Disfigured
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AnasAbdin
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

if i look back, i am lost

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@hallowed-bones
Disfigured
It follows
Knight
Heโs giving me goosebumps on the historical house tour
It wasnโt pretty like the movies
Put me down where the greenery stings
Lay me down where the trees hang low
Branded
Thereโs something.
Deep inside me there is something.
It bellows
It wants to scream
But it has no voice.
Vocal cords are cut
Though there is a screech of nails
And they dig in deep to my throat.
I look to you
Someone whoโs bad for me but I keep going back.
Why do I go back?
Why
Why
Why?
I close my eyes
There are no answers.
A shadow that runs from itself
Sickles for fingers
They cut what I touch.
Cut the parts off that never brought me any good
Only bad
Only worse when they were involved.
I look at you through slits for eyes
At a man who says heโs one thing but acts the other
Tell me he can help
When he makes it all worse.
Tell me I can trust him
Then sets me on fire.
Lay my head against his shoulder
Only for him to cut it off.
My sickle limbs morph into eyes
And they trace his body in anguish.
In pure rage.
It burns my tongue
Shrivel to nothing.
I thought I knew what rage tasted like
I was wrong.
Itโs not metal
Itโs decay
Itโs rotting flesh that sinks between my gums
That infects my mouth
That spreads like disease.
My body rots with rage
Molding
Multiplying
There is nothing left.
Nothing left
Nothing left of you except what I will leave.
Trail behind me with bloody fingers
Lick them clean
Devour what you gave me.
I am what I am
Because of you.
Helped birth a creation thatโs always been half lively
Half death.
And now
The Black Death is winning
And I have no choice but to lay here splayed out and waiting for my body to be eaten away.
My veins are black
And they run off with the hope I once had.
My mouth waters
Iโm sticking my tongue out
Can you give me enough this time?
Enough to sustain me
Enough to make me beg?
Plead and plead like you crave
Look into my slicing eyes
Tell me you like it that way.
You are just as sick as you were the day you created me.
And how sickening
So grotesque
So putrid
To create a daughter made up of every part you hated about yourself
And still believed Iโd turn out differently.
Well
Your first mistake
Was believing Iโd become an angel
And your last mistake
Will be trusting me that when you force your fingers down my throat
I wonโt bite them clean off.
โ I am everything you fear, yet everything you dreamt to be. Let me look at you, and let me sink my hound teeth into you.
๐โข๐๐โข๐๐ โก
Hands folded
Camcorder stills
Lakebed