hey, its ash. i was just thinking...

[bookwormsanonymous]

[softhearted-ly]

[helen-south]

BDSM: Reality Verses Fantasy

Sex, sexuality, and pleasure can mean many different things for people. There is no exact right way to be sexually expressive, as long as it is consensual. I have a deep passion for exploring the many different realms of human sexuality, so when exploring the real world of BDSM comparatively to the misunderstood and misrepresented world of BDSM in our pop culture, it was really interesting to look into a kink culture that so many few are knowledgeable about. Especially with world-wide craze of E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy, it is important to look more critically into such a “taboo” topic before accepting what large film production companies are selling to us.  

When beginning to think of what I was going to teach to the class, I had an overwhelming flux of ideas on what I was to talk about, especially with the consequence of analyzing an entire pleasure book. So of course, I looked to my paper to get a better sense of how to organize my thoughts, which helped tremendously. I really wanted to make sure that not only was I talking about the misrepresentations given to us by Fifty Shades of Grey but also making sure to talk about the real kink culture of BDSM; in order to enlighten the class with a better understanding and an overall appreciation of the kink culture.

As I got going, I was concerned with how wordy my power point was turning out to be in a fear of losing the attention and interests of the class. Granted, BDSM is a very interesting and racy subject, but sitting their reading continuous quotes could become repetitive. To help with this, I tried to make sure to put breaks in-between the quoted slides with the informational slides while adding some pictures of the references.

While presenting my lesson to the class, I was somewhat nervous because of how quiet it was. I understand that, typically, this is a good sign because it shows that people are listening to what you are saying, but I was not sure as to whether I kept their interest on the subject. Another concern I had when presenting was whether or not I was flowing enough to be completely understood. Being such an interesting and passionate topic of mine, I feel like I was very excited when presenting and didn’t want that to hinder my lesson when trying to teach it back to the class.

For my group project, I originally had a plan of playing jeopardy at the end of my lesson with the material. I thought that it would have been different and fun to get into groups of two or three and played a mini-game of jeopardy, but after much consideration, realized that it would be unrealistic time-wise to do this. I then thought about one of the big moments in Fifty Shades of Grey that truly spoke to my main point of my research and the real world of BDSM. I was very excited about using this for my group discussion because I felt it was the greatest form of representation, within my research, that the book really blurs the lines of SSC: Safe, Sane, & Consensual. When the class answered the questions with their new understanding of the kink culture, I was pleased to know that they truly grasped the main points I was speaking to and loved hearing everyone’s own ideas of what they thought.

At the end of the lesson, I felt pretty good about my presentation but wondered if I gave justice to the topic and what I was trying to teach. When we actually learned later in the class, the lesson on kink culture that Kayla taught, I had gained a better confidence with my lesson because I felt like I did speak a lot of what was inaccurately portrayed in the novel. What I did enjoy, was the group participation activity we did before the lesson. I think it was a very neat way to introduce the subject of kink culture through asking the class what their idea of kink is.

I think that if I were to redo my lesson, I would try to breathe and relax more. I was so over-concerned with making sure that I mentioned enough details so that the class would understand but felt like with doing that and over-exciting myself, I may have been unclear and possibly more scattered that way. Another thing I would consider redoing is the group activity. Although I enjoyed showing the clip, helping to make sure that the class understood what I was saying, but I think that it would have been a lot more interesting to ask the class what they thought of when presented with the acronym BDSM. It would have been interesting to look into what information each individual student has been informed of concerning this topic. Despite these, I felt like I did a good job of making sure that the content of the material was adequate and talked a lot about the true world of BDSM and kink culture. I enjoyed being able to share such an interesting topic and inform the students of a new world of sexuality.

[helen-south]

Pleasure 101 Workshop

For my outside event, I was given the glorious opportunity to attend a Pleasure 101 Workshop at the Center for Sexual Health and Pleasure, which is located in Pawtucket, RI. A little bit of background about the CSPH, they are a sexuality education and training organization that (to quote their mission) “works to reduce sexual shame, challenge misinformation, and advance the field of sexuality… we work to educate people and spark dialogue, especially around topics that may be very difficult, in service of creating a more sexually literate society and promoting sexual health and wellness.” The CSPH’s values include sex positive, feminist, pro-LGBTQIA rights, pro-choice, pro-sex worker rights, body-positive, kink/BDSM-friendly, anti-racist, and anti-ableist. They have a very extensive library filled with many different topics concerning sexuality and they also have the largest (safe) sex toy collection on the East coast!! If you are curious for more, I highly recommend checking out their website… (http://www.thecsph.org/)

Now back to the workshop, I attended a two hour Pleasure 101 Workshop that the CSPH hosted through two interns, Noah and Melanie, which talked about a variety of topics. We first were asked to write down what sexual pleasure was for us. We then dove into the anatomy of (of course) the essentials: the penis, the vagina, and the anus. We were handed our own unique vagina puppet while discussing the anatomy concerning the vagina and the many different pleasure points. We then did the same with dildos for the penis. The best part is, no two vagina puppets or dildos were the same, which was to demonstrate that everyone’s body is different and this is natural/normal. The body-positive language used not only enables you to feel a lot more comfortable when speaking about sexuality/pleasure but it also brings a better sense of self especially in a culture where the “ideal body” is unrealistic. Melanie specifically spoke about the labia (scientifically categorized as majora-larger or minora-smaller) with the term outer and inner because “the terms majora and minora are not always the case with the labia’s outer and inner lip sizes,” which I found to be very considerate to each individual. While they discussed the anatomies of each genitals, Noah and Melanie discussed the different kinds of stimulation of the sensitive areas and what someone may or may not find to be pleasurable while being intimate, including the anus (represented by a pillow) that included the prostate gland.

After we gave back our helpful puppets, we moved onto speaking to one part of pleasure play: masturbation. Noah and Melanie had taped four masturbation myths that are often heard: I had the myth that using sex toys when masturbating can lead to a loss of sensation/pleasure during sexual intercourse. When I read this I was shocked at some of these assumptions including the myth that I was given to read aloud to the rest of the audience. Another myth talked about masturbation causing infertility.

Finally, the last lesson discussed at the workshop talked about partner pleasure. During this discussion, Noah dove into discussing the many different areas on the body, aside from the vagina and penis, which can also bring about pleasure with a partner. When portraying the many areas, they made sure to portray it on a gender-neutral body that was drawn on a white board; some of these areas include the forehead, ears, neck, nipples, legs, feet, and essentially the brain. They made it a point that pleasure essentially comes from the brain. If we open ourselves before participating in any sort of sexual stimulation, we can experience pleasure with almost any form of sensual play. Obviously each individual are going to have their own preferences when being intimate with a partner, but having an open mind can help two people explore their sexuality even more and allow for the opportunity to learn what works and what doesn’t work with your sexual partner.

