trash memes

a collection of roleplay memes, because creating them is a mindless, repetitive activity that soothes me. this is a sideblog to trashmcuths.

[hauntedmass]

𝚑𝚊𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚜 / ft. muses from midnight mass, the haunting of bly manor, stephen king’s it, stranger things, and the walking dead

[trashmemes]

MIDNIGHT MASS SENTENCE STARTERS   —   quotes pulled from the 2021 netflix limited series. feel free to make alternations.

i know i'm not who you expected to see this morning.

you aren’t a good person.

i loved you my whole life.

do you feel at peace?

i have absolutely no purpose at all.

look at us, back where we started.

god doesn’t love you more than anyone else.

i would go anywhere in the world with you.

it might come down to just minutes, maybe seconds.

everyone gets theirs wings clipped at some point.

i’m sorry that we never told you.

just tell me what you need.

don’t tell me what to do.

i'm sorry for what you’ve been through. i'm really, really sorry.

we don’t have to be afraid ever again.

you’re here and that is enough.

i’m not scared, not of you.

you never felt like a sin.

this isn’t the way. this is never the way.

i learned early there’s no point trying to stop you drinking.

he said to run.

it just felt too easy to leave, like i shouldn’t be able to just leave.

did it hurt you?

i never remember my dreams.

we made our choices.

i just need you to listen. can you promise me that?

everything has its season.

i’m tired of you lying to me!

our whole lives have been wasted.

it isn’t about us anymore.

that’s not how god works.

i forgive you.

forgive me.

i did my best.

[trashmemes]

STRANGER IN THE ALPS SENTENCE STARTERS  —   lyrics pulled from the 2017 album by phoebe bridgers. feel free to make alterations.

i went with you up to the place you grew up in.

nothing's changed.

you must've been looking for me.

something happened when you were a kid.

i didn't know you then and i'll never understand why it feels like i did.

all of our problems, i'm gonna solve them.

i hate you for what you did.

i miss you like a little kid.

i faked it every time.

i can hardly feel anything.

i hardly feel anything at all.

i'll be glad that i made it out and sorry that it all went down like it did.

i guess it's too late to change it now.

you said when you met me, you were bored.

i try to stay clean and live without.

when i think too much about it, i can't breathe.

i don't need you to tell me what that means. 

i don't believe in that stuff anymore.

jesus christ, i'm so blue all the time

that's just how i feel, always have and i always will.

we talk until we think we might just kill ourselves.

last night, i blacked out in my car.

it's 4 a.m. again and i'm doing nothing again.

take a dirty picture, babe.

i can't sleep and i miss your face.

tell me what you wanna do to me.

i don't wanna be alone anymore.

i'm too tired to go to sleep.

now i can't breathe, and i can't sleep.

i don't wanna be stoned anymore.

i've got a good feeling. it doesn't happen very often.

do you feel ashamed when you hear my name?

that makes me feel old.

anyway, don't be a stranger.

sometimes i think i'm a killer.

i'm pretty sure i'd miss you.

is there nothing left to do for us?

i am sick of the chase.

i know there's something waiting for us.

i'm stupid in love and there's nothing i can do.

i know he needs you, you're all that he sees.

if i fix you, will you hate me?

would you fuck this and let us fall?

no, it's not important. 

they're just pretty words, my dear.

there is no distraction that can make me disappear.

there's nothing that won't remind you i will always be right here.

i'm amazed that you're alright.

i won't be home with you tonight.

we found our way out.

when you touch down, i'll be waving.

you got me good; i knew you would.

i couldn't take it any longer, and i lost control.

when she needed me, i wasn't around.

when it mattered most, i let her down.

it'll all work out eventually.

better off with him than here with me.

