if i'm with you... this love.

me, together with you. at last, we reach the distant star below — to eternity, or perhaps even beyond. you and me, or "we."

[heartbeat-sys]

DO NOT SPAM LIKE THIS BLOG IF YOU ARE A STRANGER

hello ♡ we are the heartbeat system, pleased to meet you ! this is our system blog, please feel free to stick around!

we are a traumawillo plural system. we are also autistic ( plurality is our special interest ! ) and have other problems you get to discover on your own. our main other interests are alien stage ( current hyperfix + other stuff ) and mollusks ( other special interest ). we also like project sekai, dead poets society, milgram ( barely ), other things i am probably forgetting about.

our system theme comes from the project sekai event " reaching out towards an untieable tomorrow " if that interests anyone.

we run a bunch of gimmick blogs, however we did just move main blogs so i only log into them once a week to make sure they didnt explode. so im not listing them here.

pronouns.cc will be put here soon.

tag directory here

stamps by weblily, pearliprincess, koisuru-beam, futurefishy, transmascgarfield, kanadeautism, saltysstamps

dividers by strangergraphics and omi-resources

userboxes by genicpunk

[heartbeat-sys]

i kind of still love thinking and talking about plurality but 1. kinda hard to do that without my frustrations at some things getting through 2. i hate tumblr 3. i hate the way the entire plural community on here (does the word community really work in this case??) is full of vague-posting and discourse and 4. theres still entire subreddits and blogs and probably other stuff dedicated to picking apart anything a system says just to paint them as a liar and frankly i dont care for letting those people see what i have to say

[heartbeat-sys]

also ive been the host for more than a year in a system that usually keeps hosts for half this amount of time or less. im tired

[heartbeat-sys]

i kind of still love thinking and talking about plurality but 1. kinda hard to do that without my frustrations at some things getting through 2. i hate tumblr 3. i hate the way the entire plural community on here (does the word community really work in this case??) is full of vague-posting and discourse and 4. theres still entire subreddits and blogs and probably other stuff dedicated to picking apart anything a system says just to paint them as a liar and frankly i dont care for letting those people see what i have to say

[heartbeat-sys]

happy (does math badly) ... four...?-ish years of us knowing we're a system as of 3 hours ago in my timezone

[ifeelsosheri]

My parasite says i cant do that anymore sorry

[ifeelsosheri]

My parasite says i have to go

[heartbeat-sys]

"came back wrong" is SUCH a good explanation of what being an introject feels like to me. i came back wrong. i am this person but its not Right. im not being me right and everyone knows it. i dont look or sound or act like myself anymore and i dont know if its because everyone grows and changes, or if its because of this wrongness in me. everyone says its not there, and i dont know if i can believe them. i say my name, i dont know if i can trust the people who recognize it. everyone wants something from me, wants me to be someone i am not, yet still am. if i say i am not that person i am treated like a liar for even having their face, and if i say i am i will never be doing it right. you see??

[heartbeat-sys]

oh my god this post is almost a year old

[heartbeat-sys]

"came back wrong" is SUCH a good explanation of what being an introject feels like to me. i came back wrong. i am this person but its not Right. im not being me right and everyone knows it. i dont look or sound or act like myself anymore and i dont know if its because everyone grows and changes, or if its because of this wrongness in me. everyone says its not there, and i dont know if i can believe them. i say my name, i dont know if i can trust the people who recognize it. everyone wants something from me, wants me to be someone i am not, yet still am. if i say i am not that person i am treated like a liar for even having their face, and if i say i am i will never be doing it right. you see??

[heartbeat-sys]

like i like the people i like but i truly dont believe anyone when they say they really will like and accept every alter. especially if they say they'll like us all equally. honestly to me, im not sure id even like it if that were the case — in any group of people its natural that youre opinions on them would vary. but at the same time, the alternative isnt better, i certainly dont want to feel like the one that isnt liked (i mean, maybe i personally wouldnt care as much, but ive seen it happen to others, ive seen it tear them apart). its just hard to connect with any one in any way that feels real.

[heartbeat-sys]

i dont think of myself as liking or disliking any of the particular members of any of my friends systems either, so in a way even saying this is hypocritical. maybe its just something i tell myself so i dont feel it when someone so clearly wishes it were anyone else speaking. anyone but me.

[heartbeat-sys]

like genuinely its like the way i feel when it comes to how people see me vs how i see others is at odds. so maybe im just way too anxious about how people see me. but i also think theres some merit to it, i guess? so im really not sure

[heartbeat-sys]

idk. i have a lot of contradictory thoughts on this. if you cant tell

[heartbeat-sys]

and its so difficult to want to unmask when people simply. do not believe in plurality lol. and at best usually have no idea how to navigate a relationship with a system, or they'll just like. mock you. on a subreddit nor something. or just straight up not believe you. yk

[heartbeat-sys]

like i like the people i like but i truly dont believe anyone when they say they really will like and accept every alter. especially if they say they'll like us all equally. honestly to me, im not sure id even like it if that were the case — in any group of people its natural that youre opinions on them would vary. but at the same time, the alternative isnt better, i certainly dont want to feel like the one that isnt liked (i mean, maybe i personally wouldnt care as much, but ive seen it happen to others, ive seen it tear them apart). its just hard to connect with any one in any way that feels real.

