Not a cry for help // Just a stress reliever
Apologizing in advance to anyone who actually reads this post, if anyone:
I have no one to rant to in reality, so what better place to release feelings than tumblr, considering most people here aren't quick to judge. Yes, there are better things I could be doing with my time... Like studying for my Chem. final, or anything actually, but I can't seem to do anything because my mind is stuck on one thing. I also am currently listening to the Broken Heart playlist on Spotify, which isn't me at all. I mean this post technically isn't about a broken heart it's more about insecurities and trust issues. Although the playlist seemed suitable at the time it's made me think and maybe actually cry a few times, I'll confess. It still hasn't helped me forget anything though. In order to get any sleep at night I have to get this off my chest and out.. So.. here it goes.
I know snapchat has ruined so many relationships... Including some of mine, but I just don't understand men. Currently me and my boyfriend had a big falling out because my ex (who also was the one who took my virginity ages ago) was in my "best friends" list. So to prove that he was merely a friend and that I had no feelings for him whatsoever I took it upon myself to block him and delete him from snapchat and also from my phone, period. Then I get "in trouble" for trying to be nice to him at all considering he is a part of my senior class, and I am not the mean-grudge-holding type. I mean the child asked me for a piece of gum, excuse me for giving him a 2 cent piece of gum. I feel like this was about so much more than that tough. They always say the one that accuses does it because they are hiding something. So I was bored a few days ago and was just looking through peoples best friends on snapchat and it just so happens that a certain someone was on my boyfriends best friend list, right under my name. I'm sorry, but the last time I checked if I get chewed out for snap chatting my ex that is my friend then you shouldn't be allowed to do that same thing especially when you were confronted about it. The wort part is she's psycho. or so everyone says. He says he hated her but yet he still snapchats her.. and I know I'm about to sound like a snoop, but I even checked his snapchat while he was asleep. It seemed like a lot more than a friendly convo every now and then. Did I mention that when we had this falling out he might have accidentally called me her name? He was slightly drunk though so I tried to ignore it. I want to confront him, but I really don't want to get into it this close to Christmas. It's just so hard to believe him when he's doing everything he asked me not to do. He also lives 3 hours away because he is working out of town so if I brought it up we would end up arguing over the phone and it would end badly. I guess this is just one of those things I need to look past, but damn it's hard to. Especially when he just brings up my past when we get into an argument, like he was a saint before we dated... He was worse than me actually... A different girl every week? Anyways. Like I said I apologize to anyone who had to read this. Feel free to give advise though. Because at the moment I feel like punching a hole in the wall. or his face.
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