It's Pride month! And you know what that means.
This is different from what I usually post and i originally did not want to make any pride month post because 'school' but what my mom says today motivated me to say this. Skip if you wanna!
My sister is a lesbian, or at the very least is sapphic, she never told anyone but I know, my other family members did not. She had a girlfriend in secret and probably often wrote cutesy letters to her, it all goes well until my mom accidentally found one of the letters, she knew it wasn't my handwriting so the suspect is clear.
Before that, my mom rarely to almost never talked about queer people, anything woke in general, but after she found out about the letters, I can tell that my mom's relationship with my sister changed. Every now and then, my mom would often 'scold' us about how LGBTQ is forbidden in our religion, how it was unnatural and sickening and gross, my mom also began to talk more about 'me having a boyfriend' or marriage stuff to me out of nowhere and I can only brush her off with a forced laugh. Even when she didn't explicitly say why she started doing this, I knew it was mostly directed to my sister. I, myself is a queer person, but I hid it better than my sister could.
And it saddens me the most because my mom is genuinely, from my own heart, she's the best mother I could ever ask for. She put me and my siblings before herself, supports financial stuff etc, she supports my passion for art, she provides my (kinda) spoiled lifestyle... But it feels weird knowing that her love might be conditional. It scares me thinking that she might stop loving me if she knew I was part of the LGBTQ too, especially if she finds out what I've been posting and making. I do sometimes wish that I could just love a man but I don't think I'll ever feel complete if I did.
And just today, she was talking bad about queer people to me again, especially lesbians because 'my sister is acting really weird again' and I really don't know what to feel. I wish I could let my sister know that I will support her no matter what, but it's not safe to.
Why am I making this? I don't know, maybe it's just that it wounds me for the fact that she's talking bad about queer people again, or knowing that she won't love me or my sister anymore if only she knew. I fear I will bring this secret with me to the grave because I don't think there'll ever be a time in my life where me coming out is safe. And this is why pride month is important, WE ALL DESERVE SUNSHINE‼️🏳️🌈
And sorry for my fucked up English lmao 😭 I never properly learned it in school 💔 I just need to let this all out and it did made me feel better
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