i write mainly for the batboys, occasionally for other heroes as well -> i may start writing for some animes too on here, but i'm not sure yet, so no promises!
i don't take requests, but feel free to send stuff to my inbox, and i may write a short drabble or so about it :))
currently simping over miguel o'hara
please do not translate or repost my works (on any other site) and or claim them as your own!
recent fics:
coming soon !
works in progress (wips):
to be loved | miguel o'hara
word count: 1.8k (final word count tbd)
completed: 2 of 6 parts
estimated release: tbd
last first kiss | miles morales
word count: tbd
completed: n/a
estimated release: tbd
attention | miguel o'hara
word count: tbd
completed: n/a
estimated release: tbd
Request: character is a girl (18 years) that just joined the avengers and is really powerful like captain marvel she's shy and beautiful but also really fun (like Peter Parker) and all of them are hypnotized by her especially Bruce,loki,thor,Peter but she feels attracted by Steve even though she hides it but he notices (other avengers joke about it when she's not around)and confront her about her being around,staring at him. He feels attracted to her but thinks its awkward because the age gap +
++ but still he kiss her passionately and asks her not to tell anyone because they would mess with him even more I would be really happy if you wrote this Thank you
thanks for requesting lovely and sorry for the wait, it’s posted right here :))
summary: steve rogers prided himself on being the star-spangled man, a perfect example of a hero and a mentor, but for you, he was willing to break all those rules.
word count: 2.2k
genre: angst/fluff
a/n: sorry for going missing for a couple months, finals consumed me ! but now i’m out and since it’s summer i have some more free time to write :))
In your eyes, Steve Rogers was a different type of man. When you looked at him you saw past that star-spangled patriotic blond poster boy image, past that strong super soldier and serious leader front that he was so used to portraying—instead, you saw him simply as a man, just as Steve Rogers. He was a man with a heart of gold, someone who was selfless and willing to sacrifice everything for the safety of others. He was caring, sweet, generous even, and it was nearly impossible to find a flaw in him. This is why he made an impeccable mentor, due to his undeniable heroic nature, there was doubt in your mind that he would be able to train you to be worthy of the title of an Avenger. And at the end of the day, no matter who Captain America was or has done, he was still just Steve Rogers—your mentor and your friend.
You could remember coming to the compound a few years ago, and back then you were a full-blown mess. Not only were your powers out of control, but physically, emotionally, and mentally you were unstable—a ticking time bomb. You were nothing but a runaway, living on the streets for a large portion of your life before they took you in, the Avengers believing in you when no one else did. They trained you, feed you, shelter you, and most importantly helped you to control the explosive power inside of you. In more ways than one, you knew that you owe them your life, a debt that perhaps could never be paid off, but you were trying everyday, struggling to prove that you were worth it.
Yet in this process you have committed an unspeakable act, something that you could never reveal out loud. Of course, this wasn’t necessarily your choice, this being more of matter concerning your heart rather than your brain. To put it simply, without any consultation from your brain and in a rash and ill-advised decision, your heart has decided on falling in love with Steve Rogers. There were so many things wrong with something as unpredictable as love, so many things that could possibly go wrong and end up exploding back in your face.
So you ended up suppressing this foreign emotion, pushing it down in an attempt to suffocate it, and make sure that it would stay buried for the rest of your life. Yet, things like these have an uncanny way of reappearing again, and an emotion like this would be hard to suppress for long. Love is a fickle emotion, something that came with no receipts or refunds, instead it was something that would stick with you till the end of time. Along with the truth, love always managed to escape the deepest confines of your consciousness, making itself present whether you wanted it to or not.
And even as all the odds were stacked against you—you were certain that you would find a way of dealing with this unwanted emotion.
“So who wants to bet twenty bucks that tonight is once again not the night?” Tony grinned, giving the super-soldier a hard slap on the back. Once again, Tony was throwing one of his infamous parties, celebrating another one of the Avengers’ victories—or so he claims—everyone knowing that Tony would use any and every excuse to throw a party. Currently it was a very typical party atmosphere, agents dancing in the center of the room, Bruce and Natasha conversing on the far end of the bar, Clint leaving a bit before nine o’clock to go home to Laura and the kids, and Bucky and Steve observing the party from their comfortable seats at the front of the bar. And you, well whether you knew it or not, Steve’s eyes follow you around the room—watching as you held a drink in one hand and mingled around the room making casual conversation.
