I'm All Over The Place, FXXK IT

This is my @newtismyshank sub account for headcanons and imagines for X-MEN, THE MAZE RUNNER, BTS, HARRY POTTER, HEROES OF OLYMPUS and BIG HERO 6 (and more)! Submit your headcanon requests :3

[freelydifferentluminary]

The Doctor and Clara - Same man, different face.

[tomhiddletson]

[chiocchi]

Guess who watched Titanic and now wants them to fall in love on a ship that will sink? Y’know, for the angst </3

[nothazellevesque]

early criminal minds (seasons 1-5) is so fucking funny if you think about it from the perspective of literally anyone that the BAU interacts with outside of each other. to recap what’s going on, let’s go over the team. We’ve got:

Elle Greenaway- murderous bitch who maybe murdered someone in cold blood (claimed self defense but who can prove that?)

Spencer Reid- a genius with both mommy and daddy issues who looks like a fourteen year old TA and does magic tricks whilst, at some points, zooted off his ass on dilaudid

Jason Gideon- man who screams at crime scenes and lays down in blood stains

Derek Morgan- calls their tech analyst like “ugh mommy shove that nice hot information down my throat”

Penelope Garcia- the aforementioned Information Mommy, who talks to the team (specifically morgan) like a phone sex operator trying to make enough to cover rent

Jennifer Jareau- bubbly blonde woman who yells at TV reporters and kicks ass

David Rossi- rich, elderly, famous crime novelist who DEFINITELY should be retired

Emily Prentiss- goth lesbian who DEFINITELY has cursed folks out in one of the many languages she knows

Aaron Hotchner- tired workaholic man, trying his best to hold this shitshow together, also beat a man to death

like, can you IMAGINE??? it’s the worst week of your life. Some madman is running around, i don’t know, killing folks and cutting off their nipples or something, and this absolute clown brigade rolls up like “ah yes, just another Tuesday for us lmao” and start asking you questions about what kind of dirt this murderer had stuck to his shoes, and then they SOLVE THE CASE???? what the fuck must you be thinking at that point

[anotherpjofan]

I just love the idea of Percy inheriting his recklessness from Sally Jackson instead of Poseidon like obviously she had become calmer over the years but it would be hilarious if no one believed it like

Poseidon: Your child sent Medusa's head to the gods

*flashback to when Sally figured out she was pregnant and yelled at the sea for an hour while flipping it off*

Sally: I hear the sea doesn't like to be restrained

Poseidon: I said it once -

Or when Percy asks about how they met

Poseidon: Your mom saw my trident and tried to steal it and kill me to figure out if I'm real or a figment of her imagination

Percy: Yeah right my mom would never hurt anyone

Poseidon: ...SALLY -

ok but what if the other gods also get involved in this like

Apollo: Your son snuck on a quest

Poseidon: Sally's son

Apollo: ...She baked me blue chocolate chip cookies

And then Poseidon decides to confront her so

Poseidon: You have got to take some responsibility

Sally: I don't know what you're talking about

*flashback to when Sally had managed to steal the trident and kill a monster*

[eternally--mortal]

So Percy is definitely in like All the government databases.

I like to think the real reason that he and Sally faced like zero legal consequences for anything in TLT (Gabe, the Arch)—or, frankly, from any of Percy’s school mishaps and destruction of property—is that Poseidon managed to register Sally and Percy under some sort of confusing diplomatic immunity.

I mean, Poseidon is the literal king of all the oceans. I feel like his family should get a little diplomatic immunity. He’s been on-board with making both of them immortal. Legal protection just seems to fit that vibe.

I can imagine Percy’s file showing up during The Arch incident and some agent being like

Agent J: Wait a minute. Prosecuting this kid might get messy.

Agent S: What? He just committed an act of terrorism, Bill.

Agent J: Yeah, but here he’s listed as qualifying for— what is this? diplomatic immunity? This is crazy. Do you know who his dad is?

Agent S: No. Why?

Agent J: Neither do I. I can’t find it in the paperwork.

