@h-olywater - Tumblr Blog

feeling everything intensely is my curse

loveridden1999

i may have my father's worst traits but i am more ethical & virtuous with them than him

I was so pumped when this summer started. I thought this year was going to be the year we took vacations as family, connected with other family that I haven’t seen in years, experienced new joys as I’m learning new things about myself in my 30s.

Life said “hard no. This is the year you learn about death and dying”

When I was a teenager I used to joke that the only two males I’d ever trust and love forever were my dad and my cat. 15 years later I’m about to lose them both at the same time. Yuck.

The more complicated side is that I feel like my dad has just wrecked my mental health repeatedly over the last 10 years. I finally started to recover from whatever the fuck hole I spun into when he got sick and needed to sell his house, my childhood home which was supposed to be left to me, to the brother of the man that r*ped me at 14 years old. Finally starting to get my footing again. And then he takes a turn for the worse. I get involved. It all falls on me. I start to rebuild an actual relationship with this man again, and now he’s going to die? Are you fucking kidding me?

Then my cat is like yeahhh I’m about to head out too. Dude. Can we just not

#personal #tw sa #tw death

thepowerwithin

It’s okay to get lost in the things that you love. In nature. In music. In art. Why? Because you deserve it. You deserve to become completely consumed in the things that you love.

Dr. Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin