I’ve had many depressive episodes in my life. Some are heavier than others, but today was especially horrible. I couldn’t get out of my bed and even if I wanted to, it just felt like a heavy burden. I tried to distract myself by playing games or watching movies, but nothing helped. I cried the whole day and when I finally calmed down, I couldn’t even feel anything. For the first time in a really long time, I didn’t shower. First because the water was out, but even when it came back, I told myself to shower and I couldn’t. It’s been a long time since I felt this way. I tried to talk to people about it but they sorta brushed me off and I didn’t want to be persistent so I just let them be. It’s been difficult and it’s starting to get worse. I feel like I’m a burden, that people just talk to me out of pity or only when they have problems so that I can help them. It doesn’t feel like anybody really talks to me, like they’re interested to know. It just sorta feels like they have me there “just in case”. I feel secondary in everybody’s lives. I’m sure if I wasn’t around, they will be okay without me. Sometimes I wonder how I’m gonna get out of this. To be honest, I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I never wanted to be dependent on someone, I just wanted someone who would be there for me like I’m there for so many people, unconditionally. I wanted someone that would wake up with the hopes of seeing me and feeling better once they knew we had something to do together. Now all I do is sit in my room, because everybody is busy and they have other people with whom they would rather be. It gets very lonely sometimes, the anxiety could literally eat me up. It’s been a very bad mental health day.
izzy806
kaledo-art
blakekathryn
vaporwave
jacobvanloon
jbbartram-illu
dededos
2087