Honestly the real reason they’re never prosecuted has less to do with the status and more to do with the fact that the paperwork is So Confusing. Basically everything is redacted by the Mist and no one can figure out where any of the paperwork came from. —Teams of people getting headaches from reading over the paper trail for too long and experiencing bouts of temporary amnesia where they can’t remember what they were looking at and why —Agents determined to stay late at work only to get home and realize that they’ve left the office and can’t remember looking over the files

There’s a whole office of agents and a legal team that have dedicated themselves to working their way around the problem so that something like this Never Happens Again with their paperwork. They’ll draw straws to see who gets to pour over the paperwork today. They try taking notes but they all turn out as gibberish and foreign letters. They have a tally keeping track of how many times Steve drives home during lunch or Nancy ends up with a migraine or Emmy finds herself napping on the office couch, or how many legal documents Greg has accidentally shredded right after he filled them out.

Their office has garnered so much attention that it’s become a government-funded psych experiment. The national defense office wants to get its hands on whatever crazy voodoo they’re using to cover up the Jackson history.

There’s also a betting pool going on about what makes this kid so important and who wants to keep him off the radar.

Let’s not even start on the foreign agencies that get involved after the Giant War.

They all learned pretty quickly that technology wasn’t going to help them. Any footage they get of Percy Jackson winds up scrambled and confusing. So the best solution is resorting back to grass-root methods:

Field agents.

Sadie: Guys, I think we’re being followed.

Percy: *grabbing for his pocket* What?

Annabeth: Oh, I see what you’re looking it. No it’s alright. Weapon down, Percy. It’s the NSA.

Percy: Todd? *his eyes scan the crowd*

Annabeth: Yeah

Percy: *waves at a man in a baseball cap who freezes and ducks behind a kiosk in the mall*

Percy: It’s ok. It’s just Todd.

Sadie: Ok. Hold up. You have an NSA agent?

Sadie: Don’t they usually use phones or something?

Annabeth: Percy doesn’t have a phone

Percy: Too much bad demigod juju

Percy: I thought Todd was FBI

Annabeth: No, Seaweed Brain. FBI checks in on alternating Thursdays

Percy: Right

Annabeth: *to Sadie* FBI are the worst, honestly. I feel like we spend all day saving their asses.

Percy: Remember Vince? And the corn dog incident?

Sadie: I mean that doesn’t sound too bad.

Annabeth: There were empousai. Venom, right in the corn dogs. I’ve never seen a mortal drop that fast.

Percy: Or Elise and the subway scramble

Annabeth: That mishap with Randy on the 58th floor

Percy: *Looking back at Todd* You know, I miss Jamie.

Annabeth: Yeah, Jamie was nice.

Sadie: What happened to Jamie?

Annabeth: Oh, no. Nothing like that. They took her off the case.

Percy: She was too friendly.

Annabeth: She always waved back.

Sadie: . . . Right. And why are they following you again?

Percy: Annabeth has a theory.

Annabeth: We think it has something to do with Percy’s stint as a domestic terrorist.

Sadie: A wat now?

Percy: I blew up an arch.

[anotherpjofan]

Imagine Paul and Percy’s first meeting like you have Sally telling Paul her child is the sweetest person on earth who wouldn't hurt a soul while in the same breath she goes

Sally: Speaking of, can you convince your school to accept him?

Paul: Uh sure?

Sally: Great! You know what they say eight time's the charm

Paul: Wait -

So obviously Paul does an Internet search and he finds dozens of articles which show that percy is a terrorist who a) blew up an arch b) dumped his class in a shark tank at age 7 and c) casually kills old ladies according to some twitter user so Paul loses his mind. He doesn't know what to believe

Paul: So.. um has Percy ever visited the arch

Sally: Yeah apparently it was destroyed when he was there

So poor Paul is under the impression that Sally is unaware of her son's terrorist activities and expects to find a 6'2 hulking teen with tattoos but instead meets Percy who's 5'5 and hasn't had his growth spurt yet and loses his mind cause what if he's being blackmailed into being a terrorist??

