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#i want to like. ask someone why i shouldnt kill myswlf #but what an asshole thing to do #i also still dont know what i would do. pills sounds kinda rough and not foolproof. i also dont want mom to be the one to find me yk #could take pills with me and go to like a parking lot or something #thinking too hard about the person who would find me #i think thats partially why a car crash is so appealing. deadly if i do it right and people will be expecting something gnarly. wont traumat #ize anyone beyond the obvious but that happens every day #and ive learned trees are good. infrastructure is designed to be hit by cars but deep rooted trees are not #dont know where but. ye

m

#just. wanna kill myself its all i can think about rn

hey

#what do you do when you've been delaying suicide for years #(too scared) (feeling guilty and privileged) (what if This show will make me feel something)#and....... nothing has changed

i think what i want is this deep-seated desire to Live to suddenly appear from within me. free of any other influence from anyone or anything. proof that i Want to live, i Like things, i have Values and Preferences and Desires

#and the chicken or the egg is. does that come from other people/outside influence

happy birthday to me i'm crying on two hours of sleep in my (not even) childhood bedroom

#i havent wanted anything for at least two years #i moved back to my hometown i fucking hate a #and am part of a friend group i dont even like apparently.#they say ooh stay alive ooh stay alive but what have i done. ? in the year or so i've been Extra suicidal?#aw she was such a kind person i miss her #well im not feeling it now #and im super selfish there bc idgaf about anyone else either #always missing their birthdays and shit

m

#shouldve killed myself a year ago i guess #like i just. im not in a good place to be making statements like this that probably aren't true but like. rn it just feels like #i hate myself. i hate my friends #i hate this fucking girl who lives in my hometown and now i do too i guess

:5

unforchunately. moving was the wrong choice. why did i do it

hestahi

m

#oh how far the mighty have fallen

new secret achieved. unfortunately im extremely liable to telling secrets to any and everyone. unfortunately (worse) it is a secret that would change people's ideas of me and probably fuck up my chance at redeeming myself to my friends back home

#oh rj reads a new pairing on ao3 wowie #lmao. this and sounding. keep shit to your damn self girl

b

#how long before my fun silly drunk tirades become a bit too often and my friends start finding them less charming :)#is it now?#nobody cares anyway

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#hey is it. hey is it overreacting to notice that three people reacted to your discord message at once #and think hmmm they were talking about me in a different gc

the "never kill yourself!! they're always releasing new songs!!" sentiment is so nice. unfortunately the reason i want to kill myself is i don't feel happy about songs anymore

WANT TO KILL MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#sat there at a fucking concert i got half-asked last minute to go to which was great and all but #doing my best to feel the beat in my chest and i just. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

liiiiiiiike

#i feel like!! i'm feeling so much and nothing at the same time!!!!!!!#i want a tattoo!!!!!!!! i want to drink more!!!!!!!! i'm horny for some damn reason!!!!!!!!!#if sammy were here or like. any big dyke

b

#worst part. i Would give in to cutting again but i dont wanna do it on my hips #i see the appeal of forearms now

You're Tender And You're Tired #MYsuicidesong

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