╰┈➤ welcome to my blog! u can refer to me by a if u would like! i am 30 & use she/they pronouns! i live in the pnw (pst timezone), and work full time m-f in a stem field!! if u are reading this it means u have found my fic blog! i write fics for off campus!! the fics contain both book & show lore in them! pls click on the links below to find ur way to individual masterlists for characters! if u have any questions pls reach out!
✧.* requests are currently closed ✧.*
↳˗ˏˋhere you can find my ao3, it's updated infrequently.ˊˎ˗ ↴
୨⎯ masterlists ⎯୧
*ೃ༄ john logan
➥ click this & comment to be added to my general john logan tag list!
*ೃ༄ garrett graham
➥ click this & comment to be added to my general garrett graham tag list!
*ೃ༄ dean di laurentis
➥ click this & comment to be added to my general dean di laurentis tag list!
*ೃ༄ john tucker (incoming, within the next 2 months)
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ please let me know if you are interested in the following charactes allie hayes (likely wlw), hannah wells (likely wlw), beau maxwell for fics & i will consider adding them to my roster
i'm so obsesión with your logan fics could i request a fic where reader is or was a drug addict cause she was going trought hell and logan finds out and he's like super worried cause he doesn't want her to end up like his mom and reader feels so bad cause she doesn't want to be a burden so they have a big fight and stop talking for days but eventually the make up and they spend the rest of the day together, thank youuuu
have you ever stared directly at the sun?
pairing: john logan x f!reader
content warning: drug abuse, alcohol addiction, rehab
word count: 1.7k
author note: i am so sorry these requests have been taking so long.... my life got so hectic & they got pushed to the back burner bc of it /: anyway i hope u like this!
his words float around in your head, and have been for the past three days since you last spoke.
though, perhaps spoke wasn't quite the right way of putting you. for you didn't speak, really. more it was his angered voice lifting up above the sound in your ears, and filling the entire room around you.
he had just been so angry.
you weren't even sure if you knew how it started. especially given that it seemed to come out of nowhere. his anger was so unbridled, and so unlike him. in honesty, logan had never been angry with you before. he had always been gentle and kind, holding you in a way that only ever brought comfort. yet, that night was different. he was different.
the truth was, there was a shift in the moment that he knocked on your door. a heard, steady look had overtaken his face and everything went downhill from there. he started in about the meeting you attended, narcotic anonymous, and how he knew what that meant. then he started in how you never told him.
except, you thought had.
though, in the days after the fight, you replayed the couple of months that spanned over your relationship to realize that you hadn't. it wasn't intentional, but it was the truth.
logan, that night, snapped. it was if he had a hard time believing that you were sober. as if there was already a story made up in his head, and he got lost in it. lost in this idea of how things were, even when you tried to convince him that it wasn't.
then he said it, you're going to kill yourself. it was what your mother said during the intervention. logan didn't have her sadness, rather he replaced it with an anger that you were unfamiliar with. one that was rooted so deeply within him, and it rattled you to the core.
it took an old wound and ripped it wide open.
everything had spiraled after that. your words blended with his, both heavy and laced with emotion. it kept going and going until finally it was undistinguishable who was feeling what, and who's voice belonged to who.
eventually he left, and you're not sure if it was his idea or yours.
that was three days ago, and you haven't spoken to him since. logan had tried, but you had ignored each text and phone call. for that wound that had been torn open inside of you had ruined something in you. it made you feel broken and battered, and like a burden that would be too heavy for him to carry.
that you would be too heave for him to carry.
it was for that reason that you decided it would be easier this way. easier to just cut each other out before either of them get in to deep. for all you could figure now was that if you did get in too deep then you would hurt him in the ways that you had hurt everyone in your life.
after the third phone call of the day, you had decided to turn your phone off and go run the errands that you needed to get done. even as you went about town ticking off task after task, his words and the look on his face still on repeat in your head. no matter what you did, it was all still there.
your errands had come to an end, and you now found yourself back at your apartment with two bags of groceries balancing in your arms. perhaps it is those groceries that make it so you don't see his car in the parking lot, which meant that you didn't know he was there until you were stood facing him on your doorstep.
for a moment the two of you just look at one another mirroring the same broken look across your faces. then logan is reaching out and grabbing the grocery bags out of your arms, and you feel too stunned to stop him. another moment of you looking at him before his voice breaks through, "are you going to let us in?"
realization dawns on you then and you are reaching into your purse and search for your house keys. once in hand, you fumble your way with the lock on your door before opening it and allowing the both of you inside. john makes his way to the kitchen, knowing the layout of your apartment as if he belonged in it.
though, you figure, there was a time that he had.
silence fills the apartment, and it blends with an awkward air that you cant seem to shake. one that feels unfamiliar between the two of you, because you had never been awkward. even when you had first met, you felt into each other with such an ease that it felt nearly natural. as if the two of you were meant to orbit around one another.
