaki pant; that operated the decontaminating mechanisms and the other was a cashier. I vaguely remember thinking that it was a bizarre spot to put a cashier. Then an incident happened where the doors closed. Although I remember it not being serious, people panicked. This is all I remember from this part.

Next, I remember traveling in a crowded city environment with cars in perpetual traffic. The reason for traffic was because of this event happening in a nearby building which, from the outside, looks as if there should be nothing associated with it ever lest it be a crack den. I wanted to check it out, so I used a cheat code and slipped through a crack in one of the gates that the event provided. I must have been event staff or something to that agree because none of the staff stopped me when I slipped through. I then go into the event building, and it felt like a haunted house without all of the forced spooky sounds. Essentially, a real haunted house. But I went further inside and I came across what looked like a bedroom and restaurant hybrid. The lighting was consistent with that of a fine dining restaurant, while the decor was consistent with that of a bedroom. There was a huge bed in the corner of the room. It looked functional at least. I vaguely recall only one table in the faux restaurant. The next thing I remember, I get up from the huge bed to go to the restroom. It must have been the middle of the night because of the darkness and the ominous silence. The silence was broken by a sound originating from the bathroom, increasing my apprehensiveness. Nevertheless, I open the door really slowly and to my horror, I see a large black lady walking with her heavy steps holding what looked like a bloody rag in her hand. In addition, the whole bathroom was illuminated by fluorescent lights and was decorated like a torture room with all the appropriate torture devices. I run in horror back to the huge bed and call out to a man who looked exactly like Stone Cold Steve Austin; as far as I know, it was him; but his name wasn’t Stone Cold Steve Austin. He hears my cries and goes into the bathroom to investigate. I look at him while he opens the door, but his reaction was not what I expected. Instead of being horrified, he has joy in his face and runs headstrong into the bathroom. A dream dead zone happens here where I don’t remember what happened between the time he went in and got out. But when he got out, I was so astonished by what he did. He then simply tells us that he had sex with the large black lady in the bathroom.

I believe there was more, but I don’t remember unfortunately.

[gxngster-ish]

Woman

Event happened on 9/15/16, recording on tumblr on 9/15/16

The universe works in mysterious ways, my friend. Someone like 2pac; a pioneer, a visionary, a good person; can be, presumably, shot to death and no one will know who killed him for the next 40 years. While someone like Donald Trump; a stain on this Earth, the human equivalent of a shart, the feeling of stepping on gum personified; is allowed to live. That’s beside the point though. I like to believe fate had something to do with what happened today.

I am currently taking a comparative world literature class, Comic Spirit, as a capstone towards my graduation requirements. Over the weekend, I got an email from the school that the room where we meet will be changing to another room. I want to emphasize that this is official shit, the school said this themselves. It’s the middle of the semester then they pull some random shit like this. So the day comes when I have the class and I see people from my class. I was happy because it was closer to the food places unlike the old room. Not 10 minutes after sitting, the teacher’s assistant announces that we’re gonna go back to the old room. So now we were in the stage of the reluctant exodus back from whence we came. The professor was just as confused as we were, but we continued with the lecture and activity as scheduled. The next day, I get an email from our professor who notifies us that the room change was, in fact, not a hoax. Talk about negligence on the school’s part. The day after, I was waiting outside when all of a sudden, I see a friend; we’ll name her Ilana; that I haven’t seen in almost two years. I didn’t want to say hi because I thought she wouldn’t recognize me without all of my hair. Nevertheless, she spots me first and we made up for all that lost time. We exchanged the usual pleasantries, how are you, what are you up to now, are you still hanging out with people from high school, and so on. I got her number again because I switched phones twice since I last saw her and I had to get it again. And we agreed to make a plan to hang out with each other when we’re free. Then the time came when we, inevitably, had to go to class. Our professor proceeded to explain to us what happened to cause all of this ruckus. At my school, there are a certain number of seats available. This is for reasons such as making the size manageable for professors as well as safety reasons. Can’t have crowded classrooms, that’s a fire hazard. Well, the new room; the one we switched to; had a maximum number of approximately 103 students, they had 105. So the Fire Marshall said fuck that and picked our old room, which conveniently had 105 seats and told them to move there. And consequently, we had to move to the other room. Inconvenient shit, I know. And apparently, the professor(s) were not notified of this until later simply because the administration fucked up.

I really want to stress all of the variables and coincidences that needed to happen in order for this meeting to happen. I haven’t seen Ilana in almost two years. The Fire Marshall inspects the new room and doesn’t like the situation at all. He/She picks another room on campus, presumably out of a hat, so presumably TOTALLY AT RANDOM, which just so happens to be my old classroom. All of a sudden, an email appears which forces me to go to a part of campus that I’m not usually at at that time. I was waiting outside the classroom at the same exact time that Ilana was waiting outside of hers, and we incidentally meet again. All because of the school’s brief fuck up. 