Aside from discussing specifically the pleasure aspect, they talked about communication between partners which is key to any sort of relationship with a partner especially sexual. Communicating with another person about sexuality can be a gray area especially with making sure that you are being considerate of the person you are trying to communicate with. There were three essential rules to communicating with a partner especially when being intimate.

1.      Talk about what (how) you feel—being comfortable to give feedback, being comfortable and open to accepting feedback in return.

2.      Examine your expectations—being open to exploring more; getting past our own expectations when it comes to sexual pleasure which of course is extremely difficult for anyone.

3.      Find tools that work for you:

a.   Lubes: silicone or oil based

b.   Actual tools: sex toys

c.   Communication tools: Comparison lists

At the very end of the workshop, Noah gave everyone wise words which I feel truly embodies what exploring sexuality means… There are no teachers in sex, we are all students. Overall, the main point of this was being open to exploring our own sexualities and who we are sexually with a partner. As long as we remain open to exploring new things, we can learn so much more about our own pleasure and about our partner’s pleasure. We need to remain sensitive when doing this and when communicating what worked or what didn’t work with a partner, we should try to be more specific. Asking direct questions on whether or not someone liked a certain part of the experience; it helps to understanding what someone liked or didn’t like and not generalizing an experience that typically doesn’t involve one kind of act.

This workshop was super interesting. They went through so many different pieces of information and did a great job at keeping everyone interesting. I loved the sex-positive environment, the body-positive language used, the gender-neutral references, and the helpfulness surrounding pleasure: both with a partner or without. I admired their collection of sex toys which included sex toys for trans-men and trans-women, to be honest I had no idea existed. All of the sex toys represented at the center, including the online list of purchasable items, all are guaranteed safe for use. I was surprised to learn that many sex toys are made with toxic products (Jelly Latex) which can cause kidney/liver cancer and damage to the reproductive organs which often may not occur until later years. More often than not, many of the products that are sold to us often have toxins, but the csph website offers other sites where safe sex toys are available for purchase and exploring. If anyone is able to visit the Center for Sexual Health and Pleasure, I would highly recommend it. It was such an experience and they are very resourceful for information on sexuality: whether you prefer in person or access to information through their extensive library.

[dawnoftoday-blog]

Till Death Us Do Part

Till Death us Do Part by Margo Wilson and Martin Daly, was so relevant for me that I need to vent. First I want to explain why this is relevant. For my Feminist Inquiry course I am instructed to hold my own activist event on any topic of my choosing. I choose to hold a demonstration to spread awareness for those who suffer from domestic violence. I chose this topic after completing 30 hour training for Day One (a local Rape/ Domestic Abuse crisis center) to be able to volunteer for their helpline. We were asked to each come up with a new reason why someone would stay in an abusive relationship. Because there was about 22 of us we didn’t think it was going to be possible but once you start thinking, the reasons are endless. This inspired me to come up with a demonstration where I will ask strangers to come up with a reason and place a large rock on the “victim” (a dummy) until the pile grows larger with all of the reason why this woman feels trapped. My hope is that the people who see my project never again say “Well she stayed so it can’t be that bad”. That being said reading this article that explores the reasons why men abuse or even kill their wives is beyond disturbing. “A small proportion of the men who kill their wives are found “unfit to stand trial: or “not guilty by reason of insanity”. This is being said because it was thought that a so called reasonable man could not commit murder based on emotions alone.  They refer to those emotions as “morbid jealousy”. The problem with jealousy is that it stems from a feeling of possession. “Until 1974, it was the law in Texas that homicide is justified-not a criminal act, and therefore subject to no penalty whatever-“when committed by the husband upon the person of anyone taken in the act of adultery with the wife, provided the killing takes place before the parties to the act of adultery have separated"….so a man is allowed to walk in on his wife with another man and kill them both. I doubt such a law exists for the opposite situation.  Until 1974, it was the law in Texas that homicide is justified-not a criminal act, and therefore subject to no penalty whatever-"when committed by the husband upon the person of anyone taken in the act of adultery with the wife, provided the killing takes place before the parties to the act of adultery have separated”. The sexual restriction men put on woman was seen in cultures that required bride-prices and forced their women to wear chastity belts. Proprietary control has been the main cause of jealous slayings. A friend of mine used to talk about her friends from Utah who were in an unhealthy relationship. One day the woman decided to leave and when she came to get her things her ex was there and shot her than himself. This murder suicide was the result of the “if I can’t have her no one else will” scenario. I can’t begin to understand that kind of mind set, the amount of rage and feelings of ownership that led to this outcome. Why do men feel that they have need to respond to a failed marriage in such a lethal way? It all stems from previous acceptance of ownership over anothers life. This is why boyfriends and girlfriends refer to each other’s body parts as their own, for no one else’s eyes or hands. Today this idea of having the only aces to anothers body is what you get anytime you enter into a relationship without ever having a conversation about what is acceptable behavior. I have had many conversations with my friends about why they aren’t ok with their girlfriends showing their nipples in public. One conversation went like this: “if my girl shows her tits to a guy he’s gonna hit on her and then im going to have to beat his ass”. So in response I pulled off my shirt and asked him if he felt like he was now obligated to hit on me and if I needed my boyfriend to come and beat him up. He got my point but his first thought was that men have irrational urges that can only lead to violence. This particular friend still struggles with a very jealous relationship that comes from both sides, it’s exhausting to witness. This is why in my relationship I refuse my partner to refer to my body as belonging to him. I make it clear that it is my body and I allow him access as long as it’s what I want. To me this is the best way to avoid arguments over what I do and what is “acceptable”.

Please feel free to attend my demonstration, it will be held in the “quad” (grassy area between the library and the café) November 30th around 12.

[helen-south]

I admire your courage in demonstrating your point and I especially love how you and your partner have an understanding that your body is your body and you decide ultimately whether he has access. I think that it is awesome too how you’re very passionate about this kind of cause and have taken a 30 hour Day One training course, that’s very impressive. I feel like we still have this very obvious problem with viewing women as sexual beings and not viewing them as sexual playthings for men. I think there are some psychological aspects as to the way men think when it comes to sexuality and women and I truly believe that our society has a large part to do with it. Our culture does in fact has this mentality that men are natural sexually hyperactive, and because of this can’t control themselves; Consequences being, much of society feels as if women are responsible for responding to these men appropriately and not to “falsely lead them on.” It’s one thing for a parent to take responsibility for their children when something goes wrong, but to assume that a woman should take responsibility for an adult male’s actions, thats far fetched if you ask me. We are all given reason, no matter what claims as to the “nature” of men and asserting themselves as “the man.”

