HanSIN

"Call me Hanson, first names are for losers"

[ladyavenal-deactivated20210809]

Hot boi

[hansxns]

punk-princess​:

Drying their hair with the towel, Charlie took a seat on the edge of the bed. They hadn’t noticed how badly they were shivering until they placed their hands on their knees. “Thanks,” they said dryly as shirt landed beside them. They contemplated putting it on immediately, but changing in front of strangers wasn’t something they were very fond of. Unfortunately, they didn’t have much of a choice right now.

“Don’t look,” they said before taking off their wet t-shirt and dropping it onto the floor, replacing it with the fresh shirt they’d been given. “So,” they started, swinging their legs, “other than my presence, why are you still awake?”

Their ‘don’t look’ was given a snort in reply. It wasn’t meant to be taken offensively (despite his anxiety telling him that it sounded rude) he just found it funny that he wasn’t looking in the first place. He was a gentleman after all. 

He absentmindedly saved the rendered video, he knew there was no use trying to upload it now, he’d definitely have to go to the library for that sweet sweet high-speed wifi. When they addressed him again, he spun his chair around slowly. What could he say? He loved the dramatic. 

Arin nodded towards the computer screen. “I was making a video for my filmography class. I’m also usin’ it for my game design one.” Damn, he sounded like a fucking nerd, nice one jackass. “Why are you up so late?”

[hansxns]

punk-princess​:

Charlie breathed a heavy sigh of relief as they shuffled inside. “Thank you, so much,” they pretended to not notice the mess and took to standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. Their clothes and hair were soaking wet and dripping onto the floor.

“I see the rain’s really coming down out there?” Arin joked before turning into a cough shortly after when he felt Charlie’s heated glare. “Right, um, would you want a change of clothes? You wouldn’t wanna get sick or anything.”

The way Charlie looked away made Arin realize the suggestiveness of his question. It wasn’t exactly like he had a whole apartment to himself, he was lucky enough to score a single in the dorm because of his ADHD. 

“Here, I think I have a shirt or something that you could borrow,” he was talking to them over his shoulder, rummaging through the mess of clothes that he’d thrown haphazardly into his drawer. He tossed a shirt over his shoulder as he looked for a towel; they were dripping like crazy everywhere and while he didn’t want to say it, it was kind of cramping his style.

They took the towel without question and as he turned away, his computer chimed. Video rendered. He was fidgeting around on his computer, clicking random buttons to make it seem like he was doing something - he wasn’t exactly used to half-naked hotties in his dorm room.

[hansxns]

@punk-princess

“Bah bah bah and a boom boom boom...” Arin sung to himself quietly, air drumming to the latest tasty jam he stumbled across on Youtube. He was watching the video he’d just made render, it was already a third of the way there and it had only been... 45 minutes. He had homework to do and he knew it but even god couldn’t get him to focus. 

He was leaning back in his dinky dorm appointed chair, cordless headphones on the brink of sliding off his head when something interrupted his song. He pulled them off, pausing briefly and when the second heavy knock came on his door, he startled, almost falling off the piece of wooden shit he was sitting on. Dan had probably left something in his room again.

He didn’t expect the purple haired student before him, half soaking with a glare that could kill. He’d seen them around his dorm before, but didn’t they live on the floor above him?

“I’m sorry to interrupt you,” they started with a half hearted chattering of their teeth. “I’m locked out of my room and my roommate’s gone. I don’t wanna get charged for calling the RAs to open the door.”

“So-” They cut him off before he could finish; obviously they had been practicing their pitch.

“Is it okay if I stay here tonight? You’re the only person in the dorm still awake and I’d rather be soaking wet in a room than in the hallway.”

Arin tossed a glance back towards his room, had he known he’d be having company other than Dan, he might have actually bothered to clean up. His eye caught on the clock -- it was nearing 2 AM. No way was he letting someone spend the next few hours in the dimly lit hallway, they’d get  cited for sure. 

“Uh, yeah, sure dude, come on in.” He let his door swing open and as he walked back into his room, he kicked aside various clothes and video game cases on his floor. 

