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If you remember this... Stop

I fucking hate those nostalgic lists and posts. I'm well a-fucking-ware of all the shit that is bygone, but I'm thankful that I live today, and can revisit all that shit on the internet. If you have ever posted the "If you remember this..." Meme, die today, not like it will make a difference, you’re probably dead on the inside anyway.

Cartoons and Toys: Kids today have better shit! Flat the fuck out! I would trade Nintendo for the phone I have today! Stop posting about your stupid ass cartoon you miss, and go look it up on the internet, and stop wasting my fucking eyesight on that piece of shit! I would rather see your reaction post after binge watching 6 episodes of your fave Saturday morning cartoon, when your memories are crushed by how horrible they were!!! They were all ads, 22 minute ads with 8 minutes of direct ads, stories were cheap, repetetive plots, and they reused frames! Cartoons today, FUCKING KICK ASS. Crushing example: Take an episode from Transformers vs Rick and Morty.

Bars and Clubs: As far as the bars and clubs, it sucks that some spots are gone, gentrification, and high rent have driven them out. Eat a dick, nothing new, I'm sick of this discussion. Besides, the only people really sad about most of that can't stay relevant, so they miss the years before they got busy being uncool. PS clubs and raves were BARE in comparison to how nice they look now. Prime examples: 6th Element vs EDCNY (I loved 6th Element, and will never attend EDC, but I cannot deny that it is a better production, and that rave looks a lot sexier, today), Meatpacking in 1996 vs Meatpacking in 2016 (don't even play, you could get stabbed for your high heels on the cobbles),

Music: Music is bad, because you have shitty taste. (Ask me about how I think NWA is responsible for the ruin of hip-hop and that Dr Dre is constantly on a search for new talent to redeem him from his original sin) I listen to a lot of Italo-Disco, whoa contradiction! Am I nostalgic, nope, I love new shit too! I'm just covering my bases by exploring past music that isn't played the fuck out (New Italo also exists). Double contradiction, I wish more DJs WOULD play it out, but that would require them digging deep into the web, and varying setlists; too much work for DJ Rakkaribbz and Sadaf Rise; because in the current state of NYC party music, IT IS fucking fresh! "New music isn't as good as...", shut the fuck up right there. The only reason you can't find enough good new music, is because you got lazy or don't care enough anymore to find shit past your college iTunes playlist. I'm lazy too, and I need to find more shit, I need to listen to more music blogs, and Soundcloud/ Mixcloud/ whatever fucking cloud DJ mixes (don't argue this shit, you probably listen to crap any way, or take producing drum and bass too seriously in your eager anticipation for the major return of Jungle (sidenote: stop calling the soundtrack from your vacation to a place with non-potable water bullshit Jungle-Music, you're not well-versed enough to know that there was a much better genre by that name). Concomitantly, stop using Pandora and Spotify and search for new music asshole, YouTube works MUCH better! Then and Now: If you are playing Jazz when a guest comes over, and they say it's ok; they are probably trying to bang you (even if that wasn't the intention). If you are playing Trap, they are probably trying to put money in your clothing (you want this money).

Music Scene: This section is tough love and I want to see more from NYC. The only thing I miss (in NYC) is a variety of music, it is currently dominated by: Top 40, Minimal Techno (which is only one record), Trap (which has over-stayed its welcome), and Modern Deep House aka Derp House, aka I'm Just Here To Go to 5th Base, aka The Sweatpants of Music (we aren’t talking about the 90s, so help me if you bring up oldschool shit). When a party wants to look cool and underground, when EDM kids grow up and wanna pretend they know music, when hedgefunders wanna bang sugar-babies; bookers get "Deep House" DJs. These are the douchebags that "ruined NYC". They moved here 10 years ago, read about what rave USED to be like, eschewed the ways of bottle service clubs, but also decided to run it like a Walmart. **Sidenote: There are a few pockets of resistance here and there, and I am hard-pressed to find them, so if you have suggestions, please let me know.

