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Happy late birthday because I assume you were born yesterday

There will never be another character like Blackwall Dragon Age. He's a Grey Warden. The first time you meet him, he saves you from being kirked. He's an idealist. He's a romantic. He's a war hero and a protector and a knight in shining armor. He's a liar and a bullshitter and a coward. He's a family man. He's traumatized by his family's tragedy and his own failures. He's a sports fan. He hates nobles. He's trying to impress nobles. His best friend is a lesbian half his age. He made a suicide pact with his coworker. He's a fuckboy. He genuinely likes women. He helps his friends get laid. He makes toys for children in his free time. He's a child murderer. He always lies about who he is. He always tells the truth about who he is. He gets psychoanalyzed by Varric without either of them realizing it. He fucks so loud it scares the horses. He idolizes courtly love. He's not a Grey Warden. He's every Grey Warden that ever walked on Thedas.

What monkey considers business, horse considers play. But to Mark, it's all iplier.

Me when I’m a juvenile dog enjoying a soft boiled egg, a high protein, high fat, palatable and easy to digest snack well suited to the physiological needs of a rapidly growing canine.

I swear on your life that if you do not wish itto a happy birthday

I broke out of prison using a kidney stone protruding from my urethra to slash a guard’s neck

“a little bird told me” you say? interesting because a massive entity told me otherwise

"what time is it?" you ask, i pull out my 2.7 metric ton granite sundial and immediately crush both your feet, i loudly announce "its cloudy"

Count dracula? Um okay one

I load into a new zone. A friendly npc approaches, "welcome to our town ! my apologies for the mess we’ve been having some troubles as of late, could you adventurers please help u–" but I cut him off. I yell "YO DO YALL GOT TRIPLE TRIAD HERE ??"

zenos literally flew dragonstyle to the edge of the universe just so he could push the warrior of light on the swingset

went into dominoes and said "pizza pizza" they shot me in the chest with a rifle

bro your brave and loyal knight just fucking bit me

If you like selfcest go fuck yourself

why are they called capybaras and not guinea bigs

Jesus could have turned that water into Baja Blast, but he didn’t because you masturbate

do you ever think about the fact that akiyama's voice actor does a perfect imitation of the signature donald duck voice

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