a king with no crown.

KIND OF a pretty boy , ISN'T HE ?

[hawkinsown]

#𝑯𝑨𝑾𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑺𝑶𝑾𝑵. ↯ a mutually-exclusive + headcanon-based adaptation of 𝚂̲𝚃̲𝙴̲𝚅̲𝙴̲ ̲𝙷̲𝙰̲𝚁̲𝚁̲𝙸̲𝙽̲𝙶̲𝚃̲𝙾̲𝙽͢ of netflix's stranger things. 𝘽𝙍𝙊𝙐𝙂𝙃𝙏 𝙏𝙊 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝘽𝙔 𝘽𝙇𝙐𝙀. est. december 2016 – returned & revamped december 2025.╰ heavily music-influenced ♫

a study in : emotional containment & restraint ↦ obligatory survival ↦ disassociation ↦ having a lonely childhood ↦ platonic & romantic devotion ↦ attachment as refuge ↦ performative confidence ↦ chronic traumatic encephalopathy + its effects ↦ belonging mistaken for status

╰ 𝗡𝗔𝗩𝗜: carrd – verses – prompts – wishlist – headcanons – music studies ╰ 𝗔𝗙𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗜𝗔𝗧𝗘𝗦: @sixthseer, @nancewheelr , @hargrove, @robinfm, @hawkinsingenue @ghostsofhawkins ╰ 𝗖𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗦: starter call – plotting call ╰ 𝗢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗥 𝗠𝗨𝗦𝗘𝗦: @maarma

psd / header credits Ⓒ ( theyre amazing !! ) all other graphics done by me !

[hawkinsown]

just got home from lost weekend listening party. phoebe you’ve done it again. miraculously.

[hawkinsingenue]

Her emotions are all over the place as she paces outside waiting for Max, Ally not at all ready to be part of any conversation with Steve right now. The idea of having to sit in the car with him and Dustin makes her feel claustrophobic, and so instead her feet pad back and forth along the gravel at the back of the car so she can still see the front door Max disappears through. From the moment she was able to get out of the car and actually take a breath, she's been trying to think it all over though because it's all her brain wants to fixate on, but she's feeling heartbroken in a way she's not used to. Losing Nathan and Billy had been one thing, but she had genuinely thought that she and Steve were getting somewhere...that what they seemed to start building last night had actually meant something.

She's put so much time and energy into trying to make Steve feel taken care of and wanted and adored, and all of it feels like it was for nothing. Not because in the moment he didn't appreciate her efforts, but because it's really beginning to feel like somehow her love is poison. This isn't when that feeling started to fester inside of her, and she's somewhat embarrassed it took his actions with Nancy to make her pick at that particular wound, but she isn't being drawn in by him right this second directly in her orbit so she can actually think about. It's obvious he still infuriates her, but what used to feel at least somewhat playful now feels like a painful ache inside of her. All of the cooking for him, and intimacy and overall affection she's been smothering him with, he's still been running from. Suddenly, it doesn't feel like she's actually been helping him, but instead has she been forcing herself down his throat somehow? She can't really explain why he might have tried to ask her out, and she doesn't want to think about that when all these doubts are piling on top of her, but it just feels like the answer is staring her in the face and she's too deep in this to want to admit it: it doesn't feel like he actually wants what she's offering.

He's just one more thing in her life that she feels that she has cursed, so Ally takes the moment to brush the last tears she wants to shed over all this off of her cheeks, and takes another breath. Ally hadn't wanted to be this lost in a want to be with him to begin with, and it's making her pick apart every single interaction they've had wanting to figure out where she went wrong. She is too much. That fact is glaring her in the face and yet somewhere deep down she still feels like she doesn't deserve this either. She poured herself into him this morning and let her walls crumble to dust and he still managed to bulldoze over her heart...so now all of her thoughts are on Max, because honestly that's easier to think about. She understands the guilt that Max is carrying inside of her, and she has experienced these nightmares firsthand, so if Steve doesn't need her, then at least Max does. They have girl's nights literally to try and push it all down just so that they can move forward, but it's clear that Max has needed to talk to someone about it.

There's a part of Ally that kind of wishes she had a professional to confide in too.

Unfortunately, Ally knows that therapy also comes with having to discuss her parents, and that's not something she's ready for either. She hugs herself a little as she glances at the ground and then she chews on her bottom lip, deep in thought for a moment before her attention snaps up when she hears the front door open. Just as Max seems to be hurrying out, Steve is calling to her. It's almost upon instinct when he gets bossy (she honestly can't believe his audacity of that right now) that she extends her middle finger at him from her position outside the car, pretending to scratch her nose, before she even takes a step to listen to him. Max is too determined they leave now, for Ally to pick a fight with Steve right now, so she gets in the car and is immediately talking as Steve speeds away. “Okay...what the Hell happened back there? Did you see something, or...?” She manages, trailing off when Max looks directly at her and smiles. That means something, and the corner of Ally's mouth tilts up into a smirk when Max starts to explain that they need to break into the school to look at confidential files, and presses the key into the palm of Ally's hand. “I have never been happier...” She realizes how that sounds and she waves her hand. “I'm not a delinquent, I just like research--I'm like insane when it comes to puzzles.”

Honestly, she doesn't think that she should care about the way she's perceived by anyone in this car except Max at the moment, she she still flushes red with embarrassment as to how she had made herself sound. She can feel her heartbeat pounding away in her ears, but it starts to subside as Max laughs a little bit. “Trust me, I know, and it's the only way we're going to get answers,” Max shakes her head a little bit. “Find the pattern, or whatever.” Ally's already nodding when Lucas comes over the walkie suddenly, Max telling him he needs to get to the school too, and suddenly she wonders if Max found more in there than she's letting on. Her hand moves to pat Steve's shoulder of its own accord, her anxiety over the situation making her seek comfort, and it kills her a little inside that it's still Steve she seeks involuntarily. She's still just as drawn to him as ever, even pissed off, and she pulls her hand back to lean against the seat.

