Do You Love Someone With Depression?
If youĀ have a partner or are close to someone whoĀ struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about thatĀ here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.
Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.
1. Help them keep clutter at bay.
WhenĀ a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, youāll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calmĀ environment. (Iām a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about thatĀ here.)
2. Fix them a healthy meal.
Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partnerās health, causing them to go deeper into their depression. Help your loved one keep their body healthy, and their mind will follow.Ā This is a great articleĀ that talks about the āBrain Dietā which can help the symptoms of depression, andĀ this articleĀ talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recentĀ rise in depression.Ā HereĀ is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.
Ā The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or āearthingā helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emfās, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil,Ā Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increasesĀ Vitamin D productionĀ which can helpĀ alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depressionĀ here.Ā Ā For more information about other sources of Vitamin D,Ā this is a great postĀ as well asĀ this.
4. Ask them to help you understand what theyāre feeling.
If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.
5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.
Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, itās all just too hard, and they donāt deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since āNow Iām such a mess, no one could ever love meā. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them āIām going to do the dishes, why donāt you go enjoy a bubble bath?ā can give them the permission they wonāt give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.
Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often donāt want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.
Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of themselves. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.
8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.
Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they wonāt scare you away because they have an illness.
9. Challenge theirĀ destructive thoughts.
A depressed personās mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. āIām unlovable, Iām a failure, Iām ugly, Iām stupidā. Challenge these untruths with the truth. āYouāre not unlovable, I love you. You arenāt a failure, here are all the things youāve accomplished.ā
10.Remind them why you love them.
Look at pictures of happy times youāve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.
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