Paul: *trying to be calm*: Hey

Percy: If my mom likes you we're good

And the fact that Percy is 100% a momma's boy and seems nice if not a bit silent? Paul is losing his mind

[guccifloralsuits]

Hotch’s Reid favoritism is so funny like he straight up lies to Hotch abt being cleared to fly after his knee injury & faces no consequence for it; he gets no formal punishment for the Owen Savage situation, Reid’s the first person Hotch opens up to about his divorce…Hotch knows Reid’s showing up to work high after revelations and doesn’t report it (although that might be bc his guilt for sending Reid to Hankle’s house in the 1st place). In zugzwang he comes IMMEDIATELY when Reid asks even though they don’t take stalking cases, on a whim in s4 Reid’s like “can we stay in Vegas for an extra night” & no questions asked Hotch reschedules the whole team’s flight. Then afterwards he approves last minute time off AND allows 2 other team members to use FBI resources for a random cold case just bc Reid’s been torn up over it. this twink’s got hotch so wrapped around his finger and for what

[abortionado]

Actually the idea of Hotch being silently in love with Spencer is so. Pathetic in like the most painful/sympathetic way.

It’s like you’re 42 years old and you’re a homeowner and you’re wealthy and you’re married to your high school sweetheart and you have a baby together. U have a perfect little family and a perfect home and a perfect wife and you should be grateful and you should be happy. But you’re not grateful and you’re not happy and this ugly, painful desire is wrapping its hand around your throat and slowly consuming you alive. And he’s in his early 20s and he worships you and it’s bad and it’s wrong and you’re a pervert and you’re in love and you can’t have him. You can never, ever have him and it makes you want him so much fucking more

And god it’s probably particularly excruciating because there’s nowhere to escape this boy. Your job takes over your life and he takes over your job, and you’re not sure which of these things caused the other. He shares your hotel room and mumbles in his sleep, and you have to stay awake and listen for your name (which never comes); he sits within eyeshot of your office and wraps his fat, chapped lips around the ends of ballpoint pens, and you’re nauseous and aroused; he laughs from the back seat of an SUV while a coworker tosses skittles into his mouth, and you want to bottle that laugh and keep it on a shelf above your mantelpiece, but you don’t laugh with him, because you’re a world away from him and you’ll never be with him, not in laughter or sex or domesticity or anything but work.

And this slowly eats you alive and you can’t do anything, you can’t say anything, because it would end you as you know yourself

And you can’t live silently with all of this, can’t sit on it for much longer before you vomit it all out and make a mess of yourself, so you learn to weave your love into what you have with him

Which is nothing but. work.

You’ve passed your firearms evaluation, as far as I’m concerned; yes, we can stay in Vegas another night; no, you’re not in trouble; please just don’t do it again, I’ll have to fire you—and I can’t fire you, this is the only place I share with you, don’t you understand?

[siuxii]

[Unknown Voice] The plan failed.

[blueplusiron]

Prologue: The Observational Diaries Of Saeran– Living With My Idiot Brother And Sister-In-Law

… Maybe. LOL.

Btw I spilled water on my tablet while drawing this… RIP my best working buddy for 6 years… ;____;

[cynphonium]

God is real

[headcanon-baby]

peter parker as pepper potts’ intern au pt. 1

so we all know that peter is an intern at stark industries right? but out of technicality, pepper’s currently in charge of SI, not tony stark. so when tony goes up to pepper asking her to hire peter as an intern for reals - to make his undercover internship actually believable - the rational, legendary, all-knowing pepper says - 

“tony, no. he’s fifteen, for god’s sake.” “come on pep, look at him! you can’t say no to this puppy face!” “sshshsjsjl miss potts i’m sixteen!”

most of the time when pepper says no, its a big fat no tony, i don’t care if you promise to go for all your meetings a stark internship DOESN’T EVEN EXIST -

except this time instead of her insufferable husband she’s politely accosted by this doe-eyed, flustered peter parker in the middle of her office who sincerely promises her that he’ll prove himself as a capable intern and to please miss potts, give me a shot?

