syp. you thought you knew megan entirely, until you lose your most prized possession and uncover the one thing she's been keeping secret.
roommate megan skiendiel x roommate!fem!reader · explicit sexual content · vibrator usage · top!megan · oral · scissoring · bottom!reader · praise · not proofread [mdni]
A/N || enjoy <33 kisses, brooklynn.
〝 so, what you doing tonight?
better say, 'doin' you right .ᐟ' 〞
megan had been assigned to your room last minute. your friend had backed out because of costs and though you didn’t entirely get along with the idea of living in a two bedroom dorm whilst only being one person, you still would rather the space than to be put with megan.
however, you both were in similar situations and to your surprise, you got to know each other pretty quickly.
thinking about a dorm without megan felt weird to you now, and that’s how close you two had truly gotten.
you shared things like normal, you took her clothes and she took yours.
you took her jewelry and she grabbed your heels.
it was all safe territory except for this one locket you cherished dearly, you never took it off anyway— it was yours to have and yours to keep.
megan never questioned it anyway.
and that’s what you loved about her, she knew how to read the room, she understood situations without needing verbal cues.
megan was comfortable, she was your comfortable.
it wasn’t until you lost your favourite locket that you began to doubt the trust you initially put into her.
part of you didn’t want to believe she took it, but you couldn’t find it anywhere and there couldn’t be any other reason other than megan taking it.
so you waited until she was out to search her room.
your eyes scoured for all the places it could be— under her bed, her pillow, the few drawers she frequently opened, and her closet.
except you had no luck, nothing that belonged to you was in her room.
but, it wasn’t until you peeked over at her bedside drawer that you figured it could be inside, so you reached over to her nightstand drawer, pausing for a moment— there was nothing in her room and you weren't even sure if she had taken it. you just had a feeling it was misplaced and this wasn't you blaming her either, at least that was what you'd tried to convince yourself with.
it was you searching for something that was now considered lost.
that was all.
you weren't barging in unexpectedly, you weren’t messing anything up on purpose.
this was just you simply looking for what you couldn’t find in your own room.
your fingers played with the handle, the drawer opening up to a few scattered items.
birthday cards from years back, a few polaroid photos evenly placed, though under the stack of cards you spotted a smooth black handle and a rounded head— it belonged to the vibrator that sat perfectly underneath.
your eyes widened at the discovery, you should’ve definitely stuck to your own room and the other rooms in the dorm that weren’t hers. you tried to shuffle the cards back in how you had found them but no matter how hard you tried, they didn’t seem to fit as they had before.
you groaned out in frustration, you didn’t want the girl to find out you’d been looking in her room, though that all stopped when you heard someone clear their throat from the doorway.
megan.
you quickly shut the drawer and turned around, a nervous smile displaying on your face. “oh hey,”
megan crossed her arms over her chest, “hey, what are you doing over there?”
you looked around cluelessly, pretending like you hadn’t found her toy. “just cleaning,”
“inside my drawer?”
“uhm, something like that,”
megan took a few steps into the room, reaching behind you to pull the drawer back open, “you know,” she began, removing the toy from inside and keeping it in her hands, now in front of you. “if you wanted to know that bad you could’ve just asked.”
you blinked rapidly, trying to find the words, “oh. no i wasn’t looking for.. that, i wasn’t. i mean, i didn’t even know you owned something like that i just thought i left something behind and so i figured i would just check the entire dorm just in case it migrated into your room and,” you paused, the girl on the brink of laughter.
“what?” you asked, pausing your rambing.
“it's just that i don't believe you.”
you gasped but no sound came out, “sorry, you don't believe me?”
megan nodded calmly, “mhm, i don't,”
“no, no you can't just not believe me, i didn't come in to find that on purpose.”
“no?”
“absouletey not,”
megan smiled, “so what were you here for then,”
“that's none of your business.”
“right, right. okay”
“okay? i'm telling the truth, i was looking for something else.”
“and i said okay,”
you scoffed, “so you still don’t believe me?”
“no, i believe you,”
“you don’t have to lie,”
“i’m not lying, baby.”
you paused, you two were dangerously close and megan’s eyes kept landing on your lips.
before you could take back your decision, you pressed your lips against hers, megan melted into it, her free hand pressing to the side of your face.
you moved in for more, but she was already pushing back.
her eyes travelled along your body, “you want me to take it off,”
“yea,” she whispered, “remove them.”
you did as told, hands sliding over your body to strip the material off piece by piece until you had nothing left.
megan pushed you back on the bed, her hands sliding down your back until they settled down even lower.
she held the vibrator to your cunt, her fingers making a mess of your clit while you gasped out loud.
“fuck,” you muttered, knees spread for her and hands splayed out on her bed.
“what were you even looking for hm?” she asked, making sure she kept the head of the vibrator to your cunt, her hand resting on your ass, spreading you further apart while the toy worked against you.
you moaned out, your legs already weak from the immense pressure you felt in between them.
“nothing,”
megan chuckled, “if i didn’t know any better i would think you were looking for this,” she turned it up a level, causing you to gasp out once again.
“no— i wasn't,” you couldn't say much more, voice too faint to want to reason for longer.
“yea? what was it then, hm?” she pressed harder, occasionally following with soft circular motions.
your hands gripped onto the already messy fabric, letting it bunch up underneath. “my.. locket” you breathed, though you couldn't focus on the delivery of your words anymore, their clarity had stopped a while ago.
now you were sure you were just whining in response.
megan tutted, “oh you poor thing, you can’t even answer properly,” her teasing only made you more wet, your cunt dripping all over the buzzing toy.
“it’s cute,” she finished, listening to your incoherent whining, finally removing the vibrator.
megan replaced the toy with her mouth, attaching her lips over your sensitive clit, trying to push you over the edge just like you had been seconds ago.