Communication and Meeting Up: It was treacherous, imagine trying to meet up with someone, and the battery on your phone dies, everyone else has an iPhone 4 charger, and you have hot coffee spilling on you constantly in your back pocket. That's what it was like, ALWAYS.

Fashion: NOPE!

Wishing you could live in another time: The world sucked, and it sucks today, but I feel mankind is coming along. The world is racist, mysogynistic, homophobic, islamophobic, discriminatory, terroristic, dangerous, polluted, and ignorant; but its not 1960s racist, mysogynistic, homophobic, islamophobic, discriminatory; it's not 1970s NYC dangerous; and it's not as polluted, or over-populated like 2025; and it's not pre-internet ignorant (yeah there are stupid mother-fuckers now, but imagine when NO ONE had access to all the world's libaries at their fingertips).

What I'm saying is, be glad you live right now, and stop it with the fucking stupid ass memes, and dumbass articles and lists from Gothamist or whatever bullshit internet rag that reminds me how old and irrelevant you are. Stay young, stay relevant, you have it easier now, more than ever, this is the greatest time in history, be thankful you have a frame of comparison because you lived throught the cusp of technology.

BONUS: Know why I post shit like this? Because I always aspire to be on some next shit. Yes, it's hard to keep up, especially when you have work, kids, pets, etc; but I won't judge you for it, I post rants to remind you that you're behind, and I've already seen whatever you're posting about a thousand times today.

#nostalgia #technology #good old days #meme #hater #education #nyc #New York City

FUCK NOSTALGIA

I fucking hate those nostalgic lists and posts. I'm well a-fucking-ware of all the shit that is bygone, and I'm thankful that I live today, and can revisit all that shit on the internet. Topics to be covered: - Cartoons, Toys, TV: Everything looked like shit, how could you have possibly been entertained! - Bars, and Clubs: Any club can be Studio 54 if you can afford to pay people off; but who gives a shit, you’re a pussy now any way! - Music: I call Deep House the Sweatpants of Music! - Fashion: I dissect why you should appreciate modern design and the myriad of options you have today! ...and more! It’s so fucking exciting!

This is what I imagine the Hamptons must look like on Labor Day Weekend after all that amateur and rosé

A river of congealed wine vomit, spewed out of droves of suburban and rural kids on their first Labor Day living in NYC. Talking about how trashy NJ people are, as Skylar and Becka elegantly hold their hair back

Things I Would Rather Never See Again part 8

• Gum on my shit (belongings) • Cat calling, street harassment, etc • Poor game. Grabbing a pretty girl's hand as she walks by is punishable by gut punch and dick to face • Posing with artwork in a non witty/comical sense • "I NEEEEEEED a glass of rosé" (to go with your Urban Outfitters floppy hat apparently). Pablo your home girl said this. • Diabetes feet in flip flops. • People that have Snapchat but not Facebook or Instagram (as you all know, I don't understand the appeal of snaps, and if IG has video, what's the point of vine?) #dadproblems • Kanye haters. You're as bad as those idiots that complain about gentrification and pay 3 grand a month in Bushwick • Slow waiters, bartenders, cabbies... you're in NYC, get competitive, or GTFO • Shitty skateboarders. Mostly geek assholes using it as a "nifty" way to travel, skater Betty losers, or hairy pit granola Greenpointers I wanna kick in the face. Be good, or walk. • Dudes that can't take a hint to fuck off. I give myself a hint sometimes even when I'm welcome, just to uphold the "Noble Sacrifice*" • Dad bod. This is the most thinly veiled piece of fat lazy man propaganda ever. Fuck you. • Being in a restaurant in which they have one kind of music playing in the dining room, but the Bachata is blaring from the kitchen, and the dude on his bicycle outside is bangin out slow jams. • Wallet chains (if you must wear one, tuck that shit) • Fat chick, leopard dress. How many leopards had to die so you could wear that dress? Because if I saw you wearing the same outfit as me, I would peel my own skin off too! Get a drug habit or a stylist • Bringing me an issue to solve, when I'm in the process of turning up • Shitty graffiti "throw ups" on top of an awesome mural or legit Graf piece. You're a punk ass. It's not a "haha, well played asshole", it's just you being a shitty hater. (Stay tuned for Graffiti Shaming Rant) • Me when I don't do my hair • Nervous white people when I'm waiting at the intersection to cross. On second thought, I MIGHT actually rob you. • Big dog, Manhattan apartment • Eyebrow jewelry • Kawaii Mad Max fan art • Confusing entrance or exits • "Hoes before Bros", the saying is "Sistas before Mistas". Never refer to yourself as a Ho, EVER. • Another release of the Nike Roshe Run for 2015. They have literally had 3 a month since 2011. • Poster for the movie Pixels... THOSE are technically Voxels, fuck you. • "You never texted me!", sure I did! You ignored it. "My phone is almost dead", "I can't bring another dude", "I'm with a bunch of Basic boring friends from back-home" are all acceptable. (Stay tuned for the Flake Rant) • "You get too turnt for me", yeah I do, but I get turnt, I don't turn you. • That horrible ultra HDR filter a lot of iPhone users seem to be beating the shit out of. (I think I already bitched Leo out for this one). • A friend that brings their DUFF. *Noble Sacrifice - When the team is making a move to the next spot, but if you go, you will be contributing to a shitty ratio; so you make the move to go home so that the rest of the crew can have an epic time.