He would be lying if he said that you did not look stunning tonight. Your clothes leaving nothing up to imagination tonight, and as inappropriate as it is to say, he wanted nothing more than to ravish you tonight. Instead of acting on these animalistic behaviors, he took another sip of his drink, feeling it burn as it went down his throat and hopefully washing down his previous desires with the drink.
"Come on, Tony, don't rush him, when the old man is ready he'll confess on his own terms," Natasha laughs, giving him a wink. Steve knew that they all meant no harm by pushing and compelling to confess his feelings, but he couldn’t but grow a bit annoyed. This wasn’t something that could be taken lightly, and it wasn’t something that would drastically change their life as much as it would his own. There was something intoxicating about you—making him want to stay away and yet get closer, all at the same time. And as you sway your hips to the song, his eyes following the movement of your body, he couldn’t but feel slightly buzzed by your presence and he drank it all in.
It was official, you were slightly drunk and didn’t know what to do with yourself. This entire night Steve Rogers was acting completely unfair to you, strutting around here like a fine piece of ass—completely disregarding your feelings for him. His presence aggregated you to no end and you weren’t sure whether he was doing it on purpose or whether the super soldier could possibly be that damn oblivious. Even with the alcohol lowerig your inhibititions, you still had enough common sense not to make any rash or idiotic descisions. This was exceptionally hard, especially when there are an abundance of agents swarming around him like they are the predators and he is the prey, circling him like vultures. It wasn’t until one of those snakes leaned in and wrapped her arms around his waist as if she was about to kiss him—oh honey, was she about to get the ass-kicking of a lifetime.
“Hey, baby, I leave for one second and you find yourself some other company?” you slurred, smiling tightly, walking over and linking arms with the blond—effectively pulling him away from the woman’s grasp. Turning your attention away from her, you attempted to refocus your attention on him, swaying slightly, Steve gripping onto your wrist a bit tighter in order to keep you steady and upright. There was this questioning look in his eye and a hint of panic, but in a flash that was gone, replaced instead by the heavy redness in his cheeks and face. Leaning over you pressed a chaste kiss on his cheek, just long for you to whisper for him to play along, before standing up again.
“And you are?” One of the girls asked, her arms crossed tightly over her chest with a snarl on her face.
“[Y/N], his significant other, and you are?” you practically growled, taking a step towards the woman and her posse. At that, the women deemed that it wasn’t worth it, and with one final glare they all sauntered off. Finally, you released a breath that you didn’t realize that you have been holding, and before the star-spangled man could ask too many questions you grabbed onto his wrist and dragged him out of the room and into an adjoining staircase before your hand released his in order for you to cross your arms over your chest. "What were you even doing out there?"
His eyebrows shot up at your question, mouth agape as he attempted to process exactly what you were accusing him of. He scanned over your body, taking in your appearance it the dim lighting—the way that you looked slightly disheveled as the night wore on, His eyebrows shot up at your question, mouth agape as he attempted to process exactly what you were accusing him of. He scanned over your body, taking in your appearance in the dim lighting—the way that you looked slightly disheveled as the night wore on, or the evident flush in your cheeks due to the amount of alcohol that you consumed. Despite all these factors, he still thought you looked beautiful.
“Me, [Y/N], what are you doing?” he protested, gesturing to the iron-like grip that you held steady on his wrist.
Honestly you were completely out of your mind at the moment, and you were definitely sure that it was due to your intoxicated state. Yet, you were unsure whether you were drunk because of the alcohol or if you were drunk on the idea of him. He aggregvated you and you wanted nothing more than to tell him—confess to him everything that he has been doing to you ever since you both met, and tonight was just the tip of the iceberg. Instead you pulled him closer to you, your cheeks turning even more red (if that was even possible) as you wrapped your arms around his waist. It was hard to miss the way that his face flushed and his mouth sputtered, trying to formulate anything to say.
“Kiss me,” you whispered, your voice low as your eyes flickered towards his lips.
There was a fire that seemed to ignite in the bottom of his stomach, a burning desire to do everything that he knew he couldn’t—and even as tempting as your offer was, he couldn’t bring himself to close the gap between you both. It was not that he didn’t want to, instead as the waves of disappointment crashed upon him, he knew that it was his duty as not only your superior, but as someone who genuinely cares about you, not to take advantage of you in a state like this.
