I have been feeling so shit about having herpes this summer. I’ve graduated and have been living with my parents, away from my boyfriend, friends and the city I’ve grown to love and consider my home. I haven’t got a job and I’ve been knocked back from several applications. Times are hard. And that’s why the herpes shame has come a-knocking.
Those of us who have herpes (or know we have herpes) are subjected to the social stigma that circulates our society telling us that having herpes is shameful, disgusting and a punishment for reckless behaviour or sexual promiscuity. This is not the case. I blame myself almost every day. "What if it was my ex, we should have used condoms." We both had clear STD tests. As far as we were concerned, we were safe. Sure, he could have lied because he is a total jackass, but I doubt it. Same goes with my current boyfriend. All clear! If you don’t have symptoms, you’re never going to know until they pop up because doctors and sexual health clinics will not include herpes in their STD screenings. This tells us two things:
1. HEALTH PROFESSIONALS AREN’T BOTHERED ABOUT HERPES It is an insignificant, minor skin condition which flares up occasionally and then goes back in to hiding. At worst you’re in a bit of pain for a week, at best you don’t feel anything at all for months on end. My doctor is extremely laid back about it, chipper and smiling each time I come in for my acyclovir. She’s not judging me in the slightest. The nurse that diagnosed me said that anyone would be incredibly lucky to NOT come into contact with HSV during their adult lives and that I should just go and put my feet up when I have an outbreak and use it as an excuse to chill out. She wasn’t judging me either. The only time it is dangerous is if you get it whilst pregnant or if you have an outbreak giving birth, so if you have it already pre-pregnancy and keep an eye on your ladybits in your third trimester you’re a-okay. Remember, you can get HSV1 from an innocent kiss on the cheek from a loved one or friend (non-sexual contact) and you can get HSV2 from protected sex. When it’s out to play it really isn’t fussy and it’ll get you in any way it can. C’est la vie. 2. THE STIGMA IS THE ONLY DANGEROUS BIT It is telling that doctors will not test for herpes in the absence of symptoms. This is partly because blood tests are expensive and can be inaccurate, but it is also because being aware that you are a carrier even though you don’t show symptoms can have a devastating emotional impact. They know that you are likely to get it in at least one form over your lifetime but that there is a ridiculous and unfounded stigma surrounding it which can cause lasting psychological damage to the extent that some have been known to commit suicide. This is not okay. Remember that until the day you were diagnosed, you felt happy, healthy and super sexy. That has not changed. You are still the same person, you are still as beautiful or handsome as you always were. People still desire you. It’s just up to you to educate them about an extremely prevalent skin condition which they could well have already and not realise. Some people mistake it for other common skin complaints like eczema or a rash because symptoms can be so insignificant.
I realise this post has covered a lot of what I’ve already said countless times and is full of information you can read all over the internet. The point is sometimes you need to remind yourself of these facts and write them down, say them out loud and really absorb what they’re saying. Having herpes is not the end of the world. I’ve been crying myself to sleep for a week solid, and this is 7 months post-diagnosis. Sometimes it gets the better of you. Don’t let it. Another word of advice- I had an outbreak this week which was closer to my initial outbreak than my previous recurrences have been. It was essentially just a patch of raw skin which hurt to the touch, but was no bigger than the tip of my finger. I read online that tea tree oil helps outbreaks because it is a natural soother, anti-viral agent and anti-bacterial cleanser. It dries out the skin and helps healing. I put it on every couple of hours before I went to bed (be sure to dilute it because that bitch STINGS if you put it on straight) and this morning sure enough it is almost completely better. I should note I’ve been combining this treatment with my regular acyclovir, but two days healing time for already broken skin is pretty fucking sweet. TOP TIP FOR YOU.
XXX
