Luce

21 || Former Hufflepuff || Healer || Order || Jelly bean enthusiast || Traveler || Music lover

[healerluce]

healerpeakes​:

Hadn’t the idea been to ask Dawn’s friends what they thought the best approach would be? Maybe Lucy had a point, that they would likely want to go check on her as soon as possible and having some suggestions to get things rolling would be a good idea. But Simon didn’t know much about Dawn, quite frankly. “Right…suppose I’ll have to think that over,” he said in a tired voice. This was far beyond the scope of healer training. “The best lies tend to be close to the truth. Perhaps we can think up an explanation for them thinking she moved to America that conceals however much they think we should keep from her, at least to begin with. We only need an excuse for one of them to suddenly show up, at least, because if they do tell the truth about thinking she moved, it would also make sense for the first person who sees her to tell the rest of her friends.” Keeping things as simple and logical as possible would be the best way to avoid unnecessary messes – because this was already going to be a huge mess no matter how they went about it. He sighed when Lucy said she would rather tell everyone without waiting to get Dawn tested. Figured; she wasn’t the one who would have to face Dawn’s friends. But her point was a fair one. “Alright. Then let’s look at the Order schedules and figure out the first opportunity to get everyone we need together.”

Despite how tired Simon sounded, and she couldn’t blame him for it, she didn’t jump in with any suggestions. Hopefully if he needed any he’d ask. But it didn’t sound as if he did. It was difficult for either of them to come up with a complete lie not knowing how much they were going to want to keep from Dawn. Lucy just hoped it all worked out for Dawn, she’d already suffered enough. “That sounds good. With any luck all they’ll need is a starting point and they can work from there. They might not even need that but given how outside of the norm this is it doesn’t hurt to be prepared as much as possible.” Which was why Simon wanted to wait. She couldn’t blame him for that. It was just something she wasn’t certain could wait. Lucy knew she was probably just being paranoid but before talking to Dawn she’d never thought they’d be capable of such a thing, despite the things they were. Now she wasn’t sure of anything. She was coming to the realization that she’d been ignoring her bad feelings about Order things, a lot more than she’d realized. Lucy was glad Simon agreed, even if it was clear he wasn’t happy about it. “Great! And I’ll check in and see when we might get those tests done,” she added. It would be good to have them, both for Dawn and for her friends to know. Lucy just didn’t want to wait on something that felt important to get the word out about. Especially since instead of telling more people they were telling less and counting on word to pass through the Order quickly.

[healerluce]

healerpeakes​:

Lucy brought up another problem they had to consider beyond just what to tell Dawn. She needed friends in London, but it was going to look rather odd if the friends she thought abandoned her all showed up around the same time, right after she’d spoken to a healer about what was going on. Of course, if they told Dawn enough of the truth about what happened, that would be less of a problem. “I suppose that will be something we’ll have to talk about. Depending how much they think we should tell Dawn will affect how much they can tell her about how and why they know her. And why the stayed away. I’ll make sure to remind them they’ll have to think that through when they do go see her. Especially if we don’t have test results by the time we tell them. Would you be comfortable giving it two days to see if you hear about scheduling her tests? If it’s longer than that we go ahead and tell everyone?”

“Good,” Lucy replied when he said he’d remind them of it. “I’m sure they’re all going to want to check on her once they know she’s here and what’s been happening. But it’s been three months. Having three people just show up out of the blue after three months of worrying alone might make things worse. Unless they have a plan. Which probably won’t be at the top of their minds after getting the news you’re going to give them. It might help if you think of some things to offer as suggestions just in case they ask your opinion.” Simon was a good healer but this situation was so far outside anything they’d handled it didn’t hurt bringing up areas he might need to be prepared in. Or so Lucy thought. She’d been not only thinking about the other Order members but about Dawn and the best way to reintroduce her friends since she’d recovered a little from the shock. It was tricky but hopefully her friends would have better insight into it and with Simon reminding them they could figure something out. She wasn’t so sure about waiting. Lucy frowned. “If you think that’d be better, I just…” she sighed softly. “I can’t help worrying about what they might have done since they did this to Dawn. What they might do.” She looked over apologetically to Simon. There was also the concern that herself or maybe even Simon could be in danger but she was more focused on worry for other Order members, and even non-Order members because she really had no idea how far they’d go. “I’ll just feel a little better once more people know,” she added. Not better because this was still so awful but at least there might be less danger to anyone else in the Order.

[healerluce]

healerpeakes​:

“I think we have,” he said when Lucy mentioned that she hoped they’d picked the right people. It was definitely more of a risk, but it also felt more feasible if they wanted to do this quickly. And better for Lucy; having that many horrified people in one small space together just didn’t seem like the best idea. He nodded at Lucy’s words, glad she felt the same. Before he could ask if she was sure she was alright handling telling more people herself than Simon would have to tell, she was asking him sort of the same thing. And Simon wasn’t really sure he had the better end of the deal. He had fewer people to tell, but they were the people this would hit the hardest. “I dunno if worried is the right word. I’m quite certain they’ll react poorly.” That was the only way to react to news like this, really. But breaking terrible news wasn’t exactly new for Simon; it was something that came with being a healer. It didn’t exactly get easier, but he was more used to dealing with it now. And while he avoided emotional attachments, he always tried to deliver bad news the same way his dad had delivered the news that his mum was not going to get better: gently, but straightforward, and with enough explanation that there was no room for false hope about what the outcome might be. “But they need to know the truth. All I can do is give it to them as gently and as clearly as possible and give them a space to process. Although it would be nice if we can get Dawn’s tests done in the next day or two, before I tell her friends. I’d like to be able to give them an answer if they ask if she’s okay other than all the ways we already know she isn’t okay.” It would be nice to at least be able to tell them she didn’t have any additional brain damage. 

Simon’s certainty helped Lucy feel more certain. Though it might have just been a bluff on his part. They had to do something and this seemed to be the best option for that something. There was only so much they could plan for, the rest was out of their hands. She nodded when Simon said they’d react poorly. There really wasn’t any other way to react. Even the ones she was telling would most likely react poorly. Being a healer meant getting used to giving bad news so at least Simon had experience.  But this felt like a different sort of bad news. Lucy nodded again, agreeing that they did need to know the truth. “I’ve asked them to schedule the tests as soon as possible. But I haven’t heard back yet when they’ll be. I’ll let you know. Dawn needs to know something quickly too. Especially if she’s got friends suddenly coming out after three months. Though hopefully they’ll figure out something to tell her that will make her not have too many questions.” While telling Dawn the whole truth of what happened to her hadn’t been ruled out she doubted anyone was going to start with that. It felt too jarring even if they decided that would be what should happen at some point.