"you've been ignoring me," he states then, his words gentler than they were three days ago. his voice reminds you of the way he had always been: soft and gentle. a kind of warmth that only seems to radiate off of him. something that always made you feel like home no matter where you were in the world.
for a moment you keep his gaze, eyes refusing to move from his, but then the intensity becomes too hard to handle. there is a sigh that escapes you when your eyes drift from his and your shake your head, "it's easier this way," you say softly, "then you won't be hurt if-- when-- if--" and you can't seem to get the words out.
a dilemma that you were always stuck on: was it if or when? if you relapse? when it gets bad again? if you end up worse than you were? when you did?
he takes a step closer to you then, "i'm sorry," is all he says. two words that settle into the air, uncomfortable and heavy as they do. he had apologized before for small things, and it always felt easy to accept. however in this moment it felt like something that he didn't need to say. it felt wrong as it felt from his lips, and was a hard pill to swallow.
another step closer, "i'm sorry," he says again, "when i said those things to you, i wasn't thinking about you." this causes a furrow in your own brow, "i was thinking of my mom." this causes your head to snap up and look at him. for a moment there is a silence that falls between you, and the air around you is filled with unease and a heavy sort of anxiety.
"my mom is an alcoholic," he admits with a shrug, "who can't seem to get sober no matter how hard she tries, and that really..." his voice trails off, and this time you are the one who takes a step forward. "that really fucks with me, so when you said that you were in recovery it just hit that nerve and what i said to you is what i should say to her."
as he speaks, you find it easy to begin picking at your nail beds. a nervous habit that had always lived within you. it started when you were young, and you could never shake it. it seemed that when you started things, it was hard to end them.
his sharp exhale breaks through to you, and your hands fall flat by your sides. "so i'm sorry," he says again, "but also you should have told me." then your eyes advert from his again and fall to the ground again, "it sucked to be so blindsided."
an uncomfortable silence passes between the two of you as you let that settle into you. he was right, and you knew that. you knew that you should have told him, and that it wasn't fair for him to find out how he did.
"i know," you say softly then, "and i really didn't realize that i hadn't." the admission feels weak. as if it lacked any sense of conviction or truth, even when you knew that it was true. "it just never came up, and it's kinda a weird thing to bring up out of nowhere," then there is a weak sort of laugh that escapes you, "how do you tell the guy that you really like that you used to be addicted to pills because your life was complete shit?", there is a choked up sound to your voice as the words slip out, "and that the only reason you are clean is because you ruined everyone's lives and your parents had to hold an intervention before sending you to rehab?"
he takes another step closer to you, and then another and another until he is standing in front of you and pulling you into his arms. for a moment your body goes stiff and still against his, unafraid to even breathe against him.
then his arms tighten around you, and you find it easy to melt against him. your arms wrap around him, and you inhale so deeply realizing that you missed him so much that you even missed the way he smelled. how that woody, masculine smell would consume you in some way that felt nearly overwhelming. it was easy, really, to get so lost in it.
"that's how," he says against your hair, holding you close for another moment before pulling away so that he could look at you, "that's how you tell me." his head tilts as he looks at you with a softness in his eyes that completely opposed the look he gave you three nights ago. the one that was hardened and hurt.
this look was one that you knew well. it was the look that made you fall in love with him. the look that you knew you could get so lost in that you would be swimming in his irises.
"do you want to tell me about it?," he asks then, words as quiet as a whisper, "or do you want to put a pin in it, order take out, and watch that stupid reality show you love?"
"love island," you correct with a smile, "and i'd love to do the latter?" then there is a pause before you add, "but i promise that tomorrow, i'll tell you everything."
a moment of silence before he is placing a kiss at the top of your head and saying, "love island it is."