As he began to pull away you grabbed on to him, pulling him so close to you that you could practically hear his heart hammering against your own. Once again you repeat yourself, and he could feel your hot breath against his lips—and that only seemed to make him want you more. Before he could decide anything, you pressed your lips against his feverishly, enjoying the way his hands immediately situated themselves around your frame, pulling you closer to his toned body. In this moment everything just felt right and for a second, Steve forgot that he should be thinking rationally, and after this moment, reality came crashing down on him.
Suddenly, his lips were off of your own, your opens opening in confusion and surprise. Before you could even ask him what was wrong, he turned away from you and took three steps back, making sure that there was enough distance between the two of you before he began spewing out apologies.
“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have kissed you if your drunk and god, I’ve taken advantage of you and that was never my intention, I’m so sorry—I couldn’t help myself and I know that’s no excuse and I really am sorry and—” before you finally shut him up with a shake of your head, a slight smile and giggle.
“Steve, what the hell are you sorry for?” you asked raising an eyebrow playfully, “I mean is my kissing really that bad?”
His eyebrows practically shot up to his hairline as he vehemently shook his head. Before he could start making excuses, you waved him off, laughing to tell him that you were joking.
“Come on, what’s the real problem? Is it that you don’t have feelings for me? I’m really sorry if I completely read things wrong or if I overstepped my boundaries,” you apologized sheepishly, taking another step back from him.
“No! It’s not like that at all,” he practically yelps out, moving closer to you. Visibly he looked nervous, a completely different that his strong and super-soldier self. Instead, he looks more like the Steve Rogers before the super serum, the one who was dorky, timid, and sweet—the side of him that attracted you to him in the first place. Taking a deep breath before he continued, he avoided your eyes before speaking. “It’s just that there is so much of an age gap between us. I’m over a hundred years old and you, you have your whole life ahead of you and the last thing that you need is to be tied down to an old man like me. It’s not that I don’t feel the same way as you, because doll, kissing you was the best thing that has happened to me ever since I woke up in the future. I would be nothing but a burden to you and I love you too much to let that happen—”
You couldn’t help but feel your heart melting at his statement, never in your life has anyone ever cared this much for you and has told you that they were willing to give up everything for your happiness. Shaking your head lightly you grabbed onto his hand, gingerly pulling his frame back and closer to your body.
“For someone so smart, you’re clearly an idiot. Steve “Captain America” Rogers, I don’t want anybody else but you.”
And while that did not necessarily quell all of his fears about beginning a relationship with you, he could swear in that moment while holding you in his arms that this was heaven—and that you were his paradise.
prompt: “last time i failed you. i won’t do that ever again.”
genre: angst and fluff?
word count: 1.82k
a/n: thanks sierra ( @imaginesassemble ) for requesting, ily ! my requests are open if you guys want to shoot me an ask, you can use this prompt list if you want !
Pietro Maximoff had the habit of blaming himself whenever things went wrong, and this time it was no exception. It was supposed to be a routine mission, a recon one in fact, no one was supposed to get hurt. Yet, he somehow he found himself here, in the hospital bay gripping onto your hand as if his life depended on it. He had always been the reckless one and it wasn’t characteristic of you to take risks like that, in fact, between the two of you he was the one always speeding into danger—quite literally. It was quite ironic, after all you were the one who was always scolding him about slowing down, about thinking before he did something and yet—you were the one lying in this hospital bed, and not him.
Everything happened so fast, even for him, one minute you were standing next to him and the next you were throwing everything you had at the villains. Steve had given clear instructions to the both of you before everything even started, that violence was the last resort, but clearly things had gone south before the two of you even had the chance to even implement that plan. They all came out of nowhere, savages stranded on a deserted island alone, knowing almost nothing about the outside world. It was as if they have been trained to do nothing but kill, for as soon as they spotted you they pounced. They were barely human, sure their faces resembled those of your species, but they way they moved, attacked, growled, was completely animalistic.
