I WON’T HESITATE, BITCH
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@hauntedmass
I WON’T HESITATE, BITCH
thrillor.
mildred smiles and he’s a boy again. not a man of the cloth , not a even a man seeking answers. just the lanky kid who would play pretend on the rocky shore , and steal hot faced glances with her in church. they’ve known each other their entire lives , and yet there’s still a bubbling nervousness as he nods , and steps inside her home. her and her husband’s home. the thought anchors him back to the present , he is not an awkward boy who talks too much. he’s here as part of his calling. the priesthood. he’s here to offer comfort to a member of his congregation.
“ thank you , millie. i’m sure it’ll be delicious. ” he stands , perhaps no longer the boy he once was , but there’s still a sense of awkwardness. as though they haven’t been doing this routinely since george deployed. “ how are you holding up ? i know it’s been difficult , though i can’t imagine – ” what ? the loneliness ? he might be able to imagine that a bit. “ you’re braver than i , to keep home while someone you love is – while your husband is serving our country. very brave. very brave. ” his eyes avert her gaze , staring instead at the accoutrements of a domestic home. the bible forgotten in his hand as he walks over to a photo from millie’s wedding day. he remembers it well , though he rather not dwell on the memories for fear of uncover something that should not be there. john blinks and turns back to millies and it’s easy then , easy to play the role.
“ do you need any help setting the table ? i’m afraid , i still can’t remember whether the fork goes right or left of the plate , but one of these days , i promise i’ll get it. ”
millie smiles and nods, otherwise ignoring the comment regarding her husband. mentions of his service monopolize most of her conversations nowadays. 'you must be so proud. he's so brave. i'm sure you miss him terribly.' the constant flow of pity and adulation only serves to feed the bitterness steadily growing in the back of her head. george never consulted her. he never thought to say a damn word before signing up to fight a war on the other side of the globe. instead, the man showed up to breakfast one morning and announced that he would be deployed within the month. millie had no say in the matter, but the world still expects her to play the role of adoring and dedicated military wife.
"oh, i set the table ages ago." the words fall from her lips before millie can consider how eager they make her sound, as if she spent all day waiting for him to arrive. she had, of course, but there's no need for him to know that. "i mean -- well, you know i like to be prepared, but i’ll be sure to wait for you next time. after all, we really can’t have the spiritual leader of our little community not knowing how to properly set a table. the scandal."
got an interest tracker now!!!
thrillor:
of course , as the religious leader in their small community , it isn’t unheard of for him to make housecalls in times of distress. and such an act of kindness should , indeed , bring joy to his spirit , as jesus himself spoke ‘ you shall love your neighbor as yourself. ’ but beneath the veneer of priesthood , unrestrained by collar and calling , he knows the truth. standing outside the familiar home , an old , worn bible in hand , these are the moments in his day he truly revels in. looks forward to. longs for. these moments with her.
straightening his posture , resisting the urge to adjust the flop of curls atop his head ( vanity is a sin , afterall ) , a nervous smile tugs are his lips as he knocks once at the door. heart aching for the moment mildred opens it. he is here for holy purpose , he reminds himself again , chides like a parent might to a parent. a priest to his congregation. but all things holy leave his thoughts once she , oh the most glorious , most holy in his heart , stands before him. and his eyes light up.
( you shall love your neighbor as yourself , and yet , he could never love himself as much as he loves her. )
@hauntedmass / this is fine , i am fine
these dinners are far more meaningful than millie cares to admit. she spends all week planning -- thumbing through recipe books, trying on every dress in her closet, devising excuses that might keep him for just a little longer. then, when that knock on her door finally comes, she can barely contain her joy.
‘i'm lonely. that's all,' millie tells herself before each visit. her husband is an ocean away, off fighting a war. the house is empty and so, so quiet. of course she craves company, as would anyone in her situation. the excitement is a result of loneliness, nothing more.
millie ignores the way her heart flutters when she sees john standing in her doorway, tries not to compare that swell of affection to the nothingness she feels when reading a letter from her husband. "hi," she breathes, a dreamy smile crossing her lips. "come on in. dinner will be ready shortly."
If you would just show up and ask me, I would have taken this collar off and I would have gone with you. I would go with you anywhere in the world. I was never going to do that, John.
“ i’d rather not talk to you at all, because you have been a five-star dickhead tonight. ” @withink
"five-star? are you fuckin' kidding me?" richie counters, crossing his arms like an indignant toddler. "you're way off, my guy. seriously. i think roger ebert did a better job rating the phantom fuckin' menace. je - sus."
cards on the table -- he deserves at least two and a half of those stars. maybe three. stan inexplicitly simply wanted to introduce his relentlessly normal, i’m-a-big-boy-now buddies to his the pals he trauma-bonded with has a child. old friends meeting new friends, that one is silver and the other’s gold nonsense. richie got a teensy bit nervous, a truth he would never cop to. then he did what he usually did when emotionally threatened - made an absolute ass out of himself. and stan. he definitely told some not-so-flattering antidotes featuring stan. but in his defense, they were, like, really goddamn funny.
hey, so what if john started having weekly dinners with millie after her husband went off to fight in vietnam? 'cause that is actually a thing small town catholic priests will do - have dinners with families in their parrish. only those seemingly innocent encounters turn into a full-blown affair. and, like, millie briefly considers leaving george and asking john to ruin his life for her. except george returns from war in a truly awful state and clearly needs someone to take care of him. then millie discovers that she’s pregnant - too far along for the baby to be george’s, but not so far along that ‘she came early!’ would be too outrageous of a lie.