Things I Would Rather Never See Again part 7

• Resting Bitch Face, no longer an excuse. You’re pretty, you feel entitled to scowl. I get it. Get a better friend group that insulates you if you continually get harassed. Better yet, wear niqab, or stay the fuck home; just don’t expect to reap the rewards of being pretty while being a total asshole. Wonder why you can’t meet a nice normal guy? Because only the jerkoff that thinks he is gonna tame you is brash enough to approach you! • Adam Sandler • Body Hair • My black friends getting pissed that I didn’t see them at a nightclub. Dude, you’re practically wearing Predator Camo. • Robots with human faces a la “All is For Love” • International Anything Day • Björk • Yoko Ono • People that “don’t want to get involved”, PICK A SIDE • A website I’m only gonna use once that wants me to create a login (like for a recipe) • British judge on any American Television Contest Show (We are a proud nation we don’t need the validation)(also, why is there ever a British judge on any dancing show? BRITS CAN’T DANCE!) • Old dogs, NO TRICKS • People that DON’T block their family on social media • A text message regarding one of my posts (unless you wanna call someone the B,C,D,F,G,H,J,K,M,T,S,SN, or N word, just leave it as a comment)(yes, there is a racial slur for all of you) • “I’m bad at texting back”. Funny, I’m “bad at being polite” next time I see you. • Your boyfriend • I don’t know how to work this Android phone (you’re pathetic ) • People that try to use Scrabble words and fail at it (thank you Caroline for bringing this to my attention) • Mud • White people in afro wigs (unless we fuckin) • Dude with his shirt off with EYE GLASSES • No costume, no outfit, but gets glow in the dark face make up at a rave (still wearing eyeglasses) it’s not the county fair. • That friend that sets up a new public page or FB group at least once a month as a rebranding or some bullshit, so you get 30 notifications a day • Your friend that just got back from vaca or a k-hole and now decides they are gonna hijack your IG until you unfollow them. Like Nikki Lopez when he posted a record 35 images in two hours. Close second is Nora with a whopping 28 modelling photos this hour. • “Artwork” that I need to be told “please don’t sit on the ‘artwork’” • Sketchy surly dude at the bar (he’s gonna steal our shit) • A list over 30 points long (Part 6 was at 39) • People that get upset when I tag them in these posts (it’s a joke not a dick, DON’T TAKE IT SO HARD!)