“megan,” you whimpered, legs trembling and this time, close to collapsing.
she hummed against you, her tongue moving in soft motions over your cunt before picking up speed, all while your sounds increased along with her pace.
your hips backed up into her face, grinding against her working tongue, “yes, oh my god, please,” you moaned out, feeling her mouth all over you— lapping, sucking, prodding.
she couldn't get enough of you, not like it mattered.
megan’s tongue thrusted inside, pushing against your insides and pulling out to drag it through you once again, her tongue returning right after. “you're so pretty like this,” she mumbled, her mouth staying attached.
“you're so good,” you stuttered out, mind dizzy with the way she'd been making you feel.
megan chuckled against you, her confidence filling in as you complimented the way she was making you feel.
“i’m close,” you whispered, though her tongue continued to move relentlessly against you. you knew she wasn’t going to stop, and you didn’t want her to either.
it didn’t take long for that familiar feeling to pool down low and for your legs to start closing. megan moved her hands to your thighs, keeping you spread for her.
“oh my god,” the words were shaky and sudden, and before you knew it you were screaming out her name.
you came undone, leaving a mess on megan’s tongue while she lapped up what was left. she cleaned you up with her mouth and then moved to stand back up.
megan pulled her baggy jeans down, leaving them bunched up at her ankles while she sat on her knees, positioning her own cunt to yours. she began to grind against you hard, like she’d been waiting months to do exactly this.
the air was hot between you two, filling with sounds of consistent panting and whines begging the other to not slow down.
megan snapped her hips against yours, not stopping— her fingers dug into your thighs to keep your shaking legs spread for her.
“take it for me, i know you can take it,” she encouraged, feeling herself getting closer with every roll of her hips.
“megs, baby—” you couldn't continue, your thoughts were all mixing and your head was practically empty except for her name. your sounds got louder and more obscene, and megan was enjoying every second of it.
“fuck baby, you're so loud for me.” her other hand grabbed onto your jaw, her grip firm and tight. “you're so fucking pretty like this,” she groaned out, hips shifting over yours, clits touching over and over again. you felt her wetness coating your own.
“megan, more,” you begged with whatever you had left, her brow raising at your request.
“more? oh baby you're being selfish.”
her body moved against yours skillfully, hitting all the right spots and making you feel incredible, you were surprised by how amazing she was.
“yea,” you breathed out, you didn’t even care anymore, you needed her so badly it was all consuming.
“close?” megan asked, soft pants leaving her lips, hips snapping against yours while all you could do was nod your head.
megan briefly pressed her lips against yours, “me too baby,”
loud sounds continued to fill the small room, your hips started to slow and you knew you were close.
a minute passed and you came undone against her, megan continued to pant, her breathing trying to catch up after she finished, both of you staying quiet save for the shared sounds of your uneven breathing.
“maybe next time we could try some other toys,”
you flashed her a small smile knowing there’d be many more times.
omg i love love love your smau it lowk reminds me of what's happening in my life rnnnn😞😞 keep up the amazing work i cant wait for more!! 🫰
AWWW TY ANON it reminds you of your life.. oh 😨 tbh i've also been contemplatinh ruining the friendship and thats how this smau came to be so in da clurb we all fam 💞
the last notes of the podcasts theme ring out, and then the familiar sight of sophia's podcast setup is fading into view.
it's always been the same, minus some minimal changes she's decided to make over time with how much her career has grown from talking shit about football—with facts and careful analysis of plays and coaching decisions to back it up, of course. she's never been one to talk down on things unless her point has been proven time and time again without even the smallest attempt to fix it. that's the part of football she hates, but it's also the part that's never failed to draw her in.
sophia likes football. tolerates it, to be exact. saying that she "likes" it is her being generous, and it almost feels like she's exaggerating her emotions towards the sport just by saying that she tolerates it. she tolerates it to a certain extent.
what might that extent be, you may ask?
well, the extent to which she can pinpoint the exact second a defensive coordinator's coverage scheme completely collapses. and then she's right back to square one: hating and writing the topic she'll be rolling with in her next podcast episode.
so sure, she has an entire podcast dedicated to the sport, but that doesn't exactly mean she enjoys watching it more than half of the time.
today's episode, however, is one she'll be playing back and watching with a smile until the chargers make it to their first super bowl.
and if they win it?
oh, she might ride that high for years to come.
but the team is objectively ass, so that's not something she's ever deemed possible.
despite that, she still has some hope.
like an ounce of it.
nevermind that, though. she has business to handle, and by business, she means a podcast episode that'll definitely leave some of her viewers fuming and others finding so much joy in that they'll leave a very detailed paragraph in her dms that ends in them asking for her number.
yeah. she gets those a lot, even with how many times she's stated she has a boyfriend—even though she really, unfortunately (or fortunately, for sophia) does not. she'd rather live with the lie of being in a relationship than glaze the hell out of some shitty football team and a coach who, in reality, has no idea what they're doing. half of the coaches for the teams on the west coast literally just make their players run around with a ball and make them play keep-away with the other team until they eventually score a touchdown.
at least the seahawks gave the west coast some grace after the super bowl, but jeez, everybody needs to step up their game and they need to step it up soon.
but to add onto that, the chargers are in the afc west division, and the seahawks are in the nfc west divison. so... yeah, maybe their super bowl win doesn't shed much light on the chargers at all.
okay, back to her podcast.
seriously, this time.
sophia leans forward, reaching for her microphone and adjusting it just slightly closer to her mouth.
the red recording light stare at her from a few feet away.
she stares right back, the edge of a smirk etched into her expression. she already knows she's gonna piss off some die-hard chargers fans today. but whatever, she's only telling the truth.