[healerluce]

healerpeakes​:

“Naturally,” he agreed, matching her sarcasm but leaving it at that. It was a grim reality they were faced with, and it just seemed to get worse every day. Today was a new low, and frankly figuring out how to deal with it felt way out of Simon’s league. Maybe that was why he found himself wondering whether they couldn’t improve on the plan any further. He was glad when Lucy didn’t dismiss it right away, and he nodded when she confirmed the people she should invite. “I think Benjy’s the best choice, actually,” he added when she brought up the three youngest Ravenclaw blokes, remembering how Benjy had come to him and seemed to take heart in the thought of confiding more in Bertie and Drew. He was probably the most likely to share the information quickly with the others. Bertie was a bit of a wild card, and he agreed with Lucy’s read on Drew. He nodded as she finished speaking. “Right. I know it’s riskier telling fewer people to start with.” Which was why they’d originally thought to tell as many people as possible all at once. “But as long as we tell the right people to start off with, I think it could work and help mitigate some of the damage from us getting together one big group and clearly excluding another.” Maybe that was trying to do to much, but Simon really couldn’t imagine any of the people they were telling not feeling as compelled as he and Lucy did to share the news with their fellow Order members, at least the ones they were close with. Not to mention the scheduling issues it would avoid. Just getting five or six people together at the same time would be hard enough. Simon very nearly added that he didn’t care if she told Doc or Em ahead of time – clearly she was close with them, and Simon didn’t really expect her to keep it from them until she could get a group together. For all he knew she’d already told Doc or Em. Which was exactly why Simon made a point of not being close to people in the Order, so he could maintain professional distance when it was necessary. But when he’d tried to offer Lucy that same advice she’d come back and told him he didn’t care enough, and he was quite happy to stay as far away from that subject as possible, so he kept that comment to himself. What did it matter if he did or didn’t care anyhow, she was going to do what she thought was best. 

Lucy was still getting to know the newest members of the Order so she hadn’t been sure which of the newest Ravenclaws she should try. “Yeah? Okay, Benjy it is,” she agreed. She was curious what made Benjy the better option but she didn’t want to sound like she was second guessing him when all she was being was nosey. Simon didn’t share information in the same way Lucy was used to, sticking to mainly healing things and not anything dipping into personality usually. Hearing him sort of mention something that seemed to nod at his having opinions on that made her curious. Of course they had more important things to worry about than her curiosity about Simon’s opinions. She nodded as he spoke about why he thought this new plan might be better. Lucy felt like it was a bit of a gamble but maybe it was a better option, and not just because of the size of her flat. “If we can avoid that it would be great. Hopefully we’ve chosen the right people who will be outraged enough to tell others.” She thought they had. Hoped they had. “It does seem like a more reasonable option than trying to get a big group to my flat, around the same time.” Maybe less issues with people getting unruly too. At least she’d have Doc and Em to help her out if things got intense but she thought the people they’d chosen would be good ones to tell. Frankly she was kind of glad that she didn’t have to tell Dawn’s friends. Telling Doc and Em would be terrible enough because she was close to them. Not to mention the Order members she wasn’t as close to. None of them had ties, that she knew, to Dawn so there would be that. Even if she did wonder how Simon was going to break the news. “Are you worried how they’ll react when you tell them about Dawn?” Lucy wasn’t sure she’d ever seen Simon have to deal with emotion, there would be a lot of it for this. Especially with the group he was telling.

[healerluce]

healerpeakes​:

Simon smirked, amused at Lucy’s joke though it was painfully accurate. Anyone could have predicted Moody was a terrible person to have as Dumbledore’s second-in-command. “Clearly the idea was never to have a group that communicates with each other,” he commented dryly. All the Order had done was foster paranoia and distrust; even Simon felt that, and he wasn’t even fighting. Though it felt like he was fighting some days, just to take care of his patients. 

“That might work,” he agreed to Lucy’s alternate suggestion. “I’ll make that plan B if he doesn’t agree to tests.” He considered her question. Getting together so many people was going to be quite the undertaking, and as he mulled it over, along with his prior worry about creating more division in the Order based on who they chose to tell, another thought occurred to him. “I could try to get Mac, Hestia and Lily here within the week. And I just had a thought,” he said. “What if instead of inviting everyone we mentioned to your place, we just focus on…spokespeople, so to speak. What I mean is, if you tell, say Dorcas, we can presume she’ll immediately tell at least Davey and Penny, right? And then Penny will likely tell the McKinnons and Prewetts, but at least it won’t be coming to the from us, or in a big group. And if you tell Doc, I imagine he’ll tell Tilden.” Assuming Lucy hadn’t already talked to Doc about this, but Simon wasn’t going near that. “Em is friends with Tommy Tooker, right? And Ruthie? If the Prewetts don’t get to the Bones first Tommy, will tell them. And I think if you just invite one of Drew, Benjy, or Bertie, whichever you think is more likely to show up, I think they’ll tell the rest of that group. Same with Freddie and Strugis, though I dunno if they’d actually split up. Do you think Hestia would tell Connor? Then Alaric, still, and more than enough will know for it to start spreading around to everyone else. Might help cut down on people being pissed for not being included, and it will probably be easier for you to tell a smaller group. Not to mention getting all of them to your flat. We could probably pull that off faster, too, fewer people to assemble. And if you’re telling them when they’re not at headquarters I don’t think we’d have to worry about it taking too long for them to tell the people we’re expecting them to tell. Especially if you let them know the word needs to spread or they could be next to have their memories wiped.” That was bleak, perhaps, but it was the reality and they all needed to be faced with it. “But perhaps I’m overcomplicating,” he added. Lucy was the one inviting half the Order to her flat, so he was fine with her doing so however she wanted. 

The truth of Simon’s words was painful. But she’d learned that dwelling on unpleasantness didn’t make it easier. “Because that’s the best way to work together to defeat a well coordinated enemy,  naturally,” she replied back. Frankly it was a miracle they’d made it this long without imploding. The Peter incident nearly caused it.  Moody’s handling of it hadn’t helped anything, unsurprisingly. Sometimes Lucy wondered what Moody and Dumbledore were doing. Not that she would know how to do any better but it sometimes felt ike they were in a bad sitcom. Or one of those terrible b horror films her brothers liked so much. Only the consequences were too. real.

She nodded at his agreement.  Didn’t blame him for wanting to stick with the test idea first, might be easiest and less suspicious.  Lucy listened to what he was saying, trying to keep up with it. The scheme was somehow more complicated than the guest list had been. “My flat’s a bit small so a smaller group would be better,” she told him. “So invite Dorcas, Doc, Em, one of the younger set, maybe Bertie or Benjy, Drew’s a little more closed off, and I think you’re right about Freddie and Sturgis, though I can invite Sturgis and see if he brings Freddie along.” Hopefully he didn’t think she was trying to hit on him. “And Alaric, right?” That felt more doable. Lucy didn’t bother letting Simon know that she was going to be telling Doc separately. She just hadn’t seen him yet. While he would most definitely tell Tilden she thought if she asked him to wait, explaining why, he would. But Lucy didn’t feel like getting into an argument over her relationship again. Last time she’d ended up feeling worried she was somehow taking advantage of Doc. Lines were so blurred in the Order. Maybe she had crossed one. But it wasn’t the same as if she had just met him while being his healer. He’d flirted with her plenty in school, she just hadn’t thought he’d been serious. Lucy did er best not to drudge up any insecurities Simon’s criticism of her and Doc had caused. Instead focusing on the matter at hand. “I think with a smaller group I might be able to get them together sooner. Once you have the day set with your three I’ll see who I can convince to come over. Hopefully the news will spread as quickly and accurately as you mentioned.” Some would be easy. Em would be easiest. Dorcas might not be difficult. The others…well she would’t know till she tried.

[healerluce]

healerpeakes​:

Simon just nodded. He wasn’t sure he felt as optimistic as Lucy did – or if she even really felt it or was just saying it – but he was pretty sure this was their best option in a terrible situation. Nothing to do but stick with it and stop dwelling on the problems. Though he couldn’t help a smirk of his own at her addition, not just at the idea of a wizard tv show – though he’d forgotten that being muggleborn was something he and Lucy had in common – but also because, “I feel like it the Order had a means of mass communication we would have far fewer problems.” The Order was all about secrecy, not just from others but within the Order itself. Hence why they had to throw a fake terrible party to share the news of Moody and Dumbledore’s cover-up. 