[taquito]

nice dick as always bro

[brockhamptonbaby]

[theperksofbeingareader]

A mood

[hansxns]

"It was a murder, but not a crime!" (Charlie~)

“Fuckin’…” Hanson grits his teeth and pushes past Charlie to hover over the body of a dealer that they were in business with. “I don’t give a fuck if it was a ‘crime’!”

He’s searching the body now, for a phone, money, anything to get him to understand what the hell happened. “Do you know what the hell this means for us?” He looks at Charlie with wild eyes as he smashes a phone and he realizes that they don't—they aren’t as deep into this as he was. “You see this?” He turns the head of the man on the ground, pointing to the tattoo. “That’s a marker, he was part of the Ramirez gang!”

He sighs and pushes up from where he was kneeling. Hanson runs a hand through his hair and he’s no longer paying attention to them, he’s instead wracking his brain and closing his eyes.

[punk-princess]

“Oh, honey, do you think they’d allow a pair like us in Heaven?” Charlie joked, coughing as they tried to move again, this time hoping to lift themselves up on the bed.

[hansxns]

“Fuck no,” he murmured and he moved closer to the edge of their bed. Smoothing their hair back, he shook his head gently and urged them to rest. “Don’t move Char, you need to get your rest. Can’t have my girl not healing right.”

[punk-princess]

Charlie rolled their eyes at him, but complied, resting back onto the bed. “Uh….what happened? How long have I been here?”

[hansxns]

He frowned, some inexplicable feeling beginning to bubble up in his throat like sour milk. He couldn’t get angry at them after they’d nearly died. “You uh…got shot,” was all he could muster up to say, his voice almost inaudible.

[punk-princess]

“Shot?” They questioned. They’d remembered that. The searing pain before darkness, how time passed so slowly afterwards. “What did I do?”

[hansxns]

“Somethin’ stupid,” he replied, running a hand through his hair before sighing and looking up at them through his eyelashes. “I...I can’t talk about it here, but when we’re back home I’ll make sure to explain everything to you, m’kay?”

He’d barely avoided the questioning of the cops that came after he brought them in and he wasn’t too keen on getting eavesdropped on, especially not now with them in such a vulnerable state.

[here-comes-the-grump]

Pretty boy 😍

@ayearofarin thought you’d like this

[arinharin-appreciation]

HELL YEAH I DO

[hansxns]

"It was a murder, but not a crime!" (Charlie~)

“Fuckin’…” Hanson grits his teeth and pushes past Charlie to hover over the body of a dealer that they were in business with. “I don’t give a fuck if it was a ‘crime’!”

He’s searching the body now, for a phone, money, anything to get him to understand what the hell happened. “Do you know what the hell this means for us?” He looks at Charlie with wild eyes as he smashes a phone and he realizes that they don't—they aren’t as deep into this as he was. “You see this?” He turns the head of the man on the ground, pointing to the tattoo. “That’s a marker, he was part of the Ramirez gang!”

He sighs and pushes up from where he was kneeling. Hanson runs a hand through his hair and he’s no longer paying attention to them, he’s instead wracking his brain and closing his eyes.

[punk-princess]

“Oh, honey, do you think they’d allow a pair like us in Heaven?” Charlie joked, coughing as they tried to move again, this time hoping to lift themselves up on the bed.

[hansxns]

“Fuck no,” he murmured and he moved closer to the edge of their bed. Smoothing their hair back, he shook his head gently and urged them to rest. “Don’t move Char, you need to get your rest. Can’t have my girl not healing right.”

[punk-princess]

Charlie rolled their eyes at him, but complied, resting back onto the bed. “Uh….what happened? How long have I been here?”

[hansxns]

He frowned, some inexplicable feeling beginning to bubble up in his throat like sour milk. He couldn't get angry at them after they'd nearly died. "You uh...got shot," was all he could muster up to say, his voice almost inaudible.

[punk-princess]

Young Gods

[hansxns]

Hanson cleared his throat and pushed his hair back again. This was getting to be more awkward than he anticipated. He cleared his throat and looked at his dad, hoping to ward him off.

“Uh…” he swallowed down some uncomfortable emotion. “Yeah…yeah! Yeah, let’s head inside.”