"hi, everybody, and welcome back to sideline sessions!" she begins, leaning back into her couch cushions. a short pause is taken before she sighs, "unfortunately for me, football was played this week."
another pause.
"once again."
the grin that was teetering on the edge of her lips seconds ago finally breaks out, painting her face in a mixture of amusement and downright smugness.
"now, before chargers fans start sending me mass death threats—" she grabs the mic, inching it closer, "—which, yes, that has happened many times before, thanks for asking—i want to make one thing very clear."
she holds up a finger, tilting her head a little and shooting the camera a small side-eye.
"this loss wasn't entirely their fault."
a beat passes.
and another half of one.
until she's back. "okay, and before everyone starts gasping and saying, "woah, she's finally not dragging their names in the dirt and being ruthless?" no, that's not what's happening, so please take your fingers off of your keyboards and delete the draft tweet. this loss was mostly their fault, like every loss they had last season. and the season before that, and the season before that, and... yeah, i don't think i need to remind many of you."
one of her producers behind the camera, yasmin, scoffs in faux-offense.
"what?" sophia laughs. "i'm being nice, you—and the people watching this—should be grateful."
yasmin doesn't respond.
probably because she knows sophia's lying.
the host sighs softly, nails tapping one, twice, three times on the microphone before pushing it away from her face a few millimeters, never comfortable with the object being in one spot the entire time. before she speaks again, she brushes a stray strand of hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear.
"look," she begins, "i've spent the last twenty-four hours rewatching the game, looking over stats, reading post-game interviews, and unfortunately exposing myself to the sea of whiny chargers fans complaining about everything but the chargers. i've done the work, all of it."
she gestures dramatically in the air, shaking her head subtly.
"and after that, i've come to the professional conclusion that somebody needs to start apologizing to their defense," she deadpans, serious.
sophia reaches for her notebook off camera before she decides to go any further, already picturing multiple people vigorously typing up their terrible defense regarding their favorite player and how hard they've worked all off-season just for her to say something so rude. truth be told, she couldn't care less. really, she's seen it all, and it doesn't faze her nearly as much as it used to.
that's actually what fuels her career: butt hurt, die-hard football fans that don't care about anything other than the sport.
she can't hate on them too much, though, seeing as she likes it as well. not to the extent that some teenage boys love it, but she's pretty sure she'd be grouped up with the same people if it were to be into statistics.
inhaling, she continues, "because when i tell you there were people on that field looking confused, i mean genuinely confused," she explains, nodding her head to puncuate her point. "like imagine coming into a new job, it's your first day, and you walk into the wrong location. and no, i'm not exaggerating, you can watch the playback of the game... but i highly recommend you don't."
sophia's eyes drift along the pages in her notebook, skimming the words and points she'd messily written while watching the game. her handwriting is still legible, but nothing really makes sense now that she's taking a good look at the sentences.
and in her moment of being completely stumped, she decides to say the one thing that's been on her mind since the final quarter ended yesterday.
"however," she pauses, eyeing the camera.
there's a collective sense of dread from everyone who's listened to the podcast long enough.
because when sophia says however, it means she's about to say something nice. and although sophia is a sweet girl in person, she absolutely hates saying nice things about football players who are too self-centered to even give a simple compliment to their teammates—and trust her, she's seen a lot.
"i will give credit where credit is due."
she sighs dramatically.
"because contrary to popular belief, i do know what i'm talking about when i'm talking about football," another sigh slips past her lips. "and, you know what? sure, yn played pretty well yesterday."
silence envelopes the studio.
and before she's given the chance to drown in her imagination of what her timeline will look like after this is posted, she narrows her eyes at the camera.
"so did mcconkey and matlock, so don't think i'm picking favorites since everyone loves to jump to conclusions," she adds on.
pointing towards the camera, she cocks a brow.
"do not clip that."
a small chuckle erupts from her throat, and she can't help but lean back into the cushions and let go of her microphone for the first time in the whole episode since the beginning of it. she enjoys the banter she has with the little fanbase she's created for herself, not just for the players who she talks about. it's quite enjoyable sometimes when people actually start seeing the truth in what she's talking about and realize that, hey, maybe she isn't just some fame-hungry wannabe podcast host who knows nothing.
she already knows that at least one person will always be accusing her of that, though, so what's the use in entertaining an argument that'll get both parties involved nowhere? there's none, which is exactly why she never bothers trying anymore.
it's amusing when she does reply sometimes, giggling behind her screen as she watches the multitude of angry replies flood in within seconds of her hitting send on the comment.
the thought makes her giggle again, the sound spilling into her next words. "okay, anyway. the point that i'm making is that one or two players cannot save an entire team from making decisions that actively lower my life expectancy. and, really, the life expectancy of every other chargers fan that watched the game."
glancing back down at her notes, she inhales deeply. when the breath comes back out, her eyes return to the camera and the glowing red light.
"which is unfortunate for him, really." she hums.
yasmin, the same producer from earlier, tilts her head in confusion. "okay girl, who are you talking about? you just named, like... three players."
sophia nods slowly, almost as if she thinks the girl behind the camera is joking.
until she realizes she isn't.
"ln," she clarifies. "it's unfortunate for ln."
off camera, a collective sound of agreement from her crew drifts softly through the room.
the filipina girl frowns. "because now every chargers fan is going to hear me say something remotely positive and start acting like i've had some kind of... spiritual awakening. which, honestly, wouldn't surprise me, seeing the millions of conspiracy theories floating around the internet these days."
sophia shakes her head immediately, faking a shudder as she makes a quiet, distressed noise.