❛ i can carry that for you. ❜
❛ i can come over, if you don't want to be alone. ❜
❛ i can go with you, so you don't have to do this by yourself. ❜
❛ i can keep you warm. ❜
❛ i can listen for as long as you need me to. ❜
❛ i can make breakfast while you stay in bed. ❜
❛ i can make you laugh. just give me a minute. ❜
❛ i can remember enough for both of us. ❜
❛ i can share mine with you. ❜
❛ i can stay with you a little longer. ❜
❛ i can take care of you for once. ❜
❛ i can wait for you here. ❜
❛ can i keep this? it reminds me of you. ❜
❛ can i keep you company? ❜
❛ can i kiss you? ❜
❛ can i lay my head in your lap? ❜
❛ can i see you smile again? ❜
❛ can i take care of you tonight? ❜
❛ can i tell you how pretty you look? ❜
❛ can i tell you something silly? ❜
❛ can we just do nothing today? ❜
❛ can we stay like this a little longer? ❜
❛ can you come a little closer? ❜
❛ can you hold me for just a second? ❜
❛ can you promise you'll text when you get home? ❜
❛ you can always come home to me. ❜
❛ you can be as clingy as you want. i don't mind. ❜
❛ you can be soft here. ❜
❛ you can come over whenever you miss me. ❜
❛ you can have the last bite. ❜
❛ you can have this; it was supposed to be yours anyway. ❜
❛ you can hide here for a while. ❜
❛ you can keep looking at me like that. ❜
❛ you can keep my heart. i wasn't using it anyway. ❜
❛ you can kiss me again, if you want. ❜
❛ you can lean on me. ❜
❛ you can pick the music. ❜
❛ you can stay as long as you want. ❜
❛ you can stay close to me, i like that. ❜
❛ you can take my hand. ❜
here is my to do list for this weekend:
- next part for a little bit dumb & a little bit risky
- next part for and i never ask for much
- next part for we're not in love
- next part for i'm not easy to lose
the MAYBE's
- next part for you should stay in my good graces
- next part for they don't know about us (which im struggling w/ rn so i may take a longer break from it)
- a new fic..........................
i know i have a taglist for each character, but would people be interested in a general off campus taglist (this would include all current characters im writing & any future ones that i may write fics for)
part one, part 2, part 3 ,part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8
pairing: john logan x fem!reader
warning: alcoholism & addiction
word count: 1.4k
summary: you and john were everyone's favorite couple. the couple that built your friend group. you met at freshmen orientation, and were inseperable ever since. that is until four months ago when everything began to fall apart, which eventually lead to the most heart wrenching heartbreak that you had ever experienced. now, in the wake of that break up, everyone has to relearn how to act. friends navigate how to behave around you, and you learn how to live without him. it's not easy, but you have no option but to make it out alive.
garrett doesn't announce himself when he enters hannah's dorm. there is no acknowledgement of the fact that he never said he would be here, nor is there an explanation. rather, he just walks through the door and makes his way to where you were sitting on the couch. there was an anger that seemed to be forming like a cloud behind his eyes as he looks down at you. you, in return, look up at under furrowed brows as confusion over takes you, "well, hello to you too, garrett," you say as your eyes move from his to the two girls sitting in the living room with you.
there is a sigh, heavy and hot, that escapes him then before he asks, "what did you do?" the words are so charged, but they mean nothing to you. no matter how much you play them out in your mind, you can't seem to make sense of them. can't seem to connect what it is that you could have done to him that would cause him to burst in during a gossip girl marathon.
"i think you're going to explain that one, bud," you say with a forced smile, "preferrably without you looming over me like a giant."
you watch then as rolls his eyes, moving to sit on a the other end of the couch. for a moment there is a silence, as if he was trying to formulate his own thoughts before letting them roll out of his mouth. for once in his life actually thinking before he speaks. however, you wish he would have thought longer, because as soon as he says, "to logan. what did you do to him?," you regret the decision to invite him to stay and explain his question.
both hannah and allie snap their heads in your direction, watching as your spine stiffens at the mention of his name. you hadn't told them yet about how logan kissed you. how you told him that the love between you was never being revived. that a relationship with him wasn't something that you were able to manage.
"i don't know what you are talking about," you say stiffly, hand reaching out for the wine glass on the coffee table. the glass is lifted to your lips, and you take a long slow drink as the three pairs of eyes bore holes into your skin. each one of their faces seemed to hold a different expression, but you were too busy staring at the wall behind garrett to place what those expressions were.
garrett relaxes back into where he is sitting on the couch, arm slung over the back of the couch as he takes you in. there is a look of skepticism that seems to over take his face as he says, "bullshit." at his word, your body goes more rigid. as if your blood had frozen in your veins, causing all fluidity to leave your body. "you two were fine, and now suddenly he won't even say your name," then his eyes begin to form slits, "it's just like how it was before, and i thought we were all fucking past that."
there is a sigh that escapes you, but it doesn't bring back your fluidity. rather, your spine stays straight as a rod and every muscle in your body is tense. "i didn't do anything, garrett," the words are harsh as you speak them, "is it hard to believe that maybe it's not all my fucking fault? maybe logan is the one to blame for once." it's surprisingly easy to snap at him, "i know that you have him a pedastal because he is your best friend, but he is the reason we broke up. he was the one who was cruel," there is a shift in your tone as your voice raises, "and so, maybe, it's him who fucked it up again."
it's hannah voice that follows, but your eyes stayed glued on garrett even as she speaks, "what happened?"
garrett's face is unmoving, not even a flicker of understanding. "he kissed me," you say, eyes fixed on garrett even as you set your wine glass down on the table. "he kissed me as if nothing happened, and we would go back to how we were," then you are pushing yourself up to stand, glaring down at garrett as you do. "he kissed me as if he didn't hold my heart in his hand, and the carelessly let it fall and shatter on the ground," your voice is raising the longer you look at him, "so that's what happened, are you happy now?"
he doesn't say anything as you storm out of the dorm. honestly, none of them do.