[punk-princess]

Charlie snapped themselves out of the daydream, looking back to Hanson. “Don’t worry about it, it’s just stupid delinquent things.” Charlie slid off his lap and back onto the couch, keeping their legs on him. “If I go, you gotta point out any assholes that mess with you. I can make sure they never hurt you again.” Charlie’s tone was serious, as was their expression. They felt a need to protect him. Maybe it’s their pact mentality kicking in, a sudden desire to destroy any and everyone who treated him wrong.

[hansxns]

Arin laughed at that, covering his mouth with a limp hand. “Will do cupcake,” he teased, patting their leg absentmindedly. “But you don’t have to worry about that, I usually can handle myself.”

[punk-princess]

Charlie hummed in response. They’d let him handle himself for now, but hopefully they wouldn’t have to pull any tricks. They didn’t want to get kicked out before they got in.

“Well shit, lookit the time,” Charlie rolled off the couch, “Your scheduled playtime with me is over for the day.”

[hansxns]

Arin wanted to hide the disappointed look that came to his face when he realized that they'd have to go. If he were being honest with himself, and he was not, he'd admit that this was the most company he'd had in awhile and he didn't want to be alone. "Well fuck," he laughed, hiding behind his hand as he watched the television. He didn't want to look at them. "I guess I'll see you around?"

[punk-princess]

Young Gods

[hansxns]

Hanson cleared his throat and pushed his hair back again. This was getting to be more awkward than he anticipated. He cleared his throat and looked at his dad, hoping to ward him off.

“Uh…” he swallowed down some uncomfortable emotion. “Yeah…yeah! Yeah, let’s head inside.”

[punk-princess]

Charlie snapped themselves out of the daydream, looking back to Hanson. “Don’t worry about it, it’s just stupid delinquent things.” Charlie slid off his lap and back onto the couch, keeping their legs on him. “If I go, you gotta point out any assholes that mess with you. I can make sure they never hurt you again.” Charlie’s tone was serious, as was their expression. They felt a need to protect him. Maybe it’s their pact mentality kicking in, a sudden desire to destroy any and everyone who treated him wrong.

[hansxns]

Arin laughed at that, covering his mouth with a limp hand. "Will do cupcake," he teased, patting their leg absentmindedly. "But you don't have to worry about that, I usually can handle myself."

[hansxns]

"It was a murder, but not a crime!" (Charlie~)

“Fuckin’…” Hanson grits his teeth and pushes past Charlie to hover over the body of a dealer that they were in business with. “I don’t give a fuck if it was a ‘crime’!”

He’s searching the body now, for a phone, money, anything to get him to understand what the hell happened. “Do you know what the hell this means for us?” He looks at Charlie with wild eyes as he smashes a phone and he realizes that they don't—they aren’t as deep into this as he was. “You see this?” He turns the head of the man on the ground, pointing to the tattoo. “That’s a marker, he was part of the Ramirez gang!”

He sighs and pushes up from where he was kneeling. Hanson runs a hand through his hair and he’s no longer paying attention to them, he’s instead wracking his brain and closing his eyes.

[punk-princess]

“Oh, honey, do you think they’d allow a pair like us in Heaven?” Charlie joked, coughing as they tried to move again, this time hoping to lift themselves up on the bed.

[hansxns]

"Fuck no," he murmured and he moved closer to the edge of their bed. Smoothing their hair back, he shook his head gently and urged them to rest. "Don't move Char, you need to get your rest. Can't have my girl not healing right."

[twofacedsam-blog]

Who do you think you are? (open)

They had been following him for a while now. Jack had been nervous about it but Anti, Anti knew how to turn a stalker into a good time. He took control and began weaving through crowds and cutting through alleys. Whoever it was was good–he hadn’t lost them yet. Good. He wanted to mess with them up front. He dipped into smaller and darker alleys, leading them in more or less a giant spiral until he met with a gratified dead end. He heard the follower stop behind him. Anti smirked.

“You have no idea who I am, do you?”

[hansxns]

Arin was just trying to be a good person, he really was. He was trying to return a wallet to the green-haired gentlemen who seemed to be purposely evading him. To be fair, he would avoid himself as well; a hooded figure looming toward you? Ominous as fuck. But when he had him cornered, he doubled over, hands gripping onto the hardness of his knees and he pushed his hood away from his sweating head.  “I could-” he paused to breath heavily, “-care less who the hell you are. I just wanted to give your damn wallet back.”