"i haven't, just to be clear," she chirps.
and it's true.
she hasn't had a spiritual awakening and she doesn't think she will for years to come.
still shaking her head, she continues. "i still think half of that organization owes me compensation for emotional damages."
a notification pings on her laptop, propped on her desk just off camera.
she ignores it, not even sparing it so much as a glance as she takes another glimpse of her notes, flipping the page in hopes of finding something else to talk about. when nothing instantly catches her eye, she shuts the little journal closed and sits up a little straighter, smiling brightly and staring at the camera.
"alright," she exhales. "moving on."
she clasps her hands together, the action making a small clap sound that her microphone catches.
"today's agenda includes questionable coaching decisions, preventable mistakes, and a segment i've lovingly titled: incompetence, per usual."
sophia's smile turns wicked.
it's dangerous, one that her viewers have seen time and time again and should know exactly what to expect the moment she opens her mouth.
it's the kind that has historically led to at least ten different fanbases trying to cancel her. oh, and an amount of death threats and hate comments that could realistically fill fifteen semi-trucks to their full capacity. and if you didn't know, that's a lot—between twenty and twenty-five tons, to be exact. if she's going into further detail, that's between forty-thousand and fifty-thousand pounds, so... yeah, imagine that.
she doesn't have to imagine, unfortunately.
what she does have to imagine, however, is just how big the conversation of her and the three players she'd just name dropped will be by the time she posts this episode and has let it marinate long enough for people to play back certain seconds.
but she'll deal with that when the time has actually come, which thankfully isn't now.
staying friends is safe (doesn't mean you should) [SMAU]
pairings: sophia laforteza x f!reader
warnings: yearning, everyone needs a hug, a lot of shipping, eventual smut, fluff.
sophia's got a new boyfriend, you'll always be stuck being the best friend. but sophia's yearner eyes are really hard to hide, and the feelings never fade.
staying friends is safe (doesn't mean you should) [SMAU]
pairings: sophia laforteza x f!reader
warnings: yearning, everyone needs a hug, a lot of shipping, eventual smut, fluff.
sophia's got a new boyfriend, you'll always be stuck being the best friend. but sophia's yearner eyes are really hard to hide, and the feelings never fade.
CHAPTER 5: real sweet but i wish you were sober
a/n: late update today bc im iut i'll adjust this when im home promise 😞
middle school began with rain, and ended with a regret that lingered long until graduation. after years apart, two former classmates unexpectedly find themselves sharing the same university. as fate brings them together once more, they’re forced to confront the memories they left behind and the words neither of them ever got to say.
pairings: student!sophia laforteza x student!female reader
genre: slowburn
part 1: !!
listen!
at first, it felt incidental.
danielle would arrive mid-afternoon, waving lightly as she approached the table, and some times sophia would be beside her, already adjusting to the rhythm of the group before anyone even acknowledged it.
no one made a big deal out of it. martin talked to her like she had always been there, shota barely changed at all, and danielle included her easily, without hesitation, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
and slowly, it became that. a chair would be pulled out, a space would be made, and their voices would clash together in the conversation. she was even introduced to daniela even though that girl studied nowhere near your university.
but you never did the same, not once. you acknowledged her when needed. a nod, a glance, a short reply. nothing more.
and always—without deciding it consciously—you just kept your distance.
even in calculus lectures, even in group hangouts, even when the table naturally shifted to make room.
you never sat beside her, never stayed long enough in her space for it to become familiar again.
it wasnt because anyone/she had told you to stay away, but because your thoughts always pulled you back to that afternoon in tenth grade.
the sound of the broom hitting the floor, the chair scraping back too hard, sophia wincing, and the moment you ran.
so you stayed where you were, as if distance could rewrite what happened, as if she had ever asked for it in the first place.
—
danielle noticed it first. the way she noticed was not all at once, just in pieces. you sitting a little farther down the table than necessary. sophia pausing half a second before speaking to you, and you answering, but only after a delay. that didn’t exist when you talked to anyone else.
—
one afternoon after class, danielle dropped her bag onto the seat across from you.
sophia wasn’t there yet, martin and shota were somewhere else, arguing about something unimportant.
danielle leaned forward to you.
“hey,” she said casually while unwrapping her snack. “why don’t you sit next to sophia more?” you didn’t look up immediately but your pen kept moving.
“what?” you half replied. danielle shrugged.
“like, you two literally knew each other already, right?” you paused for half a beat at her words. then— “yeah.”
she tilted her head at you. “so why do you act like you don’t?”
that made your hand stop. danielle didn’t notice yet, she just kept on talking.
“it’s kinda funny actually. she sits with us like she’s always been here, but you still act like she’s new or something.” a small laugh left her.
“but like, you’re like politely avoiding her.” you finally looked up at her and said, “i’m not avoiding her.” like a defense.
danielle raised an eyebrow. “you kind of are though.” she leaned back slightly.
“i mean, you don’t sit beside her, you barely talk to her unless someone else is there, and you always look away first—”
she stopped mid-sentence, because she finally noticed your expression. you weren’t angry, nor were you disappointed at the topic.
you just looked uncomfortable.
danielle blinked, her voice got softer a little.
“did something happen between you two?” her question landed differently to you. because it wasn’t that something had happened between the two of you. it was more on what you did.
your fingers tightened slightly around your pen, and for a second, the table around you felt further away than it actually was.
you answered too quickly.
“no.” danielle nodded slowly at that, not fully believing it. she looked down at her food, then back up again.
“it’s just weird,” she smiled, “because if something had happened between the two of you, why hasn’t she said anything?”
that part made something in your chest shift, because you were aware of that. sophia never avoided you. she had just adjusted around you.
like your distance was something she had learned to recognize and respect without questioning it.
danielle tapped her spoon lightly against her cup.
“you know,” she added, trying to lighten it again, “she actually asked me once. like, out of nowhere. she just said, ‘did i make her uncomfortable?’” a small laugh left danielle’s mouth, not the kind that found anything funny, the kind that wanted to ease the small tension in the air.