[trashmemes]

SET YOURSELF ON FIRE SENTENCE STARTERS  —   lyrics pulled from the 2004 album by stars. feel free to make alterations.

god, that was strange to see you again.

yes, i think we've met before.

all of that time you thought i was sad, i was trying to remember your name.

i chose to feel it and you couldn't choose.

live through this and you won't look back.

there's one thing i want to say, so i'll be brave.

you were what i wanted.

i'm not sorry i met you.

i'm not sorry it's over.

your face is all that hasn't changed.

all i want is one more chance.

all i want is one more chance to show you you were right for me.

you were right for me.

i had six too many drinks last night.

i always wanted you.

you said you didn't understand me.

let's leave them all behind.

they hated us with everything they had, and we hated them in kind.

how could you do it?

yes, i am a ghost.

i loved you the most.

did i build you a prison?

please don't let me go.

you can't walk away from me.

i know a place where it's warm and it's dry, dear.

let me take you there.

don't pretend that you don't feel the pull.

i am trying to say what i want to say without having to say "i love you."

i love you and it's impossible to say.

take me like that, ruin it all.

please, my love, please.

i'll kill who you hate.

take off that dress, you won't freeze.

the end should be a good one.

outside, it was pouring and we were drunk as shit.

there is nothing like bare mattresses underneath the stairs.

i've got to ask you one more thing.

keep doing that forever.

i know, i feel the same way as you.

everyday, it's changed since then.

in every way, i've changed since then.

what gives you the right to fuck with our lives?

keep watching your back.

tomorrow, it's you and me.

we are here to save your life.

it terrifies you, but it's real.

if i don't come back, then i won't look behind me.

all of the things that i thought were so easy just got harder and harder each day.

stay alive.

i dreamed i was dying.

i can't live forever.

i'm alive.

[trashmemes]

LAST PODCAST ON THE LEFT SENTENCE STARTERS PT. 16 —   quotes pulled from the podcast hosted by marcus parks, ben kissel, and henry zebrowski. contains nsfw content. feel free to make alterations.

people take murder confessions pretty seriously.

you don't have to listen to every single demented doll that tells you to do something.

just because your parents hate him, doesn't mean he's cool.

if there is one person that is over-fucked on this planet, it is [name].

kinda makes it a little hotter, i guess.

why do you get me in these conversations? how am i in this right now?

you would be surprised how much your male roommate can purposefully not see.

this is my sweet spot, this is where i'm happiest.

hey, i'm just getting closer to the fucking truth.

you wait until i get drunk later and i start talking about robots.

that town has a death curse!

if you look at "the jersey shore," they were actually scholars.

technically, you were the one that most people thought would be a serial killer.

whatever disgusting illness was inside you is now inside of me.

i'm just so thrilled you found a pool and not a fountain this time.

this is what happens in the morning? is this why you sleep in? 

everyone did everything wrong this past week

my brain is getting expanded, yet interestingly enough, dumber.

don't fucking say it! don't even fucking say it!

then you just watch wheel of fortune and forget about it.

there's no fucking alcohol here.

if there was a license to listen to music, i would have yours revoked.

do not get into your heightist rant.

what was the last thing that you were enthusiastic about that turned out well?

it's never a good day when the ghost hunters show up at your door just randomly.

you never know if you're gonna see something in the skies that makes your neighbors afraid to speak to you.

i think it's fine to have sex with a sasquatch.

have you not masturbated this month?

you can't sleep naked while camping.

what a good way to get rid of your family.

it's horrifying to drive with you.

i hope that you do keep my bones, [name] - or a piece of my body.

never, ever believe the pamphlets.

let me tell you the story here: so jonah fucks the whale, right?

whatever it takes for you to forget that you are impotent.

[trashmemes]

RICHARD SIKEN SENTENCE STARTERS   —   majority of quotes pulled the poetry book crush. feel free to make alternations.

if you love me, you don’t love me in a way i understand.

there are so many things i’m not allowed to tell you.

you say 'i'll give you anything,' but you never come through.

please, for just one night, will you lie down next to me?

you wanted happiness. i can't blame you for that.

i owe you, i owe you everything.

tell me you love this, tell me you’re not miserable.

you didn't show up. i kept waiting.

why take more than we need? because we can.

i want to explain myself to myself in an understandable way.

people like to think war means something.

you are here, you are here, you're still right here.

sorry about how i ruined everything by saying it out loud.

will you defend yourself?

let’s not talk about it, let’s just not talk.

how much can you change and get away with it, before you turn into someone else, before it's some kind of murder?

i ran and i knew you wouldn’t catch me.