[twofacedsam-blog]

Anti was taken aback–that was no fun (also rather pathetic, he and Jack usually kept a better eye on their wallet). Jack to the chance to reply and hopefully avoid unpleasantness. “Oh sorry, uhm, thanks!” he rubbed the back of his head and chuckled awkwardly, “You gave us–me quite a scare! Guess psyching you out didn’t work.” Jack laughed nervously again. He could feel more than hear the annoyed grumbling from Anti over the ruined opportunity to mess with the guy.

[hansxns]

Arin furrowed his eyebrows and straightened his back slightly. This guy was small, not terribly so but Arin could take him if he had to. He glanced over his shoulder; the alley they were in was darkening as the sun descended and he wasn't sure if he wanted to stay around the lass.

"It's uh..." he swallowed, messing with his skin slightly. "It's no problem, really. Just tryna be a good person."

[twofacedsam-blog]

Who do you think you are? (open)

They had been following him for a while now. Jack had been nervous about it but Anti, Anti knew how to turn a stalker into a good time. He took control and began weaving through crowds and cutting through alleys. Whoever it was was good–he hadn’t lost them yet. Good. He wanted to mess with them up front. He dipped into smaller and darker alleys, leading them in more or less a giant spiral until he met with a gratified dead end. He heard the follower stop behind him. Anti smirked.

“You have no idea who I am, do you?”

[hansxns]

Arin was just trying to be a good person, he really was. He was trying to return a wallet to the green-haired gentlemen who seemed to be purposely evading him. To be fair, he would avoid himself as well; a hooded figure looming toward you? Ominous as fuck. But when he had him cornered, he doubled over, hands gripping onto the hardness of his knees and he pushed his hood away from his sweating head.  “I could-” he paused to breath heavily, “-care less who the hell you are. I just wanted to give your damn wallet back.”

[hansxns]

"It was a murder, but not a crime!" (Charlie~)

“Fuckin’…” Hanson grits his teeth and pushes past Charlie to hover over the body of a dealer that they were in business with. “I don’t give a fuck if it was a ‘crime’!”

He’s searching the body now, for a phone, money, anything to get him to understand what the hell happened. “Do you know what the hell this means for us?” He looks at Charlie with wild eyes as he smashes a phone and he realizes that they don't—they aren’t as deep into this as he was. “You see this?” He turns the head of the man on the ground, pointing to the tattoo. “That’s a marker, he was part of the Ramirez gang!”

He sighs and pushes up from where he was kneeling. Hanson runs a hand through his hair and he’s no longer paying attention to them, he’s instead wracking his brain and closing his eyes.

[punk-princess]

Charlie felt nothing. Everything around them was shrouded in darkness and there was an absence of any pain they’d felt before. They know that they’d been shot, that was familiar, but the question that bugs them: Did they die?

A bright flash of light, and Charlie’s in some hospital, at its emergency entrance, watching patients roll in and out in wheelchairs and stretchers. It reminded them of their heavy drug trips and how they’d always wake up in hospital beds, having their blood tested and being scolded by some nurse about how girls like them always came in high on some stupid, under the table shit. They never cared, and they’d end up constantly seeing that nurse through their college career.

They walked through the halls, searching, searching, for something, anything that would give explanation as to why they’re there.

“God, why did you have to be so fuckin’ stupid, Char?” Charlie hears Hanson’s voice from an ajar door, and they peek in to find Hanson, chair pulled up to the hospital bed of-

“Oh god.” It was them, undoubtedly. Unconscious and attached to tubes and wires.

[hansxns]

His eyes were red and shot; he’d been here, staring at their body for god knows how long but he wouldn’t sleep until he knew that they were alive. And if they weren’t? Well he didn’t want to think of that.

He was scolding Charlie, projecting his own inner doubt onto them as he held onto their motionless hand. Tears welled in his eyes and at this moment, he did nothing to stop them.

“I love you, you know that? I’d never put you in the line to get hurt but I-I…” He swallowed something down—insecurity? Uselessness? His own past? “God I told you to stay home! I would fix everything for you, I just needed you to stay…safe. And now look at you—I…” he inhaled deeply. “I’m sorry.”

[punk-princess]

Charlie had never seen Hanson cry before. He had an air of confidence and stale emotionless intensity that only ever broke when they were in bed or high. But even then, he never cried. Especially not over them.

