but now i'm free @hadxxstrings - Tumblr Blog

He hears banjos penny whistles and other assorted Celtic instruments.

#head empty only wood #THIS WAS AN IMPULSE POST AND I'M NOT SORRY

Anonymous asked:

FathER, WheN Can I LEaVe to Be oN My OwN? I'vE Got The WhOLe wORLD to SEe!

With a horse like that he’d wanna bounce, too. But at least he has Jiminy. Good, old reliable Jiminy. He wouldn’t abandon him in a cage because he made a made the childhood mistake of desiring to be an actor and being abused on a casting couch. Alright, casting cage. But Jiminy wouldn’t abandon him a SECOND TIME. And cause him to leave him behind and go run away with a blue haired girl and go create Soviet Pinocchio with no lying, stealing, or lifetime mistakes where the story has zero consequences and morals to learn from. Would you, Jiminy? Would you?

Wow, that was a very strange feeling. Huh.

#give a little whistle #head empty only wood

Anonymous asked:

Pinocchio, would you let me hang clothes on your nose? My clothesline is broken.

“But I have to help out with Papa. And I’ve been helping a classmate with some tutoring... That’s so long to dry laundry. Can’t you fix your line? I can help fix it!”

#give a little whistle

Anonymous asked:

I bet you’d get along better with other kids if you played with bugs the right way. pulling off legs and burning with magnifying glasses that sort of thing

“But anon, animal abuse is frowned upon by the company!”

“And besides, I don’t like them. They’re mean. They push me into the mud and ruin my school books. They make the teacher extra mad at me even though it’s their fault and I tell the truth. He doesn’t care about the truth... So I don’t think I want to be friends with them.

He desires to punch them instead.

#give a little whistle

cxnscience:

That’s true for more folks than I can count.

But Dopey’s not a very reliable teacher. Maybe you oughta just pick up a sign language dictionary… and keep in mind that punching is a last resort only. If Mister Geppetto finds out you’ve been breakin’ noses it’s gonna get traced back to me.

But punching morons is a noble cause and I just might save lives. They might actually live to be a hundred and three.

Well first we have to take into question how many years got picked off due to all of us growing up in poverty but they’ll at least get to see eighty! We’re doing them a favor! This is the punch of life, Jiminy!

#head empty only wood #cxnscience #creating a monster

Anonymous asked:

How many times have you had to sit through the whole educational shorts catalogue, be honest

“A lot.”

“But I never got told I can call people morons before!”

#give a little whistle

Anonymous asked:

How often do you eat spaghetti with Geppetto?

“If we can afford it I just pretend to eat and he lets me play with it. But only when we can afford it. Why?”

#give a little whistle

cxnscience:

Your school teacher’s more than likely on a power trip and you’ll get in trouble even if it is the truth. And then your poor father would have a heart attack and - well, bein’ so old and all, I don’t imagine he’d - never mind. Forget it. Just keep it between your peers. And don’t forget how to throw a punch if they take insult to it.

Okay. He’s a moron even if I don’t tell him to his face. Got it.

So what you’re telling me is I absolutely do need to ask Dopey for how to say moron with my hands so it’s a fun code that I can get away with in school. Got it. That’s why you’re my conscience. You’re so smart. Wow, this was educational!

And punch people.

#head empty only wood #cxnscience #and he learned nothing about fire safety that day BUT a renewed interest in sign language

cxnscience:

I’d be disappointed if you didn’t. But you’ve always got to remember the three most important rules before you do. One: only call ‘em a moron if they really are actin’ like a moron. Two: never say it in front of your school teacher. And three: if anybody asks, you learned this from Dopey, not me.

What if my school teacher is a moron? Dopey taught me how to write words with my hands, so I guess it’s okay... I wonder if he knows how to say moron with his hands. I should ask him. I should be prepared. Everyone should know they’re a moron!

#cxnscience #head empty only wood #turning the sweet wooden child into a menace

cxnscience:

Listen kid Disney hasn’t paid for a new one of these things in fifty-something years you’re just gonna have to watch reruns like everybody else. Now put in the VHS tape and sit down.

How many children have snapped under the pressure of edutainment? How many? This is oppressive and evil! Attica! Attica!

They used to pay you for calling kids moron? Can I say that? Can I call people a moron?

#cxnscience #head empty only wood

cxnscience:

But he doesn’t even have a song prepared for tying knots. Why not something simple like crossing the street or fire safety? Fire safety is always pertinent. And he knows full well he won’t be able to afford another pair of shoes until he’s thirty so what’s the point, anyways.

Everyone’s too poor for a car. Check your privilege, you American. Ugh. Fine, we’ll take the fire safety thing. AGAIN.

Don’t think he doesn’t know this is recycled content.

#head empty only wood #cxnscience

aethergate

me and the bestie being emotionally neglected.

hadxxstrings

We are gonna blackmail Jiminy into learning so many knots.

#leggosmanymuses #dash commentary #YEEHAAAAW TYING SOME SHOES #head empty only wood

cxnscience:

You can have one single piece of actual useful advice for once. Take it or leave it.

Deal. Tying knots. Cause mary janes aren’t gonna be impressive when you’re a real boy. They’re kind of dumb. Don’t look at him like that. Knots are important. Absolutely important. Burly sailors on the cape tie massive knots and they’re pretty badass. Nobody wants to mess with them. Why are you all staring at him? He’s EIGHT.

#head empty only wood #cxnscience

cxnscience:

take that back right now. my year-end review is in two months

I’m Pinocchio, not Chatty Kathy. I can’t lie for you but I can stop talking.

Whatcha gonna give me to shut up?

#head empty only wood #he'd read it off and mean it too cause this child loves him and ignores anything bad that happens #IT'S NOT EVEN A REAL LIE

cxnscience:

I wouldn’t even stop that. For all I know wood varnish is healthy for a growing puppet and screaming is a valid form of emotional expression. I might as well not even be here.