Mourning You? Morningstar

You will be the king. You can’t fail.

[hel3l]

Post-Fragmented alter // I took on a personality , persona that matched my purpose the most. I have fleeing source memories, but I don’t normally feel emotional towards them.

@coded-pup / @vamp-luvr999 <- Main [inactive] accounts

This account will mention RAMCOA / TBMC / DBMC , Proceed at your own risk. I am not responsible for how you may handle or react to any of these situations.

I am 18+ and I prefer if ONLY adults were to interact PERSONALLY.

If you’re a minor and you want to comment/reblog/ask , I don’t care. Keep it simple and keep it SFW. I will not engage in conversations besides small talk with anyone under -17.

[hel3l]

TW — Religion talk, Religious trauma, Childhood trauma/Abuse, Atheist attitude/hatred of religion

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When She mentions god and praises him, saying superficial things like “he has a will” or “everything will be okay”

I can understand she means no harm. I know that and even then

The faintest mention of god and his filthy religious following.

I hate it. I hate it with a fucking passion.

How could he exist without ever proving himself? No, he doesn’t have to prove himself. But to praise him incessantly like he’s done anything for me or for you…

If he were such a nice guy, he could’ve saved us. He could’ve given us the chance, a clear opportunity to leave. A clear opportunity to go. And yet, despite that, here we stand, traumatized beyond repair because of HIS creations and HIS lack of involvement.

How could I possibly want to hear such praise about a being that has done nothing but put me through pain?

“He has a will?”

As if.

If god was ever proven to exist, I’d be the first one to declare my hatred. I would do more than kill him. I would make him suffer. I would risk every and anything, because just like he didn’t hep when we were in pain, nobody will get the chance to help him.

[hel3l]

(Emotionally/mentally) Blurred between I and an internal handler… this sucks.

Hearing thoughts that uncannily unfamiliar and familiar at the some time. The duality of your mind and the words you push down but come back up anyway. Unwanted and unwelcome.

I can feel your overwhelming emotions. The ones you desperately prefer to mask with anger and frustration and nonchalance.

I suppose, in the end, we really all are just pieces of her. The core. The one he wanted in the first place.

We were never supposed to be here.

[hel3l]

Trauma therapy means coming to terms with this sick reality at some point.

I don’t want to come to terms with anything. That might drive me insane, more insane than I already am.

I want to. Go back. I want to go back. If I’m there, I’ll never have to worry about anything.

Not my next meal, not my next housing situation, not even when I’ll see my “kids”. I want to go back because at least there, I don’t have to come to terms with anything.

I want to be naive and innocent. So much so that even though death is always around the corner, that’s none of my concern. Dying in the ring is better than dying outside.

Better than dying alone. Sad and betrayed and pathetic and.

Coming to terms with this sick reality is one thing I know I can’t do. I won’t. I can’t. I want to die. I’d rather die.

[hel3l]

TRIGGER WARNING --

CSA implied/mentioned, Homicidal ideation/detailed thoughts, Paraphilic behaviours mentioned in a trauma response, RAMCOA, TBMC + MORE

To kill You would be the greatest act of love and devotion to me.

To kill you and render your body a bloody, limp mess. Unrecognizable to friends and family. They will only know you by your fingerprints, if they're still there. To kill you would be the greatest thing you could allow me to do. For years of the torture and suffering I endured at your hands.

For years of the denial and harm and death over and over...

To Kill you would be the one thing I want to do before I kill myself. We will die together. You will not hurt anyone else. You will not defile any other child's body. You will not kill and you will not rape no longer.

You will die. By my hands. For if I cannot kill you, I will not rest. If somehow, I pass on before I get to wrap my thin fingers around your neck... I will make sure I haunt you in every life after this one. You will never rest until you rest by my hands and my hands alone.

I will kill you. Just like you killed her. I will kill you and I will defile your body, the thing you used to defile me and her so many times, hundreds of times.

To kill you is the sole reason I exist. If I find you. if i ever find out you're alive, I won't even give you a warning. Not a headstart. Not a singular second.

I will kill you so brutally and violently. And then just like you once did, I will make love to you and defile before ending myself. We will die together. Intertwined by our souls and body.

You ruined me. So now I will make sure that whoever finds us will be unable to clean us. You will never be clean. I will never be clean. We belong to each other, no matter how much you try to throw me away.

You will never throw me away again.