2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Andulka
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One Nice Bug Per Day
Origami Around
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Not today Justin
izzy's playlists!
PR's Tumblrdome
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Doug Jones
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Xuebing Du
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todays bird
Game of Thrones Daily
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roma★
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@hazymemoriesneverlast
Favorite art I made in 2017
This year has been very rewarding, I’ve grown a lot as an artist, even if I feel stagnant. I’m so proud of everything I’ve accomplished so far! I’m going to try to focus a lot more on my art is 2018, so hopefully it’ll be a great year of growth!
Check out my: patreon / shop / buy me a coffee
I cried on my birthday. Guess all my emotions finally came to the surface, since they kept asking about my dad. I remember she told me that it was okay to cry, that it was worse to hold it in. It didn't feel like that though. It hurt, a lot more than I'd like to admit. And it felt silly, because there was nothing I could do. Nevertheless, it still hurt. I made sure no one knew, of course, but when I got home, I wanted to tell her. I haven't spoken to her in a while, and I doubt she's thought of me, but I felt that she would've understood.
Don't want to feel because I feel so much already. I just want to be happy, with less stress. I want to sleep before midnight, without having to focus on sleeping. I want to hear songs without remembering the saddest lines. I wonder if you know. Am I just some forgotten memory? I can't blame you for all my problems because I know I got myself here, but it hurts when I think of you. I know I shouldn't have made some of those choices, but forgive me because my heart doesn't get it. After all these fucking years, you're still on my mind.
I'm really doubting myself because of what that nurse said. It feels likes I'm being weak and it feels like BCT all over again. I guess I really need to talk to my doctors about my situation, but I think I'm healing pretty well after surgery. I guess today just hasn't been my day. When I finally woke up, my chest hurt so much. It was like I was living that one point in my life all over again. She was in my dream, even if I couldn't remember everything, it still hurt. It really fucked me up all day and then something in my inbox showed up that reminded me of her. Obviously I deleted it immediately because I don't need to dwell on things I can't fix. It definitely feels like my past is coming back to haunt me. I can't change it, but I still don't know if I've really moved on. I hope tomorrow's better.
I've had so many thoughts in the last couple of days. I know I should get help, but at the same time, I feel weak for needing it. I know that everyone needs help, but sometimes, I just feel like I'll be let down. And it seems all I want is to be friends with everyone. It's not possible, but I can't help it. I don't like having conflict in my life. I guess that's why I'm stuck in the predicament I'm in now.
I'm pretty nervous. Surgery is on Friday, but this has been a long time coming. I hope that it successful because having another surgery doesn't sound fun. And I'm supposed to be asleep right now, but I'm waiting for my last appointment of the day. It's taking forever, but I know that the care I actually get is superb. So suffering through the wait will be worth it.
I just want to sleep. And I don't want to think about you anymore. I want this heaviness to be gone. I want to want her like I want you. Maybe I am selfish, but I don't even say anything about it. I'm suffering in silence because I don't know what I should do. And now I just listen to these sad songs, like this hurt isn't real.
It's funny because you were the first person I wanted to talked to after it happened. Because even after 5+ years, I bet you're the one that knows me. I wanted to tell you how adrift I've gone, or how happy I am without you. But I didn't. Shit, I still have your number. After all these years, I still remember your birthday. How much you disliked your mom. How you cried after he did that bullshit to you. But all those things are in the past. I'm in the past. So far gone that I can't breathe anymore. Maybe I never did breathe after you left. But I sure as hell tried. I try so hard every day, but I always end up here. Pretending that it doesn't hurt. Pretending that you never existed. Pretending that I feel for her what I felt for you. How fucked up is that. That's why I want a break. I want to go somewhere where no one knows me. So I can just be someone on the street, who had their heart broken. Just a face in the crowd.
So I realized this might look like the same picture multiple times, but they're all different screenshots. @staff clearly want me to follow @taylorswift, so I did.
It hurts. More than I can ever express. Losing someone you never had. I used to think I could be okay, because what we had, it wasn't real. Only, it was real for me. And that's where the problem lies. I tried to drink you away. Hell, I'm even in this relationship, but it doesn't even feel close to that. It's unfair. To me, to her. But then again, life hasn't ever been fair. And it hurts because all those songs, it feels like they're about you. How fucked up am I? Why can't I let you go? I wasn't even anything to you, and I guess that's what hurts the most.
Scrolling through my dash makes me remember everything I want to forget. How I clearly don't know how to let go. How weak I've been in the past. How we used to say we didn't like to think, because it hurt. Well, you know what? It still hurts. I want to forget you, how you used to hold my hand, text me all day, fall asleep on the phone. Guess why everyone says there will always be that one straight girl. I swear I didn't want those feelings. I just couldn't believe someone believed in me as much as you and that you could understand my pain. If I could see you again, all I'd ask for is your friendship, because God, do I miss it. I never forgot you, but I'm sure I'm just a little bump in your road.
That moment when you're at your bestie's and trying to get back on your work sleeping schedule, but you're hungry because you accidentally skipped dinner...
It's funny how all these guys want to "talk", but honestly just want to tell me how they want to fuck. No thank you. Plus, I find very few people who are willing to talk, much less listen. I honestly just want to make more friends, not be someone's fuck buddy. Is that so much to ask for?
I thought about her today. But not as much as you. I wore your school hat and I suppose that's why she briefly came to mind. You, on the other hand, were with me when I got this hat. I had told you that the grounds captivated me when I was little and that I would have loved to go to that school. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. I suppose it worked out in the end, as I might not have met you. You might not know how much you've helped me, but your guidance and presence has most certainly made a positive influence on me and my decisions. I wish that you would message me back, so I would at least now that you are okay. I miss our random talks and hope that this new year finds you well.
As the train pulled up to the station, my first thought was that I was home. And then I thought again, and realized that home isn't a place for me. It's somewhere where people love me and I love them. It's with friends and with family, it's those closest to my heart. And as I walked to the car from the station, a tag caught my eye. A simple, rectangular tag with the UVA logo. In that second, I missed you. I don't know where you are, or even how you're doing, but I hope you know I'm wishing the best for you. I hope you'll read my email, but I honestly just hope you're safe. I've wanted to come up to visit, but I don't know if you live at the same house or even in this state.
$100... In NYC. 😂😂😂
