i draw things

Adri - 25 - He/Him- This is my art blog - Main blog: conflictedebola - Twitter: hantavirologist - NSFW Twitter: biolevel4

[hantavirologist]

Idk he’s just gross sometimes.

[hantavirologist]

This is mostly just me posting an improvement meme because I’m proud of my progress, but also I’m gonna take a moment to talk about my mental health.

I’ve been in a really bad place lately, mental health-wise. I’m pretty sure it’s been supremely obvious. I have been for a while but since around early last year I started to take this descent into various different mental illness symptoms, mainly depression and psychosis. 

I thought I was doing okay until a few months ago where I realized I wasn’t. At all. Where I thought I was doing okay handling things, I was actually just getting a lot worse and literally deluding myself into thinking I was okay.

At around that point I was drawing a LOT. Nothing that I really wanted to post here (thank god), but I had this compulsion to pump out a drawing a day. When there were particularly relevant pictures I would post them.

That was... Probably the worst quality art I ever made in my entire life. It was lifeless, half-assed, just... bad looking in general. Not all of them of course, but even the ‘good’ ones just looked so unloved. There was no visible effort because I wasn’t putting it forward. 

Anyway around a couple months? ago, I realized how bad off I was doing and was like “Your art reputation is kinda suffering from this. People DO actually see the stuff you produce, you should give them something worth looking at”. I was super embarrassed because I was right.

So I decided to start sitting my ass down and actually putting EFFORT into my stuff. I had to tell myself just because I wasn’t pumping out a drawing a day didn’t mean I wasn’t being useless. I’ve been taking longer and longer to make things, but now I’m actually HAPPY with how they look. I know I’ve still got a LONG way to go as far as improvement but I’m satisfied.

I’m still in a really bad place, but I’m not going to look at this as something I need to fix immediately. I’m safe and not hurting myself anymore, I’ve got a supportive partner and a really good therapist and psychiatrist. I’m a long way off from being well enough to start socializing and doing things again, but I know I’ll get around to it eventually. I can take my time. 

[hantavirologist]

Another knife in my hands A stain that never comes off the sheets Clean me off I'm so dirty babe It ain't the money and it sure as hell ain't just for the fame It's for the bodies I claim and lose

MY AWFUL ALTMER VAMPIRE MURDER BOY, I LOVE YOU

[hantavirologist]

idfk my brain has been fucked lately and was like ‘hey, you should draw angel howl in another unit 01 pose’ and i was like ‘fuck it, why not’

so

here, i guess

now y’all know what he looks like, at least (hint; he never fucking stands up like this, he’s always on all fours)

(this was referenced from the unit 01 vs bardiel scene)

[hantavirologist]

with appropriate music

idk what to say

his anatomy makes absolutely no sense and that’s honestly how it’s supposed to be

pestilence angel Howl inspired by a certain screencap of Unit 01 from You Can (Not) Advance

[hantavirologist]

Friembly remembly that this is the same dude.

[hantavirologist]

Same character, different design.

Man, what an upgrade.

[hantavirologist]

I totally fucking forgot what I was going to caption this so you know what, just take it. I made this giant disgusting dude with my own two hands and God as my witness, I’m gonna love the fuck out of him. He's not exactly boyfriend material but he'll listen if I cry. I think. also he’s technically not allowed to like look like that lmao due to lore and shit he’s not allowed to ascend to this form because he’s not even a proper angel, he’s just a rehashed soul stuck in a pestilence gijinka but anyway i digress -will smith pose- pestilence angel I apparently exclusively do angst now. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[hantavirologist]

I can't tell you how many times I've cried Over you, my baby I've had one too many sleepless nights Over you, my baby Owen wanted a phone background cause he's gay lmao

[hantavirologist]

I almost exclusively draw this dick and his teeth now.

[hantavirologist]

an actual dog

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Then Clockwork whispered long and low And what he said, no mortal can know

I’m playing a lot of ESO lately and I’m in love with Sotha Sil so

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[hantavirologist]

this is an expression redraw from a panel of Bleach

[hantavirologist]

One (1) sleepy boi.

[hantavirologist]

An updated version of an expression meme I did once upon a time

Don’t look at this bastard when he’s eating, he gets upset

[hantavirologist]

Everyone's favorite jacked big-tiddy vampire bartender.