@&#*ing Vault Hunters

handsome jack of borderlands

[handsomehack]

“Maybe I should shoot my shot with that little gun slut. I mean come on-- between me and mister hunter-- who’s the better looking one? Right? Right? It’s me.”

[handsomehack]

bedtime.

[handsomehack]

anon said: anonymously applies love to the jack 

“I don’t do love, kitten.”

[handsomehack]

Argh, this is so frustrating. Y'see, this is what I don’t get about you bad guys. You know the hero’s gonna win, but you just don’t die quickly. Example: this one guy in New Haven, right? City’s burning, people are dying left and right, yadda yadda yadda. This jackhole rushes me with a spoon. A fricking spoon! And I’m dying laughing, right? So I scoop out his stupid little eyeballs with it, and his kids are all, waaahh!, and, he can’t see where he’s going, he’s bumping in to stuff, and ah… I don’t know, maybe you had to be there. The moral is: you’re a total bitch.

           ind private HANDSOME JACK of BORDERLANDS

[handsomehack]

jakobscrest‌:

OH FUCK THEM HANDSOME JACKS

“You’re right about that, sweetheart. I do the fucking around here.”

[handsomehack]

jack would absolutely hit on, flirt with, and screw himself if given the opportunity and he’s not ashamed to admit it. his ego is that inflated.

[handsomehack]

miss me with those fetish blogs.

[handsomehack]

expendouble‌:

frickin’ psychopath …

“What was that, pumpkin?”

[handsomehack]

expendouble‌:

inhales .

“Oh my GOD you’re annoying. Just-- do me a favor and shut up. Alright? Stop thinking too-- that’s not what I pay you to do.”

[handsomehack]

im off for a bit to play some burgerlands.

[handsomehack]

“Hammerlock is a bitch baby. Both of ‘em.”

[handsomehack]

jakobscrest‌:

asshole hunting season.

surprised pikachu face.

[handsomehack]

xaallo‌

Just ignore it Xaallo.

Just get up and leave. Just walk away.

…But this was such a good sunny spot though. Xaallo shifted, so his back was towards the man (it was just one human…), but he flicked back an ear. Listening. Pandora was a hostile planet; even one human was surely armed.

“ I’m minding my own business.” He speaks, “ I hear pictures last longer, if you came to gawk.”

It spoke. Holy shit it spoke. Like-- actual words. Even if they sounded a bit- animalistic. Wow. This thing went from interesting to GIMME in the blink of an eye. He was already sending a message on his ECHO to a crew-- this thing-- whatever it was-- was about to be his.

If it resisted-- he could stuff and mount it on his wall.

“If I were gonna take a picture, I’d want a better background than this shithole. I mean-- come on.”

[handsomehack]

“I cannot believe the new big bad is a pair of fucking toddlers. I mean just-- just look at them. They’re barely out of the cradle and they think they can handle the vaults? Oh my god it’s pathetic. Just-- USE A FUCKING ROBOT, Vault Hunters. Sure she can leech living things but METAL AIN’T ALIVE.”

[handsomehack]

xaallo‌:

@handsomehack​

Just my luck.

The old saying (well, it was rather recent actually), was proving true: humans were the roaches of the gallery. Every, numerous, hard to get rid of for good. Xaallo sighs.

Maybe if he ignored them, they’d return the favor.

What the fuck was that? Big-- animal thing. The kind of shit some dandy-ass hunter would probably want to snag. Jack however, saw opportunity. Wangle the creature-- let his scientists study it or some shit.

Make money.

“The hell are you?” If it spoke, he might have an easier time manipulating it. If not-- he had a gun.

[handsomehack]

hannah-the-small‌

Oh god no, James knew who this man was. He heard him being all ‘heroic’ on the broadcasts but James was close to the Pandoran soil to know he had killed countless innocent people. 

But also to know you don’t call him out on that. Call him a coward all you like, but he needed to keep his head on his shoulders.

“Ohh right. Sorry… um… I don’t live here either… or work here… I live several miles out and work there. I’m James, work on machines. Just came to get some supplies.” James explained quickly. Least he answered Jack’s questions, “I need to get back, I have projects which I need to bring here for some of the locals and I guess now Hyperion. I left my assistant in charge of the shop.”

And his child.

He’d only dealt with Hyperion once, when they launched the ECHO implant testing phase and James needed money… the only reason he had one of their implants.

“Man you really are stupid aren’t you? It doesn’t matter where you lived. You’re in town. I bought it. I own you. Plain and simple. That’s life on Pandora, baby. I’m here to save your scummy bandit village-- to make it into something magical.” He continued to smile, walking now with his newly acquired employee. Most of Hyperion’s workforce was employed against their will. It was business.

“A shop? Isn’t that adorable. Tell you what-- I’ll let you work on robots for me in exchange for not blowing that miserable shack you call a shop off the face of the planet.” He let out another amused chuckle-- as if he found this all entertaining. Which to him, it was. This man was just another ant under his foot-- a creature to be commanded by a higher power.

And there was no higher power on Pandora than him.

“Anything else you wanna say?”

[handsomehack]

@hannah-the-small​ cont

He smiles. A smile that gave way to a little chuckle of amusement. It was quite unsettling as the laughter didn’t reach his piercing blue eyes.

“I don’t think you understand, kitten. So I’ll explain it nice and slow. I bought this town and everyone in it-- so you work for me now.” Jack stepped closer, slipping an arm over the man’s shoulder, drawing him close. If he had to kill the bastard, he didn’t want to make a scene. Not on the first day, at least. He was the magnanimous hero, after all.

“So pumpkin, I’m gonna ask again. Who are you and where do you work?”