✿ . ˚ . ˚ ✿
"you haven't been coming by the house at all," his voice breaks through your concentration, pulling your head up to look at him with irritation dancing in your eyes.
"what house?," you ask, the irritation now swimming in your tone, "your house, john?" the words come out like an insult, and you watch how he flinches when it hits him. the chair in front of you then screeches as he pulls it out and sits across from you at the small, cramped coffee table. it would be polite to move some of your things out of his way, buy you don't. you want him to know that he is inconveniencing you.
he doesn't say anything at first, the silence sitting uncomfortably in your chest. the longer that it lasts, the more that it begins to feel like a knife twisting slow and grating against your heart. "why do you care?," you finally ask, laptop being slammed shut in front of you so that you may look at him more clearly.
there is a moment where he looks like an injured puppy, as if your words were the kick that slammed against his ribs when he was already down on the ground. "i didn't want you to think that you couldn't stop by and see your friends just because--"
"you're friends," you correct, cutting him off as he speaks, "they are you're friends, john."
the words seem to hit a nerve that you didn't know he had. it seems to land so hard that he flinches at the words, another kick against his ribs. "they are both of ours friends," he says slowly, "they don't stop loving you just because you don't me love anymore."
it appeared that it was now his turn to kick you when you were down, but this didn't feel like a kick. it felt like that knife was being ripped out and plunged right back into your chest over and over. a murder that never ends.
"excuse me?," you say then, your voice low and raw as the words fall out. "you have no right to say that to me," you continue, and there is a crack in the word that feels misplaced for this environment. for the clinking of the coffee mugs, and the hushed conversations happening all around you.
he is silent again, and it feels like that knife is being plunged in again. this time it sinks deeper, and you know that for your own survival that you had to leave. that you couldn't sit across from him as he puts words into your mouth.
so you hands wrap around your laptop and pull it off the table, shoving it into your bag. everything else gets put away in a frantic, disorganized mess; because you had to do it quickly. had to leave before he could say something else - before that knife could be plunged into your chest for the hundredth time.
the sound of your bag zipping up cuts through the coffee shop, and then you are standing without a second thought. your body turns, but you know that you have to say it. know that if you don't then he will continue spreading a lie acting as if it was gospel.
"i--," you choke on the word, it fill the space in your throat and not allowing anything else to slip by. it takes two hard swallows before you can find the space to speak again, "i could never not love you," you say to him, a tear pricking at the corner of your eye, "and the most hurtful thing that you could do is say that i could."
a little bit dumb and a little bit risky
► dean di laurentis x logan!fem!reader ➨ brothers best friend, secret relationship/situationship, will they wont they
"a little bit dumb and a little bit risky" series guide
𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽
╰┈➤ dean di laurentis was never a guy that you considered. not when he was best friends with your older brother, and a known sex-crazed playboy. yet, when forced to share the house with him alone one weekend, it’s hard to deny the chemistry. even harder to deny the way he just keeps flirting with you. is it possible to cross that boundary? to embrace the tension despite every voice inside of you (and the boys group chat) telling you not to?
𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘 ➔ garrett graham x fem!reader
𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕡𝕖𝕤 ➔ unplanned pregnancy, situationship forced to figure it out, slowburn
𝕨𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 ➔ infidelity, unplanned pregnancy, mentions of vomiting, like very mild mention of abortion (it's like one sentence where garrett is essentially like ur body, ur choice)
𝓽𝓪𝓰 ➻ fic: a little bit dumb and a little bit risky
we're not in love
► garrett graham x fem!reader ➨ unplanned pregnancy, slowburn
tws: infidelity, unplanned pregnancy, mentions of vomiting, very small mention of abortion
╰┈➤ you and garrett graham had been hooking up for the entirity of the last term. neither of you the type of people who do commitment. which was something that worked for you, even as you spent the term growing closer and never picturing a moment where this ended. that is.. until you are both hit with the surprise of a life time.
𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘 ➔ garrett graham x fem!reader
𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕡𝕖𝕤 ➔ unplanned pregnancy, situationship forced to figure it out, slowburn
𝕨𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 ➔ infidelity, unplanned pregnancy, mentions of vomiting, like very mild mention of abortion (it's like one sentence where garrett is essentially like ur body, ur choice)
