[zarathustra-would-be-proud]

[fxck-every-1]

“It’s nearly been a year and I can confidently say fuck you for hurting me. Fuck you for making me think I was nothing for nearly an entire year, I am so much better than you now.”

—

[heartbreakg0ddess]

We sat there together but I was alone.

[heartbreakg0ddess]

Used to be high all the time to keep you off my mind.

But I'm sober now.

[heartbreakg0ddess]

- “I’m sorry.”.. finally realizing that you fucked up. It took losing me for you to open your eyes. I gave you everything. Loved you. Unconditionally. I didn’t ask for anything but for your time and effort. But chose to break my heart. You left. You left without any reason. For months you ignored me. I made myself look so dumb. Begging you to come back. Asking you to love me. I wanted to fix things. Try one more time. But you didn’t want to. You had already made up your mind. You wanted out. You’ve been wanting to leave. For months. You didn’t even think twice when you walked away. You said you’d never hurt me, but you did. You didn’t only hurt me. You fucked me up. After you I’m not the same. My walls are up again && this time, I don’t think they’ll ever come down. You took me for granted. I gave you everything. But I guess it was too much. Or maybe it wasn’t enough. But I tried. I wanted to save what we had.. for months, i asked myself “where did I go wrong? What did I do wrong? Am I not enough?”..The same question over && over. For months. I did that. the pain was so unbearable, thinking I had lost everything..it got to the point where I wanted to take my own life. because ever since that day you left, my heart never stopped hurting. Until I realized that I was trying to fix something that couldn’t be fixed. I was just too blinded to see, because I was so inLOVE with you..I made myself believe that I could fix things with you, but things were so broken, there was no fixing it.- Now you want to come back. Saying you’ve had time to think about things. That we had time to grow. That you finally realize that this is what you want. But it’s not that simple. You don’t walk away from someone you said you love && break their heart because you weren’t unsure of what you wanted.. I’m better now. It took me sometime to realize that I don’t need you in my life. That I could be fine without you. That I will be fine without you. I don’t need you. I thought I did but I don’t. You don’t get to break my heart && try to walk back into my life. NO. Those walls I’ve put up after you left me broken hearted is slowly coming down, because of HIM. He’s trying to piece back the broken pieces of me that you left. He’s replacing your memories by leaving his.

[heartbreakg0ddess]

Thank you for the broken heart.

;;Messages are either left seen or unread. Why? Because i don’t need to know what or how you’re feeling. I’ve forgiven you but i don’t want your sad apologies. Honestly. i don’t. Even though i’m not the same after you left, i’m slowly trying to find myself.. && he’s trying  every day to glue me back together... i am slowly opening up to him, slowly letting him in && i can’t help it but i am slowly... falling for him...i thought i knew what love felt like when i was with you but those feelings weren’t love, i was only infatuated by you. && i thought what i felt was Love, but it was Real..i will never  know if what you felt for me was real because if it was, it wouldn’t have been that easy to walk away.. i used to ask myself if you really loved me, but not anymore.. all i know was that i gave you my all, made you my everything, put you first.. i lost myself loving you... it wasn’t the heartbreak that hurt, but it was the fact that you never gave me the real reason why you left...that’s what hurts the most, knowing i was never worth the truth.. but i forgive you.. i forgive you for hurting me, for ignoring me, for making me feel like i wasn’t worth it, for breaking my heart.. i cared so much for you && it fucked me up.. i forgive you..This time, i have to believe that love is different. That this time, love is right. That this time, love will stay.. Every day he’s trying. && sometimes, i feel like i don’t deserve a good guy like him.. why? Because i’m scared that i will hurt him.. that i will push him away... but everyday he’s slowly pushing those bad thoughts away.. he’s replacing your memories by leaving his... As broken as i am or was, he makes me feel like i’m whole again.. he makes me feel like i’m worth it.. he makes me feel happy in so many ways... He gives me butterflies all his time. He pays attention to every little things. He’s slowly learning me, the way you never did.. you didn’t even try..You see, he’s different... ever since he came into my life, i smile more than i used to. He calls me beautiful like its my name.. I always thought i was hard to love but he make it so easy && he doesn’t even have to try... is this how it feels like to be loved the way i’ve always loved? To have someone give me the same amount of attention, time && love that i give? At times, i asks him if he’s real. That i’m not dreaming or imagining all of this.. He is real. This is real. i’m not dreaming. this is not my imagination. IT IS REAL. HE IS REAL.i know you will never read this but THANK YOU FOR THE BROKEN HEART. Because if it wasn’t for you, i wouldn’t be with here. . . HAPPY. . . CONTENT. . . :)

[heartbreakg0ddess]

THANK YOU.

It’s been a while && I still think about you. But not in the way you think.. when you left, I thought my world has ended but it was only beginning. I admit, it hurt like hell when you left && i made myself look like a dumb ass begging you to stay when you clearly already made up your mind, months before you finally admitted it. You said it yourself, that you’ve felt that way for a quite sometime but just couldn’t find the “right time” to tell me.. I just wish you would have told right from the very moment you fell out, instead of waiting months.. maybe you thought it would hurt less by waiting, but it didn’t make a difference. It hurts either way. I just wish you’d told me sooner.. I never saw it coming you know. I thought everything was good, but I guess it was only in my head.. I was so scared of losing you but in reality you were never really mine to begin with. Because even though my heart was with you, Your heart was with everything && everyone else. So instead of being afraid to lose you, I sat back && watched YOU lose me.. So Thank YOU for showing me that not every “I love you” is real. Thank you for showing me what I don’t want in my next relationship. Thank you for showing that I am worth more than you ever made me. Thank you for showing me what I couldn’t see when I was blinded by the feelings I had with you. Thank you for showing what’s real && what’s not. I will never know if your intentions were true or not. All I know is that my feelings were REAL. I’ve forgiven you for hurting me. For leaving the way you did. Although I will never know what the real reason was. I’m happy now. I thought I needed closure from you.. from us, From what we had but no, I don’t. I just wanted to thank you for letting me go && for hurting me the way you did because if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here, with the LOVE OF MY LIFE. Thank you for letting me go so he can love me the way you couldn’t.

[heartbreakg0ddess]

;;I'm still trying to find the right words to say goodbye...I keep telling myself you'll look at your phone one last time and tell me you still love me but I know that will won't happen.. you have her now.. I hope she makes you happy.. the way I couldn't.. I wish I could hold your hand one last time and tell you how much I've missed you... but it's her hand that's locked in with yours now.. it's too late to fix things.. I wish I could turn back time.. back to that time fate gave us another chance to meet.. to make things right but I messed up.&& now I lay here thinking of you wishing you were next to me while you're laying next to her.. I don't think my heart will ever be complete because when I lost you, you took a part of me with you.. I don't think I'll ever love the same way I loved you. Look at someone the same way I looked at you... you were supposed to be my FIRST and LAST. My happy ending. But that didn't happen.. I miss you. I know you'll never see this but you will always be the love of my life..I love you...Goodbye. 💔

[heartbreakg0ddess]

12 years....

;; how do i even begin to describe the way i’ve been feeling for the past few weeks or days maybe months. last night, i had a dream about you. the first day we met. it felt like yesterday you know, i still remember it vividly. the way you looked at me for the very first time after 11 long months of just letters / emails / text messages / video call. we finally met in person. crazy how much i still remember from that day. i still remember how i felt that day. the nerves and excitement i felt wanting to finally meet you...that dream last night felt so real, its like i went back in time and re-lived all of time together... i didnt want to wake up...but 12 years later, i sit here...reminiscing...and mostly regretting, why things turned out the way they did... i thought i could move on from the memories of us... i thought i could move on from you..but after all these years, you still occupy my mind and my dreams... why?... i need to let go of everything...i need to focus on the person i’m with now but i can’t help but ask myself, “what if?”... where would we be now if things happened differently...sometimes i wish i could go back in time and do things differently...i wish could i go back in time and do things right...i wish...but i can’t.. i can’t turn back time...i can’t undo what’s already done...i can’t...i can’t do anything but sit here and just think how i’m going to convince myself that i need to let you go..all the memories..everything...but i don’t know how to do that...12 years later, my heart still long for you...i guess it’s true what they say, “first love never dies.”... you were my FIRST LOVE...and i thought you would be the last too...you were the only one i loved..what i had with you, i don’t think i will ever have with someone else..with you, it was different...LOVE was different...the happiness was genuine...i didn’t have any doubts or second thoughts no matter how far apart we were, i didn’t have to worry. felt like i was always with you...my whole world revolved around you.. i planned out my whole life with you...from getting married to having kids to having a home... all those, was supposed to be with you...but things changed...i sit here trying to tell myself i need to stop...stop wishing you’ll want us back...but i know it’s too late...last time i heard, you were having a baby with someone else...i hope she treats you better than i did..i hope she loves you as much as you love her...part of me wishes i was in her place...i don’t know how to close that chapter in my life, where it just me and you...i thought i could fall in love again after you...but i don’t think i’ll ever love someone the same way i loved you...after all these years, i still see you every where... every time i hear a certain song, it brings me back to you...all those feelings i’ve been trying to forget, comes rushing back and it hurts..it hurts to think about you and the memories...but i need to let all that go..he’s my present and you’re my past, but why do i keep trying to find you in him...i don’t even know why i bother...i know you’ll never see this, or will your feelings ever come back...i know i need to let you go...i know...you have her now. and i have him but why is it so hard to make myself love him...i mean i do but it’s different...it’s not the same feeling of “love”.....this time, the love comes with a pain...i lost my heart when i lost you..and i don’t think i’ll get to LOVE someone fully because after all these years, IT’S STILL YOU.... =[