*amendment: selfie sticks are ONLY okay if they used to send n00dz

Things I Would Rather Never See Again part 6

• Someone saying "Tennis Shoes" • Someone saying "Pop" instead of soda • Humans of New York • A bullshit excuse • Selfie stick • Fat chick wearing a backpack • Instagramming oysters • Someone asking if I go to Shop Untitled (I am neither a drug dealer nor am I Russian) • Saxophone • A couple with more than 2 kids • Keith Harring crap • Zumba • Randos • Someone straddling a velvet rope • Touching my drink hand, DON'T TOUCH MY DRINK HAND OR ARM, this is how shit gets spilled or I drop my phone or cigarette, or fist, into your abdomen • Chateau Diana • A man that wears a size 9 • An unclean child • Chili's Restaurant • People from those house flipping shows • A cupcake TV show • ASAP Rocky's Instagram on my feed (I fucking hate photo collages, the person posting and 15 year Olds are the only ones that dig it!) • A group text (if you actually need other people's input, do a FB group message, it's easier to silence or leave) • Someone that "doesn't have" FB or IG (fake, stalkin, lyin-ass) • Nail "art" (your nails mostly janky) • "Did you go to that museum opening party?" Nah mothafucka, I'm a patron of the arts and I attend while the exhibition is on display, sometimes several times if it's good • Something cooked improperly • Aggressive French dudes • Adults in NYC that don't know how to use chopsticks • Loud eaters • Bad breath (it's visible ) • Someone pretending they don't know what a quiet commute is • Deep conversations when I'm turnt • Ketchup poured all over the French fries (instead of next to them) • Someone posting some bullshit involving In-N-Out. We've had burgers, go fuck yourself son! It good, but not a rite of passage. • Adults making cat noises, the trend is over • Caffeine addicts, upgrade • People that "love pizza" but hate anchovies This last one deserves it's own rant: • Dudes that kiss your hand when introduced •• I feel bad for both parties. The person receiving the creepy (usually wet) kiss on the hand, and the poor dunce that thinks he is being charming. There is so much more that goes with this, but alas, it crosses lines.

Things I Would Rather Never See Again part 5

- Rachel Ray - Anyone that fancies themself a "foodie" (We all eat, we all shit, shut the fuck up) - SoHo basic dude store - Food terms used to describe music (you sound sleazy) - Yoga dudes (you seem sleazy) - Male photographers that "specialize" in "artistic nudes" - Fingers in the shape of a heart - "You can't sit with us" - "VIP", they never are - Neon slogan signs at nightclubs - "I will most likely be late because of who I am as a person* - Reposting The Fat Jew on IG, like it's your own material 2 mins after his post (same applies for Fuck Jerry, Kiril, etc) - People waiting on a line out the door for food, NOT at a soup kitchen - A voice mail notification - A FB event invite - Weekend night time road construction in Manhattan - BAD EYEBROWS - Marijuana on social media - Non-personal trainers posting about health, diet and exercise regimens - Dudes that dress like Guy Fierri - Sketchers - A group of 4 or more males - The hairdos of people on Food Network - Mohawks and faux - hawks - Maxi dress and flip flops - Some fly-over-state transplant talking shit on NJ - King Of The Hill - Bitstrips and their new incarnation MyIdol. Fuck you, learn to draw or photoshop your damn self - Instagram video selfie lipsynching to some lame ass track - "can you get me in?" As I'm on my way out

Current mood Fuck it, PERMANENT MOOD! WITNESS ME

Instagram Rules

Here are some tips on how to not piss us all off.

Quality over quantity.

- Don’t Flood The Feed. On vaca? Holiday? Gallery? Festival? New camera/ phone? Less is more. Yes, I’m following you, but I wanna see other people’s posts too, and it’s super easy to unfollow.

- Limit how much you post, keep us wanting more. 5 a day MAX. 2 in an hour. We get jaded, you get annoying. Ever notice how the first pic got 40 likes, and all the rest got 4? Make a blog if you think that many people wanna see your stuff.

- 3 lines of text or under 25 words. Rants are for blogs and mayyyyybe Facebook, not Instagram. Memes and quick things we can read fast ONLY.

Sorry, wrong message.

- No inspirationals. NO ONE IS INSPIRED! It tells me your life is sad and out of your control. Wanna inspire me? Take a picture of you and your friends smiling back.

- No Food. Look, I get it. You travel sometimes, you’re new to NYC and you’re having good food for the first time, you’re out at a place you can’t afford, you’re proud of a dish, and the big one… someone you love showed you how much they care by cooking for you. But it’s a dick move. We can’t taste it, and most of the time it looks like shit, and you come off as a smug braggart.

- No Museums and gallery photos. It shows you are uncultured. One pic to put me onto an obscure or up and coming. Your love for Murakami and Koons screams you don’t follow art.

- No candids. If you’re a professional model, actor, pornstar, painter, pimp, etc. Keep a separate IG for fans. I don’t see Vin Diesel posting pics of himself drinking a latte.

No stock photos. You’re essentially taking credit for someone else’s shit. When you post that stock pic of Cancun with the caption “wish I was there”, motherfuckers don’t read and will like it under the impression you are there, AND YOU KNOW THIS you attention seeking slag! Same goes for posting physical goal photos or aspiration all shopping. Fuck you.

Watch your selfie!

- Fitting room selfie. Yeah, I’m gonna take a Ferrari out for a test drive.

- Seatbelt selfie. What the fuck is the point? Go outside asshole.

- Gym selfie. I don’t give a fuck you’re working out. Do you see my discarded photos to prove I draw daily? Do I take pics of my shit so you know I eat? Then only post a pic of your results in a great picture with your friends (and you’re the hottest one).

- Bathroom selfie. Is that the only mirror you own?! A full length mirror is $10 at Home Depot. Shit or get off the pot, and stop taking pictures in there

You might get screenshot.

- Weather screen shot. I don’t care how good the weather is, or how cold it is where you are. You are fucking lame and now everyone knows it.

- iTunes/Serrato/Spotify etc screenshot. I get it, you’re a DJ, or that you listen to music when you’re not drowning puppies. You have bad taste in music regardless.

hateplow

hateyhate-blog

Accurate

Internet dating: FOR THE MOST PART Is a set up for disaster

Do you really think you can order a soul-mate with the same convenience you can a fucking pizza? GET OUT IN THE WORLD! Hit some parties, go to galleries! The world is full of weirdos, but the percentage of hermit, socially-awkward freaks is even higher online! Instead of selling yourself on social media with selfies, go out more!

Top Predictions for most played out costumes for Halloween 2014

These are what we feel will be the most played out costumes this year

If you picked any of these, your catchphrase for the night is gonna be "BITCH STOLE MY LOOK!" avoid these, and be more creative and work with a costume or character that kind of already fits who you are that's what makes a REALLY good costume! Happy Halloween

16. Elsa from Frozen (I get it, you're a white girl, and this is what white girls dress as) 15. Pin-Up Girl (lame ass bitches that think that fat=curvy (NO they ARE different) 14. John Snow from Game of Thrones (fat boy with fur and beard (might be kinda hot if you like bears, grrrrrrrrrrowl!) 13. Ryan Gosling from DRIVE (you ain't that pretty, get a real costume asshole) 12. Day of the Dead (really? again? and technically its appropriating, you're not honoring your dead on Halloween night) 11. Danaerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones (I only know ONE girl that can pull this one off, the rest of you DO NOT LOOK LIKE HER and you will inevitably fail at making the dragon scale dress (the shit takes at least 1000 hours to do all the delicate sewing, google that shit) 10. Khal Drogo from Game of Thrones (your boyfriend isn't tall enough to be Khal Drogo for your Asian Khaleesi) 9. Groot (done poorly) from Guardians of the Galaxy (tall dumpy mother fucker only saying "I am Groot", I got CBT for ya, whether you like it or not) 8. Heisenberg from Breaking Bad (its over, just like your meth dreams, let it go) 7. Basic Bitch - uggs, leggings, northface fleece, vest, and pumpkin spice latte (thats your uniform anyway FUKKK OFFFF) 6. Scary Clown thing from American Horror Story (get ready for played out! so so many!) 5. Zombie Joan Rivers (oh my, you're so damn original, no one will ever think of this) 4. Mrs Doubtfire ("oh i loved that movie!" is something I will never say, FUCK YOU!) 3. Great Gatsby/ Flapper (never a costume, always a bad theme for a party) 2. Sexy Ebola Nurse (yuck yuck basic as fuck)

and Number One...

1. Maleficent (It's not even Halloween yet, and I've see about 7 of these so far in varying quality. It's not terrible, but you really have to nail it: contacts, proper horns, and sculpted cheeks)

There is only one man I would love to see do this, because he has the best cheekbones in the world

Big shout out to Joseph Quartana for collaborating on this list

#halloween #costume #party #partying #nightlife #nightclubbing #nyc #nycnightlife

How to Party on Halloween in NYC (or any other city)

SELECT PARTIES IN THE SAME AREA

There's going to be a shit ton of traffic, taxis are going to be scarce and uber is going to have major surge pricing, dont blame the traffic on B&T, you're probably from some bullshit fly-over state anyway.

AVOID THE SMALL VERSION OF EDC Planning on seeing Juicy J, Thomas Bangalter, and Madonna at Terminal 5? Good fucking luck, you tried that on New Years and see where that got you. Mega party = over capacity, go to the party thats gonna be cool, local, and take a good crew with you, it doesnt have to be "scene", and no one will wanna fuck you more, because you went and saw the coolest line-up

PARTY RESPONSIBLY Its a marathon, not a sprint! Dont get wasted fucked up by 12:30 AM, then you gotta go home. You're gonna ruin everyone else's good time, we will NOT babysit you, we will leave you on the corner in the gutter.

WEAR A COSTUME! Don't give me that bullshit that you don't dress up any more. If that's the case you are probably one of the following: A. sexual predator B. boring C. uncreative D. bad in bed E. cheap (not poor, just cheap)

BE NICE! If your costume is crazy good, people will take pics, or want to pose with you. If they're polite about it, go for it! You dressed awesome for the attention, be a good celeb, not an entitled brat!

DON'T BE RACIST Dress as an Arab Sheik, DON'T strap yourself with bombs. Get it? If you have to play "Is It Racist?" pick another costume.

LOOK BUT DON'T TOUCH! There will be a lot of slutty and amazing costumes. No you can't try on part of my costume! Do not touch her in that way, stop being a creep! I don't stand for grabby people, I will ruin your night and post about it (people in nightlife, please enforce this, and don't violate it yourselves)

PLAN A COVER-UP It might be cold, it might get sketchy, it might be 10am. If your costume is revealing, be smart and plan a jacket, or cape.

PHONE RULES Charge it! Make sure you have it at all times (check on it frequently). And TEXT people! No one can hear your phone call inside a loud party YOU IDIOT!

BE PREPARED Charge your phone, hit an ATM, buy TWO packs of smokes instead of one. Have pockets or a small purse that attaches to you. Call your "guy" before 8pm and get delivery

BE SAFE Strength in numbers, maybe you don't need triple afterhours at 8am in some dodgy part of town, don't take "candy" or drinks from strangers. Have fun, but don't get basic-bitch-blitzed or bro-tarded

BE HAPPY It's an awesome night, don't be the downer that says "I hate weekends", "I hate holidays".... Go out and have a blast, people watch, make fun of jerks, dance your ass off, the whole city will be partying with you!

for more action follow me on Instagram: Kariem88

#halloween #holiday #party #partying #advice #costume #nightlife #promoter #crazy 88s

