Fragments

Shea. All words are my own.

[heartbleedsink]

In the stillness of the air and the moments of silence in conversation - those are the places I live. Emptiness filled by a quiet smile or simple gesture. Maybe if I can seal the cracks of the world with even the thinnest layer of kindness, less people would fall apart.

[heartbleedsink]

“Dear mother, Thank you for carrying me even though you already had the world on your shoulders Thank you for planting flowers in my bones and giving them sunshine even though it made you lose warmth Thank you for building me castles out of sand and dreams out of clouds even though your hands grew tired Thank you for loving me endlessly and unconditionally even when I don’t deserve it”

— Dear mother

[heartbleedsink]

Another day of this country flaunting its masculinity.

A country that strips its women of their rights and then tells them to cover up.

It isn’t red versus blue anymore; it’s pink versus blue.

But aren’t we are on the same side?

Shouldn’t we be fighting together?

When did we start punishing our mothers?

Our daughters?

Our sisters?

For enjoying the rights that our fathers and sons and brothers enjoy without consequence.

When did it become women’s burden to bear?

[heartbleedsink]

There’s not a word for it. This feeling I’ve spent my whole life chasing after. I don’t think I really need a word for it anymore. It doesn’t seem to matter so much now. It’s all around me and within me. I breathe it in whenever you’re near.

[heartbleedsink]

Just like that. I blinked and all that fear I had felt, that ominous tension that lay knotted beneath my bones, was all gone in an instant. For the first time in my life, I felt whole and unafraid.

[heartbleedsink]

“I burnt my hands pulling stars out of the sky for you Then you told me you prefer the sun”

— @heartbleedsink (via heartbleedsink)

[heartbleedsink]

“My mother said I was red With fire burning in my soul and hot coals under my feet My father told me I was green With vines under my skin and leaves tangled in my hair My brother saw me as yellow With sunlight in my eyes and stars hidden beneath my freckles You always thought I was purple With petals in my fingertips and blackberry stains on my lips I saw myself as grey With empty shadows and silver clouds Until the people I loved filled me with color”

— heartbleedsink (via heartbleedsink)

[heartbleedsink]

Initially I thought that it must be too soon. It didn't seem right to think that I loved him after such a short time. But if it was what I felt, surely it could not be wrong. Surely now was as good a time as any. There were gardens growing beneath my skin; and I wanted more than anything to release them and show the world all that had been cultivated by my love.

[heartbleedsink]

How am I suposed to be here and fine and me when I can barely find the strength to keep breathing. You've made this shell of a person you want me to be; who everyone thinks I am. I could make one wrong move and everything would crack and fall apart. All you would have then are the broken pieces of a girl you thought you once knew. I can't keep moving through life with this cage around me. I need to breathe easy and feel like myself for once. Be the person I was always meant to be.

[heartbleedsink]

I let you in. Your vines growing in my heart and wrapping around my lungs. Thorns pressing just hard enough that it hurt to breathe. But I didn't dare complain. It was what I had always wanted. You and me, entangled and frozen in time.

[heartbleedsink]

And what about you? Sitting in silence, always in the darkest corner of the room; watching and waiting. You think no one notices you there? Even a simple house cat notices the quietest of mice. But even the quietest of mice could steal the cheese from the trap if they truly put their mind to it. Is that what you’ve been doing this whole time? All of us in this room are just a bunch of traps to you…but you’re hoping one of us has the cheese.

[heartbleedsink]

If you're going to lie to me, at least make it beautiful. Something so sweet, I won't be able to taste the underlying poison.

[heartbleedsink]

I don't know how to explain it...I desire so badly to want to live, but something inside me wants me dead.

[heartbleedsink]

That is the problem with humans. We think we're invincible. We think this planet belongs to us. Mother Earth owes us nothing. It is us who bend to her will in the end.

[heartbleedsink]

I'm never going to be who I was before. The girl I once was; she's so far behind me now I can hardly remember her. I must have been so young when I lost her. Where is she now? What happens to the people we used to be when we become who we are?

[heartbleedsink]

You're never going to be able to stop the waves; you can learn how to swim though.

[heartbleedsink]

I'm sorry that I love you. I'm sorry that it took me so long to realize it. I'm sorry that I can't turn back time and fix all of this.