Max notes the way Ally's eyes start to water, but the blonde steels her jaw and purses her lips together and Max knows she's pushing it all down. Ally has tells, and so when she closes her eyes to breathe and then sits up and pretends like she didn't just have a moment, Max settles back into the seat too. “If Harrington didn't drive like my grandfather, we'd be there by now,” she speaks up, Max laughing a little. Falling back into some sort of animosity with him is easier than the alternative, and Ally needs something solid to hold onto right now. This newfound realization that she's just as much part of their problem has taken root inside of her, and other than those words she continues to avoid speaking to him or making eye contact the entire way to the school. It would be so much easier if she hated him, but she doesn't, she just can't be his dirty little secret anymore or the the reason for cursing him further. Those two thoughts war inside of her all the way to the school, and Ally's the first one out of the car to break them in so she has her distraction.

[hawkinsown]

the pointed gesture of a fuck you doesn't go unnoticed, but steve's attention is promptly redirected to his assumed role – he's started to hate being the group driver. in an odd, bitter way that's easy to complain about because otherwise he knows he wouldn't have much of a purpose within the group. he's never particularly worried about fitting in, but within this group he feels acutely aware that somebody has someone for them there; dustin and robin had been this for him, but even now he feels so far away from them that the conversation in the car makes his mouth run dry. steve places one hand at the bottom of the wheel and the other on the gearshift. they needed to get to the school, needed to figure out however the hell they were going to break into hawkins high in order to get more information. at the mention of ally's inkling toward puzzles, steve feels his fingers grip the wheel a little tighter. it's her nature, he knows, to work through things. was this some kind of hint? some suggestion? steve had come from an entirely different understanding of conflict resolution; it's always been deflect, deflect, deflect. he shifts the gear and kicks up in speed at the thought, focusing his eyes on the road more this time than ever. the brief dissociation dustin had sent him into fuels a focus he's not quite felt before. that, yes, and the fact that there's clearly something else written on max's face that he can't quite call out just yet. so he listens, and starts to settle into the true urgency of the situation.

the communication over the walkie threatens the excitement in the car a bit further. steve frowns with it, up until he feels ally's hand at his shoulder. what had he gotten himself into? it's becoming increasingly evident that he's let on way less than he should how he feels toward her; how he's led her to believe some elaborate lie that he deserves any comfort she gives him. ally davis is far too good for him. he combats her retreat with another shift, kicking up in speed again. she makes a quip on his driving. steve snorts, shaking his head and tossing his head back to shoot her a glance. ❛ ohhh– mind your own, davis, ❜ he says, again surprised by the way he can return the snark despite the tension in his composure that he's been trying too hard to keep himself from showing.

they arrive to the school and everyone piles out after ally. steve directs them to the side entrance of the building, where he knows one of the doors is often left propped open for morning practices. his theory is proven right and they break through the high school halls, flashlights in hand. just as they're moving down the halls, the radio goes off again. this time, nancy and robin. dustin keeps it short and sweet, despite robin's clear excitement for something nancy had figured out. steve picks up the pace and follows max as she breaks out ahead of them toward the psychiatrist's office. he flashes the light behind them, making sure their paths don't unexpectedly cross with a potential janitor, or teacher staying late grading papers. dustin seems fascinated by the file folders and the confidentiality of it all. “it's like a mini watergate! ... hawkinsgate...” steve scoffs unamusedly. ❛ didn't those guys get caught...? ❜ he's surprised he even remembers that, but there had been something fun about his history classes; it was easily his best subject, for whatever reason. the side conversation is interrupted by max's excitement towards the files, and steve steps up to lift his light at her. ❛ you found it? ❜ he glances back at dustin and then at ally in concern, but his eyes don't quite reach her before he drops them and points the light back at max. he's back to avoiding her eyes, great. he's a coward. he's the first to step in front of physical danger but somehow, somehow steve harrington draws the line at his heart. he pulls at his neck collar and loosens his shoulders around it.

[hawkinsown]

had this thought and it cracked me tf up:

i'm talking to someone currently & i've seen joe keery 4 times more in the last two weeks than i have him

what a time to meet me. if he stays through my djour era he can stay through anything

[ghostsofhawkins]

for a while, she doesn't answer.

not because she doesn't have anything to say. because there's suddenly too much of it.

the cigarette continues its slow rotation between her fingers until the paper begins to wrinkle beneath her thumb. she never lights it. doesn't even remember she's holding it. instead, she's watching him in that infuriatingly quiet way she has, the kind that makes people feel as though she's reading the margins instead of the page.

steve harrington looks… small.

not physically. he'd always take up too much space for that. but emotionally. folded inward like somebody trying to make themselves fit inside a room they'd already outgrown. it catches her off guard.

❛ huh. ❜ the sound leaves her before the thought does.

❛ okay… first of all… ❜ she exhales through her nose, glancing toward the dark yard instead of directly at him. ❛ i know this isn't the important part, but you've gotta stop apologizing for every feeling you have. every sentence out of your mouth sounds like you're asking permission to be upset. it's… weird. ❜

green eyes find him again.

❛ and no offense, harrington, but i don't think anybody deserves to have someone dodge that question. ❜

do you still love me? her jaw tightens almost imperceptibly.

❛ if somebody asks you that… they deserve an answer. even if the answer sucks. ❜ she doesn't say i know what it's like when people choose silence. she doesn't have to. instead, she shrugs one shoulder.

❛ silence is crueler than honesty most days. your brain gets bored and starts filling in the blanks with whatever hurts the most. ❜ another pause. the corner of her mouth lifts, faint and tired.

❛ trust me. i've got a doctorate in making up worst-case scenarios. self-awarded. very prestigious. ❜ the joke hangs there just long enough to let him breathe. then she looks at him again, really looks at him, and something in her expression shifts. not softer. steadier.

❛ can i ask you something? ❜ this time she actually waits. gives him the choice.

❛ if she had answered… if she'd looked you dead in the eye and said, "no"… would you still be standing here blaming yourself? ❜ her voice is quiet. careful.

❛ because from where i'm standing… it kinda sounds like you've decided you're responsible for the entire relationship. like if you had just said the right thing, gone to the right party, smiled the right amount, none of this would've happened. ❜ the cigarette turns once more between her fingers before she finally tucks it behind her ear.

❛ that's a dangerous game. ❜ her shoulder bumps his. smaller this time. less joke. more reminder.

❛ relationships aren't algebra. you don't get to solve another person's feelings if they won't show you the equation. ❜ the october air settles between them. quiet. cold enough to sting the inside of her lungs.

❛ for what it's worth… ❜ she says finally, staring out toward the tree line instead of him. ❛ i don't think leaving the bathroom was the mistake you're making it out to be. maybe it wasn't your best moment. congratulations. you're seventeen. none of us are exactly making the hall of fame tonight. ❜ she huffs a quiet laugh through her nose.

❛ i've spent a lot of my life thinking if i'd just been easier to love… quieter… smarter… less angry… people would've stayed. ❜ her mouth twitches. ❛ turns out people leave for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with whether you deserved it. ❜ it's the closest she's ever come to talking about herself. she lets it pass like it wasn't important. like she hadn't said anything at all. finally, she smiles. a real one this time. small. crooked.

❛ besides… ❜ she nudges him one last time. ❛ if this whole popular jock with unresolved feelings thing doesn't work out, i've heard emotionally devastated men make phenomenal gas station philosophers. i'll even buy you a notebook. that way you can write all your terrible poetry in there instead of a bathroom stall. save the janitor some grief. ❜

[hawkinsown]

when she begins to speak, he has to force the warmth in his face away. steve shifts, pulling his shoulders back but the posture feels wrong and he moves again to sit himself down on the end of the porch. he pulls his knees up to his chest, arms resting on top of them. steve looks up at the night sky, listening softly as her words make the hole in his chest feel larger. 'you gotta stop apologizing for every feeling you have.' 'every sentence out of your mouth sounds like you're asking for permission to be upset.' steve's never considered this of his behavior. his first thought is bitter – wasn't that how he was supposed to feel? nancy had been grieving. it was a poor decision for him to think distraction and avoidance were the best remedy. deena's words are kind, but he doesn't let them reach him fully because the blame feels stronger. he's pissed, yeah, but nancy had called him out for what he was and ultimately saw the things in him he'd been trying to fix. he just wanted to help.

his breathing tightens at her next words. her acknowledgement of his hurt. she's taking his side on this? not that his intention is to divide, but steve feels even more tossed around at the notion that deena understands. ❛ exactly... ❜ he says, eyes wide. his mouth shuts abruptly after he considers her words more. the silence was the worst of it all. steve wishes he'd pressed further, but at the same time, he hadn't because he'd been doing his best to consider everything nancy had told him. his brain immediately went to fix things, but for her to drop on him that she didn't seem to feel the same way ... steve wets his lips and steadies his eyes forward, his nose twitching until he rubs it with the back of his hand and turns his body so it's sideways along the stairs. his head falls back, doing everything he can with his breathing to slow his heart rate down. to regain control. he doesn't want to break down in front of deena right now. not when he's sulking around on the back porch of a high school party where he feels everyone has left him for something bigger. something worth more than himself.

she questions if she can ask him something, and steve nods slowly, lazily dropping his head to the side to look at her. ❛ that's exactly how i feel, ❜ he responds, surprise laced in each syllable. was she reading his mind? steve admires how she's able to put the hurt to words; he wasn't sure if he would have even picked it apart as well as she just did. she simplifies everything so well that it feels like it breaks skin. it's just not fair. deena seems to understand this; the smile she offers him warms his chest a little. just a little. ❛ sweet of you, but i think i'm the last person to be writing poetry. ❜ he sniffs, rolling his eyes and shaking his head slowly at the thought. ❛ you should read my college essay. it'll have you eating those words. ❜ he's prone to self-deprecate because he's unsure how much he can trust the words deena is saying. maybe she just felt bad for him, and is saying whatever she can to make him feel better. steve smiles back, a short-lived familiar gleam returning before it flickers out like a candle flame.

one arm resting across his knees as he turns his torso to face deena, he runs his finger over the worn steps. gently, to avoid splinters, but enough to feel the roughness of the wood. ❛ i just wish i'd stayed. that i'd fought for it more. maybe she'd still be here. ❜ steve knows he shouldn't concern himself with the hypotheticals, especially after what his new friend had just said about blaming himself. ❛ i guess you're right. but that doesn't help all that much. it still sucks. ❜ as if on beat with his words, his skin catches on a sliver and he scrunches his nose and brings it to eye-level. squinting in the darkness of the night, he makes out the splinter and pushes it with his other thumbnail, eventually bringing his hand to his mouth and finding it with his teeth. he finally gets it, and with a sigh he rubs his forehead and looks back at deena. ❛ thank you. you don't need to stay out here with me. i'll be okay – go have fun. ❜ he doesn't want her to feel obligated to being on watch for him, out of fear he might do something wreckless. at least for now, she's helped in talking him off that ledge, for being rash or destructive. and more-so, the last thing he wants is for her to miss out on her night just because she's being a good person.

[hawkinsown]

can i just say that me & @hawkinsingenue are cooking up a HELL of an alleve au rn ........

[hawkinsown]

unedited djoutside land pics for your own pleasure. taken by yours truly. thank u every much

[floripire]

the hair is probably where the similarities end.

now she's wondering who told him that. because it had to have been someone telling him that. it had to have been someone in his ear, whispering all these things repeatedly, repeated them until he did, too.

kind of breaks her heart a little.

"i, um, beg to differ," comes the response, and then the conversation moves on before she can tell him that if he weren't, he wouldn't have helped her. but maybe that would have been too much, too fast, too strange, too soon. so she's glad that he takes her apology slash olive branch slash weird hybrid of the two for what it is and runs with it instead.

what gave it away?

he's amused now, and somehow this puts her at ease. a little bit, at least.

"one would think it's the aforementioned diner but, no, the vibes definitely gave it away," floribeth quips dryly. or, rather, as dryly as she can muster - she's never been good at sarcasm. a nod and then: "mhm, it's a good idea. i would have walked. can't exactly drive. my parents were planning on teaching me before, you know..." a gesture.

all of this happened.

"...i like to think my music taste is enough to make up for that fact, however." a beat and then, softly, more to herself than to him: "people can take a lot away but they can't take that away."

the car is in eyeshot. she's glad for it. she's not much of a fighter but she does think her teeth are strong enough to help her through an altercation. you know, had this turned out to be one.

her stomach rumbles again.

"ready to go when you are, cap."

thing is, he's not the only one with questions.

[hawkinsown]

he still has so many questions, nearly multiplying by each thing she says. she mentions her parents— how long had she been in this captivity? he’s so far removed from understanding of a life not built out of molds and expectations of well-off family privilege that steve realizes just how out of touch he might be here. el was an anomaly, yes… for all the obvious reasons. it does occur to him that the similarities between them seem to end at questionable disciplinary tactics and being held against your will, but steve hadn’t quite realized how little he knew of the bubble in which he’s lived in. she wasn’t a secret connection to this other side of hawkins, was she? had she manipulated the story in full knowledge that he was a part of the larger group of faces the government may already know were involved with eleven? was he in more danger than he’d thought? or, decidedly more importantly – is it about to put everyone else at risk because he's trusted too easily? 

there’s a part of him in his recent aforementioned paranoia that has developed more in the questioning of his reality. it could’ve been the shift of lifestyle, the way they’d been holed-up and he’s spent a greater part of his time avoiding every chance to be away from his home (turns out the harrington household felt even emptier with his father’s weekend trips put on pause). with that, he’d spent plenty nights with robin at the radio station, up until things with vickie became a bit more serious. even then, he started to find a new emptiness. the venue had certainly changed, but the loneliness felt even more new and discomforting. in a place that held home to so much discussion of possibilities, the conspiracy talk, the introspection of music that robin had begun to instill in him… he found himself falling into rabbit hole upon rabbit hole of personal epiphany. for the most part, he was feeling a stronger footing of his individuality. but with so many moving parts, he still found the uncertainty of the world very easily meshed into the uncertainty of himself. he’s more sure of himself now, surely, but it seems he’s started to drive himself a bit mad in those quiet nights where hawkins has felt more isolating than ever. 

she’d mentioned a few things that draw her away from his understanding of el. it could be the simple difference in experience that he’d become too quick to put in tandem with his own understanding of the young girl’s experience… but instead his nervous systems drives a mild panic that he might have jumped the gun a bit too early. the last thing he wants to do is give too much away, to put anyone else in danger just because he thought she seemed safe. it’s becoming clear his trust in his own decisions is now putting others’ safety on the line, now that they’ve moved a bit more behind the scenes with their situation in hawkins. steve’s eyebrow quirks slightly at the mention of her music, pulling his thoughts away to continue to assess just how genuine she appeared. he clicks his thumb on the light twice quickly, the beam flashing at his side thoughtfully and starts to step backwards slowly towards the path leading to his car. 

the way he smiles to her comment about her music taste is genuine in part, but it’s also an attempt at being casual. he hopes the forced loose shoulders and slight bounce to his gait give something comforting rather than inquisitive. if she’d become more aware of his uncertainty with his recent decisions, she may become more at arms with him. if she didn’t trust him, even if she was being genuine, there would be a possibility of her closing off on giving him more details. and if he didn’t learn more, he wouldn’t be able to fully relax. steve directs his eyes to the ground and turns on his heels, positioning himself to be able to project his voice better while still able to keep an eye on the car ahead of them. he nods at her request, noting how she refuses to make the first move, and begins to side-step down the dirt. 

the keys jingle at his forefinger and he gives a low whistle.  ❛ when did you... ❜  he stops and considers his words. he rubs his nose and sniffs, then starts again.  ❛ how long were you... there? ❜  ‘there’ as in at the detention facility, but he feels repetitive in his questioning and isn’t quite sure how much she wants to talk about things before they get to the car, or even to the diner.

[hawkinsingenue]

@hawkinsown

[hawkinsingenue]

If Ally wasn't as observant as she was she would have probably missed the way that Steve was also focused on Nancy. As it was, she could tell where Steve's focus was, because she was so hyperaware of him at all times, and while it was making her feel some type of way about it, nothing actually hurt until he was following after Nancy with a look she wasn't sure she recognized. She can almost feel the way her heart breaks when his immediate reaction is to follow Nancy wherever she chooses to go and while she also wants Nancy safe, she can see the way Robin's and Dustin's faces change too and something inside of her simply snaps. There was a reason that the subject of Nancy Wheeler was the elephant in the room, and suddenly it feels like Ally has her answer to a question she wasn't even asking before.

Worse, it's not the answer she wants, but it's the answer nonetheless.

Visceral pain blooms in her chest once more, Ally feeling a very painful lump forming in her throat that she has to swallow past in order to settle the thoughts starting to run wild in her mind. However, instead of crying, Ally suddenly feels a very different emotion. He had the audacity in the last several hours to once again give her hope that was proving to be false, and the rug has effectively been pulled underneath her. She's not even sure that he means to do it, but it dawns on her that once again, any needs she has are not being met and he doesn't want to have to deal with them. It feels like a sincere lack of even the most basic genuine care for her, and while she wishes this wasn't how she was feeling, she's so tired of being disposable.

“I don't have my license,” Ally hears Robin say, but for a moment it's like she's in a fish bowl as Steve vetoes Max or Dustin driving after Robin fiddles with the keys he's tossed her. Even now, in his obvious desperate attempt to be near and protect Nancy, he hasn't even thought that the most obvious choice to drive his car was in fact her. Her, who had driven it before to ease the pain of his headache and take a weight off of his shoulders. Her, who even now as her jaw clenches, is suddenly holding out her hand to Robin for the keys just to shut him the fuck up. Because who cares that she wants him safe, right? Who cares about the panic attack mere hours ago over potentially losing him? What Ally wants doesn't matter, but she pauses because Robin doesn't hand Ally the keys, understanding that look of pain etched in her eyes, and yet when Ally moves closer, Robin gives them up.

Ally moves to Steve with the keys, eyes not even on him at first, and slaps them against his chest probably more forcefully than is necessary. There's not a person in the lot suddenly that can't tell just how upset she is, but she speaks before anyone else can. “I think it's your responsibility to drive your own car, Harrington. I will go with Nance. The two of us will be perfectly fine without you.” She speaks the last words to him as she finally looks at him, but there's no affection in her eyes right now as she starts to move past him as quickly as she can. Like touching him is painful and she can't get away from him fast enough. It shocks her though when Robin speaks up again to tell her ‘no’, Ally's eyes on Robin as her free hand clenches into a fist.

Robin is quick to move closer to Ally, both of them meeting eyes. “Dingus needs you to keep him on track, and I know you want to stay with Max,” Robin offers her slowly as she pats Ally's back and then moves to stand with Nancy. Nancy gives a nod and agrees with the plan eagerly, if for no other reason than to hopefully ease the tension in the air. “I mean, unless you think we girls can't handle things on our own…” That's clearly pointed at Steve, and while Robin can tell that Ally really doesn’t want to be with Steve in his car right now, she's trying to be helpful. She does feel a little bad when Ally's nose practically flares and she moves back towards Steve's car, avoiding any and all contact with him whatsoever as she motions to Dustin and Max.

“Get in the car,” Ally tells them firmly, giving Dustin a 'Mom' look that makes him stop in the middle of starting to give her sass. He changes his tune and just nods, Ally pointedly getting into the back of it with Max and slamming the door behind her. Typically, she wouldn't take things out on his car, but she's so pissed off right now, that Max starts laughing to try to ease the tension as the French rears its ugly head again. Dustin takes his place in the passenger seat since it is clear that whatever is happening, Ally is not to be trifled with. For once, she doesn't care either that Steve seems distressed because honestly? It serves him right. She knows deep down that she's overreacting, and she knows it's because she's trying to process feelings she didn't even originally want, and she feels like she can't even be mad about it. He'd told her way back after the Mall that this wasn't anything. Yeah, he had tried to ask her out less than an hour ago, which she thought might negate that whole speech, but it was clearly just because he had been emotional and she's so tired of all of this.

This isn't even fun.

She ignores him the entire car ride, not looking at him or speaking to him or anything of the sort, getting out with Max when they arrive at the shrink’s place. Ally doesn't want to be in the car with him for longer than she has to be, and while it helps that Max gives her hand a squeeze and she has time to pace outside the car as Max goes up the walk to go inside, Ally's still immensely upset. Pain radiates through her, and she almost wishes she'd fought to go with Nancy just to not be around him right now…but Max needs her. At the end of the day, this isn't even about her and Steve, and she just wants to shove all of this into a vault deep inside of herself and throw the key away.

[hawkinsown]

the rock sinking in his chest pushes further down, ugly and fevered. the air certainly has changed between him and ally— he doesn’t have to look at her to know it. his head presses in on itself, mouth growing dry. humiliation, is part of it. the other, a wound he hadn’t recognized wasn’t entirely healed. he still had a soft spot for nancy wheeler. complicated and entirely straightforward altogether. steve wades in the grey area with this knowledge. not the time to work this out, harrington. did this have to be happening right now? the responsibility is his own, but he resents it all the same. 

ally moves with such assuredness and solidity that steve stills again. his knees stiffen as she closes space between him, feeling her push the keys into his chest. he reaches up to take them, the jingling filling the empty space before ally suggests an alternative. steve keeps his shoulders taut, the hand holding the keys stilled at his waist. he opens his other hand out to her in quiet confusion, adolescent in the knee-jerk reaction of surprise at the outburst. now that the others are watching the edges fraying in their public composure, steve is even more unsure of how to respond. he's finding it's becoming harder and harder to make light of the situation, to avoid the responsibility of the pain he's continuously causing her. robin is the first to speak up and steve finds relief in having someone else to thin the air out. ally’s icy stare redirects to robin, steve feeling a quick sense of relief as they leave his own. 

“…unless you think we girls can’t handle things on our own.” steve finds an immediate need to protest to his friend. but ally relents and moves to the bmw, and steve takes a step back before shooting robin a glare and a bothered smile. he has no idea what she thinks of this suggestion, if putting the two of them in the same shared space is really all that smart given her obvious irritation toward them. steve wonders if the whiplash between them is nearly as bad as he’s perceiving it. maybe, it could be that it’s now breaking a sort of fourth wall now that things are a little more obvious between them than he wanted. either way, he finds himself to be a little ashamed to be seen in this light, in front of the others. dustin’s already made his way towards finding some new guy to admire— the very guy who’d threatened his life just earlier that day— and while it shouldn’t be a validation he needs, clearly his identity can’t stand on its own as well as he thought it did. robin surely would give him an earful for the clear misrepresentation of their situation on his part. he worries max is losing respect altogether, but he’s too concerned by her behavior recently to care about that too much— the poor girl clearly had larger demons to be fighting. 

nancy casts him a look that seems oddly sympathetic, and steve clenches his hand around the keys.  ❛ BE CAREFUL! ❜ he calls out after them, barking at dustin to wipe his feet before getting in the car. as if on beat purposely with his sudden strictness with the car— ironic as ever considering their previous quip about treating the things you care about with thoughtfulness— the door slams behind ally in the backseat and it makes him shut his eyes for a moment and force another breath through his nose. he feels entirely out of control in this moment that it nearly sends him over again, but dustin notices the brief hesitation in his hand sitting idle at the keys in the ignition and barks at him that they should go. steve shoots him a glare and turns the engine on, hitting the power button to shut off the music that had been playing and shifting the car forward without another word. 

the car is quiet for the most part of the drive, a determination in the air that overpowers the inner confusion and irritation that rises in the closed silence. through the sunglasses purposely placed over his nose, steve steals a few glances into the rearview, trying his best to maintain the looseness at his shoulders. ally gives him nothing. when they pull into the school physiatrist’s, his eyebrows furrow as she tosses the door closed behind max and paces outside of the car. steve leans forward on the wheel, rubbing between his eyebrows. he then looks out the window to track max’s steps up to the house. she seems stoic, as she has been of late, and the quiet recollection of his concern over max heightens as the door opens and after a few words max is invited in.  ❛ alright, she's in, ❜ he announces, loud enough for ally to hear through the opened window. dustin deadpans, “i have missing collarbones, not eyes.” 

steve doesn’t have it in him to bark back, instead marking his concern now with max and allowing his mind to stray from everything else. he’s glad ally is here actually, not so much because of the tension but because he’s sure max feels a lot better with her around. he knows the concern is there from everyone for her most recent shift in behavior, but steve is starting to see the emotional bagging from his own experience. it’s much worse to consider that what max is regressing from is too complicated for his own understanding, and while he sees a lot of himself in her here, he’s never been dealt cards that consider the considerable responsibility and guilt within the death of someone so close to himself. ally knows it far too well, and at least she’s here to provide some kind of shared solace. 

he’s just about past the concerns over him and ally for now. almost. until, dustin speaks up about it.  

☈ linking the meta here on steve & dustin's convo !

steve looks out the window now as he returns the watch on the front door, leaning against his elbow. he throws a glance back at ally again, catching a flash of blonde hair and a look on her face that convinces him there's no coming back from this. steve pulls his eyes away, now worried that she’d catch him staring. how did things get so fucked up, so fast? he’s aware he hurt her. he’d tried to patch it up, but his actions seemed to work more in convincing her it was all bullshit. there’s that damned word again. she hates him now– he’s sure of it. 

movement at the front door allows him to retreat again into the moment. ❛ she's coming out– ❜ steve calls out the window. ❛ al– ❜ the shortening of her name into something he's never called her before surprises him, but it quickly passes as the look on max's face illicits an urgency. ❛ get back in the car! ❜ he's being bossy, he knows. it makes him brace for whatever impact he'll receive from her end, but he doesn't care. max climbs into the seat with a clear command, “drive.” steve fumbles with the keys to turn the car on again as he blurts out, ❛ what'd she say? ❜ max’s eyes are wide with urgency, and the directness in her tone makes his skin cold. “steve— DRIVE.”

[hawkinsown]

☈ 𝑩𝑬𝑻𝑾𝑬𝑬𝑵 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑳𝑰𝑵𝑬𝑺. a meta on dustin & steve during the s4 alleve drama from this thread with @hawkinsingenue

the moment the younger boy's voice starts, his tone initially sounds out with concern. steve keeps his eyes fixed at the front of the house, where he'd seen max's flash of red hair disappear behind the door. “we gonna talk about it?” dustin says quietly. steve swallows and does his best to relax his jaw. ❛ huh? ❜ he says absently.

“your temporary insanity when you practically threw yourself at nance. right after whatever the hell was happening with ally.” his voice falls to a hush, and becomes a bit more condescending. “you know, the girl you were just a little too cozy around considering she’s nancy’s, i don’t know, best friend?” steve raps his knuckles on the wheel and turns to look at dustin with a frown. ❛ ooookay, that's not what happened. ❜ dustin disagrees instantly, which makes steve's frustrations rise. “i'm not asking if you still have feelings for nance– i'm stating. but considering how... WEIRD you've been around ally...” steve's fingers find his hair and he tugs at the crown of his head, dropping it in the windowsill before opening his palms out. his shoulders rise in a small shrug. ❛ i don't know, okay henderson? ❜ there's clearly an underlying reason to his charged response, aside from the emotions with ally and their situation. 𝐇𝐄'𝐒 𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐄𝐗𝐇𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃. when he shifts his eyes over to his younger friend, he's met with a hardness that considers dustin's irritation towards his actions. ❛ with nance... i'm just concerned for a friend. and the other stuff... ❜ his voice falls to a hush as he's aware ally isn't too far as she continues to pace outside of the bmw. ❛ it's complicated, okay? ❜

dustin lets out a breathy laugh, letting steve's words hold in the air with the blatant contradiction of himself. then, finally – “you're bright red right now,” he points out.

normally the frustration with dustin feels comfortable. it's playful bickering, nothing too serious. dustin is the closest thing he has to a sibling, and the mold fits perfectly. but up until now, dustin's refrained from too many statements on steve's personal life. this lands weird considering how things have gone about since they'd grown closer; they didn't talk nearly as much as they used to, and dustin seems to gain wisdom by the day ever since he entered high school. somewhere along the way, it feels like steve's been surpassed in maturity and dustin no longer admires him as much as he'd used to. is he not allowed to make mistakes? it makes his face grow hot, to feel the insecurity of a friend's apparent distance being connected to his own ways of falling short. it feels extra irritating and exposing, to come from someone like dustin. dustin, who'd made him feel like he was more than what the younger boy had initially thought. only for now, now steve feels vindicated by him. like eddie entered the picture and filled his shoes. and now he's just a nuisance with his efforts to grow past his previous self. steve clicks his teeth and shakes his head in disagreement. can he not catch a break today?

steve feels his eyes dull, numbness setting in as he hears only more scolding over something steve is convinced he's had no time to figure out. “it’s embarrassing, steve.”

now, usually steve would find a way to bicker back instantly. it's the proper tune of their beat, that back-and-forth. but he finds again that he's tight-lipped, unsure how he can even begin to give the context needed for the questions and oppositions dustin very clearly has towards his observed behavior. he's filling in the gaps himself, and he's not too wrong about it – something steve won't admit aloud. ❛ henderson, we don't have time for this, ❜ he says curtly, but more of it is to himself than he realizes. he can't get into this now. not when moments after he had admitted to ally he saw a future with her, he'd chased after his ex-girlfriend like a lost puppy. he knows he's living in contradiction. the part that's starting to make his chest tight is that he's realizing he wants to retreat again. isn't that the whole point of his reasoning of staying away from ally? he wants to climb back into himself, to try and erase the way the sureness he thought he felt for ally was so fragile that it cracked the next unresolved emotion.

dustin seems to pick up on this, as steve's leg bounces anxiously with his thoughts. “i dunno – it just seems like you don't know what you want.” he'd tried to make it sound softer, but that damned kid's tone lately has driven steve up a wall. he shoots him another look and dustin opens his mouth again to speak. steve lifts his voice over him.  ❛ keep talking and i'm gonna knock your teeth back in, ❜ he bites back, but the harsh words are mostly spoken with a lighter air of banter. he places a glance in the mirror to make sure ally is nearby. when he confirms, he feels dustin's eyes on him and looks back over. “too far.” steve holds his eyes for a second and drops his shoulders, softening a bit as he gives a genuine apology.  ❛ yeah, too far... sorry. ❜ dustin nods simply in acceptance and says nothing further, accepting steve's fist bump to close out the conversation for later.

[hawkinsown]

BACK IN MY CITYYYYYYYYY

[alliecathayes]

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2 (2014) dir. Marc Webb

[hawkinsingenue]

@hawkinsown

[hawkinsown]

did not expect to crank out replies while i've been sitting around waiting for my waymo to the festival ...... guess that shows how much i'm missing it here <3

[dcllfang]

His HEARTBEAT rabbit kicks in her ears, jittering FASTER in his chest in a way she finds incredibly ENDEARING. Honeyed gaze lifting to find him seriously scrutinizing the GROUND at their feet. His SWEETNESS makes her want to TEST the STICK of him in her TOO SHARP TEETH.

The RAPIDNESS of his pulse emboldening her to lift the hand not holding the rag to gently brush along the chocolatey strands DRIFTING across his forehead. Tucking them back into the pretty whorls messily arranged atop his head. The smile that appears at the sound of his voice is all PEACH ICE CREAM — sugary and DELICATE and light.

❝Why go anywhere, Stevie?❞ Her tone is that SIREN TEASE again, gently raising the rag back to his split lip and ever so gently dabbing at it. SHE DOESN'T THINK ABOUT PRESSING A KISS TO THE WOUND. OR HOW HE'D TASTE. Thick lashes brush the high apples of her cheeks as she blinks at him, the skin darkening ROSE under the constellation of her freckles. EMBARRASSED. BLEACHED curls swishing like BEAMS OF SUN as she gives a slight shake to her head to clear it.

╭SACCHARINE LITTLE BLOODSUCKER╮

❝I like small towns like this, it feels like stepping into a film.❞ Her voice is a quiet ACHINGLY BEAUTIFUL thing, HOT PINK nails shining against the cloth as she blots gently at the RUBY dried under his nose. CAREFUL not to PUSH too hard at any bruises.

❝They're sweet and always have some kind of story to tell,❞ she continues SOFT. The HOURGLASS of her sliding a bit further in to better swipe at the JAGGED CUT above his eye, tongue curling around a BLUNTED CANINE in concentration. A BRIEF MOMENT OF SILENCE. Her delicate hand falling back into her lap, rag CLUTCHED in her grasp. Honeyed gaze studying his beautiful puppy eyes, FONDNESS playing candidly over her DIVINELY RENDERED features.

❝Like you, for instance. You've definitely got a story here,❞ the small hand not holding the BLOODIED rag gestures at him. ❝Devastatingly cute, even havin' been clearly beaten to hell. Nothin' about you screams having a need to be beaten up so one can only assume there's some kinda story here, huh, baby?❞

[hawkinsown]

he does appreciate, in a way, her infatuation with the mundane. the way she speaks of hawkins gives him an unexpected notion of appreciation for what he may otherwise overlook. he'd never particularly thought of it this way – like it was something to be romanticized. it's not until she calls him 'stevie' that he redirects the attention he's been giving to his hands, where he'd been staring for a bit. it sounds familiar to him, the way she'd spoken it with such ease that it sounds borrowed. outside of his childhood, his name hadn't been spoken without making him some spectacle, whether built from expectation or the butt of some generalized joke.

it could be the state in which he's found himself, but steve feels his ears warm, focusing on the chipped laminate of the diner tabletop. she calls him cute again, the words soft honey against the sharp static at his temples. he notices how she's leaned in closer, but he can't quite figure out why it doesn't unsettle him like it should; after all, she's a stranger – right? he can't help but shake the understanding that she's pressing for more information. if he weren't so stripped dry, he would've cared more to hold back. his smile falters a bit and he swallows uncomfortably. he's not used to being treated like he's fragile. the only memories he can connect it to are things of his childhood, similar to the way his mother used to care for him after a dumb boyish mistake. like when he'd broken his wrist running around in the backyard with tommy when he was in third grade. how she'd treated his injuries for what they were, long before business trips became missed birthdays and dinner became something to be eaten separately. the memory hits him hard and he's just as surprised by its arrival as he is at its departure.