anyway, pls end my suffering
BEING HUMAN SENTENCE STARTERS — quotes pulled fromseason three of the bbc series. feel free to make alternations.
none of this is your fault.
did you think time would stand still when you left?
just so you know, i will be looking at your ass.
revenge is about setting the world straight again.
i’m pregnant!
every word that comes out of your mouth is a fucking excuse.
what happens next is your choice.
you don’t say my name now. you don’t even look at me now.
all those things you’ve done - they’re in your past, right?
that’s probably the first honest thing you’ve said to me in months.
i’m doing this because i love you.
you think one good deed cancels out everything you’ve done?
anything that happened would have happened a lot sooner, and a lot worse, if i hadn’t have met you.
just think of me as your guardian angel.
because you love me? do you have any idea how inadequate that sounds?
i’ve done such terrible, unforgivable things.
stop defining yourself by what you do for other people.
oh my god, you’re not dead!
you do know we can’t go back to the way we were.
i needed to start over. go somewhere else. be somebody else.
did you miss me?
thank you for not saying anything.
you are not in this alone. i will always be there.
this is all just one big game to you, isn’t it?
i’d rather not talk to you at all, because you have been a five-star dickhead tonight.
you want every little corner of me, but i just don’t want to give it.
could it wait until the morning - or at least until after i’ve peed?
i think i need to do this alone.
you saved me.
i’m an animal! i don’t deserve mercy or forgiveness!
there’s still good in you.
come on, i’ll make us a cup of tea.
be honest with me, [name]. have you ever even touched a boob?
if you won’t protect yourself, i will.
you don’t seem the type to be violent.
there has to be justice, whatever the cost.
is anything going on between you guys?
you know how to make someone feel welcome.
i choose you.
this has to be the end.
do you even know who you’re in love with?
i don’t care about the consequences.
you are asking me to look away and i can’t look away anymore.
this was a really sweet, if a little crazy, thing to do.
who are we kidding with this relationship?
post - trauma sentence starters blood, death mention.
“don’t do that. don’t shut me out.”
“you’ve been crying. i can tell.”
“we need to change those bandages and get some food in you.”
“you want me to rub your back ’til you fall asleep?”
“that was a brave thing you did today.”
“shh, that’s okay, get everything out.”
“there’s something on your shirt. you – that’s blood!”
“need some space?”
“you should lay down.”
“there’s nothing wrong with asking for help.”
“shh, shh. you were having a nightmare.”
“we can talk through the door.”
“let’s clean you up and get you to bed, okay?”
“you almost died.”
“i brought you a blanket.”
“you’re home. you’re safe.”
“i’m worried about you.”
“is everything okay?”
“tell me how to make it better.”
“it’s been a tough few days. how are you holding up?”
“you have to stay awake. come on, give my hand a squeeze.”
“you’re in the hospital.”
“think you can make it to the bathroom?”
“no, no. don’t close your eyes.”
fun fact: within the it universe, richie and audra star in the velocipastor @fearfollow
𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃 & 𝐁𝐑𝐔𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐒
𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐍𝐉𝐔𝐑𝐘 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄
“You’re dripping blood on the carpet.” “When I said scars are kinda sexy, I didn’t mean you should get one right away…” “Press that against the wound, I’m going to get the med kit.” “It’s bleeding quite badly.” “Oh God, what happened to you?!” “You’re covered in blood! Is it yours?” “Your head looks pretty bad. I’m sure it’ll need stitches.” “It’s going to hurt for a moment, but I’ll need to clean the wound.” “I’m so sorry this happened to you. But you’re safe now.” “That’s a pretty nasty bruise. Want some ice?” “Does it still hurt?” “I don’t think a band aid is gonna fix this…” “Whoa, hey, stay with me! You’re as white as a ghost. Don’t pass out.” “Damn, that must hurt. I’m sure there are some painkillers around here.” “You have to be seen by a doctor. This isn’t going to heal on its own.” “It looks broken. Can you move it at all?” “Here, lean on me. I’ll support you.” “I’m not going to leave you behind. If need be, I’ll carry you.” “I’m going to pick you up now, okay? Just hold on to me.” “Everything is going to be okay. Just hang in there.”
“I don’t feel so good.” “It’s seeping through the bandages.” “My head is throbbing. I think I have a concussion.” “I can barely breathe, it hurts so bad!” “It looks worse than it is. I’m sure it’ll be gone in a couple of days…” “You should see the other one.” “Don’t look at me like that. I don’t want your pity.” “It was my fault, really. I wasn’t paying attention and got hit in the face.” “Getting stabbed wasn’t really on my bucket list.” “I don’t think I can walk.” “Leave me behind, please. I’m just going to slow you down.” “Am I going to die?” “I can’t stop the bleeding.” “I think the bruise matches my eye color.” “Don’t touch it, please! It hurts.” “I don’t want to go to a hospital. I hate doctors!”
𝚑𝚊𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚜 / ft. muses from midnight mass, the haunting of bly manor, stephen king’s it, stranger things, and the walking dead
hear me out: the sun rises. millie and john feel their bodies burn, are blinded by the flames. the world goes dark for a moment. then sunlight is peeking through the cracks in their eyelids. they awake in their beds, the past forty odd years erased. they get a genuine second chance.