You had reminded him before everything started that your main priority was the information, nothing else mattered except getting this information back and out to Steve. And of course, he had joked with you that it wasn’t that serious, and that this mission would be a piece of cake. But, Pietro has always been naive. At first you even protested with Steve that you would never be willing to be paired with someone like Pietro, someone that was reckless and impatient—because in battle, his ass was more of a liability than an asset. At first, Steve gave you the whole speech about him and Wanda being young and kind of inexperienced with the way that the Avengers do things, and after giving Steve a look is where he finally confessed the truth. Everyone else was kind of doing their own thing, so that left only the two of you. He also admitted that the two of you kind of blended together well, that you balanced each other out—Pietro was reckless and practically a loose canon, while you were strategic and patient. You were practically perfect for each other, yet there was an abundance of things that you absolutely despised about the speedster. However, you could boil your hatred down to three main aspects, the first being that this man had no filter, and would say anything that came to mind without a second thought—more often than not, causing situations to escalate faster than they should have. The second is that he is a major flirt, hitting on everyone and anything that comes within a three foot radius, causing you to conclude that his mouth often got him in trouble. But this last reason was the perhaps the biggest reason why you cannot stand to be in his presence—and you question yourself everyday, wondering why you found his face so goddamn attractive.
He was an asshole, a complete jerk and yet there was something about him that made you want to take his handsome face and smash your lips onto his. And sometimes it was as if he knew the effect that he had on you, and that’s when that smug smirk would appear. There were so many times that you wanted to smack the coy smile right off his face, and every time he was looking at you with that expression—oh did it make your blood boil. And it seems that he has made it his mission to annoy the crap out of you, purposely infuriating you in order to create amusement for himself. Despite all of these factors, there were so many instances that made you want to kiss him and to feel his body pressed against you with your hands roaming all over him. But at least you had enough decency—enough self control to refrain yourself from making poor choices, unlike him.
“So, princess, me and you together and alone on a remote island,” Pietro began, his accent curling sweetly around his words.
“Great, how romantic,” you merely scoffed, grabbing the papers of intels off the table and walking briskly away from him, attempting to put as much distance between him as you could. Of course this tactic was useless because of his ability. In an instant he had caught up to you, his stride equal, if not faster than your own.
“Come on, spending quality time together with me is not as bad as you're making it sound. I'm a joy to be around,” he argued, wrapping a tentative arm around your shoulder. As quickly as he placed his arm there, it was immediately shrugged off, a scowl overtaking your features. You stopped abruptly, turning to meet his eyes, taking note of that flirtatious glint in his eyes and sparkle in his smile before turning around.
“Trust me, Maximoff, I could think of a thousand ways that I would rather spend my time.”
Pietro could remember the exact instant that it happened, and it was all his fault, he turned his back for one second and suddenly you were down. It all happened so fast, and damn he should have been there to stop it—he was useless, utterly useless. He had powers for crying out loud, ones that made him practically the fastest thing on the planet and sure as hell faster than those freaks of nature, and yet he was helpless. And there was so much blood, and in that time it took him a fraction of a second to disarm the rest of those beasts before scooping you into his arms, as well as the files of information, before speeding off to the ship.
He could swear he has never sounded more frantic than he did in that moment, calling Steve, Nat, and his sister, rambling about how everything had gone wrong and that you were bleeding out on the floor of the ship. They attempted to calm him down, talk him through everything in order to keep you stable until the ship arrived back in New York. He did his best, but he was no doctor, and there was just so much blood. For the first time in his life, he would admit that he was scared. Despite his best efforts, there was a chance that you were going to die on this ship, and the worst part (which was perhaps even greater than his guilt of not stopping the attack) was the fact that he hasn't confessed to you yet.
Pietro's feelings for you were a newfound emotion for him, and never once in his life has he ever felt this strongly for someone. You seemed to defy all forms of logic for him, taking everything that he has learned about love and shattering it in an instant. Sure, he has had his run-in with his share of lovers, flirtation was one of his best skills and he took pride that he could seduce anyone in a matter of days. But with you, everything was different. He had to admit that you were absolutely breathtaking as soon as he first saw you, and he knew that he needed to have you. And so, he pulled out all the tricks. Yet, he was absolutely flabbergasted upon realizing that you were immune to his charms, and instead of worshipping the ground that he walked on, you merely scoffed and turned away.
Oh boy, did you surely give Pietro a run for his money.
Instead of becoming deterred by your actions, like he would normally if a person rejected his advances, but you intrigued him and he was desperate for more. So he fought through the frowns, glares and somewhere along the way, the lines between flirtation and love began to blur—and before he knew what as happening, he found himself on the opposite side of where he started. He was falling faster than ever before, and only until now did he actually realize that he was in way too deep. But now he began to realize that maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing. Yet, it was as if everything was now crashing down on him.