They so desperately wanted to touch him, to reassure him and let him know that things were okay.

But them basically being a ghost greatly disproved that statement.

[hansxns]

Hanson let a bitter laugh sputter from himself and he passed a hand under his nose. He felt pathetic, not for crying, no, although if he had to admit it, it was an odd feeling. No, he felt pathetic for letting them get hurt, for not telling them just how dangerous his life was. He led them here on a trail of highs and orgasms.

“Look at me,” he whispered more to himself than them. “Crying like a lil bitch. Guess I do care about you.”

[punk-princess]

“Never thought you’d ever admit it,” Charlie spoke to no one. He couldn’t hear them, of course he couldn’t. They stood beside him, nearly patting him on the shoulder but deciding against it.

“You warn me all the time, Hanson, and I just….” They muttered, “I always feel like I need to prove you wrong, to show you that I can handle your life.” Charlie huffed out a stale laugh. “Hehe, as if you can hear any of this that I’m saying, and god knows if I’ll ever get the chance to actually say this to you.”

[hansxns]

Hanson was looking at his hands, quiet, contemplating. He was twisting his wedding ring rhythmically around his finger. “I would marry you if…y'know…”

His mouth twisted a few directions at once as he tried to hold back the flood of emotion that pushed itself out in a nasty sob. He laid his head on the railing of their bed and let himself cry for the first time, openly, in tears.

[punk-princess]

Charlie wanted to climb back in their body and wake up, they desperately wanted to. But something was stopping them.

“Arin,” they whispered. What could they even say in this situation? Would they even have the right words to aid him, or would their brand of sarcasm just hurt him further?

They put their hand on their own leg, fingers phasing through. Their body lay, unmoved and the persistent, slow beeping of the heart monitor teased them. How badly were they shot?

[hansxns]

Hanson sat up stiffly as a nurse entered; he leaned back against his chair and wiped his face off, emotionless once more. His eyes were betraying him.

“She’ll be okay,” the nurse assured him, resting a hand lightly on his back.

“They.” When the nurse cocked her head at him, he looked at her with a steely gaze and shrugged her hand off. “Not she…they.”

[punk-princess]

A strange feeling swept through Charlie as they listened to Hanson correct the nurse. To others, it would be such a simple thing, but to them?

It was a validation from Hanson they never knew they desired.

They’d always assumed he just went along with their pronoun tango, secretly irritated by their persistence on not being referred to by a gender. Hearing him tell the nurse the correct pronouns was something new, something they never expected.

They had an overwhelming urge to kiss him. Could ghosts even have feelings like this? All Charlie knew about ghosts came from their summer of ghost tracking with Carson, discovering that ghosts were insanely bitter dead souls who more than often seeked out revenge on anyone who stepped foot in their old residence. Charlie wasn’t bitter or seeking revenge, at least none that they knew of. Were they a ghost, or was this just a temporary state?

Another flash of light, coming from the door, beckoning them closer. There was also their own body, an unknown energy around it pulling them closer. They were being forced to make a decision. Life or Death, a chance to escape pain or to fall deeper into their self inflicted depression. What were they to do?

[hansxns]

“I apologize,” the nurse whispered and Hanson sighed, passively nodding. He understood that some people just didn’t.

“I just…want them back,” he whispered. He was holding their hand again. “I miss having them with me.”

[punk-princess]

Charlie frowned. They loved him, they did. More than they’d ever let him know, and maybe that’s why their decision was killing them, more than it already had.

They thought about the other side. What even waited for them? Carson, they thought. He’d be there, he had to be. He’d be upset seeing them there this earlier, but Charlie knew he’d get used to it. He’d have all eternity.

But Hanson was here, in reality, holding their hand and wishing for them to stay. Hanson, who watched them cry and scream and nearly fucking die at their own hands.

Hanson, who despite it all, stayed by their side.

They couldn’t abandon him. Not now. Not like this.

[hansxns]

“They…they’re my world.” He was monologuing and the nurse wasn’t really listening because sympathizing with every shot girl’s boyfriend would mean not doing her job. “I don’t know what to do seein’ ‘em like this.”