“and i told her no, you’re just like that with everyone.” she looked at you, “but honestly, you’re not though.”
silence finally settled properly this time.
“wait.” her voice dropped slightly.
“are you actually okay? with her joining, i mean.” you didn’t answer immediately. you couldn’t answer. because if you were being honest, you weren’t okay with sophia bring near you at all. how could you even be okay?
“it’s just…”
you stopped for a moment, because for a second, it felt strange hearing your own voice shape it.
danielle didn’t interrupt, she just waited.
you exhaled slowly.
“…back in tenth grade,” you said, quieter now, “when you weren’t around yet. before you transferred.”
your fingers tightened around your pen, you didn’t look at her. you couldn’t, really.
“sophia and i… we got into a fight somehow.” you swallowed.
“it was mostly me.” your voice dropped further.
“i pushed her. she stumbled. she fell.”
“i was mad and i left her there,” you added, almost like an explanation you didn’t deserve to give.
another pause as your throat felt like crushing, but you kept going anyway.
“and after that… i came back to school like normal, but then she wasn’t there anymore.”
you finally looked up, briefly, and danielle wasn’t smiling anymore. you continued, because stopping felt worse.
“when i came back to school, you were there already. you…” you hesitated, jaw tightening, “—replaced her seat.” that word sat wrong immediately inside you.
replaced. you shook your head slightly.
“i thought she transferred schools.” your voice cracked a little at the edge.
the silence you left was longer this time. you stared down at the table, at your spoon that was untouched, and at your hands that was still.
then softly, almost like it wasn’t meant to be said to anyone at all.
“i kind of bullied sophia.”
“which led her to switch classes. which i thought back then meant she had transferred schools,” you added.
danielle didn’t speak right away, not because she didn’t hear you, but because she was still trying to understand how something that quiet had been sitting inside you this whole time without anyone noticing.
then she shook her head.
“…i don’t think that’s the right word.” you looked up immediately.
“it is.” she frowned at your response, then looked at her food.
“i mean…” she hesitated.
“you pushed her and that’s wrong.”
you nodded, whilst playing with the cap of your pen.
“but…” she paused, like she was choosing each word one at a time. “i just—that’s not what confuses me now.”
you looked at danielle and she met your eyes.
“…it’s sophia.” she says.
“what about her?”
she frowned a little deeper. “she doesn’t act scared of you, given that you said you bullied her.”
your stopped playing with your pen as danielle looked away for a moment. thinking.
“actually…” she raised her head to meet your eye. “she never acts uncomfortable, it feels more like she’s trying to be careful around you”
you stayed silent and she continued.
“she sits with us, she talks to everyone.”
“and…” she stopped. “…she really looks at you a lot.” your chest tightened again. “what?”
danielle blinked. “you never noticed?”
you didn’t answer, because no. you hadn’t. you were too busy avoiding her gaze, how could you even notice. danielle leaned back in her chair.
“i mean, not in a weird way, but whenever you’re around.” she huffed.
“she looks at you.” you stared at her, speechless, then danielle said something that made your stomach drop.
“if i’m being honest…” she looked back at you. “if that afternoon really affected her as much as you think…”
she thought for a moment, trying to decide on whether should the words come from her or should it be said by sophia herself. because danielle wasn’t sure what sophia could be thinking now that she became aware of the story.
“why does she keep on coming with me? like keeps on hanging out with us?”
you blinked and your mind immediately answered.
because danielle invites her.
you looked away immediately.
“that’s different.” danielle frowned at your choice of words. “how?”
“you keep on inviting her and because she’s nice.” danielle stared at you and you continued before she could answer.
“that’s literally it.” your fingers absentmindedly traced the edge of your cup in front of you.
“that doesn’t mean anything.”
danielle stayed quiet so you kept talking, because now that the words had started coming out, they refused to stop.
“that day, after i pushed her, she was still nice to me and up until now.” your voice lowered at the last, then you exhaled.
“y/n.”
you looked away, “you know. if i had been nicer back then.” you paused then you sniffed.
“i should’ve defended her.” the phrase sat there, unfinished.
there was nothing else to add. you couldn’t change tenth grade. you couldn’t walk back into that classroom. you couldn’t unpush her. you couldn’t unhear her saying those things about herself.
danielle sat quietly for a moment, then she spoke, “do you want to know something weird?” you looked at her.
“she never talks about middle school, like any details of it. if someone mentions it, she answers, but she never brings it up herself.” she looked down at her palm, thinking.
“and i don’t think she likes talking about it.”
your teeth gritted against each other, then danielle said something softer. “but whenever your name comes up…” she chuckled lightly. “she never looks upset.”
you stared at her because somehow that didn’t make anything feel lighter.
because anger made sense, resentment made sense, avoidance made sense. but quiet? quiet was just impossible to interpret.
“i’m not saying this so you’ll suddenly become friends again or so you’ll stop avoiding her.” she shook her head.
“i’m just saying…” she looked at you. “…you might be remembering a version of sophia that doesn’t exist.”
she was right. the sophia in your head was still fifteen. still sitting on the floor. still holding onto the broom.
—
midterms ended on a friday.
by the time the last examination paper was collected, the entire lecture hall exhaled all at once.
someone cheered from the back. someone else groaned dramatically. a few students immediately stood up and left before the professor could even finish speaking.
you packed your things a little slower, your brain still somehow felt full. full of formulas, calculations, and information you were probably going to forget by next week.
then your phone vibrated.
(martin, danielle, daniela)
drinks at my house tonight
another message followed immediately.
nobody is allowed to say no
you chuckled, then the group chat exploded.
LETS GOOOOOOOO
im bringing chips
a small smile tugged at your lips before you locked your phone, then stood up.
outside, the weather was unusually pleasant, the air felt lighter somehow. like everyone had been given permission to breathe again.
