You, you know who you are.
A place of pain & anxiety
The world that you've surrounded yourself with
The pain is too much to handle
I guess unconditional love had its boundaries with you.
I feel the pain and the secrecy
The pain of being left alone when you needed it most
The pain of knowing you'll never receive the apology you deserve
The pain of sabotaging your life in order to not obtain the love you so desperately deserve
Aren't you always lonely?
Isn't there always a different girl to fill the void?
Isn't there always a drug to take your mind off the pain?
Isn't there always another bottle to intoxicate your brain?
But in the end, you're always empty.
Because that void inside you is never filled by anything
My love, the sex from others, the drugs and the alcohol
But you need to learn...you're not broken
You were left to fend for yourself
The drugs were a call for love and affection
The arrests were simply your calls for help from those you loved most
Since stepdad drank, maybe...just maybe it will get moms attention if you did it too, right?
Maybe she'll see how fucked up she made you
Maybe she'll finally step up and protect you
Maybe she'll see that she needs to apologize
Maybe...that’s the heart breaking word.
Because we all know that it's never going to happen.
I just wish you understood that you don't have to go through things alone
I just wish you understood that no one can fix that pain but you
I just wish you understood that you are safe now
I just wish you understood that even when you're lonely, you're not alone
I am no one to say things like this
But it's something I'd hope you hear someday
No drugs will ever take the pain away.
The alcohol won't make your mom care.
The girls won't ever make you feel loved the way you need to be loved.
Unless you decide to that for yourself
Look at the mirror and realize that there is wounded child staring back at you
See his eyes, crying because stepdad won't stop yelling
Speak to him and tell him that he shouldn't have to carry the responsibility of a drunk stepdad in his arms
Hug him and tell him that you understand where all the pain and suffering come from
You're in charge of your life now
The anxiety might make you feel otherwise but I promise,
You get to be the author of the rest of your story
So, how do you want it to continue?
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