i’m hella ace, but i want to date and be in a relationship. how should i approach this? how do i explain it to people i’m dating? how do i even find people willing to date me? so far, i’ve been in one (1) relationship that lasted whole two months, and we never even kissed. you might say i’m pretty inexperienced in that matter. also full of insecurities. idk what to do. idk if people would even want to date me. idk if the problem’s my aceness, my personality or my face, or literally anything else, idk idk idk.
S: Hello! Thank you so much for the question(s)! First of all, I touched a little bit on this on our first post, but all throughout high school I never dated, kissed, was confessed to, or anything. At one point I was wondering if it was just me or my personality, my face or anything else just like you! When not many people show interest in you it can sometimes make you feel a bit insecure. Basically, you need to become comfortable enough with yourself to let go of the insecurity. Once you can do that, start small by just chatting with people that you are interested. If it makes you feel any better, in the relationship that I currently am in, I made the first move. I gave them my number and we dated for an entire summer, going on actual dates, without kissing or even holding hands at all. Let yourself get comfortable with the person and if you’re interested in dating then don’t be afraid to make the first move. You do not have to explain to anyone that you are ace, if you’re going to kiss someone or anything, that will come naturally on it’s own time. Also sometimes you have to go through a lot of people to find the right person. Sometimes you just don’t click with people and it will have nothing to do with you. Don’t be afraid to just go for it.
C: Yeah, re: the ace thing—there will be people who will want to date you. I can guarantee it, you shouldn’t need to worry about that. As far as how you approach it, that’s entirely up to you. If you’re afraid of accidentally falling for an aphobe and getting hurt, you can lead with it and see where that takes you. Nothing wrong with some pre-screening of dating prospects.
S: In regards to finding someone to date… Try going to activities that you could find people that you could get along with (cons, clubs). Get out there a little more hang out with your friends and their friends. If you don’t have many friends like me, then maybe volunteer somewhere or talk to more people at your job or school. To meet people to date, sometimes you have to get out of your comfort zone and go meet new people.
C: It may not be a bad idea to find some sort of LGBTQIA+ group to join? And I’ll be honest, I’ve never done the ask someone out and then get to know them thing. Everyone I’ve ever dated I’ve started out as friends (more or less, Stoner-Skater was just this moderately douchey guy in one of my classes who liked me and I was trying to get over someone else but like he’s an outlier and ANYWAY I digress). If you’re friends with someone first, you can talk to them about the ace stuff before you start dating. Then you can kind of skip past that, along with a lot of the “getting to know each other” phase, when you actually start dating. I know some people are leery about the whole “dating friends” concept, and say they don’t want to ruin a friendship, but I feel like it’s easier to start a relationship from some foundation rather than nothing. It is important to know that no matter how you approach dating people, you run the risk of wasting your time on people who aren’t worth it and getting hurt. But it’s important to put yourself out there anyway!
S: I think that we all have insecurities, like I said before you have to become more comfortable with yourself and let go of those insecurities before any relationship can even begin. You can still have those insecurities though, but you can’t let them control you. Learn to love yourself a little more. ☺ Good luck with your dating, let us know if this helps at all and give us any updates!


