when you have nothing to say, set something on fire.

you still get to be the hero.

tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.

i'm bleeding, i'm not just making conversation.

eventually something you love is going to be taken away. 

you want a better story. who wouldn't?

i hope it's love. i'm trying really hard to make it love.

we are not dirty.

i will come back from the dead for you.

you are a fever i’m learning to live with.

do you want to go home now?

there’s nowhere to go.

i’d rather quit. i’d rather be sad.

unfortunately, we don’t have that kind of time.

you take the things you love and tear them apart.

there is no way to make this story interesting.

i don't think i can take this much longer.

do you love yourself? 

sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine.

even when i look away i am still looking.

i think i need to do this alone.

what more do you want?

you saved my life.

someone has to leave first.

i swear, i end up feeling empty, like you've taken something out of me.

will you love me even more when i’m dead?

your world doesn't make sense.

[trashmemes]

BEING HUMAN SENTENCE STARTERS   —   quotes pulled from season three of the bbc series. feel free to make alternations.

none of this is your fault. 

did you think time would stand still when you left?

just so you know, i will be looking at your ass.

revenge is about setting the world straight again.

i’m pregnant!

every word that comes out of your mouth is a fucking excuse.

what happens next is your choice.

you don't say my name now. you don't even look at me now.

all those things you’ve done - they’re in your past, right? 

that’s probably the first honest thing you’ve said to me in months. 

i'm doing this because i love you.

you think one good deed cancels out everything you’ve done? 

anything that happened would have happened a lot sooner, and a lot worse, if i hadn’t have met you.

just think of me as your guardian angel.

because you love me? do you have any idea how inadequate that sounds? 

i’ve done such terrible, unforgivable things.

stop defining yourself by what you do for other people. 

oh my god, you’re not dead!

you do know we can’t go back to the way we were. 

i needed to start over. go somewhere else. be somebody else. 

did you miss me?

thank you for not saying anything.

you are not in this alone. i will always be there.

this is all just one big game to you, isn't it?

i’d rather not talk to you at all, because you have been a five-star dickhead tonight. 

you want every little corner of me, but i just don’t want to give it.

could it wait until the morning - or at least until after i’ve peed?

i think i need to do this alone.

you saved me.

i’m an animal! i don’t deserve mercy or forgiveness!

there’s still good in you. 

come on, i'll make us a cup of tea.

be honest with me, [name]. have you ever even touched a boob? 

if you won’t protect yourself, i will.

you don’t seem the type to be violent. 

there has to be justice, whatever the cost.

is anything going on between you guys?

you know how to make someone feel welcome.

i choose you.

this has to be the end.

do you even know who you’re in love with?

i don’t care about the consequences. 

you are asking me to look away and i can’t look away anymore.

this was a really sweet, if a little crazy, thing to do.

who are we kidding with this relationship? 

[trashmemes]

BEING HUMAN SENTENCE STARTERS   —   quotes pulled from season one of the bbc series. feel free to make alternations.

it’s okay. you’re safe now. 

trouble follows me like a curse, and you deserve so much better.

so who wants tea?

you can’t do this on your own.

i just thought love was a miserable lie. but since i've met you, i... 

congratulations on mastering the whole speaking like a twat thing.

you tried to protect me from it all, didn’t you?

i'm being as honest as I can be right now.

there wasn't a single bit of that sentence i understood.

you think this is the first time something like this has happened?

we need to embrace humanity, let the world in.

i just wanted a chance to explain. 

am i really that hard to love back?

you are not meeting my friends.

i'm looking for something to defend myself with. so far i have a whisk.

don’t worry, you’re not my type.

how do you think this ends?

you’re not the only one with secrets.

for all i know this could be perfectly normal. 

how did you find me?

maybe we can go out, but just for a bit.

i like my routine, it makes me feel normal.

you keep making tea! every surface is covered with cups of tea and coffee!

death isn’t always the unwelcome guest you think it is.

i'm sure that sounded much better in your head.

we just have to be totally and completely normal.

you're lucky. most people don't get a chance to say goodbye.

is it over? are we safe now?

you are loved. by loads of people. by me.

we have to put a stop to this. 

any time you want to chip in, say something constructive, do feel free.

i'm dead, in case you hadn't noticed!

