Wow, I can’t believe it’s actually been a whole year since I wrote that last “My Therapy” post. I guess there’s just something idk different around this time of the year. Honestly, reading the last post, it makes me feel like the problems I had then is pretty much the same as now. Reading the accomplishments was and is something I’m still proud of too. It’s pretty funny actually, since if I didn’t write the last post. I think this current post would have been very similar. I’d write my accomplishments to make me feel a bit better about myself and then write about what I need to do next.
A solution that I always give to people when they’re stressed or sad is to just not dwell on it, think of solutions, and try to move forward by following those solutions. Maybe, it’s not the best advice sometimes, since I’m currently feeling anxious and thinking of solutions doesn’t seem to make my anxiety go away. My heart feels really heavy, I have a bunch of worries right now, and it just feels hard. The thing is though, that advice is pretty much the best advice that I know how to give. Since, truthfully, I’m typically not stressed or anxious or sad too often. So when a person is typically alright or happy, then it becomes more difficult to relate to someone that’s struggling. I guess if I had to give advice to myself to comfort someone in the future, then I really gotta think about what would I want to hear right now. I think if I did hear solutions to my problems, then it’ll help me a bit more knowing things can be solved, and my problems are temporary. It would also be nice to be able to talk to someone and vent and just get all the emotions out. It definitely is not good to keep things in. I guess that’s why I’m writing this here to just emotionally vent and hopefully feel better.
I’m really proud of myself for all that I accomplished at my age. I guess I feel that every year that I grow older, the accomplishments become worth a bit less, and expectations just continue to exist. I guess expectations will always exist. Whether you’re 25, 30, 35, 40, 50. There’s set expectations or goals that society or yourself expects. But I guess I should still try my best to appreciate where I’m at and keep striving to be better.
There’s a lot of things that I’m worried about right now. I’m worried about Feng Cha in the future. Business is doing okay, but my manager seems to be getting complacent. I’m worried what would happen if he does quit one day and I’m desperately trying to get more employees, but it seems hard right now. It used to be so easy to find employees... I think I’d feel like worried once we hire 2 more employees and hopefully some interested franchisees will manage to find a good location.
My girlfriend woes. Her period is far over a month late. Oct 6 --> November 21st. That’s over a month and 2 weeks. I’ll only feel more relaxed once if I find out if she’s not pregant. It’s not that I don’t see her in my future or don’t want a kid with her. But I’m not at the point in my life where I can support a kid. I’m still struggling to support myself here and I’m not ready for responsibilities like that. I’m not sure how she feels about a kid, but she is the woman that I love. I don’t want to force her to get an abortion or anything. I just can’t imagine the stress of trying to raise a child would be like. I’m just not ready yet. I’m not even ready to get married yet. I think that maybe 5-6 years from now, when I’m hopefully more financially secure, then that’ll be fine. I guess if I had to imagine worst case scenario, then she is pregnant, and she wants to keep the kid. I’m sure my parents and her parents would try to take care of the kid. But the problem is, I’m not ready. I’m still a lazy young fuck and not as mature as I should be to be a dad. I truly do believe that I will be a good dad in the future. But I am far from that right now, since I’m still busy working on myself. Michelle is still working on herself too. If I think about the dad that I want to be. I want to be present. I want to be able to teach my kid to not be a picky eater. I want to be a good role model that my kid can learn from. I want to be financially stable to give him the life that I want my kid to have. I want my kid to be able to learn music, learn art, learn any sport they want, pursue whatever life career choice they want, and just be happy. I don’t want to be in a bad place in my life that I feel forced to push my kid towards a certain direction, so that they can provide for me or because I don’t have it. “It” sounds vague, but I guess I’m refer to sucess. I know deep down that money does not always equal happiness. But it gives you security to worry about other things in life. But I do admit that lots of problems does go away, if you do have money. It sucks that the world is a bit like that, but it is how it is. I accepted that and I feel like I’m a slave to money. I just hope that my kid one day won’t be like that. I’m not saying that I don’t want my kid to be wealthy. But I just want my kid to be able to pursue whatever they want. If they want to be a starving artist or a poor teacher or whatever, then they’re at least pursuing their dreams. I’m sure any choice comes with hardships even careers with a lot of money potential (entrepeneur) does. But I just felt like when I was younger, I never really had a choice in someways. I never got to life truly free, being able to make the decisions that I personally want to make. I do have a lot of autonomy and I have been able to live the way I want to live decently as of right now. But there’s lots of people that count on me. I guess as you get older, you start to shoulder more and more responsiblitiles. Whether it’s from your friends, family, lovers, coworkers, or just from yourself. I guess that’s the hard part about being an adult. You’re able to make more decisions for yourself compared to when you’re younger, but you also shoulder the responsibilities of those decisions, since there’s a lot of people that count on you/rely on you. Sometimes I think that in a different life, I could just drop everything and just move somewhere like Thailand, and just live a stressfree life by myself full degen. I know deep down that’s just a cop out from not being able to succeed though. In reality, I just wish my current lifestyle would just be successful. I kinda dragged this on a lot that the next paragraphs don’t make as much sense, since I went back to this after writing the following. But this is just to vent my feelings anyways.