pepper potts thinks to herself, shit, i really can’t say no to those eyes - 

bold of you to assume pepper potts would waver in the face of a sixteen-year-old’s puppy dog eyes (even if it’s peter’s)

she dismisses him on the spot and tells him to leave, refusing to look up to meet his semi-dejected eyes. this is for his own good, she tells herself, tony can just make up a certificate for peter. i don’t have to hire peter as an intern. he wouldn’t be able to handle it anyway

that was not the end of it, apparently, as pepper discovers when she comes back to the penthouse to find tony smugly drinking a capri-sun

“he’s a stubborn one, underoos. you’ve got some competition, pep” “he may be stubborn but so am i, tony” “pep this kid went after a giant metal chicken in a walmart onesie. trust me, his stubbornness borders on supernatural stupidity” 

pepper dismisses tony’s words until three days later, after walking out on a emergency meeting with oscorp regarding a legal breach

while getting some “fresh air”, she gets a mini heart attack when a fucking kid appears out of fuck knows where and hangs upside down in front of her with a grin and a wave

as she’s about to scream at him because are you fucking crazy kid what if someone SAW YOU???? he holds up a worn, tiny silver thumbdrive with a smirk

“heard there was a legal breach at oscorp, miss potts” “i’m not even going to ask where you heard that but what -” “well, a little spider told me that mr osborn is in kahoots with a certain mr hammer and due to a certain legal contract between stark industries and oscorp, mr osborn is breaching a h-u-g-e law in the stark-oscorp alliance, right?” “that’s a very incriminating theory coming out from you, mr parker”  “not a theory if it’s true, miss potts” “do you have proof?” “why, now that you say that -”

pepper tries not to react when peter hands over the thumbdrive as she gets FRIDAY to read it for her, because holy fucking shit

peter parker did not just give her a receipt of norman osborn’s dubious interactions with justin hammer (it was an image file of an work e-mail exchange between oscorp and hammer industries, but it was still valid enough to be taken into court)

no, peter parker gave her a 100GB gold mine of blackmail material on every single competitor on the market

it wasn’t just limited to oscorp and hammer industries - no - in the precious silver thumbdrive contained enough evidence to put the current president of the united states under investigation

pepper swears under her breath because jesus fuck she was pretty sure there were nucleur codes somewhere in there

pepper just stares at him in awe and horror because what the fuck mr parker and peter just smiles giddily at her like she’s the best thing since the stark spidey suit 

“you’ll be surprised how much you can get out of being peter parker, miss potts”

pepper just levels him with a bemused stare and raises an eyebrow. since when did this adorable, over-eager, puppy-like teenager become so cocky?

“mr parker i’m sorry to inform you that the legal age of consent in the united states is 18 years of age, i might have to report you - ”

and then peter’s face just EXPLODES in red and he squeaks and fumbles around and loses his footing and he just crashes onto the floor in a pained heap because out of every response he could’ve gotten out of pepper potts - insinuating that he got all that information from underage prostitution - was certainly not one of them

pepper laughs at him and pets his hair and he pouts 

“so....whaddya think, miss potts? think you could give me another shot?” “really, mr parker? you did all of this for an internship?” “well..yeah...” “so you willingly risked the law, hacked several federal government databases, our supposed ally’s databases, and a dozen other political figures’ bank accounts, blackmailed most of them - all for an actual stark internship?” “w-well, if you put it that way, it does sound kinda risky -”  “i like my americano with skim milk, mr parker”  “yeah i know, this is all really irresponsible but - wait what” “think you could start next monday?”

there’s a minute pause as pepper walks off in the opposite direction - back to the meeting - and she smiles a little as peter yells out a ‘HOLY SHIT FRIDAY I GOTTA TELL MR STARK!!!!!!!! I DID IT!!!!” and if she comes back to an ‘i told you so’ from tony - well, she doesn’t really mind it so much

because not only did peter parker prove himself capable as spider-man to tony stark - he also proved himself to be just as capable - if not even more - to pepper potts as peter parker. and to her, that’s what matters the most.

part 2 anyone? 

[headcanon-baby]

HighSchool!AU where Leo Valdez is generally well-versed in all of his subjects except chemistry. Since ‘tinkering’ is basically a trial-and-error process, he happily applies that theory to practical chemistry.

Long story short, he hasn’t had a fixed lab partner ever since Percy caught his hair on fire and Jason wears a fire-resistant hamzat suit every time he’s stuck with Leo during a practical lesson.

[ignitesthestxrs]

Roman!Percy/Greek!Annabeth (that campswap au where Jason gets sent to Rome and Percy gets sent to CHB) ^__^

1. Okay so Annabeth and Jason are the CHB biffles that have been through all the drama together, but it’s extremely platonic. There’s a little bit of friction there because in this version Jason would have been at CHB longer than Annabeth, and that’s a bone of contention for her. She probably started off as a tiny babby trying to be all antagonistic at him, but Jason was just - so nice?? And mostly just got confused when she got mad at him and seldom rose to the bait, which is why they don’t have the more antagonistic (and passionate) relationship that canon Percabeth does.

2. Meanwhile Percy is just. The worst Roman. But also probably grew up happier? Sally would have relocated to New Rome, because this is an infinitely safer and less smelly way of protecting your child from monsters than Gabe. So Percy grew up knowing who he was and his place in things, but he still has that Sally Jackson spark. Knowing about his demigodness didn’t change his temper, or his loyalty, so accidental explosions and shark attacks totally still happened. It made him a bit of a pariah, even though people were still in awe of his power/parentage. His inability to follow orders also didn’t help, but I imagine he picked up a few friends along the way anyway. There is just this group of (Fifth Legion obvs) kids who are super loyal to Percy, and to whom he is super loyal. (He still can’t stand Octavian. He still has a surprisingly friendly relationship with Reyna, although she is officially Not Interested in him ever since she saw him pull a noodle out of his nose as a trick)

3. So Percy wakes up the same way Jason does,and Leo and Piper have the same implanted memories but like. It’s super weird?Because Piper looks at this fucking goober and thinks, ‘I mean yeah he’s nicebut do I really want to kiss him? I must, I remember doing it’. And Leo is like‘br…uh? Bruh. Yes? No? Maybe?’ Leo cannot place his manfeelings. Percy, meanwhile,remembers his mom and that’s it. And knows she must be freaking out about himmissing, and so when Annabeth shows up all WHAR JASON, Percy is just like ‘fuckyou, whar me? Someone has to call my mum and let him know I’m okay’

4. Annabeth and Percy do not. Stop. Arguing.Ever. Everyone just sort of stares, wide eyed (except for Clarisse, who keepscackling).  Except they’re both totallysecretly impressed with each other for their devotion to the respective peoplethey care about. They also bond over Percy’s reaction to finding out Hera stolehis memories – he’s mad as hell (toilets explode) and Annabeth is like, well Ican’t hate anyone who thinks Hera is a massive cow (heh) I suppose. By the timehe has to do the quest thing with Leo and Piper, they have a grudging trust ineach other

5. Their actual romance would probably developin Tartarus. Percy is not the sort of person to let anyone fall into hell, and probably by that point he is totallycrushing on Annabeth also :’D So they go through hell together and there’s notreally any time for thinking about kissing each other or anything, but itforges a connection between them. Grudging trust turns into absolute trust.They share their first kiss on the deck of the Argo II, the night after escaping Tartarus.

[moved-to-ofswordsandpens]

Friendly reminder that -

Percy’s neutral expression is a natural brooding look that he gets from Poseidon

That when he does smile it’s crooked and makes him look like a trouble maker

When he talks it’s usually very sarcastic and/or impertinent 

His inner monologue is actually very negative and while we, as the readers, take it as a joke he’s usually pretty pessimistic for a good portion of the time

That when he’s fighting his expression is fierce and is hard to tell whether he is the good guy or not

That Leo Valdez equated Percy’s angry expression to the feeling he gets when Jason is about to shoot lightning. Let me repeat - just the look on Percy’s face when he’s angry was considered on par to Jason controlling flipping lightning

That he’s very very vindictive and loyal only to those he considers his friends and once you lose his trust it is nearly impossible to earn back 

That while he had the curse of achilles, he laughed crazily while he was single handedly destroying hordes of monsters

He made an entire volcano erupt, awakened a giant, and almost wiped out the northwest of the united states

He tortured a godess just so she would feel his misery

That he’s actually very manipulative and it made Annabeth step back for a moment and reevaluate her perception of him

That while his dark side came to it’s peak in house of hades and wasn’t mentioned in blood of olympus, there was no confirmation that it suddenly and completely disappeared after they left Tartarus.