[name]’s moved on with his life. you need to as well.

you know, i don’t really see where this relationship is headed anymore.

i'm sensing a trip to ikea, And you know my feelings about that.

can you live with that?

this is becoming a habit. i come in here, look at the wreckage, and i say sorry.

[trashmemes]

PSYCH SENTENCE STARTERS   —   quotes pulled from season four of the usa series. feel free to make alternations.

you look... normal and stuff...

please! i haven’t snuck into your apartment for weeks. which reminds me, you’re all out of peanut butter.

i have a secret girlfriend.

oh, let me guess, relationship trouble?  

if you think i’’m sick, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

don’t leave, [name]. you will regret it.

you're just jealous of his hair.

what are you trying to say, [name]?

i don’t lose things. i place things in locations which later elude me.

sorry, [name], no time for your tomfoolery and silliness.

that’s the most disgusting thing i’ve ever heard.

i feel a hug coming on.

do you have any idea how inappropriate that is?

fishing is one of my top five skills, right behind profiling and ski ball.

the thing is, i have something big to tell you.

i need you to know that... i love you.

you make me laugh and you make me feel like i’m a little bit crazy.

what're you wearing, ankle weights?

this conversation will only end badly.

i’m just not cut out for this.

[name], you randy little spaniel!

dude, i demand to know what's going on with you.

i realized, in life, we never have as much time as i think we do.

put down the finger guns.

make no mistake, this is definitely your fault.

i’m out of here. i’m calling a cab.

how much have you had to drink?

all romance ends in despair. or death. but mostly despair. gut-wrenching despair.

you have a tendency to scare my girlfriends away.

what's with all the secrecy, you handsome, pasty devil?

get your socks ready, [name], ‘cause I'm about to knock them off.

i think i broke my back, and my neck, and my arm.

you don't like [name] dating somebody.

we've known each other forever and there's absolutely nothing that could dent our impenetrable bond.

sure you don’t want to tag along?

i’m both relieved and offended at the same time.

the doctors say i have a severe concussion, but i fine feel.

you have two peeps, and one of them is made out of marshmellow.

what happened between you guys?

a lot of people want to kill me. i take great pride in that.

that's a negativo on the sundaes, buddy.

i can make a straw wrapper crawl like a worm.

[trashmemes]

SCHITT’S CREEK SENTENCE STARTERS  —   quotes pulled from season five of the cbc series. feel free to make alterations.

if you want it bad enough, you've gotta fight for it.

you said that i could trust you. first, the tamagotchies, now this? 

okay, well, you seem pretty desperate, so i'm happy to help.

this just felt like the perfect place to ask you to marry me.

i don't know why i'm feeling this like deep, aching sense of dread.

great to know you've barely given this any thought.

what if we got out of town, just the two of us?

the energy is unusually light around here. 

i've done it on a lot of sinks and i've never had an issue.

you're looking pretty shaky.

okay, this is a really long hug now.

this is all a little intense.

i think this is a huge mistake.

you keep everything inside, like a bashful clam!

full disclosure, you have been awfully clingy of late.

i will spend the rest of the night pretending not to resent you.

pretty harsh, but it had to be done.

um, [name]? you told me you were just running across the street for a cup of coffee.

this is all feeling very sketchy and last minute-y.

i'm sorry, are you saying you were jealous?

well, things seem to be going downhill fast.

lowering your standards is a slippery slope.

they know about us, right?

if anyone knows how to crawl out from under an embarrassing romantic failure, it's me.

 you made everything okay.

this is, like, the last thing i needed to hear today.

i will be here, and we'll get through it together.

have you given any more thought to when you wanna start telling people? 

for a minute i thought this was gonna get very dark.

it feels like everyone's growing up all around me.

there's something that i've been meaning to tell you.

according to m'lady magazine, ‘how electric is your relationship?’ quiz from summer 1991, you and [name] are ‘in need of a generator!’

i didn't like how we left things this morning.

oh, i'm not above a naughty night of debauchery. 

when did this become about you?

don't tell me you still haven't slept.

you look great. i look like i crawled out from under a bridge.

i was made aware there was a loss.

ugh! this is about those stupid tamagotchi?

the tone of your voice makes it seem like you don't believe a word you're saying.

one time i did do a book report on [name]'s diary, and it was very dark.

i'm a little shocked that you agreed to do this.

now i fear i've overstepped.

ew! why are you making me read this?

saying "knock knock" is not the same thing as actually knocking.

i'm more than capable of looking after this kid myself.

