Monica

hot and happening

[kalynroseanne]

Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened every day and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breath in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.

[bimbocracy]

Men think it’s ruder for a woman to say “don’t interrupt me” than it is for them to interrupt her in the first place

[fuckyallbitcheslol]

id probably call that ruder. Jus cause I interrupt someone don’t mean I was mentally thinking bout cutting this annoying ass bitch off. it just so happened my g.

[bimbocracy]

I know you would call that ruder. That’s what the post was about.

[bimbocracy]

Me: men think this

A man: no, actually I think exactly what you said men think

Me: right.

[atthepriceofoblivion]

Build-a-Bear Employee: please,,, I can’t fit any more stuffing into this pikachu

Me: You fool….. Make Him Fatter

[mydogisabutt]

i worked at build-a-bear in downtown disney and one time a guest came with a grinch and had me force 6 custom sounds into him which was just him breathing really hard and saying “MERRY CHRISTMAS” into each one the thing is, he had me stuff them into the arms, which were stick-thin so the seams were coming up and i was having to repair his now lumpy grinchy arms this took like 45 minutes and all the while the kid was legit trying to remove my kneecaps, his mom was even telling me that she warned someone this would happen and they sent her straight to me ROFLMAO after he was stuffed to the brim and i could hear the soul of the plush screaming at me for what would be the next eternity the kid dressed him up like batman but his mom was like “NO HE HAS TO BE CHRISTMAS” so he put a santa hat on him and also a little plush gingerbread that smelled like actual gingerbread and it ended up looking like this

i clocked out an hour and a half late it was like 1 am

[bananonbinary]

one of the hardest things to learn as a depressed former Gifted Kid™ is that half-assed is better than nothing. take the 50%, 40%, even 20% job. scrubbing your face is better than not taking a shower at all. picking up your clothes is better than never cleaning. nibbling on some bread is better than starving.

DO THINGS HALFWAY. NOW YOU’RE 100% BETTER OFF THAN YOU WERE BEFORE.

[redheadhatchet]

One of my college professors used to say “anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.”  I didn’t understand that for years because I didn’t do anything poorly, I couldn’t do anything poorly, I had to Do Everything Perfectly.

But brushing your teeth for 30 seconds is better than not brushing them at all when that 2 minutes seems exhausting.  Doing ten minutes of yoga is better than 10 minutes of sitting when 30 minutes of cardio sounds impossible.  Changing my clothes is good when a whole shower is impossible.  Standing on the porch for a few minutes is worth it after being in the house for three straight days because I don’t have the energy to go anywhere.

Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly… because doing it poorly is better than not doing it.

[dajo42]

why does bart do that voice in this moment and why have i been laughing about it for five fucking hours

[dajo42]

ya meen iddaint me noggin issme peepuhs? ohh well thas just Luverlee

[10memes]

[mentholsmoker]

this person married a branch of bananas

[bogleech]

Maybe this was common knowledge to some folks but I only learned today that koalas have so little cognitive power, they won’t recognize leaves as food if they’re not on a tree branch. They have almost 0 learning capability or problem solving ability.

[fourteengpc]

For years people thought that you couldn’t keep koalas in captivity because they were just ‘too sensitive’ and ‘meant to be wild’ 

Then they realized that the koalas literally just couldn’t figure out that leaves in a bowl were food

[bogleech]

Apparently the koala’s brain represents only 0.2% of its body weight, the lowest of any mammal. In addition, it occupies only 61% of its already unusually small skull cavity, it’s completely smooth all over and there’s a big hole through the middle where the lobes never connect.

[oncelerfucker69-deactivated2019]

ME

[juxtp0se]

did U GUYS KNOW, that the way stores get the balloons off of the ceiling is with ANOTHER balloon, w tape on the top??? and they just dont cut the string so it’s like super long and u gotta aim it right n reel it in. i just found that out today when i DID IT and it’s been the best working day of my life i had a blast blowing up balloons and fetching some off the ceiling. i had so much power? and NO ONE ELSE in my department likes that job so now it’s MY job when need be

[goddamnshinyrock]

omg so I work at a museum and one of our buildings has a) very high ceilings and b) a bizarrely sensitive alarm system that will go off if anything touches the ceiling. Because of this, helium balloons are considered public enemy #1 and are strictly forbidden from entering the museum. But just in case an illicit balloon is successfully smuggled in, the museum has acquired a fucking b.b. gun for the express purpose of shooting down rogue balloons.