[gend712]

Boys and Mens Violence

Violence, especially men’s violence is a huge issue in our society, and the three articles we read this week pointed to it in different ways.  First off we had “Adolescent Masculinity, Homophobia, and Violence” by Michael Kimmel and Matthew Mahler.  This article talks about school shootings between 1982 and 2001, and it says, “of 28 school shootings between 1982 and 2001… all but 1 were in rural or suburban schools… all but 2 were committed by a White boy or boys.”  Kimmel and Mahler continue by talking about what the shooters used to justify their shootings in their eyes.  The biggest reason the shooters used was that they were picked on constantly during school and many of them were called “gay” or other names that would undermine their masculinity.  This was the biggest thing, the article pointed out that leads boys to open fire on their school.  After years of being called gay or having their masculinity undermined the boys overcompensate in the only way they can think of, by killing their abusers.  They see this as a way of showing their masculinity and believe that people will respect them afterwards because they did something so manly.

Next we had “Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists” by David Lisak and Paul Miller.  This piece is about an experiment where they take 1,882 college men and have them take a questionnaire that stealthily asks them if the have ever raped, attempted to rape, or beaten a sexual or romantic partner.  Of those men 120 admitted to having raped or attempted to rape someone.  Furthermore, from those 120 men, they have admitted to 483 acts of attempted rape or rape, and 1,225 acts of violence against a partner or child.  They even found out that of the 120 men, 76 were repeat offenders, but NONE OF THESE MEN HAVE EVER BEEN CONVICTED.  I feel like that is the sickest part.  In all 483 acts of rape, not a single guy was convicted for it, usually because the woman doesn’t report it since there was usually alcohol involved or it was someone close to them.

Then there was our last piece, “Till Death Us Do Part” by Margo Wilson and Martin Daly.  In this piece they talk about the issue of men killing their spouses or significant other, specifically, over her having an affair.  They say that men “exhibit tendency to think of women as sexual and reproductive “property”” and through this whenever the woman goes off to have an affair with someone else the man can become jealous and go off to kill her and even her partner.  Wilson and Daly looked into many police cases, in Canada, where a spouse was killed (whether it was the husband or wife) and found that only 21.3% were considered to be due to jealousy, although looking deeper into the cases they believed the number should be much higher.  Then they say that it is even worse with women who leave their men for another person. They looked at cases in Canada between 1974 and 1983 and found that “117 of 524 women slain by their registered-marriage husbands (22 percent) were separated from them”.

All of these articles show how the idea that every guy has to conform to stereotypical masculinity can be a very dangerous thing. With school shootings, the boys try to overcompensate in showing their masculinity to everyone by killing or hurting innocent people.  Then with the other two articles it shows how some men see women as only sexual objects that are there for their pleasure and their pleasure alone.  It is a very scary and messed up way of thinking and believing that’s how men are supposed to be.

[helen-south]

I agree that each of these articles shed light to a very scary reality that I don’t really think our society really digs deep into realizing how dangerous our gender roles are to us. With gender, we are asked to assume these traits to identify with, but we are only given these very narrow range to identify with given to us by pop culture. Men-masculinity (dominant, violent, strong, assertive). Women-feminine (submissive, emotional, weak, passive). With these types of classifications on what it is to be a man or a woman , we are limiting ourselves to what society tells us we should be which often leads to this unrealistic standard to finding our place within our environment. This I do believe is the cause of all this kinds of violence, we give excuses for the violent behavior of men as being natural and we often blame women for the consequences. It’s an absurd reality that needs to be addressed.

[brookkeeposts-blog]

Repeat Rape & Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists

I chose to read the article Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists. I almost wish I didn’t. The statistics horrified my beyond belief and only further proved how prevalent rape culture is in our society.  The article starts by telling readers that “It is estimated that between 64% and 96% of all rapes are never reported to criminal justice authorities.” (Lisak & Miller pg. 73). This basically is saying that there is no justice for victims because their abusers are rarely brought to justice. (This could also lead to victim blaming and a number of psychological damage left on the victim.) Also, rape is a hard crime to prosecute if there is no evidence. It also could turn into a he said she said type of case, which is not saying good things about our society.

The authors of this article wrote about studies conducted by several professionals (doctors, law enforcers, scientist etc) of men who were convicted of sexual assault crimes. One of the studies results were: those who commit these crimes are often repeat offenders, which is not hard to believe. “…126 identified rapists admitted to 907 paraphilic acts against 882 victims.” (pg. 74) This makes our world scary to live in. Is this why we tell women to walk with keys between their fingers or not to leave their drink unattended? Yes there are sick people in our world, but I would rather believe there is more good than bad. What I took from this particular study was that there was a lesser amount of men who rape. Although these men did rape they committed multiple offences instead of 907 men raping. It is a terrible crime and not even as a feminist – as a woman - I am appalled and disgusted.

The study goes on to differentiate assaults based on stranger and nonstragner rape. Nonstranger rapes are harder to convict because get this – they can claim miscommunication and misunderstand as a defense. On page 74, the authors write, “Consistent with the tendency to view nonstranger rapes as less serious than stranger rapes, it is not uncommon to find discussion of nonstranger rapes referring to “miscommunication” and “misunderstanding” between offender and victim.” I actually highlighted this and wrote “omg sick bastards” next to this. There is no question in my mind that society often excuses these acts. We teach women to cover up and be conservative rather than teach men not to rape. Our society puts men on a pedestal based on their number of sexual partners. The more women a man sleeps with often equates to his masculinity.

As a woman, I do not want to be fearful of men. I don’t want to think my brother is capable of this act. I do not think all men are like this. Not only does it make women fearful of situations, it also makes men look bad. Not all of them are bad but we are taught to use caution when being in situation with an unfamiliar male, weather it be on a date or at a bar, etc.

Also,  speaking of society here are a few wonderful ads depicting rape in our media….

Please tell comment below with your opinions!

[helen-south]

You had plenty of great points to this article, and it too made me feel sick to my stomach. What amazes me is the correlation between how much more likely it is that a rape and sexual abuse occur with a non-stranger than with a stranger; and how less likely it is to be convicted or even reported. One would think that in this type of case, you would want to look much deeper into the events surrounding it, talk to social groups, and dig deeper into the personal aspect of this situation. With a case that involves non-strangers, I would hope that there would be a way to look even more into it and rally try to dig deep to figure out the truth from it, in order to attempt to ensure that it will not happen again and to someone else that this person knows. As for the amount of repeat offenders, it goes to show how there is a disconnect with taking sexual assault claims seriously and even with people feeling secure enough to report such assaults when confronted. 

[helen-south]

Like a Man

“Historically, no industrial society other than the United States has developed such a violent ‘boy culture’.” (Kimmel-Mahler 1450) Violence is clearly a very current issue and pattern we see in our American Society, whether it be adolescents in schools, within marriage, or even with sexual violent acts. In Michael Kimmel and Matthew Mahler’s article Adolescent Masculinity, Homophobia, and Violence, they seem to narrow down where this assertion through violence comes from… “masculinity is the single greatest risk factor in school violence.” (Kimmel-Mahler 1442) As we know, we live in a societies with extreme gender ideologies: men & masculinity; women & femininity. In our pop culture, Eminem is quoted “the lowest degrading thing that you can say to a man… is to call him a ‘faggot’ and try to take away his manhood.” (Kimmel-Mahler 1445) Men in our culture are often portrayed as strong, dominant, not emotional, and assertive. When this is questioned, males “in this culture, when someone questions your manhood, we do not just get mad, we get even.” (Kimmel-Mahler 1451)

With this being said, we can know take a look at just how the gender ideals within our culture can further influence our actions in everyday life beyond school violence. As we know, another current issue we are faced with today concern the rape culture. In David Lisak and Paul Miller’s article Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists, we are faced with many statistics concerning an overwhelming majority of undocumented rapists or even reported rapes. What really caught my attention was their sample of 1,882 men at a mid-sized commuter university with students that are both diverse in age and ethnicity, who after answering questions assessing rape, violence, and abuse (while being discreet), had come up with a majority of undetected rapists with many who were repeat offenders. “Almost two-third of them raped more than once, and a majority also committed other acts of interpersonal violence, such as battery, child physical abuse, and child sexual abuse.” (Lisak-Miller 80) They talk about how typically these instances involve victims within their social networks- “acquaintances” –where they have refrained from violence so that there were no physical injuries present. This made me think of the quote, “Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.” I think this really speaks to the holes within the criminal justice system where “prosecutors are less likely to prosecute” (Lisak-Miller 81) because of the lack of physical evidence and use of a weapon. Because of those two factors, we find ourselves with a case “difficult to prosecute” (Lisak-Miller 81) and turns into a case of ‘my word against yours.’

Another area within our culture where we are faced with violence is marriage. With previous articles, we can clearly see that women are often viewed as sexual property of men, especially with marriage. Margo Wilson and Martin Daly in Till Death Us Do Part speak about violence and homicide with men with their married partners especially when being faced with the possibility of adultery or abandonment. “Men…strive to control women” (Wilson-Daly 339) whether that be through coercion, intimidation, or even murder. They went through a series of cases and found that “at the core of nearly all the cases… the husband responded out of frustration at being unable to control his wife, often accusing her of being a whore or of having an affair.” (Wilson-Daly 340)

I think it is safe to say that we can see a pattern going on, the questioning of masculinity and the assertion of being considered a ‘real man’ socially through violence. It’s not a new concept of men being more physical when getting what they either feel they deserve or what they want; what men want they take. So with this ideology, when it comes down to asserting themselves within their environment and surviving, men are reacting the way that our society insists that they should react by. Our media culture often portrays heroes and manly men that are physically violent, using weapons, and using their environment to get what they want. With this being constantly reinstated, it becomes this ‘norm’ which can be then turned into the actions needed to be taken in order to gain their status in our society.

[brookkeeposts-blog]

Obvious Child

Obvious Child

I had never heard about this movie until I watched it for class. It caught my attention right way with the main character, Donna, doing her crude comedy routine. (which I enjoyed). Donna seems like a strong woman who is very open and honest with a great sense of humor. I think the is a great representation for a modern woman - she talks openly about sex without it being taboo, likes to drink, and is not ashamed of herself. After her boyfriend breakups with her she has a one night stand with a rebound which results in an unplanned pregnancy.

I loved how this movie takes a serious subject such as abortion and adds humor to it. I have always been a huge believer laughter takes the pain away for certain situations. When the doctor tells Donna she is in fact pregnant, Donna screams “Fuck!” and the asks for an abortion. The way she asked for it was how someone would order a sandwich, which reminded me of how I might act in a situation like that. The only time she becomes visibly upset is when she finds out how much the procedure costs.

On the other hand, having an abortion is one of the hardest decisions a woman will ever make in her life. Someone who has gone through that may not have the same feelings about this movie as I do.

I never knew that you could be too early on in the pregnancy for an abortion. That is interesting that Donna had to wait two week in order to get the procedure done, which happened to be on Valentines Day.

I loved the way that her mother handled it when Donna told her that she was pregnant and having an abortion. Her mother tells her the story of how she also had an abortion, but since it was before Roe v. Wade she had an illegal abortion. I think that someone who has been pregnant and did not want to keep it, would find this scene unrealistic. One of my really good friends had an abortion a little over a year ago. She was never the same after she had the procedure. She does not regret doing it because at that time she was not ready to have a child but it still haunts her. She is very sensitive and often cries and gets into very depressing moods if we find out one of our other friends is pregnant and is keeping the child. If she sees a mother with a young child it bothers her. Having an abortion was probably the hardest thing she has ever gone through and I wouldn’t even dream of recommending this movie to her. I am positive that if she saw this she would be a mess because it would bring back terrible memories. She told me that she thinks about it every day and how different her life would have been if she was never got pregnant and had to make the decision to have an abortion.

[helen-south]

I loved the movie as well, and Donna’s way of adding some humor to a serious situation. Although I have not experienced what it is like to have to make a decision like the one Donna makes, abortion is already such a serious topic and when someone is facing that decision it’s never an easy one, so adding in some light-heartedness to her situation I’m sure helped Donna cope with what decision she made. Not everyone has a support system like Donna, but keeping true to yourself and remaining positive is huge for the health of a person’s well-being. 

I also appreciate that you shared your friends personal experience with abortion to bring a more truthful context to the topic. I think that many who don’t understand how serious and how much pressure is on when a decision like this has to be made, often just focus on their own judgments of a person without considering how that person feels. Granted, people do this with all different things but especially people who often harass others outside of clinics and who harass those who work at the clinics. We never know what someone is going through an we should never make assumptions or judgments.

[britthuff13-blog]

Readings and Obvious Child

This week’s readings were very interesting and definitely produced many different emotions from me. Partners as Parents discussed the many legal barriers and unfounded beliefs that many same sex partners face when trying to start their family or raise their child. Something that really stood out to me was the belief that gay parents raising a child would result in a child who would be gay later in life. First off, this implies that being gay is a problem for the child’s welfare. WOW. I have heard this before and it still makes me so mad. Becoming gay is not a death sentence or a disability. There are many awful things that a child can grow up being, and liking the same sex is not one of them. The article also show evidence that this is completely untrue, and yet people still argue this. Another issue that stood out to me was the difficulties that these parents had legally adopting their child. I had never really thought about how this could effect a child receiving the parent’s benefits or that heterosexual parents were given priority for adoption and foster homes. Its ludicrous to me, because all that should matter is that these partners want to be parents. As long as they have the ability to provide support, love, and a safe home then they should not struggle to have a family.

The second reading was Backlash and Continuity, which discussed the topic of abortion and its progression of legality issues that have happened over the last 50 years. Before Roe vs Wade, abortions were illegal and many women had to get “back-alley” abortions, which left women in extremely dangerous situations. Since then there have been many different law changes with restrictions on when and how a women can receive an abortion. The amount of hoops women have to jump through to get an abortion is crude and unfair. While I agree that women need to make informed decisions about what they are doing, getting permission from parents or spouse and long waiting periods are completely restricting a women’s right to make decisions about her own body. Another thing that was brought up was a type of birth control called Norplant, which was a 5 year long hormonal contraceptive that was placed under the skin. What could have been a great way for women who didn’t want children to have a new form of birth control, was quickly turned into a way to control women’s bodies. Legislation came out that proposed having the contraceptive be a condition of parole for women who had been convicted of child abuse or drug possession and pushes to have women on welfare use this contraceptive. Yet there was no legislation that put the same constraints on men. It is incredible to me the length that people will go to control and restrict a women’s right to her own body.

I really liked the movie Obvious Child. It was a really great view from what many women go through every day when faced with an unplanned pregnancy. I love that the character Donna talked about what she was going through with her friends and family, and even at the comedy show. I think for many women they don’t have people to talk to about it, even though it is really something that needs to be talked about. I really appreciate that Max went with Donna to get appointment and supported her through it. While it is very sweet and sentimental, I unfortunately know that many women do not receive support from their partners. I hope that this can be a model for men to act when women are in this position. It may even allow women to be more open to their partners if they believe that they can be supportive through it. Overall, the movie was good, and I hope that it can help people to open up and talk more about abortion in a positive light.

[helen-south]

I really liked your main points when looking into the readings. I also think tht it is absurd that there is this assumption that gay parents will produce homosexual children. I think that there are many naive assumptions that people make in-general when it comes to such topics, rather than look at the facts which are given to us by Gomes in her article. What I also found to be ridiculous was how much the threat of the gender binary in-general being a consideration when it comes to same-sex couples. Why is something that is socially constructed seen as a potential “threat” if questioned? We are not born with these identities yet we have this overwhelming sense of it being a necessary way of survival.  

[julesblog-93-deactivated2016050]

Obvious Child Movie Response

When I started viewing this movie I was on the fence about if I was going to like it or not, but as I continued to watch it I ended up liking it a lot! I personally had never even heard of this movie but when I looked it up I could see that it not only went along with what we talk about in class, but it also reminded me of topics we discuss in my reproductive rights and justice class. This movie is about a Jewish comedian named Donna who goes through a tough time when her boyfriend not only breaks up with her after one of her performances, but also informs her he has been sleeping with one of her good friends. Right away I felt this movie was relatable because watching Donna go through this breakup and dealing with all of her pain and different emotions is something anyone who has been through a tough breakup can understand. I also noticed how she always bashed her friend, Kate, or blamed Kate for their breakup when, even her friend mentions, she did not trick Donna’s boyfriend into sleeping with her; they both knew what they were doing therefore they should both be held accountable for this action. I feel in some situations, at least from what I have witnessed first hand with friends, some girls are quick to blame and bash the girl their significant other is messing around with but in reality they should both be held accountable. If anything maybe the significant other should be held more accountable since they are aware they are in a relationship and sometimes the other person does not know.

           Donna ends up meeting a guy named Max after one of her failed shows, they end up talking at the bar and then they end up having sex. Weeks later Donna realizes she is pregnant and decides to get an abortion. For most of the time leading to the appointment, on Valentine’s day, she is contemplating whether or not to tell Max. One of her friends had also gotten an abortion and tells Donna that she does not need to tell Max because she does not owe him anything and this world is patriarchal enough. While that is true, I was getting frustrated while watching the movie because Donna had so many opportunities to tell him but kept pushing him away. I could tell he was a nice guy and I had a good feeling he would be supportive so I kept yelling to my television “just tell him already”! During one of her acts she tells the crowd how she is pregnant and has decided to get an abortion, she does this knowing Max is in the crowd. He ends up leaving and I was instantly devastated but also had hope thinking he probably was just overwhelmed, and his first time hearing about this is during a comedy act. The day Donna is going for her abortion Max shows up with flowers and asks to go to the clinic with her, I was instantly in awh at this moment because it just showed his maturity and how supportive he was of this decision. After the procedure he stays with her to help take care of her and they watch “Gone With the Wind”, even though Donna mentions it is a long movie Max replies with how they have time. Even though the movie does not say if they end up together or not, I really respected Max as a character because of how he treated Donna before knowing about the pregnancy and after the abortion. After they slept together he kept showing up where she was because he wanted to take her out on a proper date, and after the procedure he stayed by her side to comfort her. It just shows that not all guys act like assholes in this situation and either ignore the girl or do not show up to support them financially or emotionally.

           I enjoyed this movie and thought it did a good job at depicting something that happens to women more frequently than it is discussed, unwanted pregnancies. It goes over how she decides to get the procedure, how the price is a stressful burden, and how sometimes the guy will be there to support this decision. I kept thinking back to my reproductive rights class because our main discussions do revolve around abortion, so to see a positive outcome from this procedure was a nice feeling, even though that is not always the case for other women.

[helen-south]

I enjoyed this movie as well! I also liked how Max was as a character especially to Donna with supporting her and her decision to have an abortion. Max is very respectful to her throughout the movie and wants to get to know her better after the one night stand. I enjoyed that the movie had a light-heartedness to her situations, giving us a very sympathetic feelings toward Donna and what she is going through. The only thing that can be conflicting is that Donna through-out the movie has a good support group, her best friend, Max, her mother, and even her audience but this is not always the case. Many women who decide to get an abortion doesn’t always have this kind of support system. 

[helen-south]

Pro-Rights.

Abortion has been a heavy topic that has often swirled around in the world of politics often narrowed to this dichotomy of pro-life or pro-choice. But what we don’t really see is this idea of women’s right to her own body. We are led to believe that pro-choice is the giving a women the option to have control over her body, but what it does not tell you is the fact that a women’s body is still politically not her own within this category. There are many restrictions that still come out of this idea of pro-choice. In Backlash and Continuity, Rachel Roth talks about how “the law has typically regarded women’s bodies as men’s property.” (Roth 344) Roth gives us a timeline view of reproductive rights of women through-out time, beginning with the huge achievement that came from Roe v. Wade, granting women the authority to decide whether to carry a pregnancy to term. Even with this success, we still see an area of grey with reproductive control over women. We still find ourselves being questioned on our reproductive rights over the fetus’s right, as if as a women we are just vessels for life, but not considered humans.

A couple things that really disturbed me with Roth’s history of reproductive rights is the history of sterilization. Roth informs us, “the eugenics movement succeeded in institutionalizing and sterilizing masses of “unfit” persons, ranging from developmentally disabled individuals to sexually promiscuous women…the legacy of sterilization abuse continued…shifting primarily to African American, Native American, and Puerto Rican women.” (Roth 347) This overwhelming fact that white privilege is clearly being presented to us. We are all human beings, with just different physical traits that are completely shallow, yet we allow shallow minded-ness cloud our judgement which lead to such despicable actions over specific groups of people. Similarly with the 5 year hormonal contraceptive Norplant, that is surgically implanted under a woman’s skin. The Norplant program, Roth explains through the words of the programs champion Senator Ehlers, was “developed strictly on the standpoint of rights—every child has a right to be born normally.” What this doesn’t allow is a women’s right to her own fertility. Norplant was often surgically implanted into women because of their history. Roth also shares with us, “legislatures quickly entertained measures to give AFDC recipients cash bonuses for using Norplant or to make it a condition of receiving benefits…” (Roth 348) Instead of giving women the option, they used it as a way to corner a women into getting the implant through the choice of offering or taking away benefits/cash bonuses. I highly doubt that if men were the ones to carry pregnancies these issues with reproductive rights would not be an issue and would certainly not have such a fight with fertility rights.

Aside from reproductive rights, there is a whole different issue within the same subject. Homosexual partners and their rights to marriage, a family, and equality within society. I recently read an article on what it means to get married. The overwhelming fact that was clear is that marriage is based on love. When two people are in love, they get married. With Partners as Parents, Charlene Gomes discusses homosexual partners and their rights of marriage and to be parents. Gomes points out, “privileges enjoyed by heterosexual married couples but denied to gay parents include legal recognition of the parent-child relationship for children born during the relationship; recognition of parental status under the Family and Medical Leave Act; access to child support when the parental relationship ends; the right to petition for visitation and custody after the dissolution of a relationship; and adoption and fostering parenting.” (Gomes 409) These privileges are huge when it comes to legality rights as a couple and as a family. To fight a couple who want to get married and raise a family simply because they do not fit in this cookie cutter ideal of what it means to be a couple politically.

What’s tragic to learn is that if you are a homosexual couple trying to start a family, it is much more difficult for you to adopt or even to have access to a surrogate within many states with the argument on whether or not a same-sex couple is fit for a child and the debate on biological parents having custody over the adoptive parents. A very interesting fact that Gomes points out in her article is that “because heterosexual couples are often preferred placements for adoptive children, many gay and lesbian couples willingly adopt (children with physical or mental disabilities).” (Gomes 410) Gomes then brings up the argument of same-sex couples being considered unfit to parent yet they are usually the ones who adopt the children that need the most care. A huge concern comes from this idea that same-sex couples raising children gender-confused children or even raising children causing children to “become” gay. We are faced with this heterosexual ideal that our culture upholds as being the “norm” and also this fear that the gendered structure our society upholds will be threatened because of same-sex couples. This dominant ideology of gender, gender hierarchy, gender roles and gendered ideals are threatened when we think of homosexual couples having the same rights as heterosexual couples, but what our society doesn’t choose to see, is how this gendered ideology we live in is a way to classify people and keeping people casted in a lower classified category from others. The whole gendered system and dominant culture we live in victimizes groups of people, stripping them of their rights.

…

On a different note, I absolutely loved the film Obvious Child. I enjoyed how open she was about her sexuality as a sexual women, revealing many of her own personal problems with her current boyfriend and discussing even their intimacy issues. You do not find women who are open with talking about who they are sexually and how they are with their significant others especially in front of a room of strangers. Aside from this you see a very realistic view when she finds out she has been lied to and cheated on by her boyfriend and her supposedly best friend. After a drunken one night stand, Donna finds herself pregnant and decides to get an abortion. Donna is very sure of herself when making the decision although it is quick. I loved how supportive her mother was when Donna tells her that she is pregnant and is going to get an abortion. Her mother is not only supportive but she also shares her experience with getting an abortion after becoming pregnant with her college boyfriend, which had to be done by “back-alley” abortion because of it being illegal during the 60’s; but assuring her daughter that it was the best decision of her life. Another thing I love about Donna was that when it came to talking about herself and her decision to get an abortion, she spoke about it very personably while keeping the positive attitude and shedding some comedy to it. Not to say that abortion is not a serious matter because it most certainly is an extremely serious matter to be considered. But a women should have the right to her own fertility/body and should not have to feel ashamed for the decision she feels she must need to make. There are many reasons as to why a women would feel she wants an abortion and to take that right away is simply an injustice. Another thing to note, the guy Max who is the father is supportive for her during this serious matter. He is informed during Donna’s stand-up comedy act, to which he leaves during, but when it comes to Valentine’s Day (the day of the abortion), he shows up to support her and then takes care of her afterward.

[brookkeeposts-blog]

Week 10

Hooking Up: Sex in Guyland

I love this article! I found it to be so interesting and a really easy read. Right off the bat, when I read the section about Willard Waller describing the “rating system” in the 1930s I had to reread it because I thought I misread the date. Everything that Waller described still exists today. In the 1930s men that were classified as “Class A” dating material were those who “…have a copious supply of spending money, be well-dressed, be “smooth in manners and appearance…and have access to an automobile.” (Kimmel pg. 193) What is described here is just class privilege. Nothing about how these men treat their fellow classmates or women is said, or if they are ambitious, smart, caring, or kind determines if they are high on the ranking system. These attributes are still valued today (the ones mentioned by the author not me) Today it is called “swag.” Having a car, style, and money are what our culture values and teaches us is more important than having humbling characteristics. And the guys with “swag” or in the “Class A” categories are the ones who are engaging in sexual activity.

Maybe I am wrong or way off but, because I am a huge feminist and have read a lot about this subject, that could be contributing to our rape culture and sexual assault problems on campuses all around the country.  These type of people know they are valued and that women want to date or hook up with them.  They  could feel entitled to getting anything (including whoever) they want. Often times, those brought up in higher income backgrounds get whatever they want without working for it. Things are just handed to them. So this idea of getting whatever you want and taking whatever you want seems to have a blurry line that is often crossed without realization. I absolutely do not think all men are rapists or pigs but if the notion of always getting what you want or getting something handed to you would not be any different if after a few drinks they see a girl at a party they want too. Mix privilege, drugs and alcohol, and a location such as a college campus without any adult supervision and you might have a recipe for disaster.

The section, “Hooking Up and Relationships: “The Talk” is all too familiar to me. This section talks about how it is often the women who want to get to a deeper level such as a relationship and not just a causal hook up. The women are the ones who often ask “So where do we stand” or “what are we doing.” It seemed that every male the author talked to was relationship phobic and only wanted to hook up instead of being committed to a female. Also, it made it seem like females only want a relationship and have no other desires. She would have sex but only if there was a promise of a future relationship with the male. I have absolutely experienced this, but I feel as though I can always tell if a guy just wants to hook up or likes me. Usually it is obvious, but not always. However, there is nothing wrong if both parties want just to be involved sexually, but when feelings get involved then it gets difficult. Once feelings become involved then the person (usually the male) has the power and it turns into a type of patriarchal relationship.

——-

POLYAMOROUS WOMEN, SEXUAL SUBJECTIVITY AND POWER

This was also a very interesting article to read. Polyamory is described by the author as “a form of relationship which people have multiple romantic. sexual, and/or affective partners.” (Sheff pg.252) One of the great things about a women having a polyamorous relationship is that she breaks away from the traditional views of a female. Society often expects women to be pure and innocent, now by a woman being polyamorous, she has the ability to express herself sexually without any inhibitions. This could come from a “wanting more” theory discussed on page 259.

On page 259, the author describes a 36 year old white woman who who had a good career as a magazine editor and was a mother of three. She rejected the role of monogamy because she felt she wanted more. Multiple women go on to explain their reasons for choosing to reject the idea of a monogamous marriage as well. ““Wanting more” involved not only pursuing higher levels of education but also rejecting a form of sexuality and family that was not working for her and forging a polyamorous alternative.” I cannot help but think of Betty Friedan’s the Feminist Mystique. Women are all too often forced into the role of a mother which is great, some women love being mothers. However, what often happens is that these women no longer can put time and effort into climbing the corporate latter and their careers suffer, or they take jobs such as part time or teachers because that works best with raising a family. Meanwhile their husbands get to go to work every day and succeed in a career they love. Now this is only for the women who can afford to stay at home or work limited hours so they can be with their children. Women who are forced to work full time do not even have the luxury of wanting more (career or education wise) because they are working to survive.

By rejecting the idea of not having a family and being polyamorous allows women to focus on higher education, furthering their careers, and even exploring their sexuality.

[helen-south]

Although I have never really experienced the hook up experience, I find it very interesting when it comes to the differences between what they expect from the guys and differently from the girls. Especially when it comes to what makes someone valuable in that type of dynamic. There are many expectations of each sex when it comes to hooking up but yet like you said their still seems to be this male power influence even in hooking up. On the other hand, when it came to the polyamorous women, they felt like they had a lot more influence and power in their relationships. But what I liked most about it was that many of these women did in fact had families and yet they still managed to find their own way of exploring more of themselves and still maintaining their current life.

[truisrns]

November 10

As the phenomenon of hook up culture rises to monopolize the social and sexual landscape of relationships among young adults, questions of sex, gender, and power come to the forefront of public consciousness. Because unapologetic sexuality is considered a male quality, hook up culture forces analysis of gendered distribution of power in sexual relationships. In other words, does hook up culture exploit women as reluctant participants in a male dominated practice? Or does hook up culture allow women to explore their sexual autonomy outside of the culturally designated roles for women that are perpetuated within traditional heteronormative relationships? And more importantly, what does hook up culture mean for the future of marriage, romantic love, and the family?

Keep reading

[helen-south]

I agree with you on how women are stuck in a double standard when it comes to exploring their sexuality. The Madonna-Whore complex still very much exists. It’s interesting that Kimmel speaks about how this new hook-up culture basically places women between a rock and a hard place. They can either explore themselves sexually or avoid exploring themselves sexually with the threat of being judged either way. I think in-general people should have a right to sexually explore themselves without feeling constrained by social ideals which limit us in an unnatural way. 

[dawnoftoday-blog]

Hooking up & Polyamory

The two articles I would like to compare and contrast are Polyamorous women, Sexual subjectivity and Power by Elisabeth Sheff and Hooking up by: Sex in Guyland by Kimmel. Both articles are exploring the unknown activities of people who are either choosing to hook up or engage in a taboo type of relationship. Hooking up was once a taboo itself but has become a phenomenon. Michigan Sociologist Willard Waller explains how the process of what he calls “rating”-“dating”-“mating” has died and we are left with a series of hooks up that leave men unprepared for real relationships later in life. Although this article is written with men in mind, it tells the reader a lot about how women are consider (or not considering) during the hook up process. Waller says that in order for a woman to get rated well, and get dates “Her datability, though, no longer depends simply on social attributes. To be sure women have to be pretty and sociable but according to recent survey they also have to be sexy, and accomplished, and ambitious, and athletic and not to show that they are expending any energy at all.” To be effortlessly perfect is how you will gain attention from men. However when you accomplish this and do hook up, it ruins their reputation whereas for men it improves theirs. This is probably why women with multiple partners feel the need to justify their life choices. “Polyamorous women reject the power dynamic embedded in the persistent sexual double standard that continues to limit women’s sexual choices and stigmatize those who refrain from living by its mandates.” To me this sounds like hooking up is the first step to rejecting the double standard and could be the gateway to polyamory. The main difference in the two acts is that hooking up comes with the assumption that there will be no future commitment, whereas polyamory is a commitment to multiple partners.

Both of these concepts seem to making those who conform to typical dating or monogamous relationships uncomfortable. The taboo surrounding these topics prove that the world is skeptical of anything that isn’t the norm. By breaking these norms and talking about different types of relationships be they casual or committed, opens doors to understanding and therefore less ignorance.

I also wanted to say how awkward it was reading Hooking up, because to me if felt like my mom going around interviewing “teens” about this mysterious behavior. It didn’t feel as if the author was willing to connect by rather study them like they were another species that needed to be poked and prodded. I think this also speaks to how other generations relate to new concepts surround sex.

