No percieving thank you

literally just doing my best

[hahahahaboobstits]

i never had an album i related more to then TTPD just something about it man, everytime i listen to it, its like the first time im hearing it again.

[hahahahaboobstits]

You wanna know a secret? I lie to myself to get through the day. I lie and I say “its only an hour left til I have to leave, then I can sleep”. But I don’t sleep instead, i dread about tomorrow and repeating this sick fucking joke of a cycle. But its alright cause

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

at times when the world's wretchedness threatens to overwhelm, i remind myself firmly that despite all else, it is within my power to go to the chinese grocery store frozen section and buy an utterly enormous bag of dumplings. and that helps

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

there are several ways to cook frozen dumplings but i will direct you on the best way:

heat small amount of oil in pot on med-high heat. add dumplings, cook 2 min until bottoms are golden crispy

add half-inch of water. cover pot, cook 7 min

drain water and cook 2 min until bottoms are again crispy

CONSUME

in the darkest of times happiness comes in moments of joy we claw out of the jaws of the mighty. and sometimes that means dumplings

[hahahahaboobstits]

not to be dramatic but are me and taylor living the same lives rn now cause holy fuck i relate a lil too much

[hahahahaboobstits]

whens that yuri on icee movie coming out?

[hahahahaboobstits]

did i impulsively buy some shoes? maybe but i never claimed that i didnt have a shopping addiction

[hahahahaboobstits]

i wanna know if i have enemies, like how big do you have to make it, can i pay someone? i just want to have mutually hated relationship, maybe a enemies to lovers 500k idk

[hahahahaboobstits]

you ever send someone a 4’000 characters apology thru instagram? yeah cause me neither

im gonna die im so nervous

[hahahahaboobstits]

i have a reality tv show idea, lets get some politicians give them minimum wage and let them try to live off that, working a 9-5 job, five days a week. i think it’ll be a smash

[hahahahaboobstits]

i think i liked being off my meds, i may have been overemotional but at least i felt something im back on them now and everything feels less not sure if thats good or bad

[hahahahaboobstits]

i dont even want to be here rn

[hahahahaboobstits]

Anger boiled up inside, infectious, spreading. To her hands, that were balled into fists tightly clenched next to her side, to the way her teeth grinded against each other, to the tenseness she held in her shoulders. A disease something she didn’t- tried not to hold onto. It seemed fruitless. All the wasted energy she put in, counting in her head, deep controlled breaths, nothing held it at bay. The anger took more than it gave, gave her sleepless night, pointless arguments that lead to nothing, gave her something her parents taught her: a silent fight. One of their many methods, there’s no problem if you don’t talk about the problems. She didn’t want to be like her parents but she didn’t want to say something out of anger either just in spite. She would hate to be that person and once that anger was gone it left something inside a deeper part of her she didn’t want to see, a lonely side of her.

Pushing everyone away was a tactic of her anger to make sure the only person getting hurt was herself, not leaving anyone in the way of her anger, only herself to blame. What could be more pitiful? A person trying or a person trying just so that they can say they tried? So eager to push away this anger boiling inside to make it seem as if she never felt it in the first place, to lie and pretend anger was an emotion she rarely ever felt. Not the first thing her mind jumps to, not when her mind begins to race, not when her heart is thumping in her ears. A trial in her mind already sentencing them a guilty verdict before the case is brought to court; it's there when she takes a breath. Years of trauma coming in waves, more like tidal waves drowning her in a sea of self pity something she was far too used to. Maybe that was what drew her mind to act in anger, her inner child, someone that never got kindness just anger in return, maybe it’s all she knows.

She learns something new today to just let go.

[hahahahaboobstits]

I don’t think there’s enough ink or paper for me to write everything I wanted to say to you. But there’s enough missed moments and empty promises to last a lifetime. I think of you when I think maybe I’m a good person and then I remember you and I haven't nearly been good enough.

I hope you’ve moved on for the both of us cause I know I haven't, I think of you in uncompleted dreams and something that feels like a hole I've left in my life. Heaven accounts for sinners, it gives them a Hell. What makes them deemed worthy of punishment after death is something I'll find out when I die. For now as I breathe I'm living to make it up to you.

i haven’t slept in days and i worry it’s cause i know something is to come.

[hahahahaboobstits]

out of all the colors i’m probably piss yellow, or shit brown

[hahahahaboobstits]

anyone else or just me? i literally can’t fall asleep without it

[hahahahaboobstits]

i am so sorry in advance for the person i will become when speak now taylor’s version comes out

[hahahahaboobstits]

GUYYYYSSSS ITS HAPPENING I CAN FEEL MYSELF TRANSFORMING

[hahahahaboobstits]

its times like these that make me really wish i had a therapist to explain exactly what the fuck is wrong with mr, or just even someone to listen