By some miracle, he managed to get you to the medical bay stable, before he was thrusted out of the room by Steve and Nat who wanted a complete debriefing of the mission as soon as possible. Leaving him to sit in a room, bouncing his leg as they asked him a series of questions. Sensing his agitation, Nat and Steve let him go, where he promptly zoomed off back to the medical ward, before finding him in his current state—sitting by your bedside, gripping onto your hand as if his life depended on it. The doctors had managed to stabilize you, attending to the large wound on your abdomen and replacing the blood and fluids that you lost. And for that, Pietro was thankful to have this second chance.
“You know, I never thought that being clingy would be your type of thing, Maximoff,” your voice was raspy and hoarse, but nevertheless it was your voice. He couldn’t begin to describe the immense relief that he felt when he heard your voice, and before he could stop himself, he reached forward and wrapped his arms around your shoulder—his mouth spilling out apologies. This was a side of Pietro you have never seen and you would be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy the attention. “Calm down, I’m still here, right?”
The softness of your voice seemed to calm him down a bit, but his arms still remained wrapped around your torso. It was odd to say the least, but your heart beating a thousand miles a minute was proof that you were not dreaming. He didn’t say much after that, and quite honestly you were sure that he fell asleep, but the slight whisper you heard next proved you wrong.
“Last time I failed you., I won’t do that ever again. I can’t end up seeing you like this again, and I would be damned if you died before I got to tell you how I feel,” he paused for a second, before shaking his head slightly, “and I already know you will haunt my ass till the end of time if I let that happen.”
And instead of responding, you merely squeezed his hand comfortingly, as the soft pleasure of sleep overtook you.
summary: in which you reflect on all the highs and lows of your relationship with jason todd.
genre: angst
word count: 4.06k
a/n: i swear i’m still alive, i’ve just been drowning in school work and sat prep, sorry !! i poured my heart and soul into this so i hope you guys enjoy <3 oh ! this is based on the song back to december by taylor swift, if you didn’t already know.
I’m so glad you made time to see me
How’s life, tell me how’s your family?
I haven’t seen them in a while.
For as long as anyone could remember, it has always been [Y/N] [L/N] and Jason Todd—soon enough Batgirl and Robin morphing into Red Hood and [S/N]. The two of you were practically joined at the hip, and it was only a matter of time before something inside the both of you snapped, the closeness and feelings that the two of shared soon overflowing into something more. There was no denying the bond that you both shared, it was something that could not be faked, something that only could have progressed over years of close friendship with each other. The two of you have been through everything together, the highs and lows of your relationship seemingly to only draw the two of you closer (if that was even humanly possible).
It was only a matter of time before you became a couple, for years the idea has been on both of your minds—lingering, awaiting the right moment in order to make its presence known. The love the two of you shared was sort of like a tug-of-war, both of you practically pulling each other in opposite directions, wanting to confess these overwhelming feelings, but too fearful to actual say those words aloud. And even with the amount of meddling from the Outlaws, especially Roy to attempting to bring the two of you together, the two of you remained clueless.
Yet, it seemed that fate was on your side.
You could remember vividly the day that happened, walking into your shared apartment with Jason after a long and difficult mission, the door harshly slamming shut behind you as he followed you into the living room. He was livid, to say the least, throwing his guns and other miscellaneous weapons down on your coffee table, some of the clattering onto the wooden floor below. This behavior of his was nothing new for him, every time a mission or even something didn’t go his way he became aggravated, consumed with blinding rage that it often clouds his better judgement and causing him to make decisions that he often regrets. Of course you knew why he was practically steaming, you could read Jason Todd as if he was an open book, but you chose to ignore this fact and instead focus on unpacking all of your equipment from the failed mission.
He wanted your attention and that was evident from the amount of banging and stomping that he was doing around the apartment, slamming closet doors, kitchen cabinets, and haphazardly tossing his guns into the back of his closet. You could only roll your eyes at his childish antics as another loud bang could be heard from inside his room, closing your eyes and pinching the bridge of your nose as you counted down.
Three, two, one—
“How the fuck could you be so reckless like that?”
Jason’s voice boomed, echoing through the relatively small room, as slammed his bedroom door open and he strided into your shared living room. You ignored him, You ignored him. Instead focusing on taking off your bloody clothes and hissing a bit as the fabric caught a bit between the grooves of the wounds. It was nothing really major or anything and you surely weren’t dying, yet Jason was a bit of a drama queen and was making a scene out of nothing. He was fine, you were fine, and in the end the two of you accomplished the mission without killing any civilians and gained the intel from the villains—in your opinion the mission was surely a success. But of course, he disagreed with you.