Up All Night To Get Lucky: A Guide To Afterhours

This is long over due, and people need to be told. So here is a quick list of the major points on How to Get Invited, How to Behave, and When It’s Time to Leave. This list is intended for professional use only, amateurs, and stupid motherfuckers should also study it, but are not invited just yet. How to Get Invited: I come from a time in which, afters is a privilege not a right. If you are being curated out of an equation, it’s probably for a good reason. 1. Ask politely, and be prepared to accept rejection. Never force yourself on a situation, you’re probably fucking up someone else’s epic night, and turning it into a tense, mediocre night for everyone else. 2. Make yourself presentable, and be ready to contribute. Afterhours is a combined effort and cannot be left to the resources of one person. 3. Make sure you hit an ATM, it’s a cash only world after 4am. Congrats, you got an invite. Whether or not this is at someone’s private residence or at a club/bar/event space/dirty warehouse… the rules are pretty much the same except for a few subtle nuances. How to Behave at the Afterparty: 1. Don’t come broke, this should apply for the beginning of the party night as well. 2. Don’t be a mooch consistently, bad times strike all, but a reputation for being a cheap or broke bastard spreads quickly. 3. Respect the Rule of the Ratio- This is a law not a theory. The RotR states: There must be an even or greater amount of females to males at an after party,* (see sexist side rant below) Otherwise, the vibe will be tense, and turn into a competition for dominance. Males are biologically competitive, and if you don’t see this, even among your friends, you will be disappointed that you came with 3 dudes. This delicate balance can be felt even if the male ratio is over by one. If there are too many females, the party might be a little boring for a girl on the prowl, but trust me, you’ll enjoy it more than the sausage fest. 4. It’s a Sketchy, Sketchy, Sketchy, Sketchy World! Ladies and Gentlemen, especially ladies: expect sketchiness. I don’t mean accept sketch, I’m saying expect. If someone steps out of line, check them, and make sure you are in numbers, always safety in numbers, but don’t let some thirsty bastard ruin your night because they got no game. 5. Don’t be an asshole to people hosting the party. Whether at a residence or a venue, they are trying to extend your night and make it more amazing (host also extends to the person that brought you). You should try to host and cater to them as much as possible. If it’s a house party, bring party favors and drinks, if it’s a venue, be prepared to pay a cover! The venues have overheads, such as DJ’s, rent, security, etc. 6. People like conversation, not people kickin game. If your sole goal is to get laid, your place is at a brothel, not an after party, don’t get the two confused. 7. Know who is in charge. If shit goes down, this person will need to handle it. Under no circumstance do you blame everyone involved for a mishap. If someone spills a drink on your mink, you should think before you make a stink. Don’t blame everyone that tried to make a good party for you and everyone else. Organizing an after hours is more challenging than a regular party, be realistic and sympathetic. 8. Fucking dance and have a good time. If you aren’t living it up, please proceed to the next section of this post. It’s Time For You To Leave: -Are you having the spins? Go home. -Are you falling asleep? Go home. -Are you bored? Go home. -Are you too horny to be polite? Go home, masturbate. -Are you out of money? Go home. -Does the sunlight irritate you? Go home vampire. (not a bad thing) -Out of supplies, and not able to acquire more? Go home. -Have mutually consensual sex lined up? Go home NOW!

This next section was a lot funnier when I first wrote it, but this is a serious issue

Are you getting sloppy? Go home, and make sure it is with your ride or die clique that drops you off safely and puts you to bed. And fellas, if you’re a real mack, you shouldn’t have to go to afterhours at all, your prowess will do the talking. Afterhours is for friends, not your last ditch effort to get your dick sucked, or take home some drunk person to take advantage of. You aren’t a man in my eyes if that’s your magic hour.

Private Conversations Made Public S1E2

A Friend: "So this girl I knew in college was really pretty, studying law doing fairly well. I heard she had dropped out and had gotten married. A few months later she had posted on Facebook that she was getting a divorce, then deleted her account. About a year later she started a new Facebook, also stating she was getting divorced, from a different guy! She had one child at this point, and another on the way. She wasn't on the path to education any more, had bad skin, and gotten really fat too. It's so sad, I wish there was some way to return her to her former glory. Can you imagine going through all that? Like being in your mid-twenties, and working on a second divorce?" Other Friend: "I can't imagine getting fat!"

#lifers college dropout stayfit stayinschool saynotodick facebook

Private Conversations Made Public S1E1

Me: your new event has names with so many acronyms when I first glanced at it i thought one of them said TVTS or DVDA

Secret Pal: Haha. I don't get to name the DJs. if I did they be more honest names like "DJ Shit Bag" and "MC Pre-Recorded Set" or "Grand Master Beatport Top 10"

#bad dj names #nycnightlife #nightlife #nyc #gossip

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