—
martin’s house looked exactly how you remembered. warm lights spilled through the windows while music echoed faintly from inside.
someone had already opened the gate before you arrived.
you stepped in.
“y/n!” martin waved dramatically from the patio.
“you’re late.” he says.
“i’m literally on time.” you rolled your eyes.
“still late.”
you rolled your eyes.
danielle laughed from beside him. “he’s been saying that to everyone.”
you slipped your shoes off near the doorway and walked inside.
shota was already sprawled across the couch. “i’m dead.” he says, mimicking a corpse.
“same.” you replied as you lay beside him. “midterms took ten years off my lifespan.” you added.
“mine too.” danielle dropped herself beside you as she says, “i don’t even remember my own name anymore.”
martin pointed toward the kitchen. “food’s there! get your lazy asses up and drink!”
everyone immediately stood up.
—
an hour passed, then another, music played quietly in the background.
from time to time, you looked around the room.
martin argued over your movie recommendation,
daniela laughed too loudly,
shota nearly spilled a drink, trying to steal fries from someone else’s plate,
danielle was grilling food.
and sophia.
sophia was laughing at eveything that was happening.
—
another hour passed.
and eventually, exhaustion won.
martin passed out first.
someone had left the television running.
the lights around the pool reflected softly against the water outside.
“i’ll just buy pocari sweat.” you muttered, mostly to yourself.
nobody answered, everyone was deep asleep already. you expected it from them. it wasn’t the first time they all passed out, leaving you awake. meaning you’d be in charge of cleaning.
you grabbed your wallet and walked toward the nearest convenience store.
—
when you returned, nothing had changed. except it was quieter now.
then noticed something, there was still alcohol left. you stared at it for a second, then grabbed the bottle.
you walked outside and sat beside the pool. the water rippled gently beneath the lights and by your feet.
you took a sip. then another.
your shoulders slowly loosened.
the silence almost felt deafening.
then—
“mind if i join you?”
you almost flinched. your head snapped toward the voice.
sophia stood a few steps away, one hand holding a bottle of water while the other rested inside the pocket of her hoodie.
“oh.” you blinked. “yeah— i mean sure—go ahead.”
she nodded once, smiling lightly. “thanks.”
then she sat beside you, leaving enough space between the two of you that it didn’t feel intrusive.
the pool lights reflected against the water, making small ripples dance across both your faces.
neither of you spoke.
from inside the house came the distant hum of an air conditioner and the occasional shifting noises of someone asleep on the couch.
you looked down at the bottle in your hands while she looked at the water.
the silence settled naturally at first. then a little too long.
you cleared your throat.
“don’t you feel sleepy yet?”
“not really.” she turned slightly toward you. “my tolerance’s high.”
you hummed awkwardly. “oh.” your fingers traced the condensation dripping from the bottle. “that explains it.”
a small laugh escaped her. “yeah.”
you nodded, then looked back at the water.
another silence followed, not uncomfortable exactly. it was like both of you were waiting for the other person to decide what this conversation was supposed to be.
you glanced toward the house. “everyone’s completely gone.”
she followed your gaze. “i think martin passed out first.”
you chuckled quietly. “he did.”
she smiled. “he was trying to sing twenty minutes ago.” another small laugh left her, then it faded. the silence returned once more.
the night breeze passed between you. you adjusted your grip on the bottle while she adjusted her glasses.
and for some reason, despite sitting right beside her now, it still felt like there were years sitting between the two of you.
you stared at the water for a moment.
“you still wear glasses.” the moment the words left your mouth, you regretted them.
because obviously she still wore glasses.
sophia blinked, then let out a small laugh. “i do.”
you looked away immediately. “sorry.”
“for what?”
“that was a weird thing to say.”
she smiled a little. “it’s okay.”
you hummed. “i didn’t know what else to say.”
“that’s okay too.”
you nodded once.
the pool lights reflected against the underside of her glasses for a brief moment before disappearing again.
“my eyesight got worse actually.” she said.
“really?”
she nodded. “yeah.”
“too much studying?”
“probably or too much staring at screens.” she laughed quietly.
you smiled a little.
then the silence returned.
you took another sip from the bottle. “danielle says you study all the time.”
she looked over. “she exaggerates.”
“does she?”
“a little.”
you huffed quietly. “she said you explain everything to her.”
“sometimes.”
“that sounds exhausting.”
a laugh escaped her. “it kind of is since some people in the lecture joins our study.”
“then why do you still do it?”
she thought about it for a moment. “i don’t know.” she shrugged. “since they ask?”
you nodded.
she’s still the same way she had always been.
your fingers tightened around the bottle. the realization settled slowly. all these years and she was still the same person. and somehow that made everything kind of blurry.
because she had remained kind and you remembered being cruel.
you swallowed. the words sat at the back of your throat now, the ones you had been carrying since tenth grade.
you stared at the water, then quietly murmured,
“…sophia.”
she turned toward you. “hm?”
you looked down at the bottle in your hands. your fingers pressing against the plastic hard enough to make it crinkle.
the apology was already there, you just didn’t know how to say it yet.
she waited.
your eyes remained fixed on the water.
“…do you ever think about middle school?” the question slipped out before you could stop it.
sophia stopped, then looked back at the pool. “sometimes.”
you nodded. “i do too.”
she hummed softly. “yeah?”
you nodded once. “from time to time.”
she didn’t say anything after that.
the night breeze brushed past both of you. your fingers absentmindedly peeled at the label wrapped around the bottle.
“i used to think you transferred schools.” you said.
she turned her head slightly. “…why?”
you laughed awkwardly. “when i came back after getting sick…” you paused. “…danielle was sitting there already.”
you motioned toward the empty air between you. “so i just…” you shook your head “kind of assumed.”
beside you, sophia went still. she blinked once, then again, and slowly, almost painfully, her brows drew together.
