everything has changed. even me. i try and convince myself it’s for good reasons and that im doing my best but when im being honest i have to admit that i could be doing better.
i’ve stopped smoking but the periodic binge drinking hasn’t stopped. and i know im drowning in my sorrows yet i can’t seem to correct my behavior.
i know my temple deserves more. i know my world deserves the absolute best of me but i still find myself searching for the end of the bottle.
mind you, this isn’t every day. i’m still handling my business. my world isn’t coming up short and i still make sure my responsibilities are covered but once they are i take that as a pass to go as far as i choose.
it doesn’t make it right.
it doesn’t make it ok.
it’s just what makes me feel better in the moment.
some could argue i need to change my environment. surround myself with those who see it the way i should. it’s just hard when you’re already so closed off and find it difficult to let people in.
im hurting. and im trying but not hard enough.