“Great,” he said quickly when Lucy said she would talk to Pippa. That would definitely be better. And he mostly just wanted them to be done talking about Pippa. Not that they were really talking about Pippa. They were talking about Dawn. Right. He nodded his agreement at her assessment that Mac was tricky. He’d also found the kid to be mostly agreeable when it came to healing. Simon rolled his eyes at the same time Lucy did at that addition about him not caring about internal bleeding. That was typical order, wasn’t it? “Guess we’ll give it a go. If he pushes back too much maybe I’ll just tell him it’s about Dawn.” That might just get the kid not to leave him alone before they could all meet, but hopefully it would get him to agree. With any luck he’d just agree to testing at the hospital.

Another opinion they shared, it was a little surprising how many of those there were.  Or maybe not. They did both want the same thing. Their approaches were just different. “It’s almost like having a paranoid, probably brain damaged, auror lead things was not the best approach for a group that should trust one another and communicate with each other.” There were so many problems that could be prevented if there was better communication. And an environment that fostered trust instead of turning everyone into mini-Moodys. Even Lucy had felt her own paranoia grow thanks to the atmosphere in the Order.

Lucy took note of how quickly he agreed to her talking to Pippa. It was hard to tell if she was reading into things or not. Though it did make sense for Simon to fancy someone not involved in the Order as opposed to someone who was. Even if Simon fancying someone felt outlandish. Or had till right now. She really needed to focus on the serious issue in front of them and not let herself be distracted by Simon’s love life. Or lack of. It just wasn’t pleasant to think of Dawn’s friends, and probable boyfriend, to find out what happened. She frowned at Simon’s words. “He might not leave you alone if you tell him that. Perhaps you can just tell him you need to talk with him outside of headquarters? Might intrigue him enough to not push back. Given that he doesn’t seem very close to anyone it might be safe.” There were a lot of mights to all of this. Lucy didn’t like it but life was hardly ever a sure thing. “How soon do you think we can pull all of this together?”

[healerluce]

healerpeakes​:

As much as Simon was not looking forward to breaking the news to Dawn’s close friends, he was also sort of relieved he could avoid the party from hell at Lucy’s. Granted, Simon thought every party was a party from hell, so this one would probably not be any less bearable than a real party. Though the plan wasn’t without its concerns. “I wish I could think of a way not to piss of the people we’re leaving out of this first go, but I really can’t think of a better way to do this,” he commented. They needed to tell as many people as possible as quickly as possible. And having people who might be loyal to Dumbledore there initially felt like a recipe for disaster. And they had enough disaster to deal with as it was.

“Oh,” was all he said when Lucy said he probably knew Pippa just as well as she did. That didn’t change the fact that he did not want to embarrass himself in front of her again. And asking her about Dawn’s work schedule would definitely be weird. “It would probably make more sense for you to ask her since you’re the one who met with Dawn,” he added. That made sense, actually. Way less odd than Simon asking about Dawn’s work schedule. He was surprised when Lucy actually agreed with his point about wanting Dawn’s friends to be a little worried when they showed up, so much so that she actually agreed to his original plan. Huh. He sighed. “I can’t think of anything Mac is more likely to agree to, unfortunately. If he doesn’t, or if Hestia or Lily don’t, we can figure out something else. But you’re right. We should do this as quickly as possible.”

Lucy was surprised to hear Simon voice a concern she shared. She nodded. “I was just thinking about that. I’m hoping the fact that getting any number of Order members together is always tricky, all of us would be very likely impossible, might soften it. And maybe you not being there will make it look less of a planned exclusion.” The Order was full of diverse personalities, impossible to know how any of them might react. This did seem like the only solution. “If the Order had some mass communication channel like a radio show or well not very wizard like but a tv show we could just announce it there,” she said offhandedly, smirking a bit at the thought of a wizard tv show. They were so backwards in some things. “But even so, face to face will probably be better.” She hoped. Just like she hoped that this whole thing didn’t turn into a disaster. Lucy was a little nervous how people at her ‘party’ were gong to react.

She didn’t know Simon well enough to know what that ‘oh’ might mean. Which was seeming more of a shame now that he was looking less wet blanket-ish. Part of her wanted to encourage Simon to ask Pippa himself, just to see what their interaction would be like. But asking about another bird’s schedule would probably not be the best conversation to have with one’s crush, if he did fancy her. “I can do that,” she agreed, “and let you know what she says.” Lucy would definitely be watching for signs of some crushing though. Maybe she could come up with some reason to mention Simon to Pippa and see what happens. But right, they had more serious concerns at the moment, sadly. “I can’t see Hestia or Lucy being disagreeable about potential health issues.  But Mac is tricky. He’s always been very agreeable when it comes to healing, doesn’t seem to want any wounds or scars if they can be helped. That’s just visible, I once told him I needed to check for internal bleeding and he just shrugged, said he’d let me know if he started leaking, he had a quidditch game to get to.”  Lucy rolled her eyes. She knew some risk taking was necessary for someone to agree to do the things the Order did but some of them ventured from risk taking to just plain stupidity. Usually it was easy to tell who would or wouldn’t but Mac tended to weave between the two in unpredictable ways. “Might want to start with him, so it doesn’t conflict with his schedule.”

[healerluce]

healerpeakes​:

This was quite different from working with Lucy as a healer, and maybe it was a testament to how terrible things were that they were actually working together on all of it. Not that Simon would want to deal with this mess on his own, or leave Lucy to deal with it. But if it hadn’t been quite so terrible, it would have been a surprise she’d even brought it to him. Also surprising was how much they were in agreement on. He just nodded when Lucy commented that Black and his group seemed to like to do things on their own. If only she knew the extent of that, but Simon didn’t think that knowledge would do her any good so he kept it to himself. Instead listening and considering what she had to say about the last three people to consider. He wasn’t entirely sold on the fact that they should tell Alaric. He seemed nice enough, but Simon felt like he didn’t know anything about the bloke. Then again, he was Pippa’s employer, and Pippa seemed to enjoy working at the wand shop. So he was probably fine. And had other reasons to be in London other than the Order, which indicated hopefully he wasn’t a Dumbledore loyalist. “Alright, let’s tell Alaric and let Willow and Kiran find out through the rumor mill.” Simon doubted it would take long. 

Now they just had to figure out how to get Dawn’s friends together in the same place at the same time but not at headquarters. Simon didn’t love the idea of causing more worry, but he also didn’t love the idea of Lucy inviting two girls for tea and then Simon ambushing them with horrible news. “I don’t want them worrying something is wrong with them, but I don’t necessarily think them being a bit worried is a bad thing. They won’t be receiving good news,” he pointed out. “But if you think they’d agree to tea I’m alright with that,” he conceded, because it wasn’t worth arguing the point. “I don’t think it will be hard to figure out when Dawn will be off work, either,” he added, glad that at least one problem they had was easy to deal with. “We can just ask Pippa. Or – well you know her better than I do, I’m sure, so it might be better for you to ask her.” He added quickly, fiddling with the string on the teabag that was in his cup. The last thing he needed was to embarrass himself in front of Pippa like he’d done when he was buying his new wand. It had been embarrassing enough his old wand quit on him, Pippa knowing about it – and having far too much insight into why – had been a bit much, if you asked him. 