“You know you could have been killed? If I didn’t push you out of the way, you would be there on the warehouse floor bleeding out,” his voice was low and his mouth in a thin line.
He didn’t know how to let things go, and he was surely stubborn as you could feel his green eyes piercing into your back. With a soft sigh and throwing the last weapon onto the table, you turned around to face him, your eyes narrowed and lips in a frown.
“Look, I don’t know what you want me to say—”
“An apology would be nice for starters, and acknowledging that what you did was wrong.”
“—but, this is our job, we put our lives in danger so civilians don’t have to. I’m not going to apologize when I didn’t do anything wrong,” you finished, feeling the anger bubbled inside of you. And if it was even possible, it looked as if his discontent with you only seemed to deepen as soon as you said that. Jason walked forward till he was standing only a inches away from you, his gaze lingering on your bandaged left side, causing you to turn away slightly so that it was blocked from his view.
“Sure it’s our job, but that doesn’t mean you ignore me when I tell you that you should wait for me before running recklessly into a fight—” he began before you cut him off.
“You’re forgetting the point here, I’m literally fine, you’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
“—well, next time, you could be dead and then what? How am I supposed to explain to Roy, Kori and the others why you decided to be fucking stupid enough to—”
“There won’t be a next time, trust me, either that or you won’t know it. I’m fine and I’ll be fine, I really don’t know why you’re fretting over this, I’ve been in worse situations and come out fine so—” you huffed, crossing your arms over your chest as he cut you off mid-sentence.
“Maybe it’s because I’m in love with you!”
And just like that, the two of you crashed into each other, your body fitting perfectly in his arms. Everything moving forward from there was as if you were in some kind of high, every waking moment with Jason was pure bliss. Together the two of you were like in your own world, everything seemed to revolve around each other, but you should have realized that after high comes the a crash. And boy, did you both fall hard.
You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.
Flowers were perhaps your favorite gift to receive from Jason. There was something whimsical about them, a quality that you struggled to formulate the words to describe. He knew how much you adored flowers and practically made it his mission to supply you with all of the flowers in the world, they soon became scattered across your apartment, turning it into some sort of garden.
Yet, the beauty of flowers does not last forever, and in a matter of weeks decaying flowers littered your apartment. You knew that you should throw them away, the sight of rotting flowers quite depressing, yet you couldn’t bring yourself to move them. As irrational as it sounded, there were memories tied to every single stalk of every single flower in the room, small things that just reminded you of him—the time when he gave you those sunflowers “just because” or the those daisies because you were disappointed that after walking past the animal shelter for the fifth time that week, he still had to tell you that you both could not adopt a puppy.
Dozens of times he had joked with you to discard the flowers, and that he’ll buy you new ones to replace them, but you always refused. In more ways that one, those wilted flowers held a special place in your heart along with the memories associated with them. Eventually, they did end up in the trash can, and while the two of you joked about it for a while, you couldn’t shake the uneasiness watching Jason take the trash (and the flowers) out the next morning—almost as if the memories were leaving with him.
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right
I go back to December all the time.
December used to be your favorite month for an abundance of reasons, the way snow blanketed the entire city, enjoying hot cocoa with little marshmellows floating inside your mug, or curling up by the fireplace with Jason snuggled in your lap; however, the main one was the fact that it was Christmas. Of course you enjoyed gifts as much as the next person, but it was the family time that you enjoyed the most. The Wayne Manor was always bustling with activity, especially around the holidays where things became extra hectic, but you always thought it felt like home. With Damian angrily chasing Dick around the halls, Tim and Steph shouting at the TV as they try to beat each other in Mario Kart, Cassie eagerly watching from behind them and calling to be in the next game, Alfred was busy inside the kitchen as Bruce simply watched from the bottom of the staircase while sipping his coffee. And Jason, he was too busy trying to persuade you to go under the mistletoe with him.
No matter how dysfunctional this family was, they always made you feel like home.
You could always remember how happy Jason always looked on Christmas, a while he was not the greatest at expressing his emotions or even letting himself be happy, that was perhaps the one time of the year that he let himself indulge. The joy that radiated off him was contagious, and you could always feel your heart swell with pride at the sight of him laughing and letting himself go for once, his smile making you feel all warm inside.
