He's a Cainiac! Herman Cain Gaffes

Herman Cain is a funny guy. Even when he's not trying to be.

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Shit Newt Says

Well, looks like I've got a bit more spare time than I imagined. 

http://shitgingrichsays.tumblr.com/

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Kind of proud of my Photoshop skills.

And with that I bid you adieu. It's been a pretty crazy ride and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I have. I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank my friends who helped me find quotes. May the deliciousness of Haagen-Dazs black walnut be with you.

Majyd

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On Dropping Out of the Race

"As of today, with a lot of prayer and soul searching, I am suspending my presidential campaign. I am suspending my presidential campaign because of the continued distraction, the continued hurt caused on me and my family."

Quitter.

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On his Affair

"Forty-seven of them (text messages) were initiated by her, and as I have indicated before and - 47 by her and they were all asking for financial help. Sean, unfortunately, I'm a softy, and I feel sorry for people when they get in deep financial trouble, especially given the economy and people being out of work."

I wonder if he's ever seen Scorsese's Taxi Driver.

Of course Herman denies that he had sex with her and it was simply a platonic (and one-way financial) relationship. But to quote Jon Stewart: "Thirteen years, no sex. So either one of these two people is lying, or Herman Cain is the worst deal closer in the history of extramarital affairs."

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On Raising Cain

"Obama might raise a billion dollars but we're going to raise some Cain in 2012."

Cain > $1 billion

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On Possibly Facing The End

“This is cause for reassessment. During the summer we had to make some reassessments based on our financial situation. We were able to hang in there. With this latest one, we have to do an assessment as to whether or not this is going to create too much of a cloud in some peoples’ minds as to whether or not they should support us going forward."

In response to the latest claims that he had an affair and possibly dropping out of the race.

Looks like I might have to find something else to do with my spare time.

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On Accusations of Having an Affair

“I want to give you a heads up and everyone a heads up. Here we go again. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Unfaithful marriages are all the rage these days. Haven't you ever watched Desperate Housewives?

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On Targeted Identification at Airports

“I am not trying to identify a particular religion, a particular color, a particular ethnicity. I'm simply saying we should not be afraid to identify those characteristics that basically have been consistent in people.”

Prepare to be shafted if Herman Cain wins the election, Muslims.

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On His Lebanese Doctor

"I said to his physician assistant, I said, 'That sounds foreign- not that I had anything against foreign doctors- but it sounded too foreign.' She said, 'He's from Lebanon.' Oh, Lebanon! My mind immediately started thinking, 'wait a minute, maybe his religious persuasion is different than mine!' She could see the look on my face and she said, 'Don't worry, Mr. Cain, he's a Christian from Lebanon.'"

"Hallelujah! Thank God!"

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On the Taliban in Libya

“Do I agree with siding with the opposition? Do I agree with saying that Gaddafi should go? Do I agree that they now have a country where you've got Taliban and Al Qaeda that's going to be part of the government?”

There is no evidence of the Taliban or Al-Qaeda being present in Libya.

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On Being a Leader

"I’m often criticized about the fact that I’ve never held public office. Criticized with the fact that I don’t know this and I don’t know that and I don’t know that and I don’t know this... you know a leader doesn’t have to know everything but a leader has to know something. I know how to surround myself with good people."

It's completely alright if you don't know anything as long as you have good people telling you what to do.

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On Speaking Cuban

"How do you say 'delicious' in Cuban?"

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On Iran

"Secondly, I would support, supporting the opposition movement there covertly. Not to get troops on the ground."

You mean doing what Obama did in Libya? Didn't you just disagree with that in the same interview?

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On Libya (video)

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On Libya

"Okay, Libya. President Obama supported the uprising, correct? President Obama called for the removal of Gaddafi. Just wanted to make sure we're talking about the same thing before I say, 'Yes, I agreed. No, I didn't agree.'"

Herman Cain's foreign policy seems to be based on doing the opposite of whatever Obama did.

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On Republican Ice-cream Flavors

"Oh, just plain vanilla."

When asked what flavor Mitt Romney would be.

"Rick Perry: rocky road."

"Michele Bachmann... I'm not going to say it. I'm not going to say it."

You know you wanna.

"Tutti-frutti. I know I'm going to get in trouble!"

"I just don't have a good description for Ron Paul, because he's just not an ice cream flavor."

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On the Possibility of Ron Paul Becoming President

"I would be scared if he was president. I am puzzled by what he stands for. Puzzled by some of his extreme statements, like "End the Fed!" "End everything!" Can't we fix something?"