[punk-princess]

Charlie felt broken in their body. It was stiff and cold and they could suddenly feel every tube and needle poking them. They groaned, blinking their eyes open. They could feel Hanson’s hands on theirs, and they gathered as much strength as they could to grab hold of his fingers.

[hansxns]

“Baby? Charzard, holy hell,” he whispered and gripped tighter onto their hand, forgetting briefly of the needle in their hand. He cupped their cheek with wide eyes and he trembled, feeling suddenly as if they were too delicate for his touch.

[punk-princess]

Charlie blinked up at him and gave a weak smile. “Ar Bear,” they muttered, voice hoarse. They leaned into his touch, body aching from the minute movement of their neck.

[hansxns]

“Sh sh sh, don’t move,” he hushed, pressing his forehead to theirs gently. His heart raced audibly, almost drowning out the sweetness of their voice. “I’ve missed you so much…I love you, oh god I’m glad you’re awake.”

[punk-princess]

“Did I die?” Charlie whispered, eyes scanning the room.

[hansxns]

Hanson shook his head and pressed a soft kiss to their lips. "Almost," he admitted, his thumb sweeping the expanse of their face. "You really think I'd be in Heaven with you?"

[punk-princess]

Young Gods

[hansxns]

Hanson cleared his throat and pushed his hair back again. This was getting to be more awkward than he anticipated. He cleared his throat and looked at his dad, hoping to ward him off.

“Uh…” he swallowed down some uncomfortable emotion. “Yeah…yeah! Yeah, let’s head inside.”

[hansxns]

Arin’s eyes scanned their face and he was leaning in before he could even properly register his actions. He kissed them again, slowly this time and his lips worked against theirs gently before he pulled away, eyebrows cast down.

“Act-actually…I think that’s enough. We shouldn’t um…my mom is gonna be home soon.” He was stammering and embarrassed, too scared to admit that they were the first girl, or close to a girl, that he’d really done anything with. “I don’t wanna take advantage of you.”

[punk-princess]

Charlie leaned back and gave a hoarse laugh. “You serious?” They said, laying back on the couch, “You wouldn’t be taking advantage of me if it’s something we both want, but….” they sighed. He seemed pretty definite in his response and they didn’t want to push themselves on him this early.

“Let’s just watch TV until your lovely mother gets home.” They didn’t mean to sound so sarcastic, but the damage was already done.

[hansxns]

Hanson scratched his scalp and nodded, heaving out a shaky breath. He really didn’t think that his dad had made a good decision and although he respected him, he wasn’t confident in his own ability to resist temptation.

Hanson slid his hand across the small space between them and subtly rested his hand on theirs, still embarrassed. He chewed on his lip, eyes focused on the TV although his mind was anywhere else.

[punk-princess]

Charlie turned their palm around and let Hanson’s hand rest in theirs. They stayed quiet as they moved closer to him, leaning on his shoulder. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

[hansxns]

Arin’s face flushed further at the feel of their hand. He fought off the small smile that crept to his lips and hummed in acknowledgment at their inquiry. “Yes?”

[punk-princess]

“What’s it like… being like, a normal teenager?” There was a childish tone in Charlie’s voice as they spoke. “I mean, it’s weird to ask, I know, but….” They couldn’t find the right words to express what they genuinely wanted to know, so they huff and move closer to him, damn near sitting on his lap.

[hansxns]

Arin cleared his throat, flustered witg the contact but craving it so desperately. This was better than any sex.

“I understand darl’,” he hummed, thinking for a moment. “It’s alright but it makes you feel like you don’t have a reason to be upset if something bothers you. It’s really…bittersweet in a way. Good at times, hellish at others, yknow?”

[punk-princess]

“What’s school like?” Charlie’s eyes brightened as Hanson spoke, intrigued by his talking. “Are the girls as bitchy as they show them on TV? Are the teachers banging students?” Charlie leaned in close, “Are you banging any teachers, Arin?”

[hansxns]

Arin snorted and bumped his head into theirs affectionately. “Not really ya dummy, and look at me, does it really look like I’m banging anyone?”

He brushed a thumb over the back of their hand. “It’s…just like it and crazy unlike it at the same time. Have you never been to public school?”

[punk-princess]

Charlie looked down and shook their head dejectedly. “I never got the chance to go. Kinda been the delinquent all my life.” They shrug and begins to toy with Arin’s hand, sliding their fingers together and squeezing them together. It felt safe to do this, it felt better in the setting perhaps.