As the previous year ends and a new one begins you always make a silent vow to yourself every single year. You promised yourself that you would see more of this side of Jason, that you will protect him until the end of time so that he could stay this happy and blissful. And your thoughts always drifted to the future, promising yourself that you would both be a little less reckless this year, so that you would both get to bask in this moment again next year. And every year you made this silent prayer, before flashing him a smile and joining Jason and the rest of the family by the dining room table.
These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed and I didn't call
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I'd loved you in the fall
And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye.
You weren’t sure what triggered it, perhaps it was the fleeting summer air—the youthfulness and joy being swallowed up by the impending change of fall or the gloom of the upcoming winter. But, whatever it was, you knew that something had changed between the two of you. Somehow the nights became longer and you were left pondering—overthinking every interaction that happened between the two of you. There was no denying the fact that you loved him dearly and you knew from the bottom of your heart that he loved you too, but between the two of you something was definitely not the same.
There were times where you couldn’t take it anymore, but you were hopeless to stop its progression. As close as the two of you were, you both respected each other and even then, there were still things that you kept from each other. And this only further nourished the seeds of insecurity growing inside your head. How were you supposed to talk with him about this, when he practically left every morning before you woke up and went to bed long after you fell asleep. From the outside it looked like Jason Todd had practically everything that he could ever want, he was incredibly handsome, wealthy, and practically set for life—and he had practically everything going for him. And in those aspects, you couldn’t help but compare yourself to him—someone who came from a modest family and honestly just had the luck of being in the right place at the right time.
You liked to believe it was all luck that you happened to end up in those situations, that in this lifetime you happened to be extremely fortunate and everything just ended up working out for you in the end. There was no skill involved, instead there was something in your timing perhaps—nothing but pure luck driving your circumstances in life. But of course, luck could only get you so far.
He was practically a ghost, a shell of the man that you once knew, and you absolutely despised it. Every waking day and night you wanted to scream at him—beg him to let you in and let you work out these problems together. But he was Jason Todd, stubborn as a mule, no matter how much you could plead with him he would never waver.
And that’s what you both loved and despised about him, that every goddamn time he had to be the hero, no matter the cost.
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.
“We need to talk about this,” you sighed, rubbing your temples as you closed the front door behind him. As usual, there was no response from him, instead he turned away from you and stormed into his room. You honestly did not have time to deal with his crap anymore, you were tired—tired of this tension and animosity between the two of you that you wanted it to all be over. For weeks you both had been dancing around the subject, ignoring rising tensions in favor that somehow things would return to normal.
But deep down, you knew that things would never be the same.
Standing up from the couch, you followed him into your shared bedroom, knocking slightly on the door when you noticed that it was closed. There was no answer, but as you turned the doorknob, you realized that the door was unlocked, and you entered. You found him standing by the window which was slightly open, the chilly night draft flowing inside. In his hands he was fiddling with an almost empty cigarette packet and a lighter, as he looked out the window. Jason had quit his smoking habit years ago, he knew that you absolutely despised the smell and despised how terrible it was for his health. Yet, the packet brought him some kind of comfort as he fiddled it around his fingers, but he was playing with fire—dangerously close to burning himself and falling back into his old habits.
He already knew what you were going to say, that same look has been written across your face for weeks, and while he knew that this confrontation was inevitable, he couldn’t help but subconsciously avoid you and your pleading [E/C] eyes. Even though he knew that things were changing, deep down he knew that there was nothing that could ever change his feelings for you.
“Jason, please,” you sighed, sitting down on your bed with your shoulders slumped. You were defeated and he could see it. He knew how heavily this was weighing on you and just for a second he wanted to be selfish, he wanted you by his side no matter the consequences—for a second he wanted to imagine that the two of you weren’t broken.
“What if I don't want to talk about it,” he muttered, twirling the lighter between his fingers and refusing to look you in the eyes.
His confession caused your heart to melt, as you turned away feeling the tears pricking at your eyes. This was pure torture, and if you could keep living like this maybe you would do it for him—and you were always a sucker when it came to him. But this time it was different, this time he couldn't persuade you no matter how much he tried, your mind had already been made up.
“You know we can't keep on living like this—if you would even call this living. We're no longer the same people and that's natural, it's natural to have change.”
“It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself of that, more than me,” he chuckled dryly, finally looking up as his eyes met your own.