“…you were sick?”
you looked over. “hm?”
“back then.” she adjusted her glasses, but her hand trembled just enough for you to notice. “…you got sick?”
you blinked twice. “oh.” you looked back at the water. “yeah, i had a fever.” you shrugged. “my mom wouldn’t let me leave the house.”
sophia didn’t answer right away. the silence stretched, thin and uneasy, until it felt like she was holding her breath. “…for how long?”
“five days.” you answered. “i think.”
sophia stared at you, her face had gone pale in a way that made your stomach twist. “five days.”
you nodded. “yeah.” you gave a small, helpless laugh. “it was bad.” then you glanced at her. “why?”
she looked away almost immediately, like the question had burned. “…nothing.”
your brows furrowed. “nothing?”
she nodded too quickly. “mhm.”
you watched her for a moment. she was staring at the pool now, but it was obvious she wasn’t seeing it. her mouth had gone tight. her shoulders looked tense, drawn in on themselves.
then, in a voice so quiet it almost disappeared into the night, she said, “…i thought back then that you weren’t coming back.”
your grip around the bottle loosened. “huh?”
she let out a small, shaky laugh that didn’t sound like laughter at all. “nothing dramatic.” she shook her head, but her eyes were glossy now, fixed stubbornly ahead. “it’s just—” she swallowed. “—you suddenly stopped showing up.”
the night breeze passed between you.
she pressed her lips together, like she was trying to keep something from spilling out.“and because of what happened…”
she stopped herself.
“i thought back then that… i was the reason.”
you stared at her. speechless.
her words landed with a weight you hadn’t expected, and all at once her expression made sense.
the fear she’d been hiding, the guilt she’d been carrying alone, and the way she’d looked at you like she was bracing for something terrible.
she laughed quietly again, but this time it sounded fragile, almost embarrassed
“—that sounds silly.” she blurts out.
your throat immediately tightened. because no. it didn’t sound silly at all. it sounded awful.
because for five days, while you were sick at home, she had been living inside a completely different story, thinking she had driven you away.
then another silence followed.
you hated how familiar it was becoming. because every time things became quiet, your thoughts drifted back there.
“i’m sorry.” the words came out so quietly that for a moment, you weren’t even sure if you’d said them aloud.
sophia looked at you. you couldn’t meet her eyes.
“…for that afternoon, and for everything else.” your voice scraped against your throat.
she didn’t answer immediately and somehow, that made your chest tighten.
because after she disappeared, you had imagined this moment and every version ended with her being angry.
but instead, she looked down at her hands. then at the water, then quietly said,
“…okay.”
you blinked, your eyebrows furrowed a little. “…okay?”
she nodded.
you stared at her. “…that’s it?”
a small laugh escaped her. “…what else am i supposed to say?”
you opened your mouth, then closed it again. truthfully, you didn’t know either.
the pool water shifted softly beside the tiles. and for a while, neither of you spoke. then you gulped a drink from the beer, trying to gather up courage.
“…then why did you sit next to me?” the tension somehow eased after you asked that.
sophia raised her head. “hm?”
“in tenth grade.” you adjusted your grip around the bottle resting on your knee.
“you could’ve sat anywhere.” you said, shrugging awkwardly. “i’ve always wondered.”
sophia stared at the water. for a minute, you thought she wouldn’t answer. then she laughed quietly to herself.
“i don’t know if you’ll remember this.” she smiled lightly.
you frowned. “remember what?”
she glanced at you. “seventh grade.”
you shook your head. “i barely remember seventh grade.”
“yes, that makes sense.” her grin softened.
“it was during lunch and there was this dog.”
you titled your head. “a dog?”
“mhm.” she nodded.
“one of the stray dogs near the canteen.”
you stared at her. “okay…?”
“martin was bothering it.” a laugh escaped you immediately at that, clearly picturing martin.
“he kept trying to grab it.” she continued.
“then someone ran across the courtyard.”
you took another gulp from the bottle. “and?”
“and she tackled him.”
you nearly choked. “what?”
sophia pointed at you. “you.”
you lowered the bottle slowly. “me?”
“yeah.” she chuckled.
“no way.”
“yes way.”
you stared at her.
“what?”
“i did not tackle martin.”
she laughed. “you absolutely did.”
and suddenly— the memory came rushing back. the dog barking, martin crying, you gripping his uniform, some classmates cheering, and a teacher shouting from somewhere.
your brows furrowed while your hand reached the back of your head. “oh my god.”
sophia immediately pointed at you. “see?” she then laughed.
“do you remember now?”
you covered your face. “yes.” the embarrassment hit you all over again.
“i was so mad.”
“you were terrifying.”
“i was twelve.”
“you punched him.”
you looked up immediately. “it was one punch.”
“it was still a punch.”
“he was pulling the dog’s tail then threw rocks at it.” you defended.
“he still got hurt.”
“he deserved it.”
sophia laughed harder.
you groaned as more memories came flooding back from that time. “then both our parents got called to the guidance office.”
“wait, seriously?”
“yeah, i got grounded for like a whole month after they talked to our parents.” you rubbed the back of your neck. “and our moms somehow became friends after that.”
sophia stared. “really?”
“i know.”
“then that’s how you became friends with martin?” she asked, as if flabbergasted.
“it’s funny how our friendship began. we became close when i got grounded, i argued with him a lot that time. i told him it was his fault i got into that situation.” you smiled at the memory.
she laughed again. you couldn’t help but laugh too.
the memory felt ridiculous now as back then it had felt like the end of the world. now it was just another stupid story.
sophia shook her head. “i remember thinking you were scary.”
“that’s rude.”
“you tackled someone.”