[trashmemes]

LAST PODCAST ON THE LEFT SENTENCE STARTERS PT. 15  —   quotes pulled from the podcast hosted by marcus parks, ben kissel, and henry zebrowski. contains nsfw content. feel free to make alterations.

i'm gonna get "bless this mess" as a tramp stamp one day.

who's gonna die first?

legitimately, i think you're becoming a dog.

we are concerned that you are going crazy.

i do not have a psychotherapy degree, but i never claimed to.

people keep telling me that stress is the silent killer, but i'm very loud.

the answer to that is - i can't even express the amount of no to that.

look out the window: birds. isn't that a reason to live?

i know i'm the sexy, sensible brunette.

those were cadaver dogs. you were fine.

well, if you feel that way, you're wrong!

that's a hell of a forty-eight hours right there.

but you know, if you fall asleep even for ten minutes, you wake up sober.

i'm very scared of horses, but i'll go up on a horse to make sure [name] stays sexually attracted to me.

things are just... wackity-fucking-shmackity.

it’s not a documentary. you know that, right?

you can get drunk orally. you don't have to do it anally.

stop sharpening knives.

introverts. all they do is sit there and plot.

you wanna be thanked for not murdering people?

sometimes you shouldn't look at the bright side. sometimes you just gotta realize that there's a real dark thing going on.

he choked like george bush on a pretzel.

i dip peanut butter in sugar, call it my adult popsicle.

did your brain just break?

man, i ate so many weed gummies last night.

i'm just saying it's about what you know and what you don't know.

you’re the human equivalent of spooky chain noises.

he's got a big, thick ole cock. that's one thing we know about him.

there’s never anything good in a basement. it’s either an exercise bike or a ghost.

i don't think that [name] cares enough about us to kill us.

don't join a cult today, okay? wait til tomorrow.

you don't really go much to the bathroom when it's just nothing but cocaine and milk in your system.

[trashmemes]

FOLKLORE SENTENCE STARTERS  —  lyrics pulled from the 2020 album by taylor swift. feel free to make alterations.

i just wanted you to know that this is me trying.

the worst thing that i ever did was what i did to you.

even on my worst day, did i deserve all the hell you gave me?

i have a lot of regrets about that.

look at this godforsaken mess that you made me.

don't call me "baby."

i didn't know if you'd care if i came back.

we were something, don't you think so?

some things you just can't speak about.

i had a marvelous time ruining everything.

you were never mine.

for you, i would ruin myself.

i can see you staring, honey.

what did you think i'd say to that?

it's hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you.

the wedding was charming, if a little gauche.

baby, kiss it better.

i'm still a believer, but i don't know why.

will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends?

make sure nobody sees you leave.

if you wanted me, you really should've showed.

you know i left a part of me back in [city].

i've been having a hard time adjusting.

when you are young, they assume you know nothing.

the only thing i wanna do is make it up to you.

i never needed anything more.

there goes the most shameless woman this town has ever seen.

will you have me? will you love me?

i can go anywhere i want, just not home.

you didn't even hear me out.

wanting was enough - for me, it was enough.

in my defense, i have none.

maybe i don't quite know what to say, but i'm here in your doorway.

you never gave a warning sign.

i'm not your problem anymore.