Lucy nodded at his answer about the last three Order members. It was perhaps the oddest guest list, but then it wasn’t going to be any bit of a party. Lucy was not looking forward to telling any of them. She was also worried that those not there would be upset to learn it differently. Or that the divide between Dumbledore loyalists and those outraged by how low he’s willing to sink will cause more problems. There didn’t seem to be any good outcomes, even if everyone reacted similar. Because they would still be stuck. But at least they’d know. She felt that was something. She hoped it was enough.

Simon’s logic was, well logical. It wasn’t good news they were getting. Not at all. Lucy was still milling over if her idea was any better. It didn’t feel like it. She was happy to think of something else for a moment.  Though where mentioning finding out when Dawn was off would lead her to a completely different thought. Pippa? Did Simon seem more awkward than normal? Huh… Interesting. “Actually I don’t really know her that well. I think you asking would be about the same as me,” she replied despite wondering if she was wrong. Pippa was nice but awkward when it came to anything beyond hello. Lucy wondered if the same was true for Simon. She might need to start paying more attention next time she was in the tea shop at the same time as Simon. He was turning into a  more interesting bloke than she’d thought. First gang members now a crush on a cute bird. Unfortunately that wasn’t what she needed to think about right now. “I think you might be right about how to get them here. Tests wouldn’t be any more honest but it might be better than expecting a nice cup of tea and a chat. Instead getting this.”  She wasn’t sure if it would be easier on them but what would? “Besides that’s probably the best bet to get Mac here.  Might as well use it for all three.” Lucy still couldn’t find an alternative for Mac. “However we do it, we need to do it as quick as possible.” The faster they got this out to the Order members the better.

[healerluce]

healerpeakes​:

Simon nodded grimly. “I’m willing to try.” It felt like most of what they’d done since they started with the Order was find their way around Dumbledore and Moody. Not quite to the extent they were talking about now though. For his part, Simon had no qualms about dividing the Order Members up into who they thought was more likely to defend Dumbledore. He didn’t necessarily think they were bad people – they risked their lives regularly for the Order, after all – but rather blinded by loyalty to Dumbledore to the extent that they would overlook every terrible thing he did if it meant a quicker end to the war. Or maybe just too desperate to face the truth that they were not fighting for a hero, but for someone who was cold and calculating. Regardless – they had to be smart about this, and that meant weighing the pros and cons of telling each person to start with. He nodded, trusting Lucy’s cautious assessment of the Bones and considering Davey for a moment. “He’s close to Doe and doesn’t seem that close with the McKinnon/Prewett crowd, I think we can tell him. Black and his crew are out.” While perhaps Sirius had reasons not to trust Dumbledore after the way he’d dumped his younger brother alone in a house and nearly left him to kill himself trying to remove the mark, there was a lot of loyalty there. Too much to risk it. Maybe Simon would let him and the rest of those kids know once the cat was out of the bag. “Though actually, if we’re going to tell Lily, I suspect she’ll tell James, and then that whole crew will all know anyways.” Maybe they should just tell the kids, but “Might be better for them to find out that way, though,” Simon couldn’t help speculating. “That leaves Willow, Kiran, Alaric, and Regulus I think we let Regulus just find out from his brother. I don’t have much of a read on the other three, but something tells me they aren’t here out of loyalty to Dumbledore.” The question was whether they were as ruthless as Dumbledore. 

He was surprised when Lucy didn’t outright reject his suggestion that they both separately tell the two groups at the same time. He wasn’t even necessarily opposed to them telling each group together, but this felt the least likely to make a big mess. Especially now he thought about how Lily could go back to the rest of Black’s crew. As for how to get them all together… “So that would be Lily, Hestia, and Mac?” He mused. “Good question.” Simon couldn’t exactly invite them to a party at his flat; that would raise all kinds of suspicion. “I supposed I could bring them into my office here at the hospital, tell them I need to run some kind of tests that can’t be done at headquarters?” It was out of the ordinary, but he didn’t think asking them to meet him at the hospital would trigger any red flags that he was up to something questionable. 

They worked together often so it wasn’t a new thing. But this was different. Or it felt like. Maybe that’s why Lucy felt some optimism about the chances of her and Simon figuring out how to be proper healers to their Order patients despite the obstacles put in their way.  First they had to figure this out without ending up in the long term care ward. A grim thought. Doing nothing wasn’t an option though. She just hadn’t realize it would involve making a guest list for the world’s worst party. Dividing up the Order members in a way that felt as necessary as it did wrong. Still she found it interesting that Simon referred to them as ‘Black and his crew,’ when she always thought of them as James’s circle. Lucy wasn’t certain about Sirius’s loyalty to Dumbledore these days, or if that changed the other twos feelings, but considering all the trouble with their other friend crossing Dumbledore might not be something that group would consider right now.  Better safe than not. Especially when, as Simon was pointing out, Lily would probably tell them. “You’re right, it might be. They do seem to like to handle things on their own, as a group.” She’d noticed that both with Remus’s werewolf turnings and after the mess Peter Pettigrew had made. Lucy hoped that finding out from his brother would help Regulus, he’d already been through so much. She mused over the last three and Simon’s words. “Kiran is an auror so he might have loyalty to Moody,” she pointed out, though she wasn’t certain of that. “You would think being the same year I’d have some idea about Willow but she was always so mysterious. I don’t think Moody trusts her which might be in her favor, but it’s hard to tell, he doesn’t trust anyone. Alaric is another one that I don’t know well, aside from seeming friendly if a little quiet.” Hestia had talked about how handsome he was but that wasn’t useful information. “I think perhaps we should include Alaric, at least. He’s not from here, like Dawn, and he doesn’t seem to have integrated himself into a group like Aaron has.” They were all at risk she felt but he seemed more so in a lot of ways.

Truthfully Lucy wasn’t sure how to get Mac to do anything. The other two seemed like they might be easier. Except it was Simon they were talking about. Hestia might not object to an invitation from Simon to his flat but Lucy doubted Lily would show up without James, at the very least. Simon’s idea didn’t sound terrible. She could think of two reasons it might not be the best though. “I worry that they’d worry about what might be wrong with them, adding stress doesn’t seem right. Plus it might be better away from the hospital, give them time to process before they see Dawn?” Lucy couldn’t think of an alternative despite her misgivings about this plan. “Do you think there’d be a way to find out when Dawn’s off? If she wasn’t here take care of that problem. And I don’t like the idea of lying but maybe I can owl Lily and Hestia, see if I can get them to meet me for tea here? That still leaves Mac…” Lucy sighed. Dawn sure had a diverse group of friends. She wasn’t even sure she could get Lily to agree to a cup of tea without the girl worrying something was up. Bless Hestia for being the easiest in this situation.

[healerluce]

healerpeakes​:

Simon could only assume that Lucy had the same questions everyone else did about how a gang kid even knew to take Bertie to his flat, but he was glad that she didn’t ask them. What Simon did in his free time was his own business and did not interfere in any way with his work at the hospital or with the Order. He quirked an eyebrow when she said what their next goal should be. Not because it wasn’t admirable or even something he very much wanted to accomplish. It just felt like it was probably aiming too high for the Order. Hadn’t they been trying since the beginning to advocate for exactly that? He sighed. “I would certainly love to accomplish that, if we can figure out a way. I’m open to suggestions.” 

