Steve: This is such a bad idea.
Billy: Then why are you coming along?
Steve: One of us needs to be able to talk Hopper out of arresting us when this inevitable goes wrong.
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$LAYYYTER

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@harringrove000
Steve: This is such a bad idea.
Billy: Then why are you coming along?
Steve: One of us needs to be able to talk Hopper out of arresting us when this inevitable goes wrong.
Steve: Hold on, you'd take on a Demogorgon for me?
Billy: Of course, Sweetheart, I'd do anything for you.
Steve: 😍
Billy: Except eat peas, those things are disgusting.
Steve: ...
Billy: ...
Steve: I'll take it.
Steve: Your existence is confusing.
Billy: How so?
Steve: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to you upsets me.
Billy: So, how did you even find me?
Steve: A good boyfriend knows how to stalk the love of his life.
Billy: ...
Billy: You followed my path of destruction, didn't you?
Steve: I still don't know how you miss that scooter.
Billy Hargrove was absolutely the worst person to be Santa.
He was immature, arrogant, and loud. Not to mention having the constant need to make Steve’s face go red. With that annoying smirk of his and always having a candy cane in his mouth since smoking was forbidden in the workshop (they couldn't have kids opening their presents on Christmas morning and wondering why their toys smell like smoke).
But none of that seems to matter since all the elves love him, thinking him to be so cool. Even Dustin thought he was cool. The reindeer he understood since Billy most likely bribe them with carrots and sugar cubes.
He has no idea what Hopper sees in him, but he wasn't about to argue with Santa Claus. The guy might be jolly, but he was still his boss.
Still, he didn't know why he had to retire, sure he's been on the job for hundreds of years, and all the other holiday figures say it's time to choose an heir. But why, Billy? Anyone, but him.
But Steve was still Head Elf, Santa Claus right hand, so he has to suck it up and help prepare the new Santa Clause for his first Christmas.
...
... They’re doom.
Steve walks to the kitchen table where Billy is drinking coffee.
Steve: I just got off the phone with the school. They say you punch a dad whose kid was bullying Will.
Billy: [Taking a sip] Was his nose broken?
Steve: [Blinks, confuse] No?
Billy: Dang it, I held back too much.
Billy holding Steve in his arms, bridal style: I'm like a mug.
Steve:... explain?
Billy: We hold hot things.
Steve: There is no way I'm letting you do this stupid thing.
Billy: aww
Steve:...
Steve: Without me.
Billy: Take my hand.
Steve: Why?
Billy: I'm trying to ask you to marry me, so take my hand!
Steve: Sometimes I wish we had normal people problems.
Billy: That would be nice.
Billy getting Steve ready for basketball season.
Billy: Come on you can do it.
Steve: [Lying on his back, sweating and gasping for breath] I can't... I'm weak.
Billy: You're not weak! You just lack physical strength, emotional strength, and mental strength.
Steve: You lied to me.
Billy: I lie to everybody. What makes you so special?
Steve: I'm your boyfriend.
Billy: Yes, well, that just makes you more gullible.
The Mummy 1999 au
In 1926, Robin presents her brother Steve—a librarian and aspiring Egyptologist—with an intricate box and map that lead to Hamunaptra. Robin reveals she stole the box from an American adventurer, Billy Hargrove, who discovered the city three years earlier while in the French Foreign Legion. Steve and Robin find Billy and make a deal with him to lead them to the city.
“What... How... Oh, look at this! Sons of the pharaohs! Give me frogs! Flies! Locusts! Anything but you! Compared to you, the other plagues were a joy!”
“I am so very sorry Mr. Clarke. It was an accident.”
“Steve, when Rameses destroyed Syria, that was an accident. You are a catastrophe!”
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“Um... By the way... why did you kiss me?”
“I was about to be hanged. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“Ooh!” [gets up and walks away in a huff]
[Calling after him] “What? What'd I say?”
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“Look, I... I may not be an explorer, or an adventurer, or a treasure-seeker, or a gunfighter, Mr. Hargrove, but I am proud of what I am.”
“And what is that?”
“I... am a librarian.”
Steve: Look, you upset Max and she got you back. Maybe you should just draw a line under it.
Billy: Oh, I’m going to draw a line under it, alright.
Steve: Good. [frowns] I feel like we’re on different pages here.
Billy: No no, draw a line under it. I get it. I understand.
Billy: ...
Billy: To EMPHASIZE it!
Steve: What about Billy? I won't leave without him!
[Billy runs in followed by hundreds of demodogs]
Steve:...
Steve: Time to go.
Steve: Can I get your opinion on something that happened at school today?
Robin: Of course.
Billy: Sure.
Steve: Okay, well, I did something that will either make me look like a lovable goof or a horrible monster.
Robin: Oh, I’m sure it’s lovable.
Billy: I’m gonna’ go with monster. What do ya' got?
Steve: Well, one of my teachers is retiring, and they were passing around one of those big cards for the class to sign, but no one told me she was in a horrible car accident over the weekend, and what I was signing was not a retirement card, but was actually a Get Well card.
Billy: [laughing] I’m liking my odds here.
Steve: So on the card, in the hospital, next to the woman who’s clinging to life, are the words, “Hey Mrs. Click, you deserve this,”
Steve: And at least with you gone, no one will give us homework anymore.
Steve: LOL, smiley face.
Steve: P.S. Good luck wherever you wind up.”
Billy: [grinning] Why didn’t I put money on this?
Robin: Billy, why are you making that face? Is the coffee bad?
Billy: Steve put salt in my coffee because I annoyed him, but I'm going to continue drinking it because I'm petty and I refuse to let him win.
Robin:...
Robin:... You two are relationship goals.