Has been the child of the prophecy twice.

He manipulated Bob to kill his own brother by simply convincing him that they were friends and that is what friends did for each other

He was physically abused by his step father

That with absolutely no training at all he killed the minotaur with it’s own horn at the mere age of twelve

He wins a good majority of his fights by simply outsmarting his opponent 

He has scared not only Annabeth but his friends and peers on more than one occasion with his attitude and powers

That he’s considered extremely powerful for a demigod and for a child of the big three and makes the gods slightly nervous

That when he’s upset his powers act to mimic his emotions without him even trying

Has been offered immortality

That he is actually really sorta intimidating without trying 

That we need to stop reducing Percy’s character to a happy-go-lucky comic relief goofball that doesn’t know his left foot from right because he is so much more than that

[headcanon-baby]

Can you do how to tell he’s in love with you with Alex Summers

how to tell if he’s in love with you? this dork??? Y E S 

- this boi is 82731678210% more of a dick whenever you’re around and he’s literally on your ass the minute you open your mouth

- he says shit like “oh speak of the devil and she arrives”, “hey shorty, didn’t see you come in - oops, guess we all know why” and “whoa look what the cat dragged in today - oh wait it’s you” 

- he says it all in that snarky, teasing way of his and sometimes you don’t know whether you should get turned on or kick him in the dick

- the thing is he doesn’t really know WHEN to tone down on the teasing and then it’s too late and you storm off and you can literally hear mystique slapping alex on the back of his head for being such a dumbass

- has never apologised a day in his fucking life but leaves a plate of cookies outside your door with a note that says, “i think i took it too far” which is the closest to an apology he’s ever going to make

- if you haven’t noticed, he likes giving you borderline insulting nicknames, “shorty” is a common one, followed by “loser” and “tiny”

- makes the stupidest excuses to sit next to you during meal times 

- “alex why are you sitting there that’s my spot” “it’s so i can help this shorty here reach for the salad, duh” “alex the salad is right in front of her” “….i’m grounding you” 

- tends to hang his arm around your shoulders without thinking too much about it 

- gets antsy when he finds out you’re going out with your friends without him and he literally marches over to scott, grabs his shoulders and tells him to “fucking watch over her she’s useless without me” and scott is like “lmao sure trash brother” 

- every time you’re training together he finds every opportunity to take off his shirt

- or flex

- or both

- you notice that he tends to hover over you like a ghost in group conversations. he doesn’t contribute much aside from the random quip or snark comment but he glares at anyone who tries to get too close to you and he just stands behind you like a protective bulldog waiting to attack

- you think it’s kinda cute

- for some ABOMINABLE reason, he likes waking you up at 5am. not for breakfast or anything but to fucking JOG FFS

- “wakey wakey eggs and bakey time to run you slob” “summers i swear to FUCK - ” 

- alex looks and acts like a Jock almost 99% of the time but boy this man can COOK. after the jog he makes breakfast for you and you think it’s all a scam and he’s poisoned your eggs but he just looks at you abashed and just mutters, “I like cooking for people” and your heart just dies inside

- you think alex is some sort of magician especially that time when you’re with your friends and peter just looks around and is like, “your boyfriend not here today?” 