Isn't this what you would have expected, he's fighting—always fighting—never once allowing himself a break. He's too stubborn to let go and even though he's on a sinking ship, he's attempting to make sure that you stay afloat, even if that means he'll drown with it. Stupid! He was too stubborn for his own good, and for once you just wanted him to listen to you.
“Stop, just stop,” you turned around, running a hand through your hair. Looking at him would be the death of you, and your resolve would crumble in a matter of seconds. “Please don’t make this harder than it already is.”
Moving from his position by the window, Jason pocketed the loose cigarette and the lighter before making his way closer to you. You could feel his arms make their way around your waist, and for the last time you wanted to enjoy the feeling of him holding you as you felt safe and comforted. His chin rested on your shoulder, as he whispered hesitantly a single question.
“Did you ever love me?”
Just like that the dam broke, and tears streamed freely down your cheeks. Thank god he couldn’t see you because you absolutely hated when he saw you cry—you wanted to be strong especially for him, and at this time, tears were the last thing that you need. Taking a shaky breath, you composed yourself before answering him.
“Oh baby, I would have given you the whole universe if I could.”
I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
But if we loved again I swear I'd love you right
I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand.
There was something about the way he was standing in your doorway, looking at you with piercing green eyes. The two of you have been separated for a couple of weeks now, and even then just looking at him made the pit of your stomach swell with butterflies. You did your best to get over him, but everything just reminded you of him. You were practically surrounded by him, the memories of the apartment that you once shared together drowning you with the idea of him. Being the gentleman he always was, he had offered to move out after the breakup, but that didn’t make the pain of it all any easier. Jason had done his best to get rid of most of his belongings from the apartment, but he was forgetful sometimes, and once in while you would find some of his belongings—a rush of emotions overcoming you as memories of him replayed in your head.
His presence at your door was like a breath of fresh air that flooded into your lungs as you looked at him. He hasn't changed much in the past few weeks, only slight details that you wouldn't have noticed if you were not standing so close to him. The bags under his eyes had gotten darker, his face a little more scruffier and his hair a little more disheveled than usual—but damn, he still looked as breathtaking as he did on the first day that you met him.
“What are you doing here?” your tone was soft, the question coming out quieter than you intended.
“I just wanted to see you,” his confession came out like a hushed whisper, and any quieter you would have missed what he said. This caught you off guard, your cheeks immediately becoming flushed at his words. A part of you, however, grew defensive at his comment. The two of you were no longer lovers and no longer friends, he had no right to be saying things like that—playing with your heart like that when the two of you have long been broken up.
However, before you could protest, he closed the already short distance between the two of you, wrapping his arms securely around your waist and burrowing his face in the crook of your neck. The smell of him of him hit you suddenly like a freight train, everything in that moment felt right, this was home—he was your home.
“You're going away on a mission again, aren't you?” you asked, noticing the material underneath your fingertips and the multitude of guns that you felt pressing into your side. He didn't answer you, but the way he squeezed you just a little tighter gave you the conformation that you needed. “Promise me you'll be safe.”
Your demand was met with silence once again, but this time you needed an answer—you needed him to promise that he was going to return home safely. Even though it was hard, you teared yourself out of his grip and looked him straight in the eyes, attempting to convince him to tell you the truth.
Leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, he uttered his answer to you.
“I promise you.”
But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December turn around and make it all right.
And you stood there, looking down at gravestone in front of you, his name printed in bold letters in front of you, did you know that he lied to you. Rain pelted down on you, soaking your clothes as you struggled to differentiate between rain droplets and tears running down your cheeks. You should be furious at him, breaking his promise and ending up even worse than what you could ever imagined—dead. Of course, you always knew that this could be a possibility, your line of work was dangerous and it wasn’t uncommon for things to go south pretty fast.
But the two of you have always beaten the odds, and you hoped that this time would be no different. Yet, it seemed that both of your luck has finally run out.
If you knew that he was doing this alone—god, if you knew that this would have happened to him you wouldn’t have let him go alone. Of course he wouldn’t tell you, that stubborn asshole, always having to play the hero and now look at him, he’s paying the ultimate price.
Kneeling down you gingerly touched the gravestone, tracing his name with your finger, sniffling a bit as you felt the cold stone underneath your fingertips. And taking a deep breath you closed your eyes and let the tears fall—and for the first time, he wasn’t there to comfort you.
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind
