TMA Women Ranked By Wifeability
[Note: This post is made by a lesbian, for fellow wlw, and is meant as respectfully as possible. Men (even GBT men) please do not interact.]
[Spoilers up to MAG 160.]
Sasha: Smart and friendly with loads of common sense, Sasha would be great wife material. Points off for being too easy to kill. Rank: 7/10, doing her best.
Not!Sasha: Points for gender fluidity (well, everything fluidity I guess), patience, and overall spookiness. On the other hand, she did kill our beloved Sasha. Rank: 3/10, too likely to be confused with exterior piping.
Melanie: What’s not to love about a woman with a knife? Points for determination, self awareness, and the sexiest goddamn voice in the world. Rank: 10/10, if Georgie doesn’t marry her then I will.
Georgie: A supernaturally fearless bicon with firm boundaries who uses men for Hungarian food? Sign me up. Rank: 9/10, unfortunately only has one cat.
Basira: This woman is a stone cold badass with intelligence and competence for days, even if it does come at the expense of her emotional availability. Rank: 8/10, I love u but please go to therapy.
Daisy: Hunt ties + post-Buried tenderness + gorgeous accent = the most wifeable werewolf ever to grace this earth. Points off for police brutality though, that’s not cool. Rank: 8/10, wifewolf.
Jude: Hot in every sense of the word, and loyal to boot. However, points must be taken off for sheer evilness, and for being associated with the silliest cult in the world. Rank: 5/10, would melt any wedding ring you try to put on her.
Agnes: She didn’t ask to be the Desolation’s chosen one, but if you’re lucky enough you can be her chosen one. Not very assertive though. Rank: 6/10, be ready to deal with constant “idk where do you want to eat”.
Manuela: Mad space scientist trying to plunge the world into darkness is a really sexy vibe tbh. Points off for being associated with the second silliest cult in the world. Rank: 6/10, can’t see flaws if it’s too dark to see anything.
Julia: Could have been wife material if she didn’t miss the mark in so many ways. Points off for moving to America (ew), being mean to Gerry, and not realizing that she’s literally one of the things that she hunts. Rank: 1/10, probably smells like wet dog.
Nikola: Pros: friendly, great dancer, and immaculate skincare game. Cons: evil, doesn’t actually have a Russian accent. Rank: 4/10, plastic is not very huggable.
Mary: The fact that she’s conniving and power-hungry is very sexy, but I question her ability to be in a long-term relationship without getting bored and murdering her partner. Plus, she made Gerry’s life hell. Rank: 4/10, may trap your soul in a book.
Gertrude: Knows exactly what she’s doing and does not give a single fuck. Probably has a bangin’ fashion sense, and I admire her determination to stay human. Rank: 11/10, might sacrifice you to an eldritch entity but it’d be worth it.
Annabelle: With this sweet spider wife pulling the strings, you would never want for anything. She’d meet your needs before you even knew what they were. Plus, who doesn’t love a gal in vintage clothes? Rank: 12/10, just don’t roll up any newspapers.
Helen: Confident, resourceful, and basically her own TARDIS at this point, Helen has got her shit together. Extra points for having the sexiest laugh in the universe. Rank: 16/10, will drive you crazy ;)
Conclusion: TMA is wife city.
[Reminder: men do not interact.]
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