[fer8girl]

lawful good vs chaotic good

[nyanguardparty]

chaotic evil

[susiephone]

no that’s just walgreens

[outofcontextarthur]

muffy’s lunch consists of three sandwiches and a bread roll

[jackafz]

SCREAMING Muffy sis…………..the carbs

[kropotkindersurprise]

June 30 2018 - A waitress in Georgia takes no shit from a man who gropes her while walking by. Ryan Cherwinski, 31, of Palm Bay, Florida, was taken into custody at the scene, in front of his wife and two kids, and charged with sexual battery. [video]

[chadradfem]

[cecaeliawitch]

i hope his wife divorces him

[eowyn-is-a-radfem]

Direct. Action.

[cocksmasher69]

God this gives me so much pussy energy. The way he keeps walking because he “knows” there will be no consequences… except when there are and she slams his bitch ass straight in that chair. Like he must be so shocked

[maggierogers]

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989) dir. Jeremiah Chechik

[taahko]

last night one of my campers was like “well i lost one of my shoes in the swamp today” and i said “oh no!” and she shrugged and said “its ok. shoes are just objects” and damn. they really are

[taahko]

today a completely different camper with scratches all over her legs was like “every step hurts me” and i was like “oh that sucks!” and she shrugged and said “well, you know, pain is a temporary emotion”

[daniel-oneiroi]

the next gen have achieved either peak buddhism or peak nihilism

[blackqueerblog]

i wish somebody looked at me like the way he looked at that onion

[flaming-fruitcake-deactivated20]

That final scream

[worldcircus]

Kind of gives you chills .

[kittygory-deactivated20210901]

Good Lord, how delicious! I wanna do that! The next time I’m in a cathedral, I’m doing it. 

[youreyesblazeout]

As she stood inside an ancient and empty church in Montefrío, Spain, Malinda Kathleen Reese belted out one of the best Christmas carols of all time-“O Come, O Come Emmanuel” and the end result was just heavenly.

[derrieresandcankles]

I’m obsessed with this because A. Victorian Christmas Carols B. European Cathedrals C. It’s gorgeous and fuckin choristers are my favorite

[carlitos-guey]

[pansexualpizza]

“Must have reliable transportation” = “this is how we legally discriminate against poor people who take the bus”

[courtcourttheshort]

As someone who has held several management positions with hiring responsibility, this is true. The boss at my last job informed me before I conducted my very first I interview,

“You can’t outright ask someone if they have a car or have kids. That’s technically illegal. But you need to know because sometimes they can be deal breakers. You can just say ‘Do you have reliable transportation?’ and ‘Do you have any current circumstances that could impede you from being successful at work?’

To which the last one most people fumble and would say, “Well I have kids, so sometimes they could get sick. But that’s not often.” But then your potential employer could mark it down on your interview notes nonetheless.

I thought that maybe it was just my own employer. But now I noticed that I am asked both of these almost every time I interview for a job.

Language is very sneaky. Be careful how you answer. Corporations can be snakes.

[iproposeawager]

In my businesses class my professor told us that the bus counts as reliable transportation. You do not legally have to say “I take the bus” just say “yes I do have reliable transportation” and leave it at that. Do not over share. DO NOT OVER SHARE. The second question just say no. If your kids are sick call out as if you are sick. I don’t have kids but I myself can get sick and that doesn’t hinder my ability to succeed so kids getting sick shouldn’t hinder you. When I call out I give as little info as possible. No one needs to know why you call out. They can’t ask about your “illness” because it violates HIPAA if they do. So as long as you don’t offer more info than you need to you should be okay.

[goldensweetcheeks-deactivated20]

I’ve never thought about it like this.

[pinkcheesegreenghost-deactivate]

You should keep everything to yourself as much as possible including social media (which is getting harder and harder to do) the less you offer the better.

[insomniac-arrest]

the disney gay dads triumvirate

Opposites attract dads, bond over show-tunes, their son, and avoiding near death situations

flaming (lol) bisexual Frenchman and uptight British guy who raise their bratty man-child ward and get so annoyed at each other they get married

college roommates that lived together so long it just sort of happened 

raise street urchins for no reason other than seeing them and being like ‘??? you don’t have a place to stay?? that’s fucked up, come home with us’

[sylvester-malone]

Pumba and Timon were my first otp. 6 year old me watched their cartoon show and was like 900% sure they were married.

[lydiduh]

bonus useless gay uncles

[airfierce-deactivated20201208]

he shot his shot