[heartbreakg0ddess]

;;" you are my first. First one who made me laugh by just using the simplest knock knock jokes that didn't even made sense. The first one who made me ridiculously happy just because of the little banters we share between classes. The first one who gave me sleepless nights because of your deep curiosity and dramatic sense for poetry. You were there, first who carried my things, first boy who held my hand. The one who covered up for my mistakes in class, the one who meant the compliments he gave me, and the first one who was there at my darkest. You were the first one who made me realize, that somehow, My soul is still part of this world. The first one who made me think that home isn't just a simple architecture, but a person too. But you see, you are also my first. First one who knew how to turn the butterflies in my stomach to wasps. You were the first one who made me feel this huge void sucking every feeling I have. It was the first time, where I felt everything and nothing at all, at the same. You were the first one who made me cry, the first whose absence made me every part of me ache. You were the first person whom I tried to write about, but failed to find the right sentences. You were my first firework, you gave me your whole constellations and made me see what's behind each of them. You gave me rhapsodies every time you say something to my ear. Every memory we made, every thing you said, they were all euphorias to me. You were my first. The first dream of my soul. The boy who has all my words, but now I have found them again. Now, I'm letting you go. "

[heartbreakg0ddess]

Goodbye 2016.

;; Another year gone. 2016. 6 years. && i’m still not sure if i’m over,OVER you. i’m not sure if i have completely let you go. i haven’t seen you or heard from you for years, yet you still occupy my mind. i try to block you out but a simple song, a certain place, a stupid joke, a restaurant always takes me back to the days we were together. i know you’ve probably moved on. i even heard you’re going to be a dad. we always talked about having kids. buying a house. me just staying home with the kids and you do all the working. but fate pulled us apart. or i pulled us apart. i broke us. it was my fault why you’ve fallen with someone else. and i sit here wondering “what if”, what if things were different, where would we be. Paris, maybe. i don’t know. we were going to spend our honeymoon there, remember. we were going to travel the world. you even waited until i got my passport so we can go everywhere but i ruined that. i sit here wishing i was the one next to you, with our little family and happy but i’m not. i need to let you go. but i don’t know how to. i still see you in my dreams sometimes. i want to let you go. i want to forget you. i never got the closure i needed. i don’t know if i’ll ever get that closure. this is so hard for me. i have someone beside me, but why do i think of you? why do i wish it was you next to me? i should be happy. he’s a good guy. he has his flaws and all but why can’t i see myself being genuinely happy. Am i in this relationship for lust? i don’t know. There are days when i’m with him that i forget to think of you. but lately its just been you in my mind. its driving me crazy. i’m going crazy trying to force myself to let you go. I NEED TO LET YOU GO. i need to focus on him now. i can’t have you in my mind anymore. i need to just stop wanting to think of you. but i always forget to forget about you. it’s been too long, i need stop. i need to leave you in 2016. This is a new year. i need to start over, start fresh. i’ve spent too many nights wishing you would call me or send me a text anything, but i know that will never happen so i think its time to let all the memories, good and bad. this is something i need to do, even though i don’t want to. 

[heartbreakg0ddess]

;;Another night. With you on my mind. 😕

[heartbreakg0ddess]

;;It's been almost 3 years && you're still on my mind. 💔

[whtaretheodds]

If you have a “someone” and you make them feel unwanted you are an undeserving piece of shit.

[heartbreakg0ddess]

Time.

Something I wish you had for me. 😔

[lovequotesrus]

[heartbreakg0ddess]

"Your attitude towards me is so different, i dont even know you anymore. i feel like you have cut me open. Like i have this huge hole that cant be sealed. Like it has gotten salt in it and it wont wash out or fade away or heal. It burns and hurts like theres not a thing that can help even though i know it will heal in time. I will still have this large scar through my heart from where you tore me apart."