[qualidude]

what a great hobby 😌

[gaypussyretard]

[funnytwittertweets]

[malcolm-f-tucker]

I wish people would stop saying “It’s July. Well done for wasting half a year.” Did you make someone smile in the past six months? Did you stroke a cat or throw a stick for a dog? Did you learn a new fact or teach someone a new joke? Did you laugh, cry, scream or sing in the past six months? Because if so, congratulations for not wasting your time at all.

[luftblumen-deactivated20150807]

I really needed this

[theradicalace]

I’m bringing this back for December to remind everyone.

You did not waste your year.

If you made it this far, that’s already not wasting your year.

You made it through the year, you laughed, you cried, you smiled, you saw the sun and felt the rain, and most importantly, you’re still here.

You did not waste your year.

You mad it this far, and I’m proud of you.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Bringing this back for 2020 to tell you:

DUDE.

YOU SURVIVED A MOTHERFUCKING 

PANDEMIC.

You lived through what is, and I’m not exaggerating, a fucking apocalyptic event.  DURING a major political crisis to boot! This year, still having a pulse is a major accomplishment, and I’m so glad you’re here.

[chrissongzzz]

girls be actin freaky at the wrong time u at the drive thru and u ask her want she want and she's like "you😛" bitch there's 3 cars behind us

[serenata-your-neighborhood-lefty]

[powerfulwizard]

[soapulp-deactivated20200310]

not evil anymore i want to be loved now

[soapulp-deactivated20200310]

evil again

[taylortut]

y’all know that john mulaney quote “the things crazy people say mean nothing to them but everything to me?”

every time i hear that quote, i think about how i got this light-up pen

[taylortut]

i got this pen four years ago when i was working as a barista at starbucks. I was on the registers and taking the order of this woman, who ordered a nonfat latte, because she was “watching her weight”

so this guy behind her, whom no one was talking to, for some fucking reason says “wathing your weight? but what about the wait for your watch?“ (which is a completely unhinged response. like just complete Mad Hatter nonsense)

anyway this lady gets really uncomfortable and of the five people (me, him, her, the other checker, and the customer at the other register) who were now sucked into the uncomfortable silence, i decided that i should alleviate the tension by saying “you can’t wait for a watch; you don’t have the time”

and then he said “oh, quick girl!”, gave me that pen, got out of line, and left without ordering anything 

[patron-saint-of-smart-asses-dea]

You pleased a mad fae trickster

[urbanfantasyinspiration]

You probably saved everyone in that coffe shop from a terrible yet whimsical death

[bunsen-deactivated20150516]

[estelles-remade-deactivated2018]

i want to exist only at night when everything is calm

[intensional]

failure IS an option and it’s the option i’m choosing. good night.

[meladoodle]

hope this isnt too nsfw for you guys but id really like to hold a hand

[weltenwellen]

Cheryl Strayed, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar

[solitairians]

uncle iroh will look at anyone who’s troubled and say “maybe you should drink some tea and eat some noodles and then you’ll feel better” and he’s right every single time

[clitwestwood]

[catchymemes]

This man knows how to sell a car

[lezberonincheese]

This makes me miss my Corolla 😭