[heartbeat-sys]

i dont think of myself as liking or disliking any of the particular members of any of my friends systems either, so in a way even saying this is hypocritical. maybe its just something i tell myself so i dont feel it when someone so clearly wishes it were anyone else speaking. anyone but me.

[heartbeat-sys]

okay tbh . the more i think about this the more i disagree with myself lol

[heartbeat-sys]

like i like the people i like but i truly dont believe anyone when they say they really will like and accept every alter. especially if they say they'll like us all equally. honestly to me, im not sure id even like it if that were the case — in any group of people its natural that youre opinions on them would vary. but at the same time, the alternative isnt better, i certainly dont want to feel like the one that isnt liked (i mean, maybe i personally wouldnt care as much, but ive seen it happen to others, ive seen it tear them apart). its just hard to connect with any one in any way that feels real.

[heartbeat-sys]

i dont think of myself as liking or disliking any of the particular members of any of my friends systems either, so in a way even saying this is hypocritical. maybe its just something i tell myself so i dont feel it when someone so clearly wishes it were anyone else speaking. anyone but me.

[heartbeat-sys]

like i like the people i like but i truly dont believe anyone when they say they really will like and accept every alter. especially if they say they'll like us all equally. honestly to me, im not sure id even like it if that were the case — in any group of people its natural that youre opinions on them would vary. but at the same time, the alternative isnt better, i certainly dont want to feel like the one that isnt liked (i mean, maybe i personally wouldnt care as much, but ive seen it happen to others, ive seen it tear them apart). its just hard to connect with any one in any way that feels real.

[heartbeat-sys]

i also definitely think having introjects tangles itself up in masking a lot. it adds an extra layer of consideration to everything. with introjection comes a source of some sort, and therefor usually a pre-existing impression. how does that impact everything? what do you do when a version of you or a thing youre based on or whatever is already known? when you cant escape it? when even trying means tearing something vital out of yourself? sure for some it barely matters but what do you do when you cant hide it? do you just hide... forever? do you take the risk?

[heartbeat-sys]

i have a lot of thoughts about plurality and relationships and masking, but i dont really know what to say or how to say it. ive found many systems hold resentment or frustration to things i dont really mind. but also part of me wonders how much i dont mind vs how much am i simply resigned to? i honestly dont... know?

honestly my biggest thing is that i have no idea when or how to start existing as me, or if i ever really can. what we tell people we are is really a persona and i wont pretend it isnt, but if thats all people know, how am i to expect that they'll react positively to someone else? even when our alters are speaking "as themselves" theres usually still quite a degree of acting to it. you may see the name but they wont really speak like themselves, act like themselves. its hard to want to do that when time and time again its resulted in straining relationships and ultimately is worse than just staying hidden.

theres so many aspects to revealing yourself. which parts of an alter are safe to reveal? which ones do they want to reveal? if they're an introject, how will their source impact what we can say about them? what do we know about this person and how they view this particular thing in order to predict the results of telling them about this alter? could we reveal them under a false name? does that really count? how do you begin to act as yourself when youve been shown many times that it wont work out? which alters has this person likes before? what do we trust them with and who do we trust them with? can this alter be made public or will that cause problems? what happens if an alter someone liked goes dormant? what do we do about people some of us are close with who we dont believe can be trusted with some alters (i.e.: everyone)? when you DO tell somone about an alter, how much can you actually tell them? how open can any of us really be, even in the best case scenario? what do we do if someone obviously likes one over the others or dislikes someone in particular (does it matter? isnt it inevitable? does it matter who the preferences regard?) etc etc etc etc

just a lot of questions, honestly. ive never felt like any of us really could be ourselves. its never gone well — or maybe im just anxious and imaging that its never gone well.

sometimes, even without revealing a particular alter, it can be obvious how little they're liked. and hard to know why. its all... a lot i guess? idk. thinking about it

[overlord-mordax]

There's a point at which successfully masking plurality in a relationship (platonic or otherwise) starts to feel like lying. Because the other party feels like they know a person, when really what they know is a role being played by a succession of different people wearing the same costume.

[the-indigo-symphony]

I feel like the system community treats "how similar are your system members/how much do you share with your system members" as one clean, whole thing when like. It'd probably be easier to talk about if you broke it down into different categories.

Maybe your skill sharing is high, like 80%. Meanwhile, your speech patterns vary wildly, so you say they're only about 30% shared. Maybe your episodic memory sharing is at 65%, your semantic memory sharing is at 95%, and your procedural memory sharing is at 75%. Maybe your values are 85% shared, maybe your life goals are 20% shared, maybe your identity is 90% shared. There's a lot of different variables and things you can share, you know? I could go on.

Trying to turn all of that into one average of "how alike are all of you" doesn't seem very helpful, but for some reason, we expect it of so many systems. So, if you struggle with answering "How similar are you all?", maybe try this out and see if it's a more useful framework for you.