Though even the problems currently in front of them seemed too daunting to fix. He nodded, glad Lucy was on the same page that they needed to be extra careful about Moody and Dumbledore now. A chilling reality, but their reality all the same. Again he nodded his agreement when she said they needed to be careful about who they started with. Plenty were still loyal to Dumbledore and would start defending him and his quest for the greater good. “You’re right. I think all the Ravenclaws we’ve got are a safe bet…except maybe Penny. I know she’s close with Dorcas but she’s also obviously close to the McKinnons and Prewetts, and they concern me. Frankly all the aurors concern me in that regard. I’m not so sure about the Bones either, but you know them better than me.” Lucy would definitely have a better idea of if they could tell any of the Bones, though he was certain if they told one of them the rest would hear right after, and he wasn’t sure telling Ed, an auror, or Amelia, a strict rule follower who was also in with the Prewett/McKinnon crowd now, was the best choice. Not to start with, at least. The idea was that everyone would find out. “That’s a good idea,” he said when she suggested inviting a group to her flat. “You’re right, it shouldn’t draw a lot of suspicion if you invite some people to your flat, and we definitely don’t want to do it at Headquarters.“ It would be better to let people process and react away from Moody and Dumbledore first. Not to mention Moody’s freaky eye. 

As for Dawn…Simon was glad when Lucy agreed to his suggestion of consulting Dawn’s friends about how much to tell her. It wasn’t exactly by the book, but there wasn’t exactly a book to follow. At least without Dumbledore and Moody monitoring them on this they could actually try to do what would be best for their patient here. Even if it was possible there was not much at all they’d be able to do. “Right. So should we tell Dawn’s friends first, then?” Telling them as part of the group felt wrong; it would be obvious they were talking about Dawn when they warned people of what happened to those who left the Order. Letting them hear it leaked from others felt worse. But they also needed to be careful about telling as many people as quickly as they could. “Maybe we should do it at the same time. You have a group over to your flat, and I can handle Dawn’s friends,” he suggested, already prepared for Lucy to decide his bedside manner was not well-suited enough to deliver the news to Dawn’s friends. Maybe she was right about that. 

Given how grim things had felt even before finding out about Dawn it was surprising for Lucy to realize she still had some hope. But she couldn’t help hoping they could find a way to accomplish even this impossible seeming task. Or maybe she was just thinking it would be better trying to find a solution with Simon instead of butting her head against the brick wall that was Dumbledore and Moony. “I’m not sure yet,” she admitted. “But it’s clear it’s not going to happen with Dumbledore and Moony so we’ll have to see if we can find a way around them.” If she was going to keep secrets she wanted them to be ones that actually helped someone.

For now though they had more pressing problems. It felt wrong dividing up the Order members into who would be okay with someone being broken and abandoned by those who should be protecting them and those who wouldn’t. But the truth was that they couldn’t be certain that all the Order members would be as appalled as her and Simon. The aurors were definitely a concern. Including Ben’s little brother Ed. Lucy wanted to believe Ben wouldn’t agree with this. But he’d lost his parents, the fight against the Death Eaters was even more personal for the Bones. While she still believed he wouldn’t be she decided that maybe it wasn’t a chance worth taking. Especially with Ben’s frequent trips away, inviting him over would be more difficult. “I think we can let them find out later. Just in case. But the rest of the Hufflepuffs I feel will be horrified. Maybe Davey, I know he’s Gryffindor and maybe has loyalty to Dumbledore. But he and Doe seem to be close, plus he wasn’t brought in as soon as he graduated like the rest of the Gryffindors so maybe Dumbledore had doubts on his loyalty?” Lucy nodded her agreement about not doing this at Headquarters. “It’s not safe to talk about much there. Not to mention the more time between finding out and seeing Moody might be better for some.” For Lucy this felt like a horrific breech of trust, she wouldn’t blame anyone for reacting however they might.

Lucy was surprised by Simon’s suggestion. She’d assumed they’d do this together. Not that she couldn’t handle it. But Simon choosing the most delicate of the two options wasn’t something she saw coming. “I suppose that could work. They definitely deserve to know first. But how would you get them together,” she asked, while trying to decide how to mention the sensitivity this would take. Simon wasn’t known for his bedside manner. Still there were plenty of people who seemed to respond better to his way. Maybe she needed to be more open minded. More trusting of Simon’s ability to break bad news in a way that wouldn’t scar them.

[healerluce]

healerpeakes​:

Simon let out a grim, humorless chuckle at Lucy’s comment about how they didn’t get the time or resources to heal people effectively, or even keep people alive effectively. “I had a kid dragged to my flat by a gang member after he got abandoned in Knockturn Alley, and frankly I was able to treat him more effectively there than I am at headquarters anyways.” Granted that was also because he was set up to treat random gang members that came through, but the point was he’d had more space and quiet and time to treat Bertie at his flat than at headquarters. And that wasn’t even mentioning how the kid was left in the alley for dead, which was another problem they couldn’t fix from the dingy corner of headquarters they were always shoved into. Healing was an afterthought to Dumbledore and Moody, a means to keep everyone on their feet enough to keep fighting and nothing more, and that attitude had spread to the rest of the Order. 

And now the illusion that people were there by choice – even if it didn’t seem like much of a choice because they preyed on people with a strong enough sense of duty they would feel compelled to stay unless they completely fell apart like Dawn did – the illusion was shattered. Stay in the Order or get your head messed with, those were the options. Simon sighed and nodded his agreement when Lucy said the Order members needed to know, glad she felt that way. It felt like the right choice. “I agree. But we’ve got to be careful about how.” Before now speaking ill of Dumbledore and Moody risked getting kicked out of the Order or heavy, guilt-laden implications that he wasn’t focused enough on the greater good. Now the consequences were even greater than they’d realized. “Clearly Moody and Dumbledore aren’t above messing with peoples’ heads. I think as soon as we tell one person, we need to try to get the word out to as many Order members as possible as quickly as possible, so too many people know for them to want to risk breaking all of our brains.” If they didn’t care about ruining one person’s brain, because really as far as botched memory charms went the risks were even greater than what had actually happened to Dawn and there were people in the long-term ward to prove that, if enough of the Order knew it wouldn’t be worth the risk of losing too many people. They would just have to deal with the word getting out. 

Dawn was an entirely different matter. He nodded when Lucy said they should tell her friends. Honestly, it was a relief to hear she had a strong opinion because Simon wasn’t at all sure, and Lucy was the one who had seen Dawn and talked with her. For all their disagreements, he did trust her judgment. Not to mention, “Perhaps we should talk to them before we tell Dawn anything. They know her better than we do, maybe they’ll have some idea of what would be best for her in terms of how much we should tell her.” As much as this was a medical issue, it was also greater than that; there was only so much Simon and Lucy could do for Dawn in this situation, other than try to help her manage her symptoms and do copious research to see if they stumbled across any miracles. Dawn’s friends’ input could help guide them as far as how much she should know. 

Lucy had a lot of questions about what happened with Bertie. Most of them having to do with how a gang member knew to take Bertie to Simon, knew where Simon lived. She couldn’t help the feeling that maybe Simon wasn’t as by the book as he liked to come across when he was criticizing Lucy’s choices. But now wasn’t the time for those questions. “Trying to come up with ways to actually do our job and not just patch kids up so they can be tossed right back out there should be what we tackle next,” she said instead. Lucy wasn’t sure they could do much but she was tired of feeling helpless and stuck compromising her ethics. Especially for two men who were clearly didn’t care about the people her and Simon were trying to keep healthy.