- for some reason alex knows EXACTLY when to pop out of nowhere at that exact moment to deny everything with the biggest fuck off blush on his face

- sometimes you think he’s self-conscious because every time you enter the room he discreetly tries to fix his hair 

- is a super POSSESSIVE FUCK. when you go out together with friends to the movies he makes sure to ask you every time whether you’re cold and even when you tell him your not he makes you wear his jacket anyway while glaring at peter who’s about to offer his 

- “maximoff i swear to fuck if you -” “whoa calm down homeboy i was just about to offer storm mine no need to get your panties in a twist” 

- scott discreetly tries to offer you hints that alex is in love with you but every time he opens his mouth alex dog tackles him into a bookshelf 

- “hey you know my brother - ASDHAGGFALLKSL” “ha. ha. what were you about to say lil bro? oh hey shorty whats up with you” “ALEX SUMMERS YOU BROKE MY TEETH” 

- yeets himself when his hand brushes against yours while you’re walking and everyone is just so exasperated because it’s literally a recurring gag that happens at least once a day

- “hey scott, don’t take this the wrong way, but I think your brother is whipped” “he’s been whipped since the day he met her what’s new” 

- he likes picking you up 

- no literally 

- he just picks you out of mcfreaking nowhere. like in the middle of a conversation or you mention that you’re heading to bed he literally just fucking picks you up in his arms bridal style and runs the fuck away laughing with you while you’re gripping on him and screeching

- “do I even weigh anything to you???” “nope it’s like carrying a bunch of grapes” 

- he’s amusingly pleased whenever you call him by his x-men alias 

- “you got a kink for your superhero name, summers?” “hey back off it’s a cool name”

- whenever you’re hit on in public alex just scoffs and finds every single insult he can think of about you to deter the dude away

- “you shouldn’t do that, she probably hasn’t showered for a whole week”, “you really wanna date a girl you can’t see when she walks into the room? alright dude if your standards are that low”, “she puts milk before the cereal. you really gonna hit that?” 

- has failed his confession about 6 times in six months. he chickens out before he can ever finish or gets an untimely interruption from someone in the house

- “okay so the mansion was gonna explode right? so I waltz in there like oh hey guys what’s up - OH sHIT ALEX wERE YOU ABOUT TO - ” “maximoff i swear to god” 

- you think his heart is full of snark and wit until one day you find him intoxicated at the dinner table with charles and beast and mystique basically the Whole Gang™ completely red-faced and sulky and everyone is just laughing at him because he talks a lot of shit but he sure can’t take it

- “he’s had a bit too much to drink,” charles says politely as alex flat out sobs onto the table while beast pats him on the back

- alex just continues being emo until he sees your ass and he just. wobbles towards you and the first thing you know he’s giving you the biggest, bone-crushing hug you’ve ever had and mumbling like an idiot 

- beast is about to intervene until you wave him off and you silently drag alex back to his bedroom and the whole time he’s just moaning and sobbing and telling you how nice your hair smells and you’re just smh 

- and then out of curiosity you pop The Question™ and he answers so fast it gives you whiplash

- “hey alex, do you like me?” “h-h-huh???? like you?? n-nah i love you loser” “wait what” 

- he doesn’t let you leave the bedroom even after you tuck him in and turn the lights off and he makes you sit by his bed and hold his hand to sleep and sweet fucking jesus he even pulls out the puppy dog eyes no you and you’re like gdi

- and then out of nowhere he starts to drunkenly babble about his past, telling you all about how scared he was when he got drafted for war, how close he became to getting experimented on because of his x-gene and how fucking terrified he was at the thought of not being able to come back to the mansion and see everyone again

- he pulls your hand against his face and he just. BREAKS down crying and confesses that he sometimes dreams of losing you in the war and it scares the shit out of him

- it takes awhile for you to calm him down, rubbing his hand with yours in comfort until alex pulls you closer to him and grips your hand until he’s shaking and asks 

- “d-do you t-think i’ll e-ever have a chance w-with you in t-this lifetime?” 

- and being the fucking impulsive piece of shit you are you lean into him and grab his face and give him the softest, sweetest kiss you’ve ever given anybody and he just stares at you giddily touching his lips blown out of his mcfreaking mind

- “ask me again tomorrow when you’re sober, dork” 

- he does 

aaaaaand i’m done. sorry i haven’t been taking requests! been hella busy and dying and i just got out of hospital so kEK