[hansxns]

“Do you…do you wanna go to school with me?” Arin asked and his voice was so tender and sweet that he felt he’d get in trouble. “Like…of course my dad would probably make you or something so it’d…be better if you wanted to.” He was trying to backpedal on his own kindness but his character was showing through.

[punk-princess]

“I do!” Charlie sounded happier than they wanted to admit, and they adjusted themselves before speaking again. “I mean….yeah, that’d be cool or whatever. It’d be nice to not have geometry taught to you while you’re cutting up little thin white lines,” Charlie smirked as their mind drifted for a moment, blurry nights and barely memorable sex coming back to them in a rush.

[hansxns]

"I don't wanna know what that means," he murmured to himself, eyes honing in on the child's movie that was somewhere he didn't remember. "But uh...yeah I got you. Although I dunno how nice it'll be."

[hansxns]

"It was a murder, but not a crime!" (Charlie~)

“Fuckin’…” Hanson grits his teeth and pushes past Charlie to hover over the body of a dealer that they were in business with. “I don’t give a fuck if it was a ‘crime’!”

He’s searching the body now, for a phone, money, anything to get him to understand what the hell happened. “Do you know what the hell this means for us?” He looks at Charlie with wild eyes as he smashes a phone and he realizes that they don't—they aren’t as deep into this as he was. “You see this?” He turns the head of the man on the ground, pointing to the tattoo. “That’s a marker, he was part of the Ramirez gang!”

He sighs and pushes up from where he was kneeling. Hanson runs a hand through his hair and he’s no longer paying attention to them, he’s instead wracking his brain and closing his eyes.

[punk-princess]

Charlie felt nothing. Everything around them was shrouded in darkness and there was an absence of any pain they’d felt before. They know that they’d been shot, that was familiar, but the question that bugs them: Did they die?

A bright flash of light, and Charlie’s in some hospital, at its emergency entrance, watching patients roll in and out in wheelchairs and stretchers. It reminded them of their heavy drug trips and how they’d always wake up in hospital beds, having their blood tested and being scolded by some nurse about how girls like them always came in high on some stupid, under the table shit. They never cared, and they’d end up constantly seeing that nurse through their college career.

They walked through the halls, searching, searching, for something, anything that would give explanation as to why they’re there.

“God, why did you have to be so fuckin’ stupid, Char?” Charlie hears Hanson’s voice from an ajar door, and they peek in to find Hanson, chair pulled up to the hospital bed of-

“Oh god.” It was them, undoubtedly. Unconscious and attached to tubes and wires.

[hansxns]

His eyes were red and shot; he’d been here, staring at their body for god knows how long but he wouldn’t sleep until he knew that they were alive. And if they weren’t? Well he didn’t want to think of that.

He was scolding Charlie, projecting his own inner doubt onto them as he held onto their motionless hand. Tears welled in his eyes and at this moment, he did nothing to stop them.

“I love you, you know that? I’d never put you in the line to get hurt but I-I…” He swallowed something down—insecurity? Uselessness? His own past? “God I told you to stay home! I would fix everything for you, I just needed you to stay…safe. And now look at you—I…” he inhaled deeply. “I’m sorry.”

[punk-princess]

Charlie had never seen Hanson cry before. He had an air of confidence and stale emotionless intensity that only ever broke when they were in bed or high. But even then, he never cried. Especially not over them.

They so desperately wanted to touch him, to reassure him and let him know that things were okay.

But them basically being a ghost greatly disproved that statement.

[hansxns]

Hanson let a bitter laugh sputter from himself and he passed a hand under his nose. He felt pathetic, not for crying, no, although if he had to admit it, it was an odd feeling. No, he felt pathetic for letting them get hurt, for not telling them just how dangerous his life was. He led them here on a trail of highs and orgasms.

“Look at me,” he whispered more to himself than them. “Crying like a lil bitch. Guess I do care about you.”

[punk-princess]

“Never thought you’d ever admit it,” Charlie spoke to no one. He couldn’t hear them, of course he couldn’t. They stood beside him, nearly patting him on the shoulder but deciding against it.