She nodded as Simon talked about the need to be careful. There was always a very thin line about what could be and couldn’t be said, especially about Dumbledore. “Agreed, the more people know the safer it’ll be.” It felt stupid using the word safe when she knew none of them were safe, even less so now. “We have to be careful with who, at first, too. There might be others who agree with them, that nothing is off limits as long as you pretend it’s for the greater good.”  Despite using pretend she didn’t think anyone but Moody and Dumbledore were pretending. If they were even pretending, they could be delusional enough to believe all their terrible deeds were some how justified. It was just easier for Lucy to handle if she thought of it as pretending, at least right now. She toyed with her tea cup instead of drinking it and mulled over how they could do this. An idea came to her as she started thinking of the individual order members she needed to tell; Doc, Em, friends and housemates. “What if we tell a group all at once? Enough people that even if it spreads slowly out from there or they find out we’ve told, we’ll be too many to memory charm? Party’s happen all the time, a group of us getting together won’t seem odd. I can invite people over to my flat and then we tell them.” Not the sort of party Lucy wanted to host but Simon was right, they needed a large enough group knowing. Talking about this at headquarters before that happened felt too risky.

Simon was a good healer but he tended to be clinical. Lucy had no doubt there was a heart in there somewhere, he wouldn’t be helping the Order if there wasn’t. But he hid it well. So it was nice to hear him suggesting something that sounded more like it came from the heart. “You’re right, they would know better than either of us. And if we tell her any part of it having her friends by her side might help soften the blow.” Lucy wasn’t sure about that part given what a terrible betrayal of trust Dawn had gone through. But her friends would help.  “Also gives us some time to find out if there’s any damage to her brain and what we can do for her.” Lucy didn’t add the ‘if anything’ because Simon knew as well as she did that there might be nothing they could do. Especially if they did more damage than the psychological damage they inflicted on her.

[healerluce]

healerpeakes​:

Simon let out a sigh when Lucy said she felt like she compromised so much for Dumbledore and Moody she was worried she’d lost her instinct. “Yeah…” He agreed quietly, not something he’d have shared if Lucy hadn’t said it first. And maybe not if he hadn’t just learned the bar was even lower than he already thought, and he’d thought it pretty damn low already. “Our job is supposed to be more than just keeping people alive.” More than slapping spells on people and sending them home to fight another day, than agreeing to help a kid slice a dark mark off his arm so he didn’t kill himself trying on his own, than providing sleeping potion and calming droughts instead of recommending leaving the Order. And now that recommendation came with greater repercussions than just accusations he didn’t care about the greater good. It could cause real harm, just as it had done to Dawn. 

There was a small amount of comfort in the fact it didn’t make logical sense that any of Dawn’s friends could have been obliviated to forget her, and Lucy agreed with that reasoning. But it didn’t change the fact they’d been lied to, and that girl had just been dumped in London without any memory of what happened to her. And the people who would have looked out for her had been lied to, too. The whole Order had been lied to. None of them really knew what would happen if they tried to leave. 

He let out a weary sigh when Lucy said there was no bar. Did it matter that they were on the right side if there was no bar? At what point did the distinction between good and bad get so blurred? “Right. All their talk about how important secrecy is, seems to be about saving their own arses and covering up their mistakes.” Of course Dumbledore and Moody didn’t want the public to know they were leading a child army and luring kids from America only to abandon them with no memories and no support system. So what the hell did they do? It felt hopeless; like there was no way out, and no way to actually help. But Simon was nothing if not logical at all times, maybe especially when things felt helpless. he pushed those hopeless feelings aside and tried to focus. They may not be able to fix everything, but maybe they could do something. He took a breath, gathering himself, and his voice was steady as it was when he was working on a patient in critical condition. “Right. So we’ve got two problems to deal with. Well, we’ve got quite a lot more than that, but the two most pressing,” he added. “First, we need to figure out what to do about Dawn. How much to tell her, and whether we should tell any of her friends what’s going on. Second, we need to figure out whether we should tell the rest of the Order about this.” That one felt just as daunting as the first problem. “On the one hand, knowing there’s no way out…” He trailed off, his face grim. It was worse knowing they were trapped, bound here not just by a sense of duty but something more sinister. “But on the other hand, don’t they have a right to know what the people leading them are up to? Shouldn’t they know their options, their real options, if they end up wanting to go too?” Simon was not going to sit there and let someone else decide to leave and get their memory wiped, that was certain. 

It was a surprise to hear that Simon agreed with her. Both the fact that he felt it too and the fact that he admitted it to her. Lucy had thought it would make her feel better to know that she wasn’t the only one who felt that way. It didn’t. His next words were exactly why it didn’t make her feel better. They were supposed to do more. “We don’t even get the time or the equipment to do that well,” she added softly. At first Lucy had thought the Order members were too stubborn to let themselves be healed properly. But she’d seen enough people come in to witness the change in them. Even ones who started out willing to be healed properly eventually lost that willingness. Some concerned that there were others who needed to be attended to more urgently. Others seemed reluctant for other reasons. Regardless of the reasons it was clear from Moody himself that healing properly wasn’t a priority. They were always given the smallest rooms, oftentimes in areas of the house that were hardest to get to. Even when the mission was something that would most definitely be dangerous, they were left to wait for survivors back at headquarters, only in the worst cases being summoned on site. Which meant the injured had to apparate to them. Dumbledore was aware of the concerns but did nothing, instead patronizing Lucy about how dangerous it was and how they couldn’t risk losing a healer. As if Lucy didn’t know the danger or was suggesting her and Simon actually go on missions. Only that they go to the injured instead of the other way around. Not only that but they had no real authority to make anyone listen to them or let them heal. It was frustrating. Especially now that she was realizing how fears about Dumbledore and Moody’s lack of care towards Order members was in fact reality. Terrifying.

All of it was terrifying. Lucy felt just as tired as Simon’s sigh sounded. She couldn’t help wondering how many mistakes they were covering up. Were there any other Dawns? Worse mistakes than that? Given how paranoid Moody was there was a very good chance they’d never know. No one would. Another chilling thought. She seemed to be seeing nothing but those. Despite their differing viewpoints and often times being at odds Lucy was always grateful that she wasn’t the only healer. Today more so. It was comforting not to have to deal with all this on her own. While Simon’s Ravenclaw thinking could be cold feeling at times now it felt oddly reassuring in the face of so much else that was leaving her cold. Even if it was slightly overwhelming to think just how many problems they really had. Lucy pushed that aside and listened to the two pressing ones Simon detailed. She wasn’t certain about how they should go about dealing with Dawn but she did know two things with absolute certainty. “We have to tell them.” Lucy looked just as grim as Simon. It was a terrible thing to have to do but they had to.

“I know telling them they have no real options, it’s just face death or let Moody or Dumbledore take the wizarding equivalent of a hacksaw to their memories, is horrific. But it’s the truth. They need someone to trust. We have to be that for them.” Lucy had always felt strongly about being someone that the Order members could trust. This whole debacle just made her feel more strongly about it. She didn’t know if Simon would agree with her reasoning but she felt certain he thought they should tell too. “As far as Dawn…” Lucy sighed, this was a lot harder. “We have to tell her friends she’s still here. I have no idea how much we should tell her about what happened to her but she needs friends. She’s been so alone and I know they would want to help her however they can. Even if we didn’t tell her anything I feel like just knowing she made friends and they care about her would help her so much.” 