[trashmemes]

TRAGIC AESTHETIC I SENTENCE STARTERS —  a bunch of quotes pulled from pinterest boards. feel free to make alterations.

i’m having a hard time describing how i feel.

did we really go through all this for nothing?

people do bad things when they are trying to survive.

i don't know who i am anymore. i am no one if i'm not self-destructing.

no matter what i do, i can’t get better.

and now i have nothing.

when are you going to stop punishing yourself for things you cannot control?

i replay that moment every night in my head.

they’re dead because of you.

maybe i lied when i said i was okay.

i am tired of being brave.

loneliness really fucks you up.

this isn't normal. this isn't the way normal people live.

my mother is ashamed of me.

it's been a long time since i've felt right.

he’s not coming back.

we’ll never be those kids again.

everything i love turns to shit.

i'm terrified that if i try my hardest, i still won't be good enough.

what a terrible mess i’ve made of my life.

acting like you don’t care is not letting it go.

i wish i could have saved you. please forgive me.

ghosts? sure. i know all about ghosts. 

there will be no miracles here.

i wish i could let all this anger go.

why can’t things that are good just stay?

too many people leave without saying goodbye.

i don’t know who i want to be anymore.

what doesn’t kill you makes you wish you were dead.

the trouble is that you think you have time.

sometimes i still can feel his hands.

i’ve wasted so much time becoming nothing.

where is all the time that heals?

oh, the things we invent when we are scared and want to be rescued.

i am the monster you created.

[trashmemes]

i am asking the rpc to stop adding 'if you write ‘xyz,’ you're a bad person/disgusting/wrong' or other similar judgement calls to their rules. i am fully on board with 'if your blog contains ‘xyz,’ i am not comfortable writing with you.' that is setting boundaries and, in many cases, protecting your own mental health. perfectly acceptable. however, the name-calling and shaming? not a good idea. you have no idea what someone writing 'xyz' is going through. the behavior may be connected to mental illness or trauma. i personally know someone with severe childhood trauma that engaged in 'taboo' roleplay as a form of maladaptive coping. by making a blanket statement, you are potentially shaming someone going through a similar process. so please, please, please choose your words carefully. i understand this is a triggering topic and many people making such rules are trying to protect themselves and have experienced their own trauma. i see you. i hear you. i'm so sorry. just know that everyone has a different process. everyone deals in their own way. shaming never helps anyone, and there is a way to take care of yourself without potentially hurting someone else. also, please do not take this as an attack or me shaming you. many people have not considered this point of view, and that's okay as long as we continue to grow and learn.

[trashmemes]

SCHITT’S CREEK SENTENCE STARTERS  —   quotes pulled from season one of the cbc series. feel free to make alterations.

i just want you to know that i endorse all your sexual encounters.

what could you possibly have to say now?

today marks the longest relationship that i've ever voluntarily had with someone.

i was bluffing when i said i wasn't coming. i just wanted to see you beg.

[name] told me all about your nervous breakdown.

on a scale of one to ten, how much are you looking forward to that?

my horoscope said that i shouldn't assume responsibility for anybody but myself today.

i'm gonna need a stiff drink to get through this. 

wait, you wanna have sex with me?

this is what i get for being nice.

i'm leaving. that's it. you don't seem to be crying about it.

we should probably establish some boundaries about this whole friends with benefits thing.

i am on day two of a panic attack and i have not slept at all.

you strike me as the sort of person that had a hard time in high school.

do you think i wanna be here?

i just really want my family to like you.

you were a bit of a mess last night. 

sadly, most of the time we have no interest in what’s going on with you. 

um, have you tried sex?

i could not be more at one with nature. i do coachella every year.

you're being super sketchy and emo right now.

and you wonder why i make fun of you.

i'm not "lurking" in your room. your alarm is going off, you're not turning off your alarm!

so i guess you heard the news.

fine, i will go, but i am not happy about this at all.

my car's worth less than your pants.

i am personally offended by this place, i don't know what you think is nice about it.

wait, this was all a put on - just to get out of dinner?

so i think i'm gonna go next door, because your mess is making me anxious.

i want you to know that i really wanted to come and visit you when i heard about your life collapsing.

it's just that you're not talking, and it's annoying, because i'm bored. 

you've made my life here survivable. 

i just wanna grab him by the sweater sometimes, and be like, "stop being so generous and nice!" 

oh, i love my party, but please don't ever do it again.

are you in danger? blink if you're in danger.

i'm just looking out for my friend.

that's not a nice thing to say to me.

have you never dreamed? of a life beyond?

i can't feel my tongue, but i know it's there because i'm talking.

you must stop being intimidated by me. it's unnerving.

lots of talking. lots of emoting.

i don't who i am from one moment to the next. 

we do have to be careful with our hearts and our parts.

okay, so you're not raging mad at me, then.

i'm trying very hard not to connect with people right now.

you're just gonna leave me here with these people?

