too many mentions of angels in a row on this blog⦠and some of them are unrelatedā¦ā¦ā¦ lol
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too many mentions of angels in a row on this blog⦠and some of them are unrelatedā¦ā¦ā¦ lol
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my angel (valentine) feb 10 2025
the angel of warmth (oct 31 2024)
chicagoās first chill of november left your hands empty and frozen blue, trembling as you walked laps around the same city block over and over, hoping that the falling leaves would take pity on you and pile up six feet over your head. youād always thought of snow as rain that loves you, but now you wished rain had loved you all along, instead of trying to wash you away into the freezing current of the river nearby.
he breaks the endless loop of the city block. he has a halo of cinnamon and his apartment has a furnace. his hot chocolate warms your fingers and eases the tightness in your chest. he gives you a bowl of blueberries drizzled with honey to eat. his sweatshirt is fresh from the dryer and his blanket of feathers wraps around your shoulders. he lets all of the rain fall, and makes sure to be there when you decide to get back up again.
thereās blueberry jam and honey on your toast the next morning, too, and there is more hot chocolate every evening. there is cinnamon sugar in the hot chocolate. there is the scent of cinnamon keeping you away from the river.
and if you wait long enough, there is the spring after an unremarkable valentineās day, thereās cheap chinese takeout in front of the TV, thereās a casual night on the town that takes you by the river, thereās always more cinnamon hot chocolate and blueberries with honey, and thereās a warm body next to you in the morning a year after you stopped looping around the cold city block.
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disconnect (sept 29 2024)
āhang in thereā said the voice on the phone, echoes rattling around my skull like a marble maze. āhang in there,ā as if mere words could do anything to dull the persistent, perpetual pain of bruised bones. āhang in there,ā says the tape holding my hand together. āhang in there,āthe words like a stick of gum in my mouth, chewy and slimy all the same, but they just donāt stick. āhang in there,ā as if there was anything to hold on to, but my ribs are monkey bars and my stomach still stays empty after iāve counted all my coins. āhang in there,ā how could you say such a thing to me, sitting on your high horse? āhang in there?ā iād rather hang from the rope.āhang in there,ā to the handles in the taxi cab to your part of town.
āhang in thereā said the voice on the phone, which is how i know the star heard the messages i sent into the sky. āhang in there,ā the voice on the other end is different but familiar. āhang in there,ā says the message that made it through the spiral cord looped around my finger. āhang in there,ā i reach through the receiver to the voice on the other end, as if having you on speed dial will bring you back to me faster. āhang in there,ā before you hang up, dial tone signifying youāve disconnected. āhang in there,ā like the echoes that stick to my skull.
youāre an angel (oct 22 2024)
i donāt believe in god,
but i believe in the angel
that exists in you,
the cacophony of wings
and eyes arranged like
a constellation of sadness,
you appear to me as the beauty
of a melancholy melody,
concentrated teardrops and stardust
tracing your outline onto
a backdrop of bloody bed sheets
and syrupy short stacks.
i could eat you alive,
i want to swallow those tears
and feel to the fullest.
i want to sing again,
so lend me your sadness
and promise on pink sunsets
youāll keep your wings.
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anemoiacās refrain (may 24 2024)
youāre like deja vuā
to the one he lied toā
without even saying my name.
iām tired of calling him
the boy in blue
because bittersweet blisters remain.
right place, wrong person
psychotic signs worsen
plus crossed fingers tossed down the drain.
i wish you could hear me
when i say your name
in the promise iād like to repeat.
because i swear, i swear
i know your soul
from a timeline where weād found defeat
lost through dimensions
of my own invention
hoping that somehow weāll meet
a promise, my promise,
through repeats and loops,
i promise, my future is you.
honesty vs truth (jun 10 2024)
isnāt it strange,
the way i know things like the truth,
yet it evades me like a pest?
iāve discovered beauty in mousetraps and glue traps,
methods to catch something so disgusting as to be true.
and yet, months later, my traps are full of dust,
my hands are empty,
and the pesky truth runs loose, out of sight
but never out of my mind.
happy (belated) 5th birthday pipe dreams