Have courage and be kind

❤❤❤

[gypsy-at-heart]

No matter what is going on in my life, the love I feel for this little human keeps me grounded and ALWAYS keeps me moving forward. I'm not lucky...I'm blessed 🙏❤

[gypsy-at-heart]

Look to the Lord when your heart feels heavy with worry. Allow Him to help ease the pain of your burdens with His grace. For He gave His only son Jesus, so we could be forgiven for our sins and transgressions.

Let your soul be lightened. May your mind be still. Let the Lord be your saviour.

Amen 🙏

[gypsy-at-heart]

This shit makes me laugh. Like this little dude takes a couple of these and he's ready to move!

Sorry, little wooden dude, that's not the way it works for me. I need something a tad stronger for my back and muscle pain.

Having a bad back day. Shoulders are tight and tense. Let's see if a little stretching will help. Here we go....

[gypsy-at-heart]

It's been a bit since I've been on here friends. It was my daughters birthday. She turned four on March 18. I love my sweet girl. She is my whole world.

I have also been very sick for going on 13 days now. Waiting for a respite. Wishing I had someone to help me. Feeling more alone than ever before.

[gypsy-at-heart]

There are those days I feel like I will never make it through. You know, those days that seem to drag on for what seems like unimaginable hours. Night comes, sleep eventually comes (but of course not without the help of a little sedative) and there...its over. The day is done and you've made it.

[gypsy-at-heart]

Sometimes you just need a cozy blankey ❤

[gypsy-at-heart]

I read something today that really resonated with me. It was a reminder that it is ok to not be ok every single day.

I try so hard every single day to be "happy". I fight to find a positive outlook to the day. Not every day feels like a positive one. Its exhausting trying to be content with this life. It's an old cliche, acceptance is the key to inner peace. Why the fuck should I have to accept the shitty hand I've been dealt in this life?

Yet, I find myself being too tired to fight the unacceptable and give in to mediocrity that is my life. Everything is about my daughter now. The overwhelming guilt I feel after having an off day with her is unbearable some times.

It's ok not to be ok. And this is something I've accepted fully and truly.

[gypsy-at-heart]

[gypsy-at-heart]

The days go on and on and on and now I can not seem to tell which day is which. Is it Monday? Saturday? The last day on this Earth?

Does anyone ever think about what it would be like to know that tomorrow or the next day or the next week or whatever day might be will be your last?

How would you feel? Would you be afraid? Excited? Completely open to the fact that when you take that last breath, that's it. You're nothing. An empty cavity. This empty vessel. No longer capable of supporting life.

Does the soul linger just for a few moments? Does it wisp around the room? Looking at the crying faces, and then finally looking down at what was once their body. Is it then that they realize they are gone? A ghost? A spirit? An essence. What? Oh what do we become?

Love and life ever lasting in a Paradise. Reunited with lost loved ones. Never feeling pain. Never feeling sorrow. Forever waiting patiently until the next reunion at the gates of Heaven.

[gypsy-at-heart]

Those magic little pills

A magic little orange pill

Take one. Take two. Take as many as you need to float away into that perfect oblivion. But I still fill pretty close to the ground.

Time after time I try to levitate. I try to fly. I close my eyes. I breathe, and I meditate.

I try and imagine a peaceful place, a place that fills my heart and soul with a lightness. Perhaps I'm by the ocean. Listening to waves crash softly against the sandy beach. Or maybe I'm sitting in the kitchen, in the house I grew up in, making cupcakes with my mum.

Clonazepam is a quick fix for a racing heart and heavy breathing. But it doesn't take away the ache within my soul.

Those orange little pills. How many does it take to feel the float forever?

.

[gypsy-at-heart]

So tumblr family. Today I woke up and folded some laundry. I took my daughter for a walk. We had been living in a deep freeze the last two weeks. To be honest I really didnt want to leave the house. My sweet girl deserves some fresh air. I feel the guilt creep up when I dont give her the attention she needs. Sometimes I'm just too tired. Sometimes I'm not enough. My only solace is her unconditional love.

[gypsy-at-heart]

My dear friends

Today was the first day I got out of bed in the last three days. It's been an ongoing battle with depression and extreme anxiety. You know, the kind of anxiety that takes your breath away. The kind that fills your mind with racing thoughts of impending doom.

When it finally passes, I am left feeling exhausted. Worthless. So unmotivated. Today is better. I think. Its still early. Here's hoping for a good day

[gypsy-at-heart]

When your mum dies there is a hole in your heart that can not be filled.

It's hard to imagine the things you have already missed and the things you will continue to miss.

Just trying to get through the days without a mum. It's tough guys. Real tough.

[gypsy-at-heart]

Now it's time to get into my current situation as it stands. I am a mother of one beautiful four year old daughter. I will not share her name, however I will share she was named after the most wonderful human I've ever known...my mum. She passed away in 2015 from cancer, but that will be talked about in another post.

So, currently my list of disease (all chronic) : Crohn's Disease, General Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Major Depressive disorder with mania, Insomnia, Arthritis, Psoriasis

I am currently on disability and a stay at home mum. Some days are great. Some days are shit. It all just depends on how I feel when I wake up in the morning. It's a guessing game every single time I open my eyes. How will I feel today?

[gypsy-at-heart]

I'm new to this. I needed an outlet. Somewhere I could share my thoughts, my fears, my opinions and my ideas. I'm not hear to gain attention. I feel very deeply, that perhaps some of what I will share here may help just one person. But...we will see.