Finances. We’re not doing terrible in terms of finances, but we’re not doing great. I’m trying to get an ecommerce brand up and running to hopefully generate some income. I tend to dream big, but god damn do I wish this could be really successful. I’m trying hard to get new ways of passive income like maybe teaching Kelvin to refund and collecting a small royalty %. I’m also trying to get good at day trading, so that hopefully I can be financially stable through that. If I can get really really good, then maybe I could consistently be making $1k+ days. If I could one day get to that level, then fk I’d be set. If I could somehow monotize and create my own course/signal group, then damn that would be great. I just need more sources of income. I just want enough money to be able to support myself, support my family, and support my friends/loved ones in general.
I guess to sum up my worries, then I’m worried about finances, relationships, and just my career in general. I guess that’s almost every aspect of life besides health. I just feel stagnant in terms of career (Feng Cha progress). I’m worried about my finances, but it does seem like it has potential to get better. I just need to put in more work. I will put in more work starting tomorrow. As for my relationship, it could be solved with a simple test. I’m just worried the test could really change things if the results aren’t what I want it to be. I do feel a bit better venting all my stress out on here. It’s a lot better than just kind of ignroing it, feeling anxious, and never addressing the issues. Writing has always been theraputic to me. I guess as an only child and someone that’s typically alone, then this blog is kind of like the only person I can talk to. Toxic masculinity is real. I feel like I have to portray a strong front to everyone. Yes, I can be vulnerable at times. But I put on a strong front most of the time, since I don’t want other people to worry. I try to lead as a rolemodel as best I can, since if I’m worried/stress, then other people like my parents or girlfriend would be. But now that I think about it. It’s hard man carrying all that by myself. Maybe I should try to be more vulnerable with my girlfriend. I should call her tomorrow and try to have a heart to heart after the pregnancy scare situation is sorted out. I should talk about how I feel a bit worried sometimes about Feng Cha. I have two interested franchisees, but they can’t sem to find a location. I can’t seem to find a location, and I’m worried about things being stagnant. Everyone, my manager, corporate, and myself needs progress. It gets harder for me to just be sitting still and I can see that from my employees as well. How anxious is it, investing in something, and there doesn’t seem to be any results? I don’t blame anyone for feeling anxious, complacent, or just stressed. I guess I’ve been going off and off about all my concerns, and I do feel a bit better. Let’s do the typical Theo thing and condense stuff to a todo list of solutions.
Solutions:
- Figure out pregnancy scare situation.
- Do a late night call, stop shouldering all your burdens by yourself. Be vulnerable with your gf, tell her ur worries about Feng Cha or life in general.
- Study up more on stocks. Get better, try to create another good source of income off this.
- Try to nag dad to location search more. We need to find results. Can’t keep being stagnant.
- Continue working on ecommerce.
- Repost job listing. NEED TO FIND MORE PEOPLE.
I know these solutions are just stuff that I typically do or would do regardless. I guess I have it kinda ingrained in myself that I gotta always fix things. But I have a fairly complacent mindset lately, since things been not too stressful. Although, those things are what I would do. I have to do things with a different mindset. A bit ot positive stress never hurts. I should study up stocks with more urgency, so that I really push myself to be better. I should stop shouldering all the burdens, before I do a periodic breakdown every year around this time. I should continue to nag my dad. I should continue to work on ecom + stocks, so I have more revenue streams. I need to be able to grow one of them to be a back up, incase everything fails one day. That’s my current goal. Feng Cha, I want to progress it, but there doesn’t seem to be too much that I can do right now. It needs to progress by investers finding a location and I can gain passive income through them.
Fully optistimic end goals:
- GF not pregant and me able to be more vulnerable with her
- Get insane at stocks and able to generate $500-1k+ days off day trading
- Ecom brand starts to pop off, hopefully will be able to exit it one day for a decent sum of money.
- Feng Cha 2nd location found, interested franchisees also find location. Will have passive income from royalty and franchisee fees from them.
- Truly financial independence, most likely being able to do $2k days off stocks on the regular, and hopefully amass a fanbase. How do I get popular as a trader though? Research this, once actually good.
Now that I have these goals. Time to execute with some more intention.
