TEXTING MEME ⟶ WELCOME TO NIGHTVALE TWEETS ( 2018 )
always feel free to tweak the sentence to fit your muse.
[ text ] –– if it’s a big enough stone, you can kill way more than two birds.
[ text ] –– hope is a thing with feathers. so is the thing decaying in the drywall.
[ text ] –– do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
[ text ] –– make like a baby and vocalize your pain.
[ text ] –– a bunch of starlings is a murmuration. a bunch of otters is a romp. a bunch of spiders is in your sock drawer.
[ text ] –– follow your heart. it’s in a cooler in the back of that van up ahead.
[ text ] –– today is sponsored by clorox. no one knows who they paid to sponsor a unit of time, but it happened and we can’t do anything about it.
[ text ] –– the heart wants what it wants. what it wants is blood.
[ text ] –– how do I love thee? let me tally up all of the points I’ve assigned to your personal value with respect to my needs.
[ text ] –– he’s got the whole world in his hands. are those distant peaks, or his fingers slowly closing in?
[ text ] –– better the devil you know, than the one you don’t. he’s a p cool devil. he has a playstation and likes good beer. no idea about the other devil. idk, maybe he’s fine?
[ text ] –– one for the money, two for the show, three for the buried statue of a forgotten god who died a long, long time ago.
[ text ] –– be the cryptid you want to see in the world.
[ text ] –– ‘write what you know’ is only half the saying. the other half is ‘so know interesting things’.
[ text ] –– don’t look a gift horse in the chelicera. for one thing, that’s not a horse.
[ text ] –– your sock drawer isn’t just for spiders.
[ text ] –– a bird in one hand is worth two dollars, approximately. birds are the new currency.
[ text ] –– sleep like there’s nobody watching.
[ text ] –– it is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in this glowing orb I found in a swamp.
[ text ] –– if it’s a finger, let it linger. if it’s a whole hand, flush as planned.
[ text ] –– I’ve got good news and bad news and weird news and fun news and horse news and witch news. which do you want to hear first?
[ text ] –– congress passed a tax bill that simply says ‘horses’ with a hand-drawn thumbs up at the bottom.
[ text ] –– four of the last five world series winners have been horses.
[ text ] –– not everyone has a horse.
[ text ] –– bing ‘horses getting hugs’. it’s fun.
[ text ] –– horses are pretty.
[ text ] –– witches like horses, too.
[ text ] –– rise and shine! levitate and glow! hover and radiate! drift through space and pulsate burning light!
[ text ] –– it’s a dog meet dog world.
[ text ] –– we all hate it, but what can we do?
[ text ] –– there’s more than one way to have been a cat.
[ text ] –– fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly. if you see either not moving, they are breaking the law and should be arrested.
[ text ] –– our motto is ‘hey! there’s a rock coming right for your head!’ it doesn’t apply that often, but when it does it’s VERY useful.
[ text ] –– the fault is not in our stars, but in the moon. that idiot rock ruins everything.
[ text ] –– in our medical opinion, just about anything can be cured through the power of chanting and dream journaling. our medical opinion is super wrong, but hey, it’s free.
[ text ] –– if you’re feeling lost, just remember that no one knows exactly how large the universe is or what is beyond it.
[ text ] –– birds are the devil’s spies. cover your mouth when you speak outdoors.
[ text ] –– an eye for an eye. a tooth for a tooth. capitalism is super boring.
[ text ] –– be bigger than the bear. take the high road, and do not stoop to the bear’s level.
[ text ] –– when we say people don’t change, we mean that people are changing all the time but have very little control over the trajectory.
[ text ] –– who’s a good boy? who is it?
[ text ] –– jake, the lovable cartoon mascot representing the feeling of sorrow, says, ‘loss is the core of all other emotions! hyuck hyuck hyuck!’
[ text ] –– today is the negative 15th anniversary of the great horse uprising of 2033.
[ text ] –– how to receive constructive criticism: 1. don’t speak. listen. 2. maintain eye contact. 3. super intense eye contact. 4. keep those eyes locked. 5. move your head if you have to. 6. don’t speak. 7. widen those eyes of yours. 8. eat their soul. 9. count how many times they blink.
[ text ] –– with knives, in the pit, oh the beasts, or fleeing?
[ text ] –– guns don’t kill people. guns are post-structuralist as hell.
[ text ] –– breaking baseball news: a large man aggressively swung a piece of wood, screamed, and then ran in a large circle.
[ text ] –– time travel isn’t real, but regret is.
[ text ] –– audi: we make cars. if anyone tells you otherwise, that’s weird.
[ text ] –– why?: the omens and signs, ours is not to ask why, misreading the stars, or disrespect the sun?
[ text ] –– be the loose change you want to see under your couch.
[ text ] –– just look at what you’ve done. look at it. you ought to be ashamed.
[ text ] –– ask your doctor anything at all. your doctor’s a person too, and we all appreciate other folks reaching out.
