Had me feeling like I wasn’t good enough.
I almost lost myself trying to please a nigga who didn’t even know who he was.
It was a fucked up situation.
Toxic situation.
Started as a lie and became fatal attraction.
I liked the risk of it all.
How simple things were.
No titles, no commitment, great sex and a homie.
I got a call before work.
“Hey, I’m getting ready to head back to Miami....”
All I could say was okay. I didn’t really care. I was drained. Trying to learn myself without his influence. It was finally over and I almost felt relieved.
“I just wanted to let you know. I guess I’ll just see you when I see you”
I told him that I could come by after work.
I did.
I knew I was done but I needed to see him, feel him and be done in that moment is well just be sure that I was sure yaknow.
I knocked on the door and he gave me a big hug.
I felt like I didn’t want him to touch me.
We had decided to just be platonic friends.
After intimacy that is always pretty hard for me but I made it happen. I was checked out. I was done. He was my homie. That’s it, that’s all.
Guys have a special way of trying to play with your head and I caught him in the act.
I sat down on the floor. He began rubbing my back. My lower back.
He just kept touching me. It was uncomfortable.
Because a part of me was still resenting that I ever gave him my time, my mind, my body. He was so manipulative.
We were supposed to just be friends. Why sir? Why do you keep touching me?
I wasn’t even attracted to him that night. It was like 30 past midnight. I was high as hell and I just wanted to close this chapter face to face.
We got into an argument about why women feel the way that they feel about me. He was the epitome of niggas ain’t shit. He was soooo fucking lost. Why did it take me so long to notice this?
All he ever did was brag and lie. Any man that has to gas himself up constantly doesn’t believe what he’s saying. If he did, he would just be it rather than talking about it.
Why did I give this man so much of me.
So we got in the argument and we have a habit of play fighting and such when we argue. He tried to pull out the Patois to turn me on but it didn’t happen. He tried to wrestle me into a sexual situation but it just wasn’t happening. I just don’t understand. I thought you just wanted to be platonic friends.
I called him out. “You hella wanna fuck me.”
- “ I ain’t never trippin over no pussy.”
“But you are. It’s okay I know you but it’s not happening.”
He was pissed. I made him walk me out and he tried one last time grabbing my neck as I was talkin shit. “I know that made you wet”
For a nigga that ain’t ever pressed for pussy, you’re sure doing a lot to get mine. But I swear I thought we were supposed to be platonic friends.
But that night I remembered who I was and finally walked away.
Yes. Niggas ain’t shit....
Not all of them but most definitely that nigga.