[healerluce]

healerpeakes​:

As his time with the Order went on, Simon’s doubts about Dumbledore and Moody’s leadership had steadily increased. First the secrecy, then bringing in kids who didn’t even have their NEWTs and telling them they had to lie to the people they needed to support them – because they’d all seen the toll the Order took, even on those who hid it better than people like Doc and Dawn – then sending one of those kids out with Dung and not even kicking him out of the Order after Dung left the kid for dead. But this was a new low. A new horror. It was impossible to keep his thoughts to himself, and frankly he didn’t want to. He was quite certain Lucy was on the same page as him. For all they didn’t see eye to eye on, they were both healers first and foremost, and this felt like it went against every oath they’d taken to do no harm and put what was best for the patients first. He shook his head when Lucy started talking about how Dawn had been here in front of them the whole time. How she’d never spoken to the girl either, giving her space. “Don’t do that, Lucy. It’s not even remotely your fault.” And yet Simon felt guilty about that too. About not seeing what was happening. Not intervening sooner when this poor girl who’d been lured to London to serve Dumbledore’s purposes was left alone, wondering why she was friendless. 

Because of course they’d lied to the people who would have cared to check in on her. Hestia, Lily, Mac…. Simon nodded grimly. “Hestia would have checked in the next day, probably,” he said, because that was the impression he’d gotten from all her meddling just over that Black kid. “Lily too, most likely. I dunno about Mac, but seemed like they were together more often than not…. Surely we’d have noticed if they messed with their memories,” Simon said, more hoping that was true than convinced it was. “It would be too complicated,” he added, with more conviction as he thought it through. “Other people might mention her and they would definitely notice if her friends and her boyfriend had forgotten her. And I’m positive they wouldn’t have erased her from everyone’s memories but ours. Not to mention what a shit job of it they did with Dawn, no way they could have managed something that complex.” There was only a small comfort in that, though, because – “So they lied, then.” But what lie had they told? And why? What purpose was served by abandoning Dawn on her own when everyone already knew she left? “Do you think lying was the plan all along or do you think they did it to cover their tracks after they botched whatever it was they were trying to do with the memory charms?” 

The next thing Lucy said only echoed Simon’s thoughts further. What else could they do, when they kept doing things Simon wouldn’t have believed them capable of? When they were supposed to be the good side? He just shook his head at her trailed off question; he didn’t know exactly what she was going to say, but Simon understood the sentiment. What were they supposed to do? “I dunno,” he said quietly. He’d already felt trapped, if only because he knew the people in the Order would suffer more without him than they were already suffering – and he was certain Dumbledore and Moody knew that. But now – it wasn’t just him and Lucy who were trapped. Even these kids, even if they hit their breaking point, even if they gave everything they had until there was nothing left to give – if they tried to leave they would broken even further and then tossed out on the street. And they didn’t even know it. 

Lucy knew Simon was right, it wasn’t her fault. Except it still felt like some of it was. She was a healer. She was supposed to do what was best for her patients. Dawn had been a patient. Lucy had told herself she was doing what was right for Dawn, giving her space to heal. She’d thought that checking in on her might bring up memories she was still struggling with, ironically seeing as how they were all gone now. But she couldn’t be sure how much of her reasoning was because she really thought it best or because Dumbledore had told her what was best. Being a healer for the Order was a constant balancing act. It involved acting in ways that went counter to how she normally would. Letting things go she’d never let slide at St Mungo’s. Ignoring her gut about Dawn had her wondering how much all that had changed her. If she’d really managed the balancing act or had it all fallen out of balance and she just hadn’t noticed. Some of it could be attributed to the war in general. It was a difficult time, in both her worlds. But there were so many of Dumbledore and Moody’s decisions that she didn’t agree with that she kept silent on because they wouldn’t listen and she was powerless to do anything about it. Now she felt even more powerless. “I know, but I just worry that I compromise so much for Dumbledore and Moody that I’ve lost my instinct.” It wasn’t something she’d normally confide in Simon. She’d oftentimes felt like he thought she was a lesser healer. But she felt like he might feel the same, that they had to make so many compromises as healers for the Order.

She listened as he agreed they’d have checked in. Smiling slightly as he got Hestia right. The girl was a few years younger than Lucy but she hadn’t been surprised to see her in the Order. Hestia had that Hufflepuff loyalty. Lucy doubted even Dumbledore could keep her away. Except he had. But how? Lucy felt better as Simon logically worked out if a memory charm could have been used. She had to agree. “You’re right. With what they did to Dawn I don’t think they have the skill to do that. It had to be a lie.” It only made her feel slightly better. At least those three weren’t also victims of memory charms. But how many more did they have roaming around confused and scared? Lucy thought over his question before answering. “It’s hard to know what they might have been planning because this is insane, even with everything we know they’ve also done. But I think lying to us was definitely part of hiding their botched job. I don’t understand why they didn't just send her home to America but I’m sure they wouldn’t have wanted us to find out.” Lucy’s own words gave her an idea of what it was that could keep Hestia away.  “I have a feeling they told Hestia at least, but probably all of them, that she went back to America. I’ve been trying to figure out what he could have said to Hestia and that’s the only thing I can think of that would have stopped her from checking in. Dawn was very clear that she got no visitors or owls.” It was a mess.  A terrible, horrific, mess.

Simon’s ‘I dunno,’ felt depressing. Not because she expected him to have answers. She didn’t. It just felt hopeless if both of them had no ideas. “I know we’re on the right side but…” It didn’t feel like they were helping the good guys. Or doing much good at all. “I think it’s safe to say that there’s no bar, no low. Dumbledore is going to do whatever he likes and Moody is going to go along with it, regardless of the cost. This must be the reason for all the secrecy.” Lucy felt sick.  She’d always thought the secrecy thing was odd, an extra layer of stress the members didn’t need. It just served to separate them from friends and family. Which now seemed to be at least part of the reason for it.

[healerluce]

healerpeakes​:

Simon hadn’t been sure what to expect from Lucy after her owl. It seemed odd to talk about Order business at the hospital, and while Simon felt he was a perfectly good healer to consult with if Lucy needed a second opinion, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be her first choice given the somewhat tense relationship between the pair of them. Then again, it certainly hadn’t gotten in the way of their ability to work together. And thank Merlin for that, because Simon was not at all prepared for what Lucy hit him with once they’d settled in with their tea and privacy charms. Simon had been surprised to see Dawn working in the tea shop after she’d left the Order. He’d figured she would have gone back to America, or taken some time to herself at the very least, but he figured if she’d needed help she knew she could ask him or Lucy or any other friends she’d made in the Order. They’d never been close – unlike Lucy, Simon was not in the habit of developing close personal bonds with patients, though some younger patients seemed bent on forming one despite his protests. So Simon had given her space. And apparently Dawn had not known she could ask him or Lucy or any Order friends for help. Instead she’d just had a year of memories replace.

“Fuck,” Simon said as he processed the gravity and horror of the situation. It took everything in him not to glance over toward the tea shop to glance at Dawn. The poor girl who Dumbledore and Moody lured from her home, lured her into war, used up everything good in her and then tossed her out without a thought once she was no longer useful. “Fuck!” He said again, louder, more expressive than normal as horror quickly gave way to anger. “Pardon my language but this is a new low, even for them,” he said, shock stopping him from choosing his words as carefully as he normally would have. “I mean, who the hell do they think they are messing with peoples’ heads like that and just – they have a bloody Obliviator working for them and they think it’s fine for them to go in and – obviously it was them, Ruthie would not have agreed to this. Or if she did she would have done a better job. Dawn wouldn’t be here thinking – fuck!” He said again, because while he normally tried to avoid that sort of language, opting for calm professionalism, it felt like the only word adequate for what they’d done to that poor girl. 