[helen-south]

I agree with you with being more open to many different kinds of sexual relationships. I think that people are too quick to judge something they don’t understand or believe the be socially unacceptable. When I read the part in Hooking Up, where they described the perfect women as being sexy, ambitious, accomplished, and athletic all the while appearing it to be effortless is absolutely unrealistic. Granted I’m sure there are women who can do this but realistically these are all time-consuming things that can be very exhausting as well. I think it also speaks to what advertisements portray as this ideal woman as well. One thing that stood out to me from both of these articles was this concept of power and sexuality. With hooking up, their research showed that men have a disadvantage in “real relationships later on in life” and with the polyamorous women, they often felt in more control and power in their relationships. I think it would benefit our society as a whole to being more open to different kinds of relationships and allowing people to sexually explore themselves without this constant pressure of social norms!

[helen-south]

The Internet is for Porn.

Just like the very infamous song from Avenue Q “The Internet is for Porn,” over 30% of all internet data being transferred is porn. 70% of men watch porn, 30% of women watch porn, and the numbers keep increasing. Many mainstream porn sites offer a wide variety of porn with many different themes and fantasies. But looking closely to one of the more popular mainstream porn sites, we can look critically into many of the different themes that are prevalent.

I decided to look at the porn site xnxx.com. Right away, within the first three videos on the main page there is a video with the title “Anally devirginized without Consent” and the video has an image of a girl with tears in her eyes, her mouth being covered. There is this huge issue with rape culture and the question of consent, especially in the adult industry.

There seems to be three main themes when it comes to heterosexual porn:

           “1. All women want sex from men.

            2. Women like all the sexual acts that men perform or demand.

            3. Any woman who does not at first realize her sexual desire for sex                   can be easily persuaded with a little force.” (Aulette-Wittner 127-128)

Generally most of the videos featured on the main page are geared toward heterosexual themed and 7 out of 60 of them were interracial, the majority featured white couples. The couples featured in the videos were typically young, fit, and able-bodied. There was one video that involved an older couple having sex with a young girl named “OldCoupleFuckTeen- Fix This Fuck That,” and then there was one video that involved two sets of twin girls having sex with each other which was named “double the twins, double the fun.”

There is a whole section where you can dive into the many other themes that are offered, and it seems to be limitless to the things you can find. No matter what you are looking for, the women in porn can be portrayed as completely submissive to the male, reinstating this male dominated culture with the portrayal that they are in fact the ones who have the power. The names of the videos often refer the women with a very negative language, often being referred to as whores, sluts, slutty, or a freak.

There is also this reinstatement of heterosexuality over homosexuality which is clear when there is only one video concerning women having sex with other women, and there were no videos that featured two men having sex.

With these free mainstream porn sites, they do offer many different options and kinds of porn to watch, but they advertise this overwhelming cultural standards of today. Many of the porn directs your attention to straightness, whiteness, ablebodiedness, and generally being sold to a male audience. Of course, this is not to say that women would not be interested in watching some of these videos, but you get a sense that they are really looking towards more of a male audience.

[reasonablemongoose]

Has it occurred to you that they may be… acting?

[helen-south]

Many of them could be acting but there are facts and statements from actual porn stars who talked about experiences where they didn’t have much of a choice when participating in certain themed videos and who were often threatened. But even if they are acting, it doesn’t justify the oppressiveness of the material. There are some videos too where the man is being very forceful, there’s a fine line between dominating and abuse.

[britthuff13-blog]

Themes and Patterns in Porn

For many, porn was their introduction course to sex. They learned how to have sex, what kinds of sex are normal, and how to be good at having sex or being sexy. That being said, the most popular pornography sites had very similar themes and patterns that may help people build up what they believe sex should look like. Based off looking at popular porn sites, such as pornhub, youporn, and other popular porn websites I noticed some very prominent themes and patterns.

1. How the bodies looked

Almost every single woman in the videos were completely bare of bodily hair, and most men. Almost none of the people featured were overweight.Men are usually circumcised and are usually well endowed.No one in the videos had any deformities or were disabled in anyway, and almost all of them were young.

These themes can give someone the wrong impression about what is sexy or who people who enjoy sex may look. If they feel like they don’t fit into the image they may have negative feelings about sex and themselves.

2. Whose on top/bottom

Almost every single time the man was on top and women was submissive. Men controlled exactly what happened during sex, almost every single move.

This can cause women to think that they have no say or that their job is to only focus on their partner’s satisfaction during sex.

3. What was featured on main page/ads

Gay sex between men was not featured on main page at any of the sites I looked at. Almost all featured porn was with white porn stars with a male and female or two females. 

This can also give the impression that only heterosexual sex between white partners or sex between two women is accepted, while other sexual preferences are hidden away.

4. The actual sex

Mostly fast paced, penetrative intercourse, with almost no romantic/loving sex. Almost absolutely no kissing. Women were in degrading positions a lot of the time, and when the men spoke to the women it was often to degrade them further. 

This can cause people to have unrealistic expectations about what kind of sex they like, and may cause people to not view sex as a loving or spiritual act that many people do experience. It also may have women under the impression that these degrading positions and words are completely normal and okay in any situation. 

There were many other themes and patterns present, but the main issue with these websites is they primarily represent one kind of porn. This can lead people to believe that anything that deviates from this sex is different. For instance if there was a porn video with a heavy set women or an older person or even anyone who wasn’t white, it was portrayed as a fetish. I feel like this kind of belief about who sex involves can make some people feel like it is not normal or ideal. It also gives the impression that for the most part, sex is for the male to enjoy and for the female to just be a part of. This I believe can cause many women to not even enjoy sex, because the whole experience is based off getting the man off.

I am not saying that all porn is like this, only that the ones represented in the ads and on main webpage featured these things. If you search, you most definitely can find porn that is different than these things. But the point is that you have to look for it, it doesn’t just appear on the main page. And if people never look elsewhere, they may believe that this is the only representation of what sex is.

[helen-south]

I liked that you looked into more than one site for your research before blogging about it. I think that it helps truly show the very core themes many of these mainstream porn sites uphold. I also noticed these types of themes on a site that I am familiar with. There is this huge theme of able-bodiedness, typically the cliche thin and flawless girls. There really is no representation of any disabled persons. Another huge theme that I noticed was in fact the heterosexual theme. Most videos are displayed with a picture of a women being exposed, with a very offensive title to represent the woman, and then again most videos do in fact have the woman as the submissive one. Much of the time, the man has control over her body, twisting and turning her body in many unnatural ways. This makes me question whether or not the pleasure is truly intended for the woman or if its soley for the man despite the woman going along with it.