“I saw you yesterday, standing across the hall from me. It was that exact environment in which we had thrived 3 years previously. I looked at you, maybe even stared a bit. Evaluating everything about you, everything that had changed since we last shared the same company. You’ve shaved, changed your hair. Your jeans as well. Even the way you hold yourself is different but I’m different now too. My hair is longer and my face paler than the summer skin you fell in love with. My waist is smaller and my words more profound. My heart doesn’t race when I see you and all you are to me is someone from my past. We’ve outgrown the novelty of ‘We’ll always be friends’. Shed every aspect of each other, erasing the thoughts but never the memories. Remembering that our lives are different now I shot you a smile before leaving. Your face stayed as icy as the winter night you left me.”
“I gave in and text you today. I asked how you’d been and how work was… I didn’t really care dear, I just needed to know you were still there. You said you’d been a bit down and as awful as it sounds I couldn’t help but hope it was because I wasn’t with you but I know that’s not the reason. One day we’ll wake up and we’ll be okay. We’ll be able to be in each others lives. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow but one day.”
“If there is one thing I’ve learned about you it’s that you are equally as self destructive as I am. You didn’t want to fall in love with me, infact I’m positive you didn’t want to fall in love at all. Between the two of us we managed to sabotage something beautiful and now your name burns in my throat like a shot of cheap vodka. Leaving a taste so vile I can’t help but spit you out. We really were just two shitty people trying to destroy each other before we destroyed ourselves.”
“I saw you yesterday, standing across the hall from me. It was that exact environment in which we had thrived 3 years previously. I looked at you, maybe even stared a bit. Evaluating everything about you, everything that had changed since we last shared the same company. You’ve shaved, changed your hair. Your jeans as well. Even the way you hold yourself is different but I’m different now too. My hair is longer and my face paler than the summer skin you fell in love with. My waist is smaller and my words more profound. My heart doesn’t race when I see you and all you are to me is someone from my past. We’ve outgrown the novelty of ‘We’ll always be friends’. Shed every aspect of each other, erasing the thoughts but never the memories. Remembering that our lives are different now I shot you a smile before leaving. Your face stayed as icy as the winter night you left me.”
“I wanted more time. I didn’t think we had enough, you know? But–but maybe that’s just a feeling that comes with all this, maybe that’s just how it is when you love someone. It wouldn’t matter if I got a thousand years with her. It still wouldn’t be enough.”
I came in to your life like a tornado, tearing down every wall you ever built up to block me out. Undoing all the progress you had made in a matter of seconds and leaving as quickly as I had arrived leaving nothing behind but mayhem and destruction.
“Dear his future love, I’ll remember your name. I always will. It’ll burn my throat like a shot of whiskey. You’ll have him. My world in your hands. Yours to play with as he was to me once. I’ll hate you. I know I will and for that I am sorry. I’ll be jealous. Jealousy does horrible things to people, you’ll soon learn that. I bet you’ll be beautiful. More beautiful than I am or ever will be. You’ll treat him better than I ever did and that I know. I didn’t know what I had until I let it go. Our first date was in Pizza Hut. Classy, I know. He’ll always claim it was awkward but for me being with him never really was. The first time we kissed was on a sofa bed in his sisters house. That later became my home. The closest thing to our home we’d ever have. His friends were there. It was the second day I’d known him but something clicked in me, there and then. He was special. Make sure you appreciate him. He can get jealous, really jealous but he trusts you, don’t ever doubt that and definitely don’t take it for granted. He’s a good man. You and I both know that. If you don’t like him when he’s drunk then darling you’ll learn to. I know he can be a handful but his most profound words come out the other end of a vodka… Or ten. Family will always come first and I wish dearly that they’ll accept you because with me they never did and I believe that’s part of the reason we no longer are. You may not get along but try, dear, for God sake please try. I loved him you know. There will always be a place for him in my heart and also in the hearts of others he has loved. Yes darling, as I’m writing this I miss him but he is yours and he sure as hell won’t be missing me. You have to believe him in that. He’ll say he’s okay and you’ll know he’s not. Give him space, sometimes time is all he needs. He’ll open up as soon as he’s ready. He’s stubborn like that. He’s kind and generous. He can be a pain in the ass but believe me darling, you hold on to him as long as you can. I hope you’ll love him better than I ever could. You could possibly be his forever and that, well, that makes you the luckiest girl in the world.”
“I deleted a picture of you off my phone tonight along with some texts you’d sent months back. Ones telling me how much you missed me and how you needed to see me soon. I don’t get those anymore, in fact I don’t hear from you at all. I still miss you from time to time. When my eyes are heavy in the early hours of the morning or at the bottom of my 9th pint. I wonder how you are and if I ever cross your mind. If you ever see things that remind you of me and no one else, like my favourite band on tv or that film I hated so much. I still think about you but not as much anymore.”
“I get angry when I think about you these days. Angry at how easy it was for you to walk away and carry on like I don’t exist. Angry at how naive I was to think that you ever loved me or ever could because I was too stupid to see I was just there to help you pass the time. Angry how you didn’t even have the decency to destroy what we had. You didn’t fight, you didn’t scream or curse. You simply sat across a table in the place where we’d always meet and ripped my heart to shreds.”
