a psychedelic journey into drug-induced happiness

[literallysame]

[itt-a-peti]

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:D:D:

.D:D:D:D :D D:D :D D:D :DD:D:D::D:D:D:D:D

imadom.

[happypillsnoalcohol]

rush

Sometimes I get these rushes of productivity, then I do everything fast.

I shower fast, I get to my laptop and start doing things productively fast, I clean my room fast. fast, fast, fast.

On one side, this is a good thing, I'm quite happy for being more productive recently, on the other side, I'm a bit concerned, because the doc mentioned that this could be a possible sign of going into a maniac-depressive state of condition. so I'll have to watch out and be careful. also, I'll be sure to mention these rushes to her on Monday.

[happypillsnoalcohol]

epiphany - for when you just don't want to do anything

new tactic for battling The Lack Of Motivation:

when I have some important to-do, that I just simply can't start, becaus I just can't, I do the following:

- lie down on my couch

- take up the fetal position

- wait until the urge to be productive hits you

- start doing stuff

that simple.

[happypillsnoalcohol]

Day 16 - Wed

skipping morning, waking up at 3 pm, doing shit the entire day, enjoying my day off.

Pills as yesterday. 

Phoned the office of the doc, asked for a new appointment. Will go on Monday.

[happypillsnoalcohol]

Day 15 - Tue

skipped the morning. no worries, I am quite experienced at this by now.

Took 1 Cipralex + 0.5 Rivotril when waking up, then 1 Rivotril in the evening. So only 0.5 Rivotril was skipped.

I'm on my day off today, so spent the evening with some Couchsurfing friends watching a movie. Delightful.

[happypillsnoalcohol]

day 14 - Mon

pills as regular.

workplace stuff as regular.

the boss isn't always right. don't give a shit.

missed my checkup with the doctor, because I completely forgot about it. have to get new appointment. oh well.

[happypillsnoalcohol]

Day 13 - Sun

skipped the morning again.

but didn’t want to miss Cipralex two days in a row, so I just decided to take them in the afternoon.

in the evening, I will probably go out again. there’re some good gigs tonight.

[happypillsnoalcohol]

Day 12 - Sat

I completely skipped the morning. not just the pills, but the morning in its entirety. weekend.

took one half rivotril in the afternoon, then went out into the city. it was quite nice. was glad to realize that the classic experience of drinking beer with friends on the street can be completely replaced by the experience of drinking non-alcoholic beer with friends on the street. good times. I don’t need alcohol anymore.

skipped the evening pills too, but what the heck. it was a good day. and it’s weekend.

[happypillsnoalcohol]

day 11 - Fri

On Friday I stopped blogging on a daily basis.

Dis was due to the fact that I received my new toys at work, so finally I got to doing what I really love and really enjoy.

You see, normally I write my daily reports from the office, but that day I didn’t even think about doing anything else but play with the new devices. Engineering fuck yes.

If I had to guess, I would say I took my pills as regular, but I don’t remember for sure.

[happypillsnoalcohol]

Nice blend for just .80 USD - Oettinger Alkoholfrei

The next one to test was the Oettinger alcohol free, which I happened to stumble upon in a supermarket for a bargain price of 0.80 USD.

Didn’t expect much, but was pleasantly surprised. after all, the germans do know how to make beer. even non-alcoholic ones, so it would seem.

quite a nice taste, even resembled beer, and surprisingly I sensed a hint of caramel malt in it.

Would recommend.

[happypillsnoalcohol]

day 10 - Thur

pills as regular.

office was much calmer than yesterday.

feeling more tired and tired at the end ofthe day though. coming home from work, can't do more but play games on my phone and sit around. energy level at absolute zero.

the cigs made me dizzy on a regular basis, so got rid of the rest of my pack. gave it to a homeless. there.

[happypillsnoalcohol]

Non-alcoholic beverages -- Gösser Alkoholfreies Naturbier

Horrible. Just like beer with a lot of water. I mean, take 450 ml water, then spill 50 ml beer in it, and you get practically the same result.

Another interesting lesson I’ve learned, is that there are some situations in which alcohol-free beer just can’t replace regular beer. one of them is travelling on the tram after a hard day of work, drinking a beer, not giving a damn about the “no drinking" regulation, staring out the window and waiting for the time to go by.

Well, this fucker here, Gösser Alkoholfreies Naturbier, completely ruined this experience with its watery taste and complete lack of character.

avoid at all costs.

[happypillsnoalcohol]

epiphany - pseudo-alcoholism

sometimes I used to pop a beer or two. if I had a hard day at work, or just when I felt like it. (see also: pseudo-alcoholism)

now, that I don’t have the luxury of alcohol anymore, I’ve noticed that I can pretty much do the same with non-alcoholic beers.

which is good nows. it means that I didn’t have that old habit out of sheer (pseudo-)alcoholism, I wasn’t attracted by the alcohol in the drinks. it was probably because fuck it, it was just a nice way to end a day, or a nice feeling to sit in my big armchair and sip on a cold beverage... and it still is.

[happypillsnoalcohol]

day 9 - Wed

pills as regular.

some very minor everyday workplace conflicts. starting to give less of a fuck, as time progresses. guess the pills _are_ helping after all.

in the afternoon, extremely tired. always extremely tired in the afternoon. probably due to work exhaustion.

recovered myself around 8 pm and began doing some productive tasks. felt good. now I have a new schedule. great.

[happypillsnoalcohol]

Anthony, you old son of a bitch, you fucking did it

there is a brewing dynasty with great history and deep ties to Hungary. Franz Anton Dreher, Anton Dreher, and Anton Dreher Jr.; namely the pioneer, the “king", and the perfecter of pale lager beer.

why am I telling this right now, in a blog about happy pills and the complete absence of alcohol.

because these sons of cockmongling bitches created not just a company, but a legacy. A legacy, which made it possible the birth of the best non-alcoholic beer, which literally made me reevaluate my life.

it tastes just like beer. simple as that. the masters of lager beer made it happen.

right now, the top three best decisions of my life read as follows:

3. hooking up with my first girlfriend

2. breaking up with my first girlfriend

1. going in this godforsaken small grocery store and buying this liquid created by the undying soul of true brewmaster geniuses

[happypillsnoalcohol]

epiphany - writing

I have come to realize that writing this blog helps me at least as much as taking those damn pills.

that is all.

[happypillsnoalcohol]

epiphany - voices

It has come to my understanding that, according to my experience, the pills do not take the sadness away. I am still feeling sad and down at times.

but these times, the shallow voices of my own self that used to suggest killing myself don't surface anymore. so that's a positive change. thanks to the pills.

the pills don't take the sadness away, the pills take the voices away.