“They just left her here? She had friends in the Order, right? What do you think they told them?” Simon had thought Dawn was just still here by choice. And that she was talking to other people, friends she’d made who were supporting her. What lies had Dumbledore and Moody spread? And who else had they gotten rid of like this? Or maybe Dawn was the first – but why should they think she would be the last? “Oh, this is bad,” he said, as the full repercussions of all this began to sink in. This was even worse than he’d thought, and it was bad already watching all these kids get used and taken advantage of and separated from their families and friends, by lies if not by distance. And now there was no way out for any of them. Not really.

Lucy knew going into this that this wouldn’t be something her and Simon disagreed on. So it was no surprise to see him react like she had. The only surprise was how little he was holding in. There was some relief in knowing that not even Simon Peakes could control himself in the face of such abject horror. Not really, though, because it just made it all the more real. Lucy wasn’t being overly emotional. This was horrific. Lucy let Simon process it as much as one could process something this terrible. Waving away his apologies, if ever there was a reason to use fuck it was now. She saw her own horror and anger reflected. Watched as he worked out the same thing she had, that Ruthie hadn’t done this. That it had to be them. “I’m certain it wasn’t Benjy either.  He’s still in training but I’m sure even someone in training wouldn’t have done this,” her voice showed how upset she still was over this. “It took everything in me not to react when she was talking to me. She was so alone and scared, Simon. I can’t get over that she was here at St Mungo’s all this time thinking she was alone and going mad, or worse. All the times I almost asked her how she was doing, but I thought if she needed help she’d ask. I had no idea…” Neither one of them did. How could they? This was a new low that they hadn’t known Dumbleodre and Moody had sunk too. She felt guilty but more than that she was stunned and horrified.

Lucy had only been thinking about poor Dawn being all alone. Scared and confused and alone. But Simon asked a great question. “She can’t figure out why she doesn’t have any friends because she’s usually so friendly,” Lucy told Simon, still so upset over that.  “I know Hestia would not have just abandoned her because she left the Order. There was Lily too, I think they were friends. Pretty sure her and that Mac kid were something too. They must have lied to them, right?”  Lucy was suddenly worried Dawn hadn’t just had her friends removed from her memories but that they had also had Dawn removed as well. But that seemed like something that would take a degree of skill. Wha was done to Dawn was more of a hack job. Still it concerned Lucy. The idea that someone could just alter your memories and dump you someplace was more frightening knowing it was done to Dawn by someone she trusted. Someone who’d convinced her to come to England in the first place. How could Dumbledore justify such horribleness? Except Lucy already knew, she’d heard his greater good speech. More than once. It chilled her now to think of what other horrors Dumbledore was doing without remorse.

It seemed that it hit Simon too how bad this might be, even worse than first look. Lucy had wondered if Dawn was the first. Perhaps. The war was getting worse. But it was doubtful she’d be the last. Now she was also wondering what else they didn’t know. “If they did something like this what else could they be doing? I mean for fuck’s sake they’ve got children.” They’d always had children but seeing kids who should have been focused on their NEWTs now worried about surviving missions made it more devastating. Lucy thought about Bertie and how he’d been left in Knockturn. All because they’d sent a child out with a man who seemed as morally bankrupt as Moody and Dumbledore. He hadn’t even been kicked out of the Order for that. He’d left an injured child and nothing happened to him. “How do we...” Lucy trailed off. There was no way to protect any of them. They coudn’t even protect themselves.

[healerluce]

Lucy wasn’t surprised that Simon agreed to meet with her, or that he hadn’t asked for specifics. Nor did she think Simon knew about Dawn. They’d never discussed their feelings on memory charms, and some muggleborns were somehow okay with them. But she knew Simon wouldn’t have been involved. If he had Dawn would at the very least be in America. Lucy had to tell him.  Not just to get his advice on what to tell Dawn but so they’d both know what Dumbledore and Moody were up to. She didn’t know how they could protect their Order members but they both needed to be aware of this. For once Lucy was relieved by Simon’s dislike of chitchat. She was in no mood to make idle small talk. Instead as soon as they were both settled at a table and privacy charms in place she went straight into it. Lucy felt like once he got the whole story Simon would know why she hadn’t done this at headquarters. She told him of Dawn’s visit to her.  That they’d erased her entire time with the Order and hadn’t replaced it with any false memories, not even some thin lie about why she had no memory. It seemed as if they’d just erased her memories and dumped her back at her flat. “I didn’t tell her anything because frankly I’m not sure what to tell her or what the truth might even do to her. She was so fragile even before the memory charm. I’ve ordered tests to make sure there’s no brain damage and hopefully find out if the memories were just repressed or erased completely. Clearly whoever did this to her wasn’t a professional.” Lucy was horrified. She was angry. And above all she was worried, for Dawn and the entire Order. It was a relief though to tell someone. Now she just had to wait as Simon processed it all.

[healerluce]

Healer Peakes,

Would it be possible to consult with you about a patient of mine? I need a second opinion on her treatment. Perhaps we could discuss it in the tea shop?

Healer Baker

[healerluce]

harperdawn​:

Once again Lucy’s words made sense. They were perfectly rational and reasonable and exactly the kinds of things one would expect from a healer. But still Dawn was frustrated. It felt like Lucy wasn’t telling her something. She was ordering tests, which meant she had to have some kind of suspicion as to what was going on. And Dawn understood the logic of not wanting to speculate and say something wrong that would just worry Dawn more – but at the same time, the fact Lucy wasn’t saying what she thought made Dawn worried, too. It felt like everything made her worried these days. Geez, maybe she did have an anxiety problem. Of course she did. Her brain was broken. But if nothing else, there was some comfort in the knowledge this was being dealt with. That her brain at least wasn’t being controlled by Death Eaters. That someone was actually helping her, even if that someone was not a friend but a professional whose job it was to help people. Clearly professional help was needed, so Dawn would take that. “Okay,” she nodded again, mustering up a small smile and trying to cling to the few positives in the situation. She wasn’t alone anymore. Answers were coming, even if they were coming a bit more slowly than she’d have liked. “Thank you again.” Dawn probably had said that enough times. “I um – don’t want to take up too much of your time. And I should probably get back to work, my break will be ending soon.” 

“Never worry about my time, but I don’t want to make you late. I’ll owl you the appointments for the tests. Unless something major shows up in one of the tests we’ll wait till all are back before we go over them.  That way I have the total picture and some treatment options to discuss with you. However, please don’t hesitate to make an appointment or owl me if you need to before then.” Lucy smiled over at Dawn hoping she gave her something today. “Just remember, you’re okay. Everything is being addressed now.” Lucy dashed out a prescription for an anxiety potion and handed it to her. “This should help while you’re waiting for answers. If you have any problems, let me know.” Lucy showed Dawn out of her office. As much as she wanted to go back in, close the door, and have a minor freak out over what Dawn just told her there was too much to do. Tests to set up. Other patients. Figuring out what to do about Dawn’s situation other than finding out what kind of damage might have been done and if any of it was reversible. And of course trying to decide what to do about the growing feeling of extra unease for the safety of the rest of the Order members.