This day in general was just weird. I spent all of yesterday (9/14) doing flash cards, about 200 or so words, to study for this quiz I had today. I ended up getting a 9 out of 10 on the quiz, which is amazing. Then the whole Ilana fiasco happened. Then after that, I went to the tech experts at the bookstore and found that my laptop couldn’t recognize my keyboard and trackpad anymore, rendering it useless unless I connected a bluetooth keyboard and mouse. Luckily I have both of those. They then told me that to fix it, I needed to replace the logic board, which COULD have totaled to DAMN NEAR $900!! But they told me that I had 11 days left in my warranty for the laptop, so I ended up avoiding that cost entirely. Thank goodness. After the laptop fix, I went to the conveniently placed tent outside the bookstore that was selling tshirts, hats, sweaters, and other stuff from various brands including Obey, Loser Machine, LRG, etc. I bought two shirts that I found cool. Good day so far, but then I realized that I had lost my debit card. I was bummed about that, but then I just got a new one that same day, no biggie. But now I’m left wondering what had happened to my old debit card? I don’t know. Like I said, the universe works in mysterious ways. 

[gxngster-ish]

Dream: Date

Slept 9/3/16, Recorded 9/4/16 (9/7 on tumblr, further revisions on 9/9)

There was a precursor to this part of the dream, but I don’t remember the part leading up to it. So I’ll only tell the date portion as well as events leading up to it

I was just finished doing something with a group of friends. It must have been at a school/university because we were in a building right next to the entrance and there were many people passing around us. The group was talking to each other and one of ‘my friends,’ a typical looking Asian dude, was telling us of a thing where his famous friend was filming something on campus and was asking if anyone was interested. I immediately volunteered by shouting ME! quite loudly and suddenly. The group laughed. The whole group promptly left in the same direction. It was here that we find that this one (cute) Asian girl in the group liked me because she kept looking/staring at me and smiled as she stared. Even when our eyes met, she maintained her gaze. She even did this little thing where she gently pulled back the neck part of my shirt from behind in an almost playful manner. I looked back and she was laughing in an almost conservative manner, not loudly or quietly. I was embarrassed because I was sweating from the heat and she probably felt all of it. Our group then walks up to a door that leads to a plaza parking lot with many small stores nearby, including a 99 cent store. The Asian girl buys eggplant and is now holding a bag of eggplant. I grab one of the eggplants through the bag for some strange reason. All of a sudden, the ‘Asian girl’ turns into Yvette (I will explain who this is and why she is important shortly) almost instantaneously and I was being playfully dragged by the bag of eggplant to go with her to the store.

I feel that it’s important to disclaim that, at this point in time the importance of Yvette, the girl I named in the paragraph before. This particular semester of college, I am taking a weight training class. In this class, during the syllabus period of school, I saw a girl who was wearing a Slipknot shirt. So naturally I went up to her and complemented her shirt and we got to talking. The teacher gave us an assignment right off the bat and I asked if she was free after class so we could do the assignment together and magically, she agreed. We did the assignment, which was to buy a course packet, and I figured out her name; Yvette; as well as other stuff, including the fact that she can skate. Skate as flip tricks and manuals. She was very easy to talk to, but I decided earlier on in life not to fall in love with anyone who is even remotely nice to me. So currently, I know Yvette simply as the pretty girl in my class who likes metal (music) and skates. Outside of these external aesthetics however, I know virtually nothing about her. To say that I know her sense of humor would be a lie even though I have successfully made her laugh a couple of times. Basically, I don’t know what she’s like outside of weight training class. Enter dream world.

Yvette was wearing her black Nike hat and blue jeans. I vaguely recall a black shirt, but don’t remember what kind of shoes she was wearing. These details are not important to the dream, but who doesn’t like details. She was ecstatic to be in the store, which was unlike any 99 cent store I have ever seen. This store was huge. Tall shelves packed with products, places where you can buy fresh, hot Filipino food, and an abundance of people. Yvette was still dragging me through the store, but this time she was gripping my hand/wrist. She was very excited to go to the fruit and produce section because it reminded her of her auntie. Somewhere along the way, I found that she speaks Spanish. I then got carried away by this one dish that was out in the open to sample. It was a bunch of fried(?) shrimp submerged in this rich sauce that marinated them. I was attempting put some into a cup. I scooped so much but for some reason it only filled up about 2/3 of the cup. I put it all back and the container almost overflowed. I end up trying one with the conveniently placed toothpicks and disappointingly find out that it is indeed fish, not shrimp like I anticipated. It was at this point that I noticed that I was separated from Yvette. I walk around trying to find her when I notice that I also lost my phone and wallet. I got very unsettled when I eventually find my wallet mysteriously untouched on a random table. I also find my phone somewhere near Yvette who was in the corner of the store where there were several video game setups with different games. She was genuinely wondering where I was. It should be noted that she was now wearing a dark grey shirt and shorts. I apologized to her and tell her that I had lost my phone. There was a gaming monitor inconspicuously turned on, displaying the character select screen. But this version had no classic characters such as Ky Kiske or Sol Badguy and were all new and I did not recognize anyone. For some reason, Link from Legend of Zelda was playable. I get visibly excited for Guilty Gear and Yvette promptly plays with me. I show no mercy, but she was equally good through the art of button mashing. She almost beat me, but I ultimately ended up winning. She demanded a rematch almost instantly. I used the same character while she picked a new character. Her new character was a fat (cute fat), green thing/guy that she called Matcha. I laughed at that. She ends up beating me with her new character with button mashing and then I demanded a rematch. The score between us was now 1-1, next game wins the hypothetical 2/3 set. There was tension. We start the battle and it’s equal. I suddenly take the lead when out of nowhere, she does a super special move. The screen turns green and is slow. I try to hit her out of it when all of a sudden, there was a button prompt on screen..... and I miss it!! Because of this she kills my remaining health and wins. She was so happy that she won while I was completely astonished. We then started laughing together.

That’s all I remembered