❛ a story – yeah, you could say that, ❜ fingertips circle around the now-empty glass and he turns it on the table. none of what he could say would sound believable. ❛ more like a bad habit of sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. ❜ he lifts his eyes to meet hers now, his breath hitching at the bloom of heat in his neck at the movement. he drops his head into the palm of his hand, breathing slowly through the lapses of words. what can he trust her with? steve isn't sure he fully believes the sentiment that she'd made her way to hawkins out of curiosity towards the slow lifestyle; it seems too picturesque to be written off as entirely true.

he finally gives, shoulders rising shrewdly as he sorts through the right words to say. ❛ if you must know, i'm trying to avoid this kinda... look, ❜ steve gestures to himself with a loose hand, then leans into his palm perched on the tabletop, thumb running over his eyebrow. ❛ i got roped in with my ex-girlfriend's brother and all his friends. i ... i, uh– ended up getting all this for just trying to do the right thing. wrong place, wrong time i guess? ❜ it feels weird coming out of his mouth, mostly because he hadn't known how he was supposed to explain the bruises and bloodied state of his composure. but she's been nice, and for whatever reason he feels comfortable enough to admit where he'd failed tonight. ❛ i'm just... not quite sure how i ended up here. guess that's a story, if you'll take it, ❜ it's not nearly close to the heaviness of the situation as a whole, but he'd just met her after all. steve feels his face grow hot again, and while he picks at the end of the table he finds it difficult to continue on– not with the way he feels like his brain is working at half capacity.

fingertips tap on the glass between his hands, his chest falling with another exhale. ❛ you don't have to be so nice, you know – ❜ steve sighs and presses his palms into his forehead, shaking his head gingerly. ❛ not that i don't appreciate it... just feels a bit weird for me– ❜ steve cuts himself off, too aware now at the page in which their conversations have been. he waves a hand and runs it through his hair. ❛ thank you, though... ❜ he says it slowly and carefully, articulate in the way he can assort all the different ways to show his own gratitude for the fact that she had swooped in like she had. he was happy he made it out of the situation with billy in one piece, but there's still so much to unpack. on top of this, he's genuinely curious about her. he does his best to offer a smile, despite the way his face feels stiffly torrid.

[hawkinsingenue]

A smile stretches across her face as he beckons her body closer, a shiver going down her spine as his fingers slide up and down it. She smiles into the messy kiss, reveling in the fact that she has this hold on him, both physically and emotionally. This is the version of them that she wants to remember, laughing gently against his lips as she hears his words. She increases the tempo ever so slightly, enjoying how his hips seek more of her touch while she strokes his cock deliberately and nuzzles against his jaw. Having any kind of control over this is intoxicating, especially given typically the roles have been reversed thus far for that with them, and she presses even closer as she continues her ministrations.

“Just fine?” Ally teases, breathing against his skin as she hums into the nibbles she applies to his jaw, her hand keeping its pace. A playfulness bubbles to the surface as she speaks, blue eyes flitting to watch his face as she pulls back just enough to watch his reactions before the corner of her mouth turns up into a smirk. “Mmm, I'm not sure that 'fine' is really good enough…” The playful jab is complimented by another gentle laugh, Ally leaning in to kiss his neck, lips brushing along his skin down to his chest as she continues to let herself enjoy whatever parts of him she can touch.

She rolls him onto his back as she presses open mouth kisses to his collarbone, groaning with want as she takes her time committing him to memory. She kisses to each peck, her tongue swirling around each nipple before she nibbles to his chest hair, glancing up at him. “Look at you...” she practically purrs, letting go of him only to hook her fingers into the waistband of his boxers to slowly slide them down his legs as she moans against his skin and nibbles down his happy trail. “You have no idea how bad I want you...”

For more than this, but right now she feels like focusing on his pleasure will at least ground them in the way the moment's changing.

[hawkinsown]

his shoulder blades pinch together as she adjusts him onto his back. he’s submitting more and more to the direction and control she’s maintained; steve notices how fond he is of it — much to his surprise. her lips move down his chest and neck, and he relents easily. his chest lifts with every beat of her actions, neck exposed as he gives into the kisses she presses against his skin. it's not until the sight of her moving down his body that his breathing hitches, the uneven pace giving just enough room for him to feel every part of the way her mouth traces its deliberate path. he moves his weight to let her guide the boxers down his legs. he doesn't want to diffuse the tender stillness of the moment— rather, he welcomes it, cheeks feeling hot as she admits her desire for him.

his hands move to her hair, fingers threading through golden strands as he deals with the way she looks now, the firelight cracking behind her and giving her silhouette a haloed effect. steve feels the absence of her touch, holding back a frown as she retreats slightly. the control she has over him should be terrifying, but for now, he’s entranced by it. flushed cheeks and wide brown eyes give away his composure, clearing his throat to hide the sound that comes from it in the desire for her hands on him once more. the loss of contact makes him ache, but the gentle smile she gives him, one of affection and mischief and complete and utter control over him, helps the impatience at least a little bit. he brings his hands up to cup her face and run his thumb over her lips, tilting his head to study just how beautiful she looks with the glow behind her.

❛ and i want you, pretty girl... ❜ he’s practically buzzing with affection as he murmurs his nickname for her, fingers moving up the side of her face to rub gently at her scalp. ❛ i want– ❜ he pauses, trying to find words that don't feel too vulnerable, too revealing. his whole body gives way, though, to the way he can't ignore just how close she is to him as he runs his fingers through her har and takes a longer exhale. ❛ there's nothing i'm more sure of right now, of ever. ❜

[hawkinsingenue]

Random Alleve Edits for @hawkinsown