[trashmemes]

LAST PODCAST ON THE LEFT SENTENCE STARTERS PT. 14   —   quotes pulled from the podcast hosted by marcus parks, ben kissel, and henry zebrowski. contains nsfw content. feel free to make alterations.

i'm always the most ignorant, because all of my knowledge is fake.

people suck in general. it's just how it is.

yes, it's fine if you can get blown in a theater.

i hate the beginning of "up." i hate the way pixar manipulates my emotions.

sounds like you're about to fall in love.

you gotta clarify if you want machetes or don't want machetes.

anything can and will happen at any time.

i'm so much hornier than i was and i'm also more lost than ever before!

please stop telling me these things.

our brains are scarred, your brains are scarred. we're all, you know, it is what it is.

i'll tell you one thing: all women leave.

make yourself a ten in whatever situation you're in.

you should never cheat at pool. you're gonna end up getting buried in long island.

i'm sorry, i had a bunch of that trader joe's coffee concentrate.

did anybody accuse you of being a chupacabra?

stop harassing the people on etsy.

it smells like macaroni and tit sweat.

we're all held hostage by each other's mental issues.

my butthole has never been the same.

i saw the eiffel tower, but you know what? who cares? it doesn't do anything!

please don't say, "do you wanna hear a fun story" and then have it be like, something awful.

the head-butt, not quite as fun as it sounds.

if you lower your life standards, we have it all figured out.

oh my god, it's like hanging out with a bunch of people on mushrooms.

you should never cheat at pool. you're gonna end up getting buried in long island. 

i'm laughing to cover the fact that i shouldn't be laughing.

my penis wasn't listening.

now do we have any idea what the corgi is up to at this point?

i don't know which one of us is gonna turn into a shirtless person on the side of the highway first.

wherever he is, i feel like he's eating a deviled egg.

i love good trash people and florida is the cream of the cream.

what in the living fuck are you talking about?

"some day when i'm grown up, i'll get even" is like the basis for my entire career.

[trashmemes]

BARRY STARTERS   —  quotes pulled from the hbo series. contains nsfw content. feel free to make alterations.

i don’t know what the fuck is going on from second to second.

when i get angry, i don’t like who i become.

you’re wrong. i am not weak.

don’t fuck with me, [name]. it’s not polite.

am i evil?

this is why i didn’t wanna tell you, ‘cause you’re gonna look at me differently.

i’m pretty sure that people can change.

don’t pull that gun on me.

well, i guess everyone’s a hero of their own story, right?

i’m a good person.

god, i am so sick of people telling me what i am.

as of today, we are fucking done, you son of a bitch!

okay, so here’s my advice: you never tell that story again as long as you live.

you know, you’re a fuckin’ prick, man.

you know what i thought the first time i met you?

i didn’t feel like i deserved a good life.

if there is one thing i learned in my life, you can’t control what other people are going to do.

you wanna know what i’m good at? i’m good at killing people.

i’m not sleeping and, uh, that depressed feeling’s back, you know.

i feel like it’s somehow related to your relationship with your mom.

i did one of those online quizzes to see if i was livin in a bubble or not, and it turns out i am.

well, you know what sonny and cher would say: that’s on you, babe.

you think this is some fucking game?

now is not the time to grow a heart, dipshit.

people meet and sometimes they lock into each other like two long-sought-after pieces of a puzzle.

we all lose track of what’s important sometimes.

is that the way you see your life? as a human doormat?

you really heard me. you really let that wall come down a little.

i was very touched that i was able to gain your trust.

i am your fuckin’ business, idiot!

she was like a feral mongoose.

you should be able to be the person that you say you are.

if we ran away from this because we were scared, wouldn’t that be oh so very sad?

i think you’re deeply human.

you are so creepy, man.

whose cock did you have to suck in a former life?

i need you out of my house.

in an ideal world, we’d just burn down the house.

do you think i’m a bad person?