“he was bothering a dog.”
“still.”
you rolled your eyes, then looked at her.
“so that’s why you sat beside me?” the question slipped out and sophia’s laughter faded.
then she smiled. “kind of.”
you stared at her.
“kind of?”
she shrugged.
“its one of the reasons why.”
sophia looked down at your hand that was gripping the bottle of beer.
a small smile tugged at her mouth. “i thought you were nice, that’s one too.”
you squinted your eyes. “huh.” you exhaled the sound.
sophia looked down at the glass in her hands.
“do you remember the seventh grade field trip?”
you frowned immediately. “not really.”
“figured.”
“what happened?”
she laughed quietly. “nothing important.”
“then why bring it up?”
“‘cause i remember it and i saw you a lot that day.”
you hummed.
“it was five in the morning. everyone was asleep except you.”
you pointed at yourself. a smile appeared on her face.
“you, martin, and shota were the only one’s up and you guys were arguing.”
“about what?”
“i don’t know, i just woke up because of it.”
you chuckled and said, “sorry.”
“see?” she suddenly exclaimed.
“what?” you asked, confused.
“you said that too.”
you stared. “i did?”
she nodded. “i guess you noticed me stirring awake so you looked back, said sorry, then gave me candy.”
your face immediately twisted. “why would i do that?”
“because i looked annoyed.”
“that’s a terrible reason to give somebody candy.”
“well, it worked.”
you laughed. “i don’t remember any of this.”
“i know.” she said it lightly, then she continued, “later at the theme park.”
you groaned. “what did i do now?”
“nothing much.”
“that’s suspicious.”
“i saw you dragging martin and shota almost everywhere. they looked exhausted while you looked really happy.”
you opened your mouth, then closed it. because why did it feel significant to her for her to remember?
sophia smiled slightly. “you kept leading them ahead.”
“that’s normal.” you replied, remembering the days where you always walked first for shota and martin.
“not really.”
you raised an eyebrow. “how?”
she shrugged. “i don’t know. you just looked excited about everything.” the words settled.
you looked away. “that’s weirdly specific.”
“i guess.” she hums. silence followed, then she laughed to herself.
“there was a roller coaster too.”
you immediately pointed at her, clearly remembering something.
“you cried.” you said.
“i was terrified.” she replied.
“i remember that one.” you grinned.
“of course you do.”
“it was funny.” you teased her.
“for you.” she lets out a sarcastic laugh.
she shooks her head. “i remember thinking you were mean.”
your face showed an unbelieving expression at her words.
“you laughed the entire ride.” she defended herself.
“because you kept screaming.”
“i thought we were gonna die.”
“it was a children’s roller coaster.”
“it was not.”
“it was.”
you both laughed.
then the laughter faded.
sophia’s gaze remained on the pool.
“that’s one of the reasons too.” she said quietly.
you looked at her. “that’s so random. i thought your reason would be something about me being smart.” you joked.
“yeah, it is random.” she replies.
but the truth sat unspoken between sophia’s words. because to you, they were random, but to sophia, they weren’t.
sophia’s jaw slightly clenched. “i just—” then she stopped. for a second there, she looked caught off guard by her own sentence, then she laughed
“after that, i just kept on seeing you around campus.” her smile weakened slightly, she rubbed her thumb against the bottle.
“you were always doing something.”
“that sounds insulting.”
“it is.”
you scoffed and she smiled. “you were loud.” sophia looked back at the water.
“and i just…” she continued. “i thought you were really cool.”
you froze because her words landed unexpectedly. her words felt unexpected.
she didn’t look at you. “every time i saw you, it was just you fighting with martin and you being quiet inside class. i couldn’t understand how you could be loud and quiet at the same time back then.”
the silence stretched and neither of you seemed eager to end it.
beside you, sophia picked up her glass full pf beer. she took a long drink. then another.
you watched her from the corner of your eye. she lowered the half empty glass and stared at the pool. her eyes glistened as she opened her mouth to speak.
“god, i should’ve stayed asleep.” she muttered.
you huffed a laugh. “if you did, then we wouldn’t be able to clear things up between us.”
sophia smiled faintly. “it’s not all cleared up.”
your brows furrowed. “what isn’t?”
she didn’t answer immediately. instead, she lifted the glass again and finished what remained. you watched her shoulders rise and fall with a slow breath.
then—
“because you still don’t know the reason why i was upset.” she seemed different now, as if the alcohol was now talking.
“what?”
sophia laughed softly, not amused. you felt her nervousness.
“back then.” she kept her eyes on the pool.
“when you pushed me.“
“sophia—” your stomach tightened immediately.
“—i know.” she shook her head. “i know you didn’t mean to, but that’s not the part where i felt hurt.”
you stared at her. “then what did?”
another long silence. she rubbed her thumb against the side of the glass then shrugged.
“i waited for you to come back since you had left your umbrella after you ran out.”
she laughed quietly which felt too painful for you to listen.
“i finished cleaning the room and then i went home.”
“i kind of hoped you returned that day, since i wanted to fix things.”
you couldn’t look at her as the words landed heavily between you.
“don’t be sorry.” as if she could read your thoughts. “if i hated you, i wouldn’t be here.”
your pulse suddenly felt too loud.
“if i wanted nothing to do with you, i would’ve left the moment i saw you again.” she laughed awkwardly.
“god.” her hand moved to cover part of her face. “i’m saying this so badly.” sophia went quiet.
the beer had made her honest. honest enough that the walls she’d spent years building were beginning to crack.
“i could still remember being stupidly happy whenever you moved your notebook toward me.”
“sophia—”
“because i liked you.”
the words slipped out naturally.
and the moment she realized what she’d said, she froze completely.
you stared at her. she stared at the pool, then she squeezed her eyes shut.
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