“You warn me all the time, Hanson, and I just….” They muttered, “I always feel like I need to prove you wrong, to show you that I can handle your life.” Charlie huffed out a stale laugh. “Hehe, as if you can hear any of this that I’m saying, and god knows if I’ll ever get the chance to actually say this to you.”

[hansxns]

Hanson was looking at his hands, quiet, contemplating. He was twisting his wedding ring rhythmically around his finger. “I would marry you if…y'know…”

His mouth twisted a few directions at once as he tried to hold back the flood of emotion that pushed itself out in a nasty sob. He laid his head on the railing of their bed and let himself cry for the first time, openly, in tears.

[punk-princess]

Charlie wanted to climb back in their body and wake up, they desperately wanted to. But something was stopping them.

“Arin,” they whispered. What could they even say in this situation? Would they even have the right words to aid him, or would their brand of sarcasm just hurt him further?

They put their hand on their own leg, fingers phasing through. Their body lay, unmoved and the persistent, slow beeping of the heart monitor teased them. How badly were they shot?

[hansxns]

Hanson sat up stiffly as a nurse entered; he leaned back against his chair and wiped his face off, emotionless once more. His eyes were betraying him.

“She’ll be okay,” the nurse assured him, resting a hand lightly on his back.

“They.” When the nurse cocked her head at him, he looked at her with a steely gaze and shrugged her hand off. “Not she…they.”

[punk-princess]

A strange feeling swept through Charlie as they listened to Hanson correct the nurse. To others, it would be such a simple thing, but to them?

It was a validation from Hanson they never knew they desired.

They’d always assumed he just went along with their pronoun tango, secretly irritated by their persistence on not being referred to by a gender. Hearing him tell the nurse the correct pronouns was something new, something they never expected.

They had an overwhelming urge to kiss him. Could ghosts even have feelings like this? All Charlie knew about ghosts came from their summer of ghost tracking with Carson, discovering that ghosts were insanely bitter dead souls who more than often seeked out revenge on anyone who stepped foot in their old residence. Charlie wasn’t bitter or seeking revenge, at least none that they knew of. Were they a ghost, or was this just a temporary state?

Another flash of light, coming from the door, beckoning them closer. There was also their own body, an unknown energy around it pulling them closer. They were being forced to make a decision. Life or Death, a chance to escape pain or to fall deeper into their self inflicted depression. What were they to do?

[hansxns]

“I apologize,” the nurse whispered and Hanson sighed, passively nodding. He understood that some people just didn’t.

“I just…want them back,” he whispered. He was holding their hand again. “I miss having them with me.”

[punk-princess]

Charlie frowned. They loved him, they did. More than they’d ever let him know, and maybe that’s why their decision was killing them, more than it already had.

They thought about the other side. What even waited for them? Carson, they thought. He’d be there, he had to be. He’d be upset seeing them there this earlier, but Charlie knew he’d get used to it. He’d have all eternity.

But Hanson was here, in reality, holding their hand and wishing for them to stay. Hanson, who watched them cry and scream and nearly fucking die at their own hands.

Hanson, who despite it all, stayed by their side.

They couldn’t abandon him. Not now. Not like this.

[hansxns]

“They…they’re my world.” He was monologuing and the nurse wasn’t really listening because sympathizing with every shot girl’s boyfriend would mean not doing her job. “I don’t know what to do seein’ ‘em like this.”

[punk-princess]

Charlie felt broken in their body. It was stiff and cold and they could suddenly feel every tube and needle poking them. They groaned, blinking their eyes open. They could feel Hanson’s hands on theirs, and they gathered as much strength as they could to grab hold of his fingers.

[hansxns]

“Baby? Charzard, holy hell,” he whispered and gripped tighter onto their hand, forgetting briefly of the needle in their hand. He cupped their cheek with wide eyes and he trembled, feeling suddenly as if they were too delicate for his touch.

[punk-princess]

Charlie blinked up at him and gave a weak smile. “Ar Bear,” they muttered, voice hoarse. They leaned into his touch, body aching from the minute movement of their neck.

[hansxns]

"Sh sh sh, don't move," he hushed, pressing his forehead to theirs gently. His heart raced audibly, almost drowning out the sweetness of their voice. "I've missed